| |
Work ... I immersed myself in it to avoid my thoughts. I didn’t even bother going home; I went straight to the office. There were a couple of unclaimed cases on Greta’s desk, so I claimed them. I took the files to my office and attempted to focus on the cheating werewolf and a missing painting. They were frivolous cases ... ones I didn’t particularly care for, but they would kill the time, and that’s exactly what I needed ... to kill time.
I couldn’t tear my thoughts from Cassius. It bothered me that he lied, and it bothered me even more that I was afraid of the reason. What if there was no good reason? What if he did it just to do it? I didn’t want to believe what everyone said about vampires ... I refused to believe it.
I had a feeling my life was about to become even more complicated now that I revealed myself. I knew lines were going to be drawn by the elves. They would demand things from me ... things I wasn’t sure I was willing to give. I could tell Roberto expected me to avoid vampires, but what if I couldn’t? What if I felt something for Cassius? I didn’t know much about feelings, but he made me feel different than the others. There was something about him that drew me in and terrified me at the same time. What if it was love? What if I loved Cassius?
I groaned, placing my forehead on the desk. I was crazy ... I didn’t love Cassius. I didn’t know what love even was ... I was too young. Besides, even if I could bring myself to believe I loved him in some way, it was pointless ... he couldn’t love me ... he was a vampire. Vampires didn’t love ... right? Just thinking about everything made me nauseous. What if the elves demanded I choose? What if Henry demanded I choose? Maybe I was getting way too far ahead of myself, but I couldn’t stop the thoughts from filtering in.
“Knock, knock,” Jameson’s voice pulled me from the trance I was in.
I looked up and he was leaning against the doorjamb watching me. I straightened, running my fingers through my hair. “Jameson ... what are you doing here?”
“I saw your car parked out front as I was passing, so I decided to check in and see how you are doing?” He sauntered toward the desk, taking a seat in the chair across from me. I noticed he wasn’t smiling, which wasn’t unusual, but he looked more unfriendly than normal.
“I’m fine ... a little distracted ... but fine.” I forced a smiled. “Shouldn’t you be getting home and getting some rest?”
He remained silent as he watched me carefully. “It’s the vampire, isn’t it?” The disgust in his tone was obvious.
I hesitated, trying to decide how I should approach the subject. Finally, I shook my head and looked away. “I’m not sure what you mean.” I started flipping through the file in front of me, hoping for some kind of distraction.
“I think you know exactly what I mean,” he countered. “I saw you with him. I saw the way he touched you, and the way you looked at him.”
I scowled at his defensive tone. “Why were you following me? I don’t need a damn keeper.”
He scoffed. “You need something if you think what you’re doing is even remotely sane. He’s a vampire ... you’re an elf ... those two don’t mix, Dorian. He doesn’t care about you ... he’s using you.”
I glared at him, tired of listening to him trash talk Cassius. “And what about you ... when we met you hated me? You didn’t care who I was ... or that I saved your life. All that mattered to you was that you thought I was a vampire, so I was automatically scum.”
He stood abruptly. “They are all scum, Dorian! Don’t you get it? Everyone is telling you the same thing. Maybe you should consider listening before you destroy more than just your life.” He turned on his heel and stormed out.
My mouth was dry, and the feeling of overwhelming nausea was back. What if he was right? What if I was kidding myself? What if I was crazy for the way I felt? I clenched my eyes shut, took a slow breath, then laid my head back on the desk. I just needed to think and hope something made sense eventually.
