[Action takes place in the bar of a public house in Carraigthomond, a small village in the south-west of Ireland.
Leamy Flanagan is playing pitch and toss with his younger brothers and sisters. Enter the Bird O’Donnell]
Bird: Give us a half of whiskey for God’s sake, Leamy, to know would anything put a bit of heat in me. Leamy, do you hear me talking to you?
Leamy: ’Tis freezing!
Bird: ’Tis weather for snowmen and Eskimos. Where’s your father? This place is getting more like Las Vegas with all the gambling going on.
Leamy: He’s gone down to O’Connor’s for the paper … That’ll be half-a-dollar.
Bird: Take your time, will you? Why aren’t ye all at school?
Leamy: Still on our Easter holidays. How’s trade?
Bird: Same as always … lousy!
[Enter Mick Flanagan scattering the children]
Mick: Go upstairs, your dinner is ready. [To Leamy] I thought I told you to sweep out the shop!
Leamy: It’s nearly finished.
Mick: You’ve been long enough about it. Right Nellie, up to Muddy. Good morning, Bird.
Bird: Good morning, Mick.
Mick: Did you clean out the store?
Leamy: I’ve done the half of it.
Mick: The half of it! – I told you to do the whole of it.
Leamy: I had to look after the kids while my mother was feeding the baby.
Mick: ’Tis too fond you are of hanging about with women and children. ’Tis a daughter you should have been not a son. [Discovering another child] And what are you doing hiding under the table, you little divil? [To Leamy] Go and ask your mother will the dinner be ready soon.
Leamy: Yes, Da.
Mick: And finish off that store or you’ll hear all about it from me.
Leamy: Yes, Da.
[Exit Leamy, Bird whistles]
Mick: In the name of goodness, will you cut out that bloody whistling! One would swear you were a canary.
[The whistler, whose name is ‘Bird’ O’Donnell, looks at Mick in surprise]
Bird: [Throwing rings at a ring-board] I thought you liked whistling?
Mick: Whistling, yes. I like whistling. But that bloody noise you’re making isn’t whistling.
[Laughter from girls. Bird comes to the counter. He has thrown two rings and leaves the other four on the counter]
Mick: C’mon girls, upstairs.
Bird: Give me another half-one. It might improve my pipes.
Mick: Have you the price of it?
[Bird draws some change from his pocket and places it on the counter]
Mick: [Counts money first, fills whiskey] Who did you take down now?
Bird: Take down! That’s illegal, that is! I could get you put in jail for that. A pity I hadn’t a witness. ’Twould pay me better than calf-buying.
[Mick places whiskey on counter and takes price of it which he deposits in cash register. Bird scoops up the rest of the money]
Mick: There must be great money in calf-buying.
Bird: Not as much as there is in auctioneering.
Mick: [Goes to the stove, to poke and put fuel in it] Very funny! Very funny! Don’t forget I have to use my head all the time.
Bird: [Leftish along counter] Not half as much as I do. Did you ever try to take down a small farmer?
[Bird sits in angle of bar watching what is going on. Enter a small dumpy woman wearing a black-coloured coat. She is piled with parcels. She is Maggie Butler, a widow]
Bird: Good morning, ma’am.
Mick: Good morning, ma’am. Ah! Is it Mrs Butler? I didn’t see you with a dog’s age.
Maggie: Good morning to you, Mr Flanagan. I’m afraid I don’t be in the village very often.
Mick: What will I get for you?
Maggie: [Laughs at the idea] ’Tisn’t drink I’m looking for, Mr Flanagan. ’Tis other business entirely that brought me. I’ve been thinking of payin’ you a call for some time.
Mick: You wouldn’t be selling property now, by any chance? The bit of land or the house or maybe both?
Maggie: No, not the house! Lord save us, do you want me on the side of the road or stuck in a room in some back lane in Carraigthomond? ’Tis the field I came to see you about. I’m a poor widow woman and I want the best price I can get. They say you’re an honest man to get the last half-penny for a person.
Mick: [Suddenly expansive, comes from behind the counter] Sit down here, Maggie girl. I can guarantee you, you won’t be wronged in this house. You came to the right spot. Am I right, Bird?
