THE (FICTIONAL) WEDDING OF
BEN AND NATALYA
THE (REAL) PARK PLAZA HOTEL NEW YORK, NY
CELEBRANT: CHRISTOPHER SHELLEY ILLUMINATING CEREMONIES
MUSIC CUE: The first thing guests see and hear as they step through tall doors to enter the vast Park Plaza Hotel ceremony room is a pair of drummers on a landing, playing a subtle Caribbean beat. As guests wander down the red-carpeted steps to the seating area of the vast Park Plaza ceremony space, they are stunned by its elaborate lighting, architecture, staging, jaw-dropping floral arrangements and general iconic elegance.
Closer to ceremony time, when all the guests are seated, the drummers strap their drums around their shoulders and continue playing as they stand. They are joined by a trumpet player, a gal playing accordion, and another gal on tambourine. The five of them march down the fabled steps of the Plaza to the ceremonial area, playing their music the whole time. They take their places STAGE LEFT of the ceremony space, on their own mini-stage, and their music intensifies, crescendos, as . . .
Celebrant Christopher Shelley enters, dances down the steps, down the aisle steps, a real show.
MUSIC CUE: As Chris arrives on the stage, the jam comes down to a solitary drummer underscoring the mood . . . drummer keeps the beat just above a whisper as Chris speaks.
CELEBRANT: [Chris introduces himself and gets the guests into a good mood.]
MUSIC CUE: A trumpet flourish!
CELEBRANT: [Chris makes them laugh.]
MUSIC CUE: A joyous riffing of all the instruments emerges, flourishes . . .
CELEBRANT: [Chris cues the processional music to begin.]
MUSIC CUE: Riffing drops off . . . the accordionist, solo, plays romantic Parisian street music . . .
Groom Ben enters with his parents, Gerald and Kathy. Halfway up the aisle, the three of them do a mock Rockettes kick line to an accordion burst of “New York, New York” as they approach the ceremonial area, then music reverts to Parisian street music. Ben has a moment with Mom and Dad (kiss/hug etc.), then they sit. Ben stands STAGE LEFT/downstage of Celebrant.
MUSIC CUE: Accordion player fades and drummers take over . . .
Best Man Chaz enters, does some bodybuilder poses at the top of the aisle, gives Ben a bear hug that lasts too long, puts him down, take his spot immediately STAGE LEFT of Ben.
Groomsman Tom and Bridesmaid Joan enter, shaking maracas and dancing; at the top of the aisle they bow to each other, then Joan takes her place STAGE RIGHT establishing the end of her row, Tom goes wide STAGE LEFT of Best Man, establishing the end of his row.
Groomsman Bill and Bridesmaid Ellie enter, blowing soap bubbles at the guests; at the top of the aisle, they create a huge double-bubble, wave at each other, then take their places, her STAGE RIGHT of Chris, him STAGE RIGHT of Tom.
Groomsman Antoine and Bridesmaid Sandra enter, doing a dramatic tango dance up the aisle, even more impressive considering the stairs, then take their places, her just STAGE LEFT of Ellie, him just STAGE RIGHT of Bill.
Groomsman Zach and Bridesmaid Heather enter, normally, at the top of the aisle they bump hips, then do a complicated handshake/fist bump routine, then take their places, her STAGE LEFT of Sandra, him just STAGE RIGHT of Antoine.
MUSIC CUE: Tambourine and trumpet joins in with the drums . . .
Maid of Honor (MOH) Margaret enters, carried on the shoulders of two huge, muscular guys in sleeveless tuxedos. The men place her in position STAGE RIGHT of Heather, then take up space at the far corners of the ceremonial area, like nightclub bouncers.
MUSIC CUE: tambourine and trumpet drops out . . . the accordion plays solo, a playful, curious tune . . .
Flower Girls Evgenia (11) and Alina (7) enter, each with a huge white bag. They open the bags, then run joyously down the aisle steps as the bag releases HUNDREDS OF WHITE PETALS. They sit with their parents or legal guardians in the first row.
