WHEN NEWMAN CALMED down a little, Edward tried to take over from me. Newman didn’t hug him like he had me. Maybe it was a guy thing or a girl thing? Edward tried to get him thinking about calling the cook and the friend who was Jocelyn’s alibi, and seeing if we could set up an interview ASAP. I thought it was interesting that Jocelyn had told only the one girlfriend, Marcy, about Bobby molesting her. Why not tell both? We’d find out. But in the end Newman asked me if I could catch a ride back to the sheriff’s office with Ted and Otto.
“I may drop by the house and check on Haley, but I won’t be long.”
“Sure, Newman, whatever you need.”
He nodded, managed a weak smile, then went for his Jeep. Edward ushered Olaf and me toward his SUV.
“Who is Haley?” Olaf asked.
“His fiancée,” I said.
Olaf scowled so hard his sunglasses couldn’t hide it. “Women make a man weak.”
“I’m not sure he’s really going home,” I said.
“He wanted some time to himself,” Edward said.
“Why did he not simply say that?”
“Pride,” I said.
“Everyone in the car,” Edward said, “in case he just goes straight back to the sheriff’s office.”
“I would respect Newman more if he hadn’t used the woman in his life as an excuse,” Olaf said as he opened the driver’s-side back door. He was going to sit behind Edward, just as I’d asked him to do on the drive over. It was nice that he just did it without my having to debate with him about it. He really was trying his best not to piss me off this time.
I got my seat belt fastened, and Edward had even started the engine, before Olaf said, “I think you are weakening Newman.”
I turned in the seat so I could look at him. It really was easier to talk with him sitting catty-corner from me. “Weakening? What are you talking about?”
“Some men will show emotion and weakness around women that they would never show around men. Newman needs to be strong, not weak right now.”
“I agree with that last part, but not the first part.”
“You’re a woman. You do not understand the effect you can have on men.”
Edward started backing out of the parking spot.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked. My tone was a little angry.
Olaf scowled at me. “It means exactly what I said.”
“That’s not an answer,” I said.
Edward was paying a lot of attention to getting us out of the hospital parking lot. He hadn’t tried to make eye contact with either of us. I was sitting right beside him, so he had to actually work at not looking at me.
“Is there a reason you’re trying to stay out of this discussion?” I asked.
“You won’t like what I have to say.”
“You’re joking,” I said.
“Olaf may have a point, Anita.”
“I really didn’t expect you to agree with Olaf,” I said.
“I know you didn’t. That’s why I didn’t offer an opinion.”
“I really thought you’d be on my side on this one.”
“I’m on Newman’s side, and he isn’t doing well.”
“I know,” I said. “I don’t think he’s cut out for this job.”
“I do not think he will be strong enough to kill the victim,” Olaf said.
I wanted to argue about his use of the word victim, but Edward went right on as if that was an okay thing to call our executionees.
“I’m more afraid that he might feel he has to kill Bobby and finish the job,” Edward said.
“Why afraid?” I asked.
“There are things that a person can do and survive intact, and there are things that will break them. I think killing Bobby Marchand will break Newman in a way that he won’t recover from.”
Olaf nodded. “I agree.”
“Hell, I’m not sure I’ll be okay if I have to kill him at this point,” I said.
“You’ve talked to him too much, Anita. You know better than to interact with the mark before the hit,” Edward said.
“It does not bother me to interact with them,” Olaf said.
“You’re a sociopath. Anita isn’t.”
“I enjoy the kill more sometimes if I have spoken with them, interacted with them.”
“You’re a serial killer, and Anita isn’t.”
“She kills as much as we do, perhaps more.”
“She’s a killer like I am, not like you are.”
I thought about reminding them that I was sitting right here, but I found it interesting to watch them interact as if I wasn’t here. Was this how they talked all by themselves? Probably not. It was that old conundrum that observing the experiment changed it—just by being present I changed their interactions.
“Agreed,” Olaf said.
“I think it might be better if I spend some time with Newman,” Edward said.
“Are you saying that I can’t teach Newman what he needs to know just because I’m a girl?”
“No, it’s not you, Anita. It’s him. Olaf is right. Some men are just more . . . tender around women. I think Newman needs a man’s touch.”
“That’s so chauvinistic.”
“Why is it chauvinist to say that I’d be better at teaching Newman how to be a man than you would be?”
“He’s a man already, all grown-up. We’re talking about teaching him how to do this job. Yes, you helped teach me, but I’m good at the job now. So why are you a better teacher than I am?”
“I’m not saying I’m better at helping people learn the ropes. I’m saying that I think I might be better for Newman right now.”
“It still seems like some macho bullshit that I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“We don’t have time for egos and feelings here, Anita. I think you’ll sympathize with Newman and the Marchand kid too much to help Newman figure out what he needs to do. I won’t.”