Bird: No better man. As straight as a telephone pole.
Mick: I suppose you know the Bird O’Donnell?
Maggie: Only to see. How do you do, sir.
Mick: How would you like a little drop of something before we get down to business? Something to put a stir in the heart.
Maggie: Oh, Lord save us, no! I never touches it! Since the day my poor husband died, I never put a drop of drink to my lips. We used often take a bottle of stout together. [Sadly] But that was once upon a time. The Lord have mercy on the dead.
Mick & Bird: The Lord have mercy on the dead!
Mick: ’Tis easy to see you’re a moral woman. ’Twould be a brighter world if there were more like you.
Bird: That’s true, God knows. [He picks up rings and returns to throwing position]
Mick: [To Bird] ’Tis nothing these days but young married women guzzling gin and up till all hours playing bingo or jingo or whatever they call it. [To Maggie] You’re a fine moral woman, ma’am. There’s no one can deny that.
[Mick goes behind the counter and locates a large pad. He extracts spectacles from convenient case and rejoins Maggie at the table. His manner is now more efficient and business-like]
Mick: What kind of property do you wish to sell, Missus?
Maggie: ’Tis the four-acre field; the one you mentioned.
Mick: There’s a great demand for land these days. The country is full of upstarts, on the make for grazing. No shortage of buyers. [Goes behind counter and pours himself a drink. Puts jotter on counter] Now ma’am, your full name and address. [He readies his jotter and pencil]
Maggie: Maggie Butler.
Mick: [Writes laboriously] Mrs Margaret Butler. And the address?
Maggie: Inchabawn, Carraigthomond.
Mick: [Writing] Inchabawn, Carraigthomond. I know that field well. The one over the river.
Maggie: That’s the one … the only one.
[Bird is now watching]
Mick: A handsome parcel of land. Fine inchy grazing and dry as a carpet. How do you hold it?
Maggie: What?
Mick: Your title? I mean, where’s your title?
[Mick comes from behind counter, glancing at Bird as he passes. Sits right of Maggie]
Mick: [Kindly] In other words, who gave you the right to sell it?
Maggie: ’Twas willed to me by my husband five years ago. ’Twas purchased under the Land Act by my husband’s father, Patsy Butler. He willed it to my husband and my husband willed it to me. I’m the registered owner of the field.
Mick: That’s fair enough for anything.
Bird: [Closing in a bit] I know that field. You let the grazing to the Bull McCabe.
Maggie: That’s right. He has the grazing but only till the end of the month.
Mick: I fancy the Bull won’t want to see it bought by an outsider. ’Tis bordering his own land.
[Look between Bird and Mick. Bird goes back to throw last ring or two]
Mick: And proper order, too. Well now, the acreage?
Maggie: Three acres one rood and thirty-two perches, bordering the river, with a passage to water and a passage to the main Carraigthomond road. ’Tis well fenced and there’s a concrete stall in one corner near the river. There’s two five-bar gates … and there’s its folio … 668420.
[Bird finishes throwing rings, goes and gathers them together and hangs them on board. Then back to bar for rest of his drink]
Mick: And the valuation?
Maggie: Three pounds ten shillings, Poor Law.
Mick: Under fee simple, I take it?
Maggie: Fee simple.
Mick: Who’s the solicitor, ma’am?
Maggie: Alfie Nesbitt.
Mick: No better man!
Bird: [Who had been whistling sotto voce] The Bull McCabe won’t like this!
Mick: You’re telling me!
Maggie: Mr Flanagan, the highest bidder will get the field.
Mick: Oh that you may be sure. But the Bull is sure to be the highest bidder. He needs that field. Well, Mrs Butler … Maggie … I’ll stick a notice in the paper this evening and I’ll have thirty-six bills printed and ready the day after tomorrow.
Maggie: [Gathering herself together and rising] May God bless you, Mr Flanagan.
Mick: It’s my job, ma’am, it’s my job. I suppose you’ll have a reserve?
Maggie: You’ll put a reserve of £800 on it, Mr Flanagan.
Mick: That’s more than £200 an acre!
