Q&A
My boyfriend is way too clingy and is always all over me—even at church. How do I tell him to stop without him breaking up with me?
Well, unfortunately there is no way to promise he won’t break up with you. But, if he desires to follow the Lord, then your boyfriend will be willing to hear you out. You must talk to your guy about how uncomfortable you feel. Sit him down and speak from your heart. You can speak truth without being mean.
Crowding someone in a relationship is often a sign of deeper fears and insecurities. Perhaps you can help your boyfriend explore why he’s overly dependent on you. If you don’t address your concerns now, your relationship will only suffer. If your boyfriend is clingy in public, then how he acts alone with you can lead to a much bigger problem.
I know it’s hard to think about breaking up with someone, but all our relationships are to glorify God. If you are already feeling a check in your spirit that things aren’t quite right, then it could be the Holy Spirit guiding you away from this relationship.
—Denise
He who speaks truth tells what is right.
PROVERBS 12:17 NASB
Q&A
Is it OK to date a non-Christian boy in hope of bringing him to the Lord?
Have you heard the saying, “It is easier for someone to push you down than for someone to pull you up”? This describes what happens when you are at opposite levels spiritually with a boy. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, God advises Christians to “not be yoked together with unbelievers” (NIV). Does this mean we are to isolate ourselves from nonbelievers? No, not at all; if we did, we could not carry out God’s plan for us to tell others about Jesus (see Matthew 28:18-20). God’s instruction in 2 Corinthians 6 means believers should avoid situations that would force them to divide their loyalties or compromise their faith.
The question is: can you be assured that this guy will become a Christian while you are dating him? The answer to that is no. You cannot predict another person’s response to the good news—that is God’s job. I suggest you share the love of Christ with this boy and invite him to your youth group or church, but do not lock yourself into a personal relationship that could cause you to compromise your beliefs or convictions. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV).
—Leigh
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
2 CORINTHIANS 6:14 NIV
Q&A
How do you know if a boy likes you or not?
I don’t know if there is a definite way to tell if a boy likes you or not. When you were younger, boys would be rude and hit you if they liked you, but they grow out of this behavior in their teenage years. If a boy is paying extra attention to you or telling you how nice you look, or if you catch him looking at you at odd times, these could be signs that he likes you. He might also stumble over his words or act silly when he’s with you. His face might even turn red. lust make sure that he loves Jesus before you go out with him.
—Heather
Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.
PROVERBS 2:11 NIV
Q&A
How do you talk to a guy you like when you’re too nervous to even look at him and he really doesn’t even notice you?
First of all, honor your own personality. If you are by nature a shy person, then I wouldn’t recommend forcing yourself to initiate a conversation.
Even if you’re like me and have the mouth, just not the guts, breaking the ice can still feel awkward. Why not start by praying and asking God for an opportunity to make speaking to this guy seem natural. Then muster up your courage the best you can—and just go for it! What have you got to lose?
Perhaps you could simply say, “John, I know I don’t even know you, but I just wanted to tell you I think you’re a cool guy. I know that might sound weird or whatever, but I just wanted to say hey.” That’s exactly what I would do if I were dying to talk to a guy who didn’t notice me. I guarantee you, if “John” is someone you want to know, he will probably think you’re a cool girl for being so vulnerable without being pushy. He can take things from there.
—Shelley
Be strong, all who wait with hope for the LORD, and let your bean be courageous.
PSALM 31:24
Q&A
I’m thirteen. Is it OK for me to date a sixteen-year-old guy, even if my parents don’t know?
Without going any further, I see a red flag. Don’t do anything behind your parents’ backs. This is deceitful and not honoring to God or to your parents. I’m not your mom or dad, and I don’t know the full situation, but if you were my daughter, you wouldn’t be dating anyone at the age of thirteen. Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I don’t think thirteen-year-olds should be dating. When you’re thirteen, it’s hard enough to adjust to all the changes that come with entering the teenage years without adding the pressures that dating brings.
Thirteen is too young to make the kinds of decisions that you have to make in a dating relationship. Let me clarify—I’m not saying that you can’t have a boyfriend. That decision should be made between your parents and you. But dating and meeting your boyfriend at the mall on Saturday with a group of friends are two different things. And even if you do meet a boy at the mall with friends, make sure you’re honest with your parents about it, and don’t be one-on-one with him. Stay in groups.
—Heather
Integrity and honesty will protect me because I wait for you.
PSALM 25:21
Q&A
What do you think of a sixteen-year-old girl dating a twenty-five-year-old guy?
Let’s think about this one together. It’s not unusual for teenage girls to be attracted to older guys (girls mature faster and often wish guys their own age would “just grow up”). But a nine-year age difference is a big deal in dating when one of you is still a teenager.
When you are sixteen, you are still learning about the world and how relationships work. A sixteen-year-old’s life typically revolves around attending school, getting a driver’s license, and having fun. A twenty-five-year-old guy is an adult, experiencing life on a totally different level.
