Chapter 18
Saul and the twins met Pamela and Gracie just as she got to her cottage.
“Remember what I asked yesterday?” Saul said.
“Yes.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
She tried to search his face but he was giving nothing away. “Okay.”
They walked toward the stables. “We’re riding?” Pam asked.
“No.”
She looked at the children but they shook their heads. He’d not told them anything either.
He walked toward the caves. When he saw the serious look on Pam’s face, he shook his head. “No, we’re not doing that.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I know, but the thought crossed your mind. I would not subject you to visiting Raquel at any time at all.”
They silently walked through the bat-infested caves on to the beach. Still leading the way, he crossed the rocks, and suddenly his boat came into view. Pamela said nothing but got into the boat.
“Okay, now I’ll tell you what we’re doing,” he said. “Pam, I thought you wouldn’t mind visiting Port Royal again.”
“No, it’s a wonderful idea.” She looked at Gracie, who was now very excited. This was her very first trip off the island and her first boat ride. The twins had actually visited Jamaica a few times, but at a younger age.
As the kids sat down, they could hardly contain their excitement. Pam looked at Saul and smiled as he slipped the key into the ignition and powered the boat.
“Thank you for doing this for the children.” She stood beside him and he was careful not to put his arm around her, which was very hard because he really wanted to hug her.
“What’s in Port Royal?” Gracie asked. Pamela turned and explained that a very long time ago Port Royal was swallowed up by the ocean and spat out. Gracie laughed. “Maybe it didn’t taste good to the ocean.”
“Only you’d find the humor in that,” Pam said, laughing. In the open sea, she kept watching Gracie for sea sickness, but she kept grinning from ear to ear as the boat sped across the water.
“Where’s bunny rabbit today, Gracie?” Pam asked.
“She’s with her family, just like I’m with my family.”
Pam nodded slowly and glanced at Saul. She didn’t know what to say. Neither did he. Pam wished she knew what was going through Gracie’s mind.
When they got to Port Royal, Saul stopped by one of the vendors and ordered fish and bammy before they toured the small city, and as the children ran ahead, he held Pam’s hand. “She is with her family, you know,” he said, gently squeezing Pam’s hand.
She looked at him, smiled and nodded. “Yes.”
Stopping by the old cannon, Gracie asked, “Can you tell us about this place and why the sea thought it so bitter?”
Pam nodded and they sat under the flagpole. “Do you want to take this one?” she asked Saul.
“You start,” he said as the children looked at them expectantly.
“This was once called the wickedest city on earth,” Pam said.
“Why?” Gracie said.
“Port Royal was one of the largest towns in the English colonies during the late seventeenth century. Unfortunately, it was a haven for pirates and bad people. After 1670, Port Royal became very important because of the trade in slaves, as well as sugar and other raw materials.”
“Did our ancestors come to Jamaica through Port Royal?” Ruth asked.
“That’s very possible,” Saul replied. “It was designed to serve as a defensive fort, but over time became extremely important because of its location and the fact that it was well protected. Jamaica’s economy grew because of Port Royal.”
“Did anyone die when it sank?” Gracie asked.
“Don’t you ever listen when the Elders give their history lessons? I’m sure they talk about Port Royal. Anyway, yes. History reports that more than two thousand people were killed instantly and another three thousand died of injuries and disease. After the earthquake Port Royal was rebuilt but was once again destroyed by fire. After being battered by hurricanes and earthquakes, Port Royal disappeared into the ocean,” Pam said.
“But it’s here again,” David said.
“This is just a shell of what it once was. Picture this as a port with huge ships docked and all kinds of people, including dignitaries, trading and living here. The over two thousand buildings were made of brick, a sign of wealth in those days.” Pamela looked out at the woman walking toward them. “Remind me to have the Elders go over the history of Port Royal. It’s a fascinating story.”
Their fish was ready. They got up and walked toward the table containing their food.
By the end of the day, Saul was holding Pamela’s hand without even thinking of what he was doing. She didn’t try to remove her hand from his as they made their way back to the boat and home.
It was late when they got back to the island, and, as they walked back to Pam’s cottage, the children remarked that they’d had a wonderful day. “I’m glad you had a good time,” Pam said, hugging the twins.
Saul hugged Gracie before he hugged her, then got onto his horse. “Thanks for making this a very special day,” he said, then turned his horse and set off with his children.