Maggie: It’s worth every penny of it. It’s good land and it’s well situated.
Mick: True for you! True for you! You’ll get the last brown copper for it. I’ll make sure of that.
Maggie: ’Tis all I have apart from my widow’s pension and I can’t live on that. God will reward you if you get a good price for me. [She rises] Is there money going to you?
Mick: No! No! That will come from the purchaser. Let me see then, we’ll make it the fifth of April.
Maggie: The fifth of April, please God. I’ll see you then.
Mick: Please God is right and God is good, ma’am. God is good.
[Mick sees her to the door]
Maggie: My husband always said you were an honest man, that I was to come to you if I was ever forced to sell. The Lord have mercy on him, he was a good honest man.
Mick: He was, to be sure. A good kindly innocent man.
Maggie: Good-day to you now.
Mick: Good-day to you, ma’am.
[Exit Maggie Butler]
Bird: You’ve a nice tricky job facing you now.
Mick: Don’t I know it, but business is business, Bird, and business comes first with me.
Bird: The Bull McCabe won’t like it.
Mick: What the Bull likes and don’t like is nothing to me. I have my job to do.
[Enter Maimie, Mick’s wife, who has come downstairs]
Maimie: Bird.
Bird: Maimie.
Maimie: You’re dinner is ready.
Mick: Good. I’ll go right up. Will you type out a couple of copies of this for me?
[He hands her pages from jotter]
Maimie: How many do you want?
Mick: Make it three. Three should do. The Bird will carry one up to the printers when you’re done.
Maimie: Don’t be too long … I’ll be going to the hairdressers when you come down.
Mick: Oh! What’s on?
[Mick stops]
Maimie: [Goes for typewriter behind bar] Nothing’s on, only that it’s six weeks since I had my hair done.
Mick: Why didn’t you go and get it done before this? I don’t like rushing my dinner. No one ever stopped you from getting your hair done.
Maimie: No one … only nine kids. [Mick glowers] The baby’s asleep, so you needn’t turn on the wireless. If he wakes, that’s the end of my hair-do.
Mick: Cripes Almighty, woman, I want to hear the news.
Maimie: Well, you can miss the news for one day.
Mick: [Turns again] What’s for dinner?
Maimie: Corned beef and cabbage.
Mick: Again?
Maimie: What do you expect – turkey and ham?
Mick: No, but God damn it, if I ate any more cabbage I’ll have to put up a second lavatory.
[Exit Mick]
Maimie: [Bringing typewriter to table and settling up to type – sitting] No matter what you do, they aren’t happy. What’s for dinner, he asks. Ask him in the morning what he’d like for dinner and he’ll tell you ’tis too soon after his breakfast.
Bird: Put a half whiskey in that, will you?
Maimie: Have you the price of it?
Bird: No … but I’m selling two calves this evening.
Maimie: Cash on the line only.
[She inserts paper into typewriter]
Bird: [Rises and crosses with glass, drink not finished] By God, you’re an amazin’ woman the way you keep up your appearance. I mean, after nine children, you’re still the best-lookin’ bird in Carraigthomond.
Maimie: Come off it!
Bird: ’Twasn’t me said that now, ’twas somebody else I’m quotin’. There was a bunch of us at the corner the other night and young Nesbitt started off about you. The way these young fellows talk about married women.
Maimie: The solicitor’s son?
Bird: The very man! Just after you passed, he said ‘there goes the finest-lookin’ woman in the village’.
[He finishes drink]
Maimie: I’m not bad when I’m dressed up … if I had the time, that is. There’s other good-looking women in Carraigthomond, you know.
Bird: Sure, there are … but it was you young Nesbitt picked out. He ought to know and he almost a doctor.
[Puts empty glass in front of her]
Maimie: I don’t know why I listen to you. [She takes his glass and pours a half-whiskey into it] Not a word about this and make sure you pay me when you have it.
Bird: [Follows to the bar] Trust me! Trust me!
Maimie: He’s not a bad-looking chap.
Bird: Who?
Maimie: Young Nesbitt.
Bird: Handsome, handsome.
Maimie: What had he to say for himself?