My anger washed over me like heat, and I felt the beasts stir inside of me like my soul writhing to the beat of my anger. Fuck. I did not need this right now, and just like that, I thought, But what does Newman need? Was Edward right? Would some man-to-man talk benefit Newman more than my marshal-to-marshal relationship with him? I didn’t want to kill Bobby now. I knew what the skin of his neck smelled like when I held him close. It was always harder for me to hurt someone after a certain level of physical closeness. It was like, at some level, I equated physical with emotional intimacy. My therapist and I had been talking about that, among other things.
Thinking about things too complicated for my beasts could either quiet them or make them lash out in frustration. This time it quieted them. I could almost feel them thinking, You complicate your life, human. I couldn’t even argue with them.
I nodded. “Okay. How do we get you some one-on-one time in the middle of an investigation?”
“You’re giving in just like that?” Edward asked, frowning at me as if he suspected a trap.
“You’re right. I’ve gotten too close to Bobby Marchand. I saved his life once by putting my body between him and a gun. It would feel weird for me to kill him now, so maybe I can’t help Newman work through his own feelings about it. It’s not about being male or female. It’s about me being emotionally compromised in a way that you are not, which makes you a better partner for Newman right now on this case.”
“Exactly that,” Edward said.
“I am impressed that you worked through your anger so quickly,” Olaf said to me.
“Thanks. Therapy is a many-splendored thing.”
“Whatever tool works for you,” he said.
“Thank you.”
“You are welcome.”
“Normally, I’d just ride with Newman once we meet up with him again, but that leaves the two of you alone,” Edward said.
Olaf and I looked at each other. Did I want to be trapped inside a car with him? No, hell no. I had a moment to realize that it wasn’t him going all serial killer on me that made me hesitate. I believed he’d behave himself until the case was complete The problem was the kiss that I’d somehow let him manipulate me into, or I’d somehow been willing to do. He’d asked for my consent. I’d said yes. But once you say yes, it’s harder to say no later without the man in question getting upset. I did not want to be trapped in a car alone with Olaf when he got upset with me, and I didn’t want to kiss him again. I’d decided I’d say no and make it stick from now on, but the no would have been a lot stronger if I’d never crossed the line. What the hell had I been thinking?
“I think we will be fine on our own, but Anita’s expression says she will not agree.”
I didn’t like his being able to read me like that, but he wasn’t wrong. “You confuse me, Olaf.”
“In what way?”
Edward pulled into the gravel parking area in front of the sheriff’s station, and it startled me. I’d been so wrapped up in worrying about Newman and Olaf, that I hadn’t realized we were there. Shit, I had to do better than this. “In a lot of ways.” I saw Newman’s Jeep coming up behind us. I nodded in that direction. “Newman’s here. He didn’t go home to get a hug.”
“He wanted to be alone,” Olaf said.
I just nodded and shrugged—about this he was right. We’d barely gotten out of the SUV, but Newman was parked and coming our way. He was excited about something.
Newman called out, “The women are both at their homes. I left messages for Helen Grimes, the cook at the Marchand house. We can interview them now and hope Helen gets back to us soon. I want to double-check Jocelyn’s story ASAP. If they confirm her story, then Bobby is crazy and doesn’t know what’s real and what’s fantasy.” He’d sounded more certain of himself until he said the last part. He rallied though and gave us his tough-cop look. Sometimes the look isn’t for bad guys or for hiding stuff from others. Sometimes it’s for you to try to convince yourself that you’re really as tough as you need to be.
I went toward Newman’s Jeep, but he said, “It makes more sense if you and I split up so that one of us that’s more familiar with the case goes on each interview. I’ll take Jeffries with me, and you can go with Forrester.”
“I think I should go with Newman,” Edward said.
And just like that the moment of decision was here. I had to put up or shut up or something like that.
Newman shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
“Anita has explained why my earlier behavior was unprofessional. I give you my word that it will not happen again on this case,” Olaf said.
“I don’t know you that well, Jeffries.”
“If Otto gives his word, it’s good,” Edward said.
My pulse was speeding, but my voice was steady as I said, “His word of honor really is good, weirdly.”
“Great, but that doesn’t mean that you should ride with him,” Newman said.
I don’t know what I would have said, because two SUVs, one white and the other red, crowded into the small parking area. Nicky was driving the white one, and the moment I recognized that blond hair, the mirrored sunglasses hiding his eyes, as Nicky’s, I realized that it was Ethan in the passenger seat, with his white blond hair that had gray lowlights and a streak of dark red that didn’t occur naturally in humans. People usually thought it was all a great dye job. The hair color was natural, but it was always fun watching people get angry with him for not being willing to share his hairstylist with them.
I was down the steps and moving through the parking lot almost before the cars had stopped. If I could run into Edward’s arms while he was Ted, I was by God going to run into the arms of my actual lover. If the other cops thought less of me, fuck them. I wanted a hug and a kiss I wasn’t conflicted about.