“I had the best time,” Gracie said.
“Are you tired?” Pam asked.
She nodded.
Pam kissed her cheek and patted her behind. “Okay, wash up, then go to bed.” She had to admit she’d had a good time, too, and now she was tired.
Sitting on her bed, she went over the day’s events in her head. The afternoon had seemed perfect, but what Grace and Saul had said kept swirling around in her head. “They were a family.”
She laid back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Did the twins think of her and Gracie as a family? She nodded and pulled the covers to her chin. “A family,” she repeated and fell asleep.
The next day Saul began working on Pam’s roof. When he saw her, he waved. She waved back and began planting flowers and weeding her garden.
“I can help you with that,” he said.
She laughed. “Freddie told me that you promised to help him make a push cart. I think you have enough to do for the time being.” She shrugged. “Plus, I love doing this.”
“Okay.”
As long as you don’t take off your shirt I’ll be fine, she thought, secretly glancing at him. But as the day wore on, it got considerably hotter and he took off his shirt. She glanced up and found herself on her bottom. She looked up again at the sweat glistening on his well-defined chest. As he moved, so did his muscles. She bit into her lip and took a very deep breath. “You need to put your shirt back on,” she said, digging her finger in the dirt where there were no flowers or seeds.
He looked down at her and laughed. “Am I distracting you from your gardening?”
She could hear the laughter in his voice and shook her head. She took another deep breath and abandoned her gardening for the weaving hut. As she entered the hut, she noticed the women snickering, including Mary. “What?” she said.
“Naked chest too much for you?” one of the women asked.
She glanced at Mary, who shook her head. She cut her eyes at the woman and began making a kite.
Within a few hours, Saul had finished his work on her roof and was helping the boys build their cart.
That evening Pamela and Gracie would have supper with Saul and his family. To tell the truth, she was a bit nervous. Mary met up with her and shook her head when she saw the smile on her face. Myah joined them.
“What are you doing here?” Pamela asked.
“I had to get away from that woman. Even though I’m only on the day shift, she’s getting on my nerves. She’s changed from the woman who loved to dress up to someone you’d never believe.”
“What do you mean?” Mary asked.
“She doesn’t even want to take a bath. She says she’s not trying to impress anyone so she doesn’t have to smell good. Can you imagine anyone saying that?”
Pamela shook her head. “I think she did the same thing while she was at the cottage.”
“How do you know that?” Myah asked.
She shrugged. “Your brother told me. She drank and neglected the children. That’s why they stayed here while Saul and I were away.” She closed her eyes and shook her head.
“I knew it. I knew it,” Myah shouted. She laughed and hugged Pamela tight. “I knew there was something between you and Saul. Why were you keeping it a secret from me?” She stood in front of Pamela and stared inquiringly at her.
Pamela stared back. What should she say? She needed time with Saul for their relationship to grow without interference from the Rahjahs, or that she loved sneaking around with him? Or... “I...I wanted to be sure of my feelings for him before I told anyone.”
Myah looked at Mary, who didn’t seem surprised at her revelation. “But you told Mary and not me.”
This was what she had been trying to avoid. “Myah, I didn’t tell Mary anything. She snooped and found out. I told her not to tell anyone.”
“Thanks a lot,” Mary said, sighing and shaking her head.
Pamela ignored her and focused on Myah. After all, it wasn’t really a lie.
“Are you telling me that you haven’t really told anyone?” Myah said.
“Not really.”
“Not really?” Myah said.
“Right, and please don’t spoil it for us. We aren’t ready to tell everyone. I don’t want anyone making a fuss.”
Myah and Mary laughed. “I have news for you. There already are knowing smiles, but you two are so gaga-eyed that you never see them,” Myah said. “But I just had to confirm. You both have been by yourselves for so long that everyone just wants to see you both happy. Look at what Saul’s going through with this mad woman.” She cleared her throat. “Oh, by the way, speaking of the mad woman, she wants to see you.”
“Who, me?” Pamela pointed to herself.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Don’t know, but I think it has something to do with Ludy’s visit last night.”
“But Raquel is not supposed to have visitors.”
“Yeah, we know, but that little sneak snuck in, and I’m sure she did a bit of gossiping.”
“Did she give her liquor?” Pamela gasped.