CELEBRANT: [Chris invites everyone to stand to greet the bride.]
Guests stand.
MUSIC CUE: The playful accordion music winds down . . . dramatic pause . . . then the Bride’s jam begins. It’s a long entrance walk down those steps at the Plaza, so the music starts small, then becomes a full-fledged wild jam with all musicians contributing—including Tom and Joan on maracas and the entire bridal party clapping—by the time she reaches the top of the aisle.
Bride Natalya enters, looking spectacular, escorted by her father, Dmitri, and her mother, Ekatarina. Mom and Dad bring Natalya just past the first row of seats, where they pause. Mom/Dad/Daughter have a moment (kiss/hug etc.).
Groom Ben steps forward, kisses her Mom. Ben shakes Dad’s hand; Dad grips his hand too long, stares at him with a look of death, pulls him close, and whispers something into his ear. Dad lets Ben go. Ben looks shaken. Dad hands Natalya to Ben.
Ben escorts Natalya to the ceremonial matrimonial sweet spot where Chris is waiting while Mom and Dad take their seats.
MUSIC CUE: The music comes to a satisfying flourish as Chris speaks.
CELEBRANT: [Chris invites the guests to sit.]
Guests sit.
MOH arranges Natalya’s dress if necessary.
CELEBRANT: [Chris welcomes everyone, mostly in English, with one sentence in convincing Russian.]
CELEBRANT: [Chris thanks everyone for coming.]
CELEBRANT: [Chris relays some loving sentiments from the couple to their parents.]
CELEBRANT: [Chris briefly acknowledges departed family members who are deeply missed]
CELEBRANT: [Chris tells a heartwarming, funny love story about Ben and Natalya, then introduces the vow section of the ceremony.]
BEN: Reads his vows to Natalya.
NATALYA: Reads her vows to Ben.
CELEBRANT: [Chris introduces the ring section of the ceremony.]
Ring Bearer Samuel, age 8, enters, wearing a giant Bear head because he is the Ring Bear. He hands Natalya’s RING to Ben.
CELEBRANT/BEN (repeating): I, Benjamin ‘Fitzy’ Fitzgerald, / take thee, Natalya ‘Velvet Cuffs’ Trapeznikova, / to be my wedded wife, / to have and to hold/ from this day forward, / for better, for worse, / for richer, for poorer, / in sickness and in health, / to love and to cherish, / till death do us part, / and if you die first, / I promise I will never love another woman.
Ben slides the ring all the way onto her finger.
Ring Bear hands BEN’S RING to Celebrant, Celebrant hands it to NATALYA.
Ring Bear hangs out nearby.
CELEBRANT/NATALYA (repeating): I, Natalya ‘Velvet Cuffs’ Trapeznikova, / take thee, Benjamin ‘Fitzy’ Fitzgerald, / to be my wedded husband, / to have and to hold, / from this day forward, / for better, for worse, / for richer, for poorer, / in sickness and in health, / to love and to cherish, / till death do us part, / and if you die first, / that will be sad.
Natalya slides the ring all the way onto his finger.
CELEBRANT: [Chris talks Ben and Natalya through a brief meditation so they remember every detail of this moment.]
CELEBRANT: [Chris pronounces Ben and Natalya married.]
Natalya and Ben kiss.
The guests go nuts!
MUSIC CUE: Entire band riffs on ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’ by Queen.
Natalya and Ben eventually stop kissing but it . . . it takes a while.
Natalya retrieves her bouquet from the Maid of Honor. Natalya and Ben exit.
All members of the bridal party high-five guests as they exit.
Best Man and Maid of Honor exit.
Zach and Heather exit.
Antoine and Sandra exit.
Bill and Ellie exit.
Tom and Joan exit.
The two huge, muscular Nightclub-Bouncer Guys exit holding hands with the Flower Girls Evgenia and Alina.
Chris invites first row of honored guests to exit, bride’s side first, groom’s side second.
Chris exits.
Natalya and Ben live a long, happy life together.