My everything.
My friends swoon, but I’m too caught up in MJ to care. I knew his nickname for me was something special from his heart, but I had no idea what it meant. Now I do, and it’s my new favorite phrase in the world. No two words have ever made me feel so special, warm, and loved.
I am loved by him. No matter what I’ve learned about myself, no matter what I have or have not expressed to him, no matter what the world throws in our way at every turn . . . he loves me.
My heart swells, and I caress his smooth cheek. I hear a soft moan from him again as he relaxes into my touch. Butterflies rise to my throat. I can’t speak.
If I could, I would tell him how wonderful he makes me feel and how nothing will ever come between us again. I want to let go of everything and tell him who I am. I want to say the words I’ve only ever said to my sister. I love you. But the butterflies won’t budge. I can only hold him and hope my eyes convey everything in my heart.
. . .
After dinner, we pile into one limo. It’s a little crowded, but I’m glad we’re taking one—I don’t want to choose between MJ and any of my friends. I don’t want to break this amazing circle of love, friendship, and support we’ve all built tonight.
I’ve missed hanging out with my friends like this. I shouldn’t have stopped. Things would have been different if I hadn’t pulled away. But right now, I have a great life full of amazing people—my friends, my family, MJ, and his team. I don’t want to lose any of it.
My heart feels full tonight.
I’ve found my new favorite position: sitting on his lap with my head on his shoulder. His essence constantly flows between us, not lingering anywhere, because there’s no place it needs to focus on and fix. I don’t feel any pain, even though the marks of Justin’s death are still on my body.
My thoughts hover on Justin. As crazy as it sounds, I’m grateful the masked demon showed me that vision. At one point in his life, Justin wasn’t evil. Maybe there’s still hope for him? And if so, maybe there’s still hope for me.
The limo stops, and the doors open. He and I stay seated as everyone else climbs out. I think MJ doesn’t want to stop being this connected to me. I’m more than happy for the added time. Alone.
“Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life, MJ.”
He kisses my temple, sending even more of his essence into me, strengthening the protective coating his kisses always create. “It isn’t over yet. Come on.”
He leads me outside, where our friends are waiting for us. Behind them is a small building with a neon sign flashing the name of the band playing inside. It’s Dad’s band. Not only has MJ surrounded me with my friends and family all day, but he brought us all to see my father play. This is perfect.
Almost perfect, that is.
“MJ, we can’t go in there. That’s a bar. We’re not twenty-one.”
“It doesn’t matter tonight. I’ve taken care of it.”
I’m pretty sure I know what that means, but I’m so excited about seeing Dad and his band, I let it slide for now.
MJ and I pass through a cloud of cigarette smoke from the few people lingering just outside the door. Inside, the bass from the speakers beside us pulsates through my body while we wait in line. The bouncer nods at MJ and waves us all through without checking our IDs.
The dance floor is packed, but it parts enough for MJ to lead me and my friends to the center. Hannah comes up to me so we can wave at Dad on the stage. He gives us a big smile.
“This is so awesome!” Hannah says, looking over the crowd.
I know exactly what she means. We’ve only ever seen Dad’s band open for someone else. Tonight these people are here to see him and his band. The joy on their faces, the infectious laughter, and the packed dance floor are for him and his music. I can see why he loves this so much.
Song after song, I dance with MJ, Hannah, and our friends. During slow songs, MJ and I are as close as we can possibly get. He tugs my arms up to his neck. Once I lace my fingers behind it, he wraps his arms around my waist. During fast songs, my hands are in the air and I’m jumping around. There are no thoughts in my head other than the lyrics to the songs I’ve heard Dad practice in the basement.
No matter how many dates MJ takes me on in the future, this will always be my favorite.
After ten songs, Dad and the band take a break, and we all head to a large table in the back. A minute later, a waitress arrives with everyone’s drinks. Most of us ordered virgin daiquiris. Everyone laughs as Mason gets a kiddie cocktail with a little umbrella.
I lean back into MJ and kiss his jaw. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being amazing.”
Kelli gags. “Would you two just get a room already?” She waggles her brows at me, then sticks her tongue out before bursting into a fit of giggles.
One by one my friends join in.
MJ’s body shakes with laughter too. I smile, tilting my head back to look up at him.
“What?” he asks.
“I like hearing you laugh.”
His smile widens, and he gives me a gentle squeeze. “It’s only possible because of you, minn hvatvetna.”
I snuggle closer to him. “Good.”
Dad’s band goes back on stage, and my friends rush back out to the dance floor.
“Shall we join them?” MJ asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet. I’m sick of sharing you.”
His fingers link with mine across my belly. “I understand that. You did have fun at the mall, though, right?”
“Yes. More than I expected to, actually. What did you do today?”
“Missed you.”
I snort. “That’s not what I meant—but I missed you too.”
We snuggle in content silence for several moments before he says, “I returned to Immortal City with Alexander to pick up a few things, I bothered Tamitha and Sissy relentlessly to make sure you were having a good time, and then I got all the guys ready.”
“It sounds like you were very busy.”
“Yes.”
“You are having fun, though, right?” I pose the same question back to him.
“This is one of the best nights of my life. Seeing how stunning and happy you are . . . Only a handful of nights compete with this one for the label of perfection—and they all involve you too.”
I close my eyes and absorb the love in his essence and his words. My heart beats stronger, sending warmth radiating through me. I sit up and stare into his shining hazel eyes. The sound of my father’s band and the hundreds of people around us disappear. We haven’t left, but it feels as if we have.
The longer I gaze into his eyes, the more I feel this pull from him, urging me to say the words he’s said time and time again. He deserves to hear them. I want to say them. It’s the truth. I do love him. More than my next breath.
“MJ, I . . .”
He leans forward.
“I . . . I need to use the bathroom.”
His eyes shut, and he frowns before slouching backward.
He’s disappointed.
I am too.
Without even looking at him, I break away. Pushing through the crowd, I head to the bathroom. I slide the lock into place on my stall door, then lean against the wall for support.
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I say it? He’s not going to hurt me. He’s my everything too. I want a future with him. So why am I hiding like a coward in the bathroom?
Maybe I need practice? The one and only time I’ve said those words was stolen from me—erased from Hannah’s memory. That won’t happen, though, if I say those words to him. MJ’s mind can’t be erased. He’ll always remember the first time I say it, just as I’ll always remember the first time he said it on the bridge last night.
I take a deep, trembling breath and leave my stall. I slowly wash my hands, then stare at my reflection in the mirror.
“I love you.”
I wait and watch for something awful to happen.
Nothing does.
I say it again and again. After the fourth time, I add more.
“I love you, MJ.”
A smile spreads across my face, and my heart skips a beat. I say it again, and a rush of relief flows through me. This is right. This is the perfect moment to tell him. I can do this.
As I reach out for a paper towel, my bracelet catches my eye. All the rainbow-colored stones have turned gray. MJ said a stone would turn black when a demon is near.
What does gray mean?
I have to find MJ. I turn to rush out the door, then stop in my tracks.
Standing between me and my way to MJ—staring at me with those piercing black eyes I hoped I’d never see again—is Justin.