Bird: He never stopped talking for ten minutes. Couldn’t figure out why you married your man.
Maimie: I hadn’t much sense at nineteen. Nine kids in a dump where you wouldn’t get a chance to see yourself in a mirror. The drapers won’t even put panties in the windows here – hypocrites. [She starts to type. Pause] Do you know what kills me, Bird? It’s watching those sanctimonious bitches on their way to the altar of God every Sunday with their tongues out like bloody vipers for the body of Christ, and the host is hardly melted in their mouths when they’re cuttin’ the piss out of one another again!
Bird: I don’t know how you manage to look so good with all you have to do.
Maimie: [As if she hadn’t heard] If you get your hair done different they whisper about you. Dress up in a bit of style and they stare at you. You’d want an armoured car if you wore a pair of slacks. Do you know how long it is since he had a bath? A year! Imagine, a whole year! He changes his shirt every Sunday and sleeps in it for the rest of the week.
[Typing]
Bird: Amazing! Amazing!
Maimie: The last time he wore a pyjamas was seventeen years ago … the night of our honeymoon.
Bird: How you stick it, I don’t know.
[Maimie continues to type. She reads a sentence]
Maimie: ‘… an unfailing water supply with … [She cannot make out the word at first] access to the river.’ Spell access?
Bird: A…X…I…S
[Enter ‘The Bull’ McCabe followed by his son Tadhg. Bull wears a hat and overcoat, carries an ashplant … Tadhg is well-built and sour. He is in his twenties and wears a cap]
Bull: Was oul’ Maggie Butler in here?
Maimie: She only just left.
Bird: How’s the Bull?
Bull: Who gave you the right to call me Bull, you pratey-snappin’ son-of-a-bitch.
Bird: Sorry Bull, sorry.
[Retreats to head of counter]
Bull: [To Maimie] Where’s Mick? [Peering at what she is typing]
Maimie: Upstairs, finishing his dinner.
[She covers typing, picks up the lot and goes behind counter]
Bull: Two bottles of stout and sixpence worth o’ them round biscuits.
[Maimie goes for order]
Tadhg: You. Hump off!
Bird: Sure, Tadhg, sure.
[Bird swallows whiskey and is about to depart]
Bull: Wait a minute! Sit down here. [Indicates table] Have a drink?
Bird: [Nervously] A half whiskey.
Bull: Three bottles o’ stout, Maimie. [To Tadhg] What do you suppose?
Tadhg: I’d say he knows all. Wouldn’t you know by the cut of him?
Bull: I’d say so, too. [To Bird] She was puttin’ up the field, wasn’t she, Bird?
Bird: That’s right! Fifth of April is the day, by public auction.
Bull: You have a good ear, Bird.
Bird: She made no secret of it.
Tadhg: You’d think she might have told us.
[Bull grunts, rises and fetches the three bottles of stout from bar to table, also the bag of biscuits. He pays and leaves his ashplant on stage, right of counter]
Bull: Will he be long?
Maimie: He shouldn’t be too long.
[Bull returns to seat. He takes a sip of stout and eats a biscuit, as does Tadhg]
Bull: [To Bird] The fifth of April, you say?
Bird: That’s it! I was here.
Bull: Did she put a price on it?
Bird: £800.
Bull: She’s out of her mind!
Tadhg: A head case!
[Maimie types and finishes, pulls out paper from machine. Then sits behind counter and reads paper]
Bird: ’Tis a good bit of land though, Bull. You’ll have to admit that.
Bull: Oh, I’ll admit it all right but ’twas the manure of my heifers that made it good. Five years of the best cow-dung in Carraigthomond and £40 a year for grazing. That’s £200 I paid, not counting the cost of the cow-dung and the thistles we cut year in year out. To me, that field isn’t worth a penny over £400. I reckon if she got £200 more from me she’d be well paid. Wouldn’t you say so, Tadhg? … Bird, wouldn’t you say so?
Bird: You’re a fair man, Bull.
Bull: She’d be well paid indeed, if I was to fork out £200. [Bull takes a drink]
Bird: Very well paid … but suppose there’s other bidders, Bull?