“No, she knows better than that. She won’t break the rules, but it’s human nature to blab. I think she also suspects that you and Saul have a thing, and I think she told Raquel.”
Pamela thought for a moment. She knew that Raquel already knew about the relationship between her and Saul. Was she pretending not to know? Why? Pamela shook her head. “No, she shouldn’t have visitors yet, so I’m not going to see her.”
“We’ll be there to protect you if she gets violent,” Myah said.
“I know, but why should I break the rules and visit her just because she wants to see me? Is she dying?”
“No.”
“Then there you are. Tell her I will come to see her when it’s time for her to have visitors. By the way, is there someone watching her at night?”
“Of course. In cases like these the men take turns watching the patients, especially if they might harm themselves or others,” Myah said.
“Please don’t say anything to Saul.” Pamela touched Myah’s hand.
“Of course not, and don’t worry. When you’re ready to see her it’s time enough. Taking care of this woman is like taking a horse pill.” She turned to Pamela. “Saul’s making something special for supper this evening.”
“Now listen to you,” Pamela said.
“No, I’m not gossiping. Mama told me when she brought snacks for us today. Does she know?” she said to Pamela. “Because if she knew about this before me, I will be very upset.”
“Myah, I don’t know if your mother knows anything. I don’t live there. I don’t know if Saul said anything to her.” She was silent for a minute, trying to remember if Saul had said something about telling his mother. She began walking to the kitchen and the other women followed. Myah said goodbye just as they got to the door.
Pamela and Mary walked into a kitchen filled with action. Pots of soup were simmering and the oven was hot and ready for the different cakes and sweets. The Rahjahs always said a day without sweets was like a day without supper, but they should be eaten in moderation.
When they’d finished in the kitchen, Mary and Pamela went down to the waterfall to bathe while the children used the tubs in the bath house.
When Pamela was dressed and ready to go, she and Gracie took their dessert from the kitchen, placed it in a basket on the horse and made their way down to the twin mountain for supper with Saul and his family.
She was very surprised to see Saul coming to meet her. “You didn’t have to,” she said as his horse got close to them.
“I know.” He turned his horse and trotted beside them.
As they approached the village, most of the villagers pretended to be doing something so they wouldn’t be caught staring. It would have been less conspicuous if Saul had not gone out to meet her, but he really didn’t care who knew that he was in love with Pamela. He was going along with her request to not tell anyone, but could not hide his feelings. Most of the villagers knew how much he resented his ex-wife and how much he loved Pamela. In the village center he got off his horse and reached up to gather her in his arms. He quickly released her and moved to help Gracie down. But by the time he got to her, she’d already jumped off her horse. He laughed. “I’ll be quicker next time.”
As casually as she could, and so as not to arouse suspicion, Pamela smiled at him when they sat in the center and ate supper. She couldn’t help seeing the smiling glances she got from a lot of her dinner companions. “What’s going on?” she asked Saul under her breath.
“What do you mean?”
“They’re all looking and smiling.”
“Oh, that.”
She looked at him. “Yes, that.”
“They sort of know we spent the day as a family yesterday.”
She wasn’t very surprised, but she still had to ask. “How?”
“We weren’t exactly hidden on the high seas.”
“And when you and I went to Jamaica?”
He nodded.
Sheepishly, she smiled at his parents.
Saul gazed at Pamela. “You were right. Ruth is so busy with Gracie and Shaela that she has no time for the animals, either. Did I really cause her to do that?”
She looked at him with furrowed brows. It took her a while to realize that he was changing the subject. “Oh, no, you didn’t and I didn’t. It’s just something children do. Plus, you’re around much more now, it seems, and you’re doing a very good job of being a father.”
“I wasn’t before?”
She bumped his shoulder. “Very funny. I think you’re an excellent father and I’m glad that you include Gracie in things that you do with the twins.”
“They’re like a set. How can I break up a set?”
She laughed. “Thank you.”
“Do you like coconut water?”
“Of course, who doesn’t?”
He got up and went to where the jelly coconuts were stored, got one and chopped off the top with one swing of the machete. He handed it to her. He paid no attention to the whispers and the smiles.
She took it from him. “You wield that as if you were born with it attached to your hand.”
“You can take the boy off the mountain, but you certainly can’t take the mountain out of the boy.”
The liquid slipped from the side of her mouth as she drank. He wiped the liquid from her chin and licked it from his finger. She gazed at him.
