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“What’s wrong with me?”
Jules studied me for a moment. “In what way? I don’t see anything wrong with you except your hair needs a cut and you look very down.”
We were in Jules’s messy, cosy sunroom enjoying a glass of wine after I’d burst in on her on the way home from my date with Rory.
I ran a hand through my hair. “I know. I should shave my head or something. Get a few tattoos, maybe, just to change my whole look?”
Julie topped up my glass. “Are you mad? Don’t change anything. Just get it cut shorter and put in some more of those funky purple highlights. I loved that.”
“Yes. Maybe.” I looked morosely out the window into the old orchard, where, in the gathering dusk, Jake was fooling around with Jules’s dogs, having a great time fighting over an old shoe. I looked back at Jules, reclining on the couch, a cushion behind her head. “Thanks for not asking how the date went.”
“I guessed it probably wasn’t a huge success.”
“Ha.” I snorted. “That’s putting it mildly. It was a roaring disaster. There I was, tossing my hair and winking at Rory, and he didn’t even notice. I have a feeling he thought I was just being friendly because my attempt at flirting opened up the floodgates, and he started telling me about some woman he’s been unhappily in love with. But then, just to make everything even more wonderful, in walks Colin with that Caroline woman and they immediately start practically snogging right in front of me.”
Jules lifted an eyebrow. “Snogging? At Chez Hans? That must have stirred up that stuffy place.”
“Well, not exactly snogging, but there were hot vibes. He even had his hand on her leg under the table.”
“Bloody hell. What a cheeky bastard.”
“Yeah, he is.”
Jules leaned forward. “But you’re hot for him, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I said glumly. “You got it in one.”
“I bet he fancies you too.”
“Funny way of showing it.”
“He’s trying to make you jealous, I bet.”
I shrugged. “I bet he isn’t. He’s just the kind of guy for whom having sex is just a recreation.”
“What?” Jules sat up. “You had sex with Colin Foley? Holy shit! And you never told me. When did this happen? Was it fabulous?”
I wound my legs around each other and put the glass on the small table beside my chair. “Shit, I shouldn’t have told you. But okay. It happened last week when I came back from West Cork. He just appeared at my door. I was tired and emotional. I wasn’t thinking straight. I just grabbed him and started kissing him and then, well...you know. And yes, it was incredible. That’s all I’m going to say.”
Jules stared at me with awe. “Wow. You grabbed him?”
“Oh, please. Shut up. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve said too much already. Can we forget it?”
“How on earth could I forget that? Can you?”
“No.”
Jules sighed. “Neither could I if it happened to me. So then he just left right afterwards?”
“No, he stayed all night. He was gone when I woke up, but he left a cup of tea and a rose on my bedside table.” My eyes filled with tears. I dashed them away, hoping Jules wouldn’t notice.
“How sweet.”
“Yeah, and then he goes and sleeps with his co-star and snogs her in public for all to see. Such a darling, isn’t he?”
“You don’t know he was sleeping with her. Maybe he wasn’t?”
“I know for a fact that he did.” I sighed and picked up my glass again. “Can we talk about something else?”
“But this was getting interesting,” Jules complained. “I don’t have a love life, so I have to live vicariously through you.”
“Then you’ll be extremely bored, my friend.” I yawned and joined her on the sofa. “I’m exhausted after all this. Can I sleep here tonight?”
Jules got up. “Of course. I’ll just let the dogs in. Jake can sleep in here with you.” She threw a blanket at me. “Here, pull this over you and lie down.”
I was going to laugh and tell her I was only joking but suddenly felt unable to move. I snuggled under the blanket, and after Jake had joined me and settled on my feet, I closed my eyes and drifted off.
***
I went back to the cottage to shower and change the next morning and found several email messages when I switched on my laptop. The first one was from Aidan:
Hi, Finola,
Just to let you know that the website’s up and running (only the first page, more to come), the link is below. We’re going to have a link to the Swedish website and the English version of their course for parents on how to tackle bullying of younger children. Then we’re setting up a helpline in the form of a forum that we’ll moderate very carefully. Unfortunately, the psychologist let us down, but we’re planning to get someone in the music business to come and speak to the students on the day of the launch, which will be even better. If you could write something about this in the paper, that would be terrific. See you soon,
Cheers,
Aidan.