If you are this sixteen-year-old, you need to get out of the relationship immediately. At this stage in your life you need to enjoy friendships with guys close to your own age. Besides, any twenty-five-year-old who would even consider dating a sixteen-year-old spells trouble!
—Shelley
Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding.
PROVERBS 2:2 NASB
Q&A
What are some guidelines for safe, healthy, fun, God-glorifying dating relationships?
First and foremost, you both need to have a relationship with Jesus, not just go to church. Go out in groups with friends that have your same values. Limit time alone together. Go bowling, play catch at the park, enjoy each other’s company without having to be “physical” with one another. When your date brings you home, go on inside and have a parent be around when the boy comes in. Be sure not to focus so seriously on a thriving dating life.
Keep others in your life, not just “the boyfriend.” So many girls I know who have boyfriends seem to forget that their girlfriends exist. Keep Jesus the closest to your heart and have an adult with whom you can be accountable. The guy you date today more than likely will not be your husband, so don’t do anything you’d be ashamed to admit to your future husband or uncomfortable doing if Jesus were physically sitting there with you.
—Denise
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. Good sense is shown by everyone who follows [God’s guiding principles.]
PSALM 111:10
Q&A
Dating is supposed to help a girl find a possible husband, but we all know that most people don’t marry their high-school sweethearts. So what’s the point of a Christian girl dating in high school?
Well, ironically both my sisters married their high-school sweethearts. However, you’re right; it is rare. But I believe dating provides an opportunity to develop relationships with others, while learning about oneself. Looking back on my experiences, all my dating relationships brought something positive into my eventual marriage. For example, one boyfriend demonstrated qualities of true friendship and loyalty toward others. One modeled respect toward his parents that was extremely motivating. Another guy was so funny, which helped me recognize humor as an important characteristic and encouraged me to look for this trait in a spouse. Another simply taught me about cars. These are only a few things that I gained from dating.
Dating is up to you and your parents, but I think it can be an important piece to a successful marriage, as well as help you develop positive social skills.
—Leigh
Pursue faith, love, and peace together with those who worship the Lord with a pure heart.
2 TIMOTHY 2:22
Q&A
What do you think about dating in groups instead of couples only?
This is a great idea. That’s how I dated all through high school, and honestly, it’s a great way to guard you from temptation, You can have a great time going out in groups because there so many things to do that are much more fun with a group of people (bowling, concerts, amusement parks, etc.).
If you do go out on a date alone, it’s always a good idea to have at least one older woman (mentor) who is a strong Christian to keep you accountable. Allow that person to ask you the hard questions about what went on during your date. It’s also extremely important to set boundaries for yourself before you ever start dating, and then to remind yourself what those boundaries are before you go out on each date. Once you’re on a date it’s too late to start deciding your boundaries.
Another great way to guard yourself from any compromising situations is to pray with your date before you go out. Ask the Lord to bless your time together. This will hopefully keep your mind focused on glorifying God on your date. If you do go out alone, keep one thing in mind—stay out of dark places!
—Heather
Carefully walk a straight path, and all your ways will be secure.
PROVERBS 4:26
Q&A
Is it OK to date someone online?
I’m assuming that if you want to date someone online, you do not live in the same town as this person. I would wave a big red flag to online dating. First of all, “online dating” is a misnomer because it isn’t even possible to really date someone over the Internet. The Web can be very deceitful, and I believe the Enemy is having his way with young girls through this medium. Even for single adults, online matching services with elaborate screening features cannot fully eliminate troublesome people from exploiting someone.
Think about it. The person you are communicating with via computer can tell you anything he wants, and it’s very hard to tell fact from fiction when you are not having face-to-face, heart-to-heart fellowship with that person. I’m not saying you shouldn’t communicate with your friends from time to time online, but I would give a definite no to meeting and “dating” people over the Internet. It’s not safe, and it’s certainly not an authentic relationship in the way God intended.
—Shelley
My dear brothers and sisters, don’t be fooled.
JAMES 1:16
Q&A
What is the difference between dating and courting, and what are your views on the two?
Courting is where the boy asks permission from your parents to spend time with you.
More than likely he wants to spend time with you at your house with your family or with others such as a youth group. Dating is going out to places together and is typically a more informal way to get to know the opposite sex. There is a place for both courting and dating, and they can look similar. The most important thing to ask is: am I glorifying God in this relationship?
You can get to know a guy within both scenarios, but you must put more guidelines in place when dating, because you might not always be around other people. Either way, God needs to come first. In high school there really isn’t that much of a reason to ever go on dates with just the two of you. Keep your process of getting to know each other simple. This will take the pressure off you both.
—Denise
He has reserved priceless wisdom for decent people. He is a shield for those who walk in integrity.
PROVERBS 2:7