“What?” he said.
She smiled and shook her head. “Nothing.”
At the end of the meal, Saul, Jacob and Ishmael began making almond milk ice cream for the children. The ice had been brought over from Jamaica early in the morning. As the ice cooled the canister inside, the men manually turned the handle of the wooden bucket while the children waited longingly.
Pamela sat beside Saul. “If you decide to see Raquel I would like to be there with you,” he said, glancing at her.
“How did you know?” Then she shook her head. “Why do I ask stupid questions? I can’t give Raquel the help she needs, so I’ve decided not to see her. By the way, I know she’s talking to our shrink, but why don’t we get Angel here to talk with her?”
Saul stopped churning and she immediately took over. “Angel doesn’t like her very much. Plus she’s not Rahjah.”
“No one likes Raquel very much, but Angel’s a professional and a Rahjah by marriage. Raquel is not a Rahjah, so they have that much in common. I think it would be better for her if she has someone from the outside world to speak with.”
He took the handle from her and continued turning it, then shook his head and smiled. “I know I’ve said this, but it bears repeating. My degrees are quite worthless when you’re around. You’re so much smarter than I am.”
She laughed. “Takes a big man to admit that a woman is smarter than he is, but I couldn’t do what you do. As a matter of fact, I don’t know the first thing about geology.”
He smiled. He knew she’d try to deflect his words. “I just love you so much.”
“I love you a lot, too,” she whispered. “But for me it’s common sense to get Angel. Plus, I’d love to see her again. How do we go about doing that?”
“That’s the easy part. All I have to do is go to Jamaica and telephone her office or her house.” He used one hand to turn the wheel and on impulse used the other hand to pull her to him. He kissed her lips right there in the open before Jah and man.
Realizing what he’d done, he let go of her and whispered, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t help myself.”
Biting down on her lower lip, she glanced toward where Gracie and the twins were playing. They’d not seen anything. “It’s all right,” Pamela said. “I was told by my friends that I’ve been only fooling myself. And if they weren’t convinced yesterday, you’ve just openly confirmed their suspicions.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again, pouring more ice into the bucket. “But you think so quickly on your feet. It would have taken me hours or days to come up with what took you moments.”
“How do you know that I haven’t been thinking of it since yesterday?”
“Have you?”
“No.”
He laughed. “And funny, too. Tomorrow morning I’ll go into Jamaica and call Angel.”
“Thank you.”
He pulled a cell phone from his pocket. “This doesn’t work here.”
“That’s a little phone, right?”
He nodded, then stopped churning and took the lid off the bucket. He spooned out a small amount and fed it to her. She tasted it and nodded. “Perfect.”
As soon as she said it, bowls suddenly appeared attached to little brown hands, including her daughter’s and the twins’. The other men had also opened their buckets and were spooning ice cream into bamboo bowls. Nanuk took over the sharing to give Pamela and Saul time with each other. She’d not missed their kiss.
Saul glanced at his mother’s smiling face and shook his head. At this point he didn’t want to take Pamela to his cottage at all. In the darkness they walked halfway down the mountainside and sat beside a stream. He began throwing pebbles in the water. “I have to say I’m sorry again for exposing our private life. But you know how the Rahjahs are, they keep each other’s secret even when it’s no longer a secret.”
She sat down but said nothing.
“I have a question to ask.”
“Okay.”
“While I was on your roof I had an idea.”
“Let’s hear it.” She looked at him and smiled.
“Would it be all right if I added another room to your home? The children love staying with you and Gracie, but somehow I know they feel cramped.”
She smiled and turned to look into his face. “I know little David would probably love his own room, and I do know he loves spending time at my home, but you would do that?”
“Of course.”
She thought for a moment and wondered if he wanted to do it for her or for the children. “What about my vegetable plants? Because the back is the only place we have free land.”
“I can build around the plants until it’s time to put in the floor, or I can put everything in big clay pots.”
Maybe it would be good to see him every day. Now that everyone knew the extent of their relationship there was no need to tip-toe or hide. Pity, she was quite enjoying herself. “Yes, but what about your job?”
“I’m taking some much-deserved time off. I can do that because I work for myself. I want to do this for you. I have the means and the opportunity. You do things so unselfishly for others, give me a chance to do something for you, please.”
“Sure.”
“Just like that?”
“Yep. I would love for you to build another room onto my cottage, but are you going to do this all by yourself?”