I clicked on the link and a website with clear and concise texts and graphics came into view. It would be very easy to navigate once all the relevant pages were up.
Impressive. These guys were more clued up than middle-aged politicians. I suddenly felt old and behind the times. I got ready and went to the office, where I immediately started work on the piece about the new campaign. The launch would be at the school on Friday night, and I had to make it catchy and stress how important this new move was and how we all had to support it. I asked Audrey to contact the radio station and looked up the number to the constituency offices of the major political parties. I was sure they’d all come. Great chance to look good for all of them.
Audrey arrived, breathless, a little later. “Great news,” she announced. “The school kids got someone really famous to talk at their launch on Friday. This is going to be hot!”
I didn’t look up from my article. “Who did they get?” I asked, as I skimmed through the text, trying to catch typos.
“Colin Foley.”
My hand froze and my jaw dropped. “What? Are you sure?”
“Positive.” Audrey winked. “I’d say his publicist put him up to it. Great chance of mega kudos, ya know.”
“Lots of emails,” Sinead shouted from her desk. “The county council will be there and the local politicians too, including our TD. Plus...” she paused for breath, “national television is sending a crew.”
“RTE?” I shouted back.
“They’re the guys, yes,” she shouted back.
“Jesus,” Audrey whispered. “What’ll I wear?”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something,” I replied, wondering the same thing myself.
***
Audrey wore her trademark micro-mini skirt and thigh-high boots, her hair in an elaborate chignon and a ton of make-up. “In case there’ll be a close-up,” she whispered as I joined her at the back of the hall on the night of the launch. I was in the dress I wore at the Rock and had my hair cut very short at a hairdresser’s in Clonmel called Curl up and Dye. I chickened out at the dyeing stage, worried it might turn out really weird.
“Maybe later?” I promised and raced back home to stick my head under the shower to get most of the hairspray out.
When I walked into the packed school hall, I wondered how Audrey could possibly think the cameras would be pointed at her. I looked at the stage, where Colin was talking to the headmaster and testing the mike. He looked amazing in a tight tee shirt, skinny jeans and sneakers, his hair gelled. Even from my vantage point at the back, I saw his green eyes sparkle in the spotlights and his teeth gleam against his light tan. I realised then what true star quality was, and he had it in spades. But it wasn’t until he started speaking and his deep voice rang out in the silent hall that the full power of his charisma was released. There must have been five hundred people there, mostly students, but he still managed to keep them enthralled, not so much with his voice but with what he said.
Colin pulled no punches. He got straight to the point, first revealing details of his own childhood and how he’d been bullied and attacked for being different. Then he went on to condemn bullies in general, calling them slime and cowardly gobshites. His eyes blazed, his fists clenched, and his face contorted in anger as he talked. There was no doubt about his passion for this cause. I had a feeling that everyone present held their breath during Colin’s diatribe. There was a long silence when he finished, and then the hall erupted in ear-splitting shouts, whistles and applause that lasted a good ten minutes.
Colin held up a hand and waited for silence. “Okay,” he said when the noise abated. “That was me. But how about you? How many of you have been bullied or at least intimidated recently? By that I mean little insults that grow to being pushed around and even attacked. Or having hateful text messages sent to your phone or comments on Facebook.” He looked across the audience. Two hands shot up, then another two and then more and more.
Colin nodded. “Yeah, I see it’s quite common. And I bet those of you who have been bullied like that are perhaps a little different. Maybe you’re from another country, or your parents are, or you’re the youngest in the class, or you wear glasses or any other thing that makes you stick out as vulnerable. Am I right?”
Nods and murmurs among the kids in the audience. Colin had hit the nail on the head there.
“I see there are quite a few here. But what do we do about it?” he asked. “How do we deal with these cowardly shits who hide behind pseudonyms? We can’t make them stop. They’ll only take on another fake name and start again. They do it for kicks and to have power over those they deem weaker than them. I’m no expert in dealing with bullies, but I know you must never let them win or obey when they threaten you with violence if you tell anyone.” Colin raised his voice to a near shout. “If you’re bullied, go and tell an adult, a parent or a teacher. Never, ever allow these creeps to escape. That’s all I can tell you right now. But the fantastic website that Aidan Murphy and his friends have put together also has a lot of tips and a help page. It’s one of the most brilliant sites I’ve ever seen. Use it. Support it. Spread the word about it wherever you can.” He waved a clenched fist. “Bullies out there, be afraid. Be very afraid!”
