QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES
Creating a wedding ceremony script requires teamwork between you—the two people getting married—and the lucky person performing your ceremony. It’s a three-way tango. It’s a pas de trois. A big part of the process involves you sharing information about your relationship with your celebrant. Every celebrant has their own unique questionnaire that they will ask you to fill out in order to learn what they need to learn about you. Questions are useful tools for illumination: they are lamps, candles, floodlights, spotlights, and stadium lights, shining upon treasures of information, stories, anecdotes, facts, ideas, and philosophies. I love questions. I’m the kind of person who will buy books full of questions. The best conversationalists ask good questions and the best questions really get people thinking. Deciding to get married and deciding whom to marry are some of the biggest decisions a person can make; these decisions deserve a whole lot of thinking.
Here, I’ve provided some questions that I use for my clients. Questions include matters of the heart as well as matters of logistics. Your answers to the questions provided will help your celebrant get to know you and to create your personal love story; they may also help you think of everything you need to think of.
Not all the information you give will find its way into the ceremony, but by the time your wedding day comes around, the person marrying you will know you so well that your guests will think he or she is an old friend; in a way, he or she will be. (One more reason that I LOVE my job: I make friends all the time.) Think about this: it is easier and more likely for your professional officiant to become a friend than it is for your friend to become a professional officiant.
Couples: use these questions to warm up for whatever questions your officiant will ask and to help you both think through the logistics of your ceremony.
Officiants: let these questions inspire your own questionnaire.
Remember, be forthcoming with your answers. Tell the truth. Provide as many details as you can. (“I love the way she makes banana pancakes” or “I love the way she takes the time to thank our waiter and say goodbye to them before we leave any restaurant” versus “I love the way she does stuff.”) Try to avoid clichés. (“He makes every day worthwhile by making me feel valued” versus “He means the world to me.”)
How would you describe your fiancé(e) to me at a party if he/she was not at the party, and you were not allowed to take out your phone to show me pictures?
How long have you known each other/been together/been engaged?
How did you meet?
What do you remember about the very moment you met?
What do you remember about your first date, if you had a first date?
Using words, paint me a montage of highlights from the early days of your relationship.
Were there any obstacles to your relationship? What were they?
How are your personalities different from each other’s?
How did you know you were in love? Was it fast? Was it gradual?
How did you propose or accept the proposal?
What do you love and admire about your fiancé(e)?
Looking back, what makes you proud of your relationship?
Are there any objects, colors, songs, symbols, articles of clothing, places, movies, genres, or expressions that symbolize and say something important about your relationship?
What is it like where you live? Are you in an apartment, a condo, a houseboat, a treehouse, an abandoned warehouse, some celebrity’s garden, a yurt, a hotel . . . ?
Date: ______________________________________________ Time: ______________________
Location: ________________ Approx. number of guests: ______________________
Will you have a rehearsal? If so, when? _______________
Wedding party: First and last name, their relationship to you two; list all that apply
Escorts/Parents: Who, if anyone, will be escorting you into the ceremony? This is also a question for the groom! Parents usually enter near the beginning of the ceremony, either with or without the groom/bride, in various combinations.
Maid of Honor: _____________________________________
Matron of Honor: ___________________________________
Bridesmaids: _______________________________________
____________________________________________________
Junior Bridesmaids _________________________________
____________________________________________________
Best Man: __________________________________________
Groomsmen: _________________________________________
____________________________________________________
Flower Girl(s): ___________________________________ Age(s) ______________________
Ring-bearer(s): __________________________________ Age(s) ______________________
What is your venue host’s name and contact number?
What is your photographer’s name/company?
What is your wedding planner’s name and contact number (or day-of contact person)? ________________________________________________
Why did you choose this particular venue?
What has been the hardest thing about wedding planning?
Will you be videotaping your ceremony? Who is the videologist?
What music selections, if any, will you be having for the processional, bridal entrance and close of the ceremony (recession)?
Who are/is your musician(s) or DJ for the ceremony?
Family Dynamics: What are your parents’ names? Will they be at the ceremony? How long have they been married? If any of them are divorced or separated, fill me in.
What is your family heritage—ethnic, cultural, spiritual?
Are there any special customs or traditions from your heritage you would like to include in the wedding?
It’s a pretty big deal to have your family and friends at your wedding ceremony, yes? Is there anything special that you would like them to know?
What are the various locations from which your guests will be traveling?
Would you like to include any words honoring your living parents or grandparents? If so, what would you like to be said?
Would you like to honor anyone who has passed away? If so, provide complete names and relationship to you.
Are there any readings you know you want to include? Would you like samples of readings? And if you do want to have a reading or two, do you have an idea of who your reader(s) will be?
Would you like to write personal vows to say to each other, would you like to say some formal/often-done vows, would you like me to do The Asking (I ask several questions, you respond “I do”), or something else entirely?
What name do you want me to use in the ceremony—your first name or a nickname?
Will you be exchanging rings? Do they have a story?
Is there anything unusual that you’d like to try in your ceremony? I’m up for anything, and I’m always looking for new ways to make a ceremony dynamic. (For example, involving your Bridesmaids and/or Groomsmen, your musicians/DJ, video, pets, etc.)
What do you definitely not want for your ceremony?
Where did you grow up? ______________________________________________________
What was your high school/college/grad school/other?
What was your major in college/grad school?
What kind of jobs did you have, if any, during school?
What you do for a living now, and why do you do it?
Have you had any interesting career transitions in your life?
What is the motto or philosophy that you live by or would like to live by?
What are your honeymoon plans?
Are there any secrets we need to keep from the guests?
What would be the most surprising thing your guests could learn about you during the ceremony?
What things about you may I have fun with without embarrassing you?