“Yes.”
“But the rains will come soon.”
“I promise I will not put any holes in your cottage that will cause the rain to come through. If it’s taking too long to finish, I will get help, I promise.”
“Okay. After all, you did fix my roof all by yourself.” She knew that sometimes the rains could be brutal. Cottages were known to slide down the mountainside to be rebuilt only days later. She’d been one of the lucky ones. Her home was not on the side of the mountain.
She looked directly into his eyes and smiled.
“What?”
“Oh, nothing.” She didn’t want to tell him that the sight of his shirtless body on her roof had caused a stir within her. After all, she was the one who’d suspended their lovemaking. She looked up at the stars, then lay back on the soft grass. He lay beside her and their fingers touched and locked.
“Is this good for us?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean us being here touching, having feelings we can’t act on?”
“Yes.”
“There’s a lesson in here somewhere, right?”
“Yes.” She turned her face to him. “May I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Judging from the tumultuous life you’ve led with Raquel, why haven’t you become a misogynist?”
He looked at her with wrinkled brows. “How many women in this world are asking that very question to a man right now?”
There was probably a smile somewhere on his face, but she couldn’t find it.
“Sorry, that came out wrong. I didn’t...”
“...Mean to mock me?” she asked.
“No, no, please understand,” he stuttered. “And I know you do. I live in a culture that is for all intents and purposes ruled by women. We as men don’t admit it, but that’s how it is. Pam, I’ve loved you all my life. I had to forget about you because of Peter, and I have to say I did a darn good job of it, too. The girl who’d seemed so untouchable, so unreachable, is now my whole world.” Even though he was looking directly at her, he couldn’t read her.
She turned back to look at the star-clustered sky. She knew he’d have said that. He’d touched her in a way no one had ever done, not even her dead husband. “You’re handsome, intelligent, warm.” She looked at him. “Stop me when you’ve heard enough.”
“Okay.” He kept looking at her.
She laughed.
“But seriously,” he said. “You had a certain aura about you, a certain superiority.”
“And again I say, no one is above the other.”
“That’s not what I mean. Don’t take offense to this, but remember when Angel spoke of James’s mother?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I remember her saying that as educated as she was, one look from Clara would make her feel like a child and when she spoke, she did it with such calm and surety that it was as if she knew everything.”
“Do I make you feel that way?”
“When we were younger, I think so. Even though I’m older than you are.”
She turned back to face him. “Why would I take offense to being compared to Aunt Clara?”
Now he really couldn’t read what she was thinking. He smiled with her. “See what I mean?”
She placed a cool hand on his cheek and kissed his lips, slipping her tongue slowly into his mouth. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He was calm even to a place of reverence as her lips remained on his. The heat that her kiss emitted rippled through his brain, scorching his senses. His lids felt heavy as he slowly opened his eyes then closed them. His fingers touched her face, her mouth as it slowly left his. He wanted her, in this place. Blood rushed to parts of him that were forbidden at this time. “Do you know what being this close to you does to me?”
“It does the same thing to me,” she whispered.
“Is this a lesson in restraint? Because if it is, boy, it’s a good one.” Her sweet, warm breath on his face made him pull closer into her. His mind said stop but his body couldn’t obey and he pressed into her and nuzzled her neck.
“We could go to my boat and make love in the middle of the ocean,” he said. “The ocean is not a part of the island.”
A part of her wanted to forget the request, but another part said no, he understands. She held him close and kissed his mouth hard. “Be strong for me,” she whispered.
Abruptly, he pulled away from her. “I can’t do this. I’m not strong enough. You’re like a drug that enters my bloodstream with a look, a touch, a smile.”
Trying to control her own urges, she pressed her thighs together and breathed deeply. “Should we forget our promise? It was stupid.”
“No, I would like to honor your wishes. We just have to be more careful, more mindful, if you will.” He got to his feet and pulled her to him.
She cupped his face. “You’re so beautiful, so gentle and so willing to please me.”
“My purpose on this earth is to please you.”
She said nothing but held his hand and walked back to the village. She loved the moment. She was more than in love with this man. Spiritually, they were one; emotionally, they were tied and bound. “You’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been before,” she said almost to herself.
Fingers intertwined, he gently squeezed. “You’re really teaching me the meaning of control. If I can do this, I can do anything.”