More applause and shouting. The flashing of cameras and lights was nearly blinding. Then the headmaster took the mike, clapped Colin on the back and made his own little speech, endorsing what Colin had just said, inviting all present politicians up on the stage.
Then Colin grabbed the mike back and shouted, “Aidan Murphy! Come on the stage, please.”
There was a movement in the crowd as Aidan pushed through to the stage, blushing furiously. When he was finally up there by Colin’s side, the headmaster asked him to say a few words.
Aidan, blushing even more, took the mike. “Thank you for the support, guys,” he mumbled into the mike. “I should thank Eamon Sullivan for setting up the website and for doing all the links to the Swedish one. We’re hoping to spread the word across Europe. But most of all, I want to thank Finola McGee for helping me understand how important this is. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t be here doing this today.” His eyes scanned the crowd. “If you’re here, Finola, please come and say a few words.”
“Oh, no,” I muttered and sidled to the door. Not me on that stage, no way. Audrey pulled at me, but I tore away and got out before anyone could invite me to come forward. I could still hear shouting and whistling as I walked down the street to my car. I knew I was being a chicken, but I couldn’t face standing in the limelight with Colin and getting some kind of accolade I didn’t deserve. It was Aidan’s night, and no way did I want to steal his thunder. Nor did I want to have Colin fake some kind of affection for me, and that was my greatest fear now that I knew the truth about him and his co-star.
“Miserable shit,” I said as I drove home, just to make myself feel better. Of course he wasn’t a shit or miserable. His fooling around with me and my feelings had nothing to do with the magnificent performance I’d just witnessed. And the trouble was, it made me love him more.
Love? How did that thought enter my head? Did I love Colin? I slowed the car as I came to the gates of Jules’s farm, and came to a stop. I stared out into the darkness and finally allowed myself to relax and admit that yes, I did love him. Not that it made me happy; it just had a calming effect to have finally realised it. I started the car again and drove on, ignoring my phone beeping with a message. Probably Audrey telling me to go back. I’d go to the office later to write up a piece about the event and get all the photos so they could be included. I needed a short break before I headed into the office to catch my breath and watch the report of the event on TV.
I parked, grabbed my bag and phone and went inside to turn on the evening news. It would be good to see how it all looked from the outside.
I settled on the sofa with Jake on my lap and turned on the small TV set. After the main headlines, the anti-bullying campaign was the major news item. Colin and the headmaster came onto the screen, and then I could watch Colin’s incredible delivery up close. He was even more impressive on TV.
Then they came to Aidan’s little speech and his request for me to talk. The camera scanned the crowd, but instead of me, Audrey pushed through and climbed up on the stage, helped by a clearly delighted Colin, who got an eyeful of her slim thighs before she stood at his side, talking into the mike as if she had done nothing else her whole life.
“Hello, my name is Audrey Killian,” she said in her husky voice. “Unfortunately, Finola had to rush to an important meeting, so I’ll talk on her behalf. Finola has always hated bullying of any kind, as indeed we all do. She knew that something like this was going on in the town and that it was escalating. Indeed, rumour has it that some families have had to move from here to escape the bullying, both verbal and physical, their children have had to endure.” There was a communal gasp, followed by murmur in the audience.
Audrey pressed on. “Then Finola had a chat with some young people in the area, and this gave them the push to take this initiative. Aidan had the brilliant idea of a website after reading about the Swedish campaign, and now I think it will snowball into something huge that will help stamp out bullying. So here’s to Finola, who got the ball rolling. Let’s give her a big clap.”
The crowd erupted into clapping cheering and shouts of ‘Finola!’ I couldn’t help feeling moved and my eyes welled up. What a sweet girl Audrey was. I flicked on my phone, deciding to check my message and reply to her text.
It wasn’t from Audrey. It was from Colin. Where did u go? We wanted to cheer for u. Party at the Inn. Please come back and join the fun. Not for me, but for Aidan. C x
X? As in kiss? That was the part of the message that made my stupid heart flip. It took me two seconds to decide what to do. I put Jake in the kitchen and closed the door on his sad little face, got into the car and headed back to town. And the Inn.