I’m going to tell them before you come over, okay? I think it’s been long enough. They’re ready. I love you, sweetheart.” I hung up the phone and heard a knock at the door. Josie stood there in her running shoes.
“What’s up with you? No one should look this happy in prison,” she said and plopped down onto the metal, straight-backed chair in my office. “Ouch! Not much padding on Uncle Sam’s furnishings, is there?”
I buzzed with excitement. “Can you keep a secret, Josie?” There was nothing that could disturb my peace of mind that day.
“You know it. What’s up? You look like the cat that ate the canary. Ya know, I’ve always wanted to say that!”
I grinned. “Do you or don’t you want to hear the big news?”
Josie sat on the edge of her seat. “Of course I do! Tell me already.”
“Well, you know I’ve been seeing Alex …”
“Yeah, yeah … Prince Charming carried you through the snow like a damsel in distress. I never thought you were the helpless sort, but whatever …” She shrugged.
“Josie, you know that’s not me! Anyway, we’ve gotten really close. In love kind of close. It’s been about nine months now, and I don’t know. It just feels right. Even the kids are crazy about him. So, the big news is that Alex and I have decided to move in together.”
Josie looked at me quizzically. The room seemed to grow smaller. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No … You’re not happy for me?” I couldn’t quite decipher the expression on Josie’s face.
“Sure I am, girl.” Josie’s eyes grew dark. “But don’t you think it’s a little soon to have the guy move in with you? I mean, how long have you even known him?”
“Long enough to know he’s perfect. I know what you’re thinking, but you’re wrong. I’ve given this a lot of thought. The kids have gotten to know Alex and so have I. I think we could be a family.”
“Me thinks she doth protest too much. But, congrats! Reminds me of when I moved in with Melanie. It was rough in the beginning with her kids, but it all worked out. I just don’t wanna see you hurt. Just call me overly protective, that’s all.” Josie stood up to hug me. “Of course, I’m happy for you.”
For some reason I didn’t believe her. “Let’s talk about this, okay? Meet me for lunch? Did you bring yours today? Maybe we can go to the park to eat.”
“Yeah, I did. Meet you at twelve?”
“Sounds good. See you then.”
* * *
“What’s up? You look so serious. Is something wrong?” I asked a couple of hours later, as we followed the paved path to Eastwood Park.
A single shaft of sunlight spotlighted the picnic table where Josie sat down and took out her sandwich. “Grace, I’ve never told you this but …” she began, shielding her eyes from the sun’s glare.
“What’s going on?” There was something in Josie’s voice that made me stop and put my sandwich down.
“I really don’t know. It’s probably just fuckin’ PMS, but lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my brother.”
“I didn’t know you have a brother.” I was hungry and took a bite of the sandwich I held in mid-air.
It was like pulling her metaphorical teeth for her to say, “He died when I was eighteen.” She stared off into the distance.
“Oh, my God, Josie! What happened?”
“He was murdered,” she said. Her voice was venomous. “I woke up early that morning. The apartment was stifling. The standing fan in my room circulated hot stale air. That was also the day I first realized I was gay. I had dreamed of Naomi Alvarez again and woke up in a sweat.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea about your brother. And, I can imagine that’s a difficult realization, especially in the Hispanic culture.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. I got up and there was a note on the table. It said, ‘At work. Be a good girl. Take care of your brothers. Get down on your knees and pray. Te quiero mucho. Mami.’ I remember thinking maybe I’d go to La Igleisa de San Jose for mass that day. Partake in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. That’s how desperate I was.”
“Were you brought up a strict Catholic?”
“Oh, yeah. Mass on Sundays, prayers at night. Confession whenever I committed a mortal sin, which seemed to be pretty often after I stopped trying to deny my feelings for Naomi.” She laughed bitterly.
I took a sip of bottled iced tea and felt a well of sympathy rush up for her.
“Anyway, that morning, my brothers were still asleep in the next room. We lived in La Perla, kind of a notorious barrio most people stayed away from. All I wanted was to get out of there. No, that’s not true. All I wanted was to be a normal girl.”
“Josie, you can’t really believe you weren’t a normal girl, whatever that means, can you?” I interrupted.
Josie shrugged. “A few blocks away from La Perla, the rich Sanjuaneros, dressed in these starched white guayabera shirts went to work. I would sometimes go out just to watch the women, all made up, walk to work in tight skirts and high heels, wishing I was one of them.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“My mother left early for work that morning. She must have forced herself out of bed, numb with exhaustion. But she’d always kneel and say her morning prayers, no matter what. It’s one of my most vivid memories … her hands reddened and rough, clasped together in prayer. Danny was nineteen. He woke up late. I heated the milk for café con leche. I still can’t stand the smell of coffee.” Her eyes dimmed and she shuddered. “Danny worked as a day laborer, doing yard work or painting but there was nothing that day. He showered and got dressed and I told him we didn’t have eggs for breakfast.”
I had a bad feeling about where this was leading and I thought about changing the subject, but I just couldn’t.
“I remember the sound of a baby crying and a mother screaming in the apartment directly above us. It was so hot my brother’s white shirt clung to his back. He flipped through the morning talk shows growing more and more agitated. ‘Danny, we need eggs,’ I said again. I offered to go with him. We went downstairs and Danny unlocked the rusted patio gate. The smell of rotting fish made my stomach turn. The dogs had scavenged through the garbage can and the trash was strewn in front of the gate. Fucking dogs. We finished picking it up and heard a voice. It was Luis del Toro. Bendejo.”
“Who was he?” I sat back and let Josie talk, noticing by the size of her pupils she was becoming angrier.
“A fuckin’ drug dealer. ‘Hey! Danny, man, over here,’ he called. ‘What’s up, man?’ I told Danny we had to get out of there but he wouldn’t listen so I went inside and hid in the entryway. I saw del Toro as he approached, but he didn’t see me. Shit, I still see his small eyes narrowed into slits. His sleeves were rolled up to show this huge fuckin’ gold watch. I leaned against the wall in the only shade the courtyard offered. I turned away for a second and then heard a shot ring out and Danny fell to the ground.”
“Oh, Josie, no!” I stood and knelt beside her, taking her in my arms, but Josie pulled away. “What did you do?”
“I ran inside and told Roberto. He came down with me but Danny was already gone.” Josie stared stonily ahead. “We called the police but there was no possibility of testifying. That hijo de gran puta would’ve killed us.” Josie clenched her soda can and banged it on the table. “Fuckin’ bendejo.”
“Oh, Josie, how horrible for you.” My own suburban childhood had been as safe as a cocoon.
“I’m fine really. That was a long time ago,” she said angrily. “After that, I went to community college and became a cop. Sex crimes unit. A few years later, I left La Perla behind forever. My mother hugged me in the airport, took off her silver crucifix and hung it around my neck. She told me she was proud of me and gave me her Bible. I took it and left behind the ten-pound rock I’d carried in my chest since Danny was killed. My older brother, Roberto was sentenced to federal prison for conspiracy to distribute cocaine. Sad story, huh?”
I nodded silently in agreement. No wonder Josie had fled to a new life where she’d become Josie Garrett.
* * *
That afternoon, clouds swirled like gauzy curtains in the sky. It was spring and I sang along with the radio. What a difference daylight savings time and a few weeks made. Daylight at 5:00 a.m. was as welcome as the first tulips of spring. Maybe Caleigh and I would shop for new spring clothes that weekend. It was a thrill Minnesotans eagerly anticipated each year—putting the dark days of winter away along with their winter wardrobes.
There were empty juice packs and cookie wrappers strewn from one end of the kitchen table to the other when I walked in. “Can you believe how much homework I have?” Caleigh complained. “Look at this,” she said thrusting her required daily planner at me.
I turned off the TV to Dane’s complaints.
“You know the rules. No TV before your homework is done.” I picked up the juice packs and wrappers. “Jeez, could you guys learn to be a little neater? Alex is coming over for dinner tonight. I don’t want him to walk into a pigsty.”
“What’s wrong with you, Mom?” Caleigh looked up from her Earth Science textbook. “You’re acting weird.”
“There’s nothing wrong. We had a really great day at Quarry Hill, didn’t we? Can’t I just be happy without everybody thinking I look weird? Anyway, come here. There’s something I want to tell you first.” I stood at the sink washing mushrooms, and green peppers and cherry tomatoes for Alex to grill. The steak was marinating. Caeligh and I had dragged the grill from the garage back onto the porch as soon as the snow had melted. “You guys know Alex and I have been seeing each other for a while now, and it’s pretty serious, right?” Dane nodded solemnly and Caleigh lifted her plucked brows.
I put down the kitchen knife and wiped my hands. “We’ve decided we’d like for us to be a family. Alex knows he can never take your dad’s place but he wants to be part of our lives. I want him to be part of our lives.”
Dane’s eyes grew wide. Caleigh squinted. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Everything else will stay the same. You’ll go to the same schools, we’ll still live here with Sketcher, you’ll have the same friends, you’ll even have the same bedtime,” I joked. “Alex will be moving here to live with us in a couple of weeks. The other news is that we’ll be going on a medical mission trip at the end of the summer. Grandma and Grandpa will come to stay with you for the week we’re away.”
“Can I go?” Dane asked, picking up a rubber band and shooting it across the kitchen.
“Why would they take you along? It’s supposed to be romantic.” Caleigh rolled her eyes. “They want to be alone. Get it?”
“Is it, Mom? Is it supposed to be romantic? Yuck. Why can’t I go?”
“Ow, stop it! Mom, he just shot a rubber band at me!” Caleigh picked it up and aimed for Dane.
“It’s a medical trip, Caleigh. Not a romantic rendezvous. I’m sorry, sweetheart. Dane, stop that! It’s a very poor country and we’ll be busy the entire time. There won’t be anyone to watch you. Grandma and Grandpa are very excited about coming here to spend time with you.”
“Figures,” Dane muttered. “I never get to have any fun.”
There. It was out. “What do you think about Alex living with us?” I asked.
“I guess it’s okay. Where’s he gonna sleep?” Dane asked.
“Oh, my god, are you stupid!” Caleigh said. “He’s gonna sleep with Mom! Right?” She gave me a dirty look and I flushed.
“Yes, that’s right. Are you guys okay with that?”
“I guess so. Can I still come in when I can’t sleep?” Dane asked, his hands knotted in front of him.
“Of course you can, sweetie. Come on, guys. It’s a beautiful day. There’s plenty of time before dinner to take Sketcher on a nice long walk. We can talk more about this later.”
“Is this how I’m going to spend my summer vacation, Mom? Walking Sketcher and taking care of the broski?” Caleigh mumbled. “I guess Alex living here is okay with me.”
I had an urge to laugh, jump up and down and to hug my children.
“Mom!” Dane squirmed as I wrapped my arms around him. “What are you doing?”
“I love you guys so much. Can’t I give you a hug now and then?”
“Whatever, Mom,” Caleigh said.
“All right. Come on! Get going.” Sketcher came into the room carrying his leash between his teeth. “See? He wants to go out.”
I returned to dinner preparations with a smile, washing egg-sized red potatoes and crushing garlic for fresh garlic bread. The doorbell soon chimed. “Hey, sweetheart, I ran into the kids walking Sketcher on my way over,” Alex said, kissing me. “Did you tell them?”
“I did. Dane wants to know if he can still come into our room if he can’t sleep.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Our room … I like the sound of that.”
“And Caleigh said, ‘I guess it’s okay if Alex lives with us,’ and for her, that’s pretty amazing.” Alex picked me up and spun me like a puppet, my feet dangling in the air. “So, tell me about the trip. How long’s it for?” I asked. “I’m still kind of worried about the kids and how they’ll manage while we’re gone.”
“We don’t have to decide about the trip yet. Why don’t we just take it a day at a time? The trip is not for a couple of months. Who knows what might happen by then? Let’s get me moved in first,” he said happily. “I can’t wait!”
“You’re right. Me either.” We sat on the couch and I kissed him.
“What’s this all about? Maybe I ought to come for dinner more often.”
“I just love you like crazy, that’s all.” I kissed him again. The air smelled of his cologne and the baking garlic bread. I felt the vibration of his phone before he did. “What now? Can’t we ever have a romantic moment? I think it’s a conspiracy!” he said. “Who the hell is calling me now?” He dug the phone out of his pocket. “Dr. Sawyer here. Hello? Hello?”
“Who is it?” I took the bread out of the oven and savored the scent of fresh, hot bread.
Alex looked at the caller I.D. “Unknown caller. I don’t know. Must not have been too important. Now where were we?” He came into the kitchen and put his arms around me. “When did you say I could move in?”
“Soon. Very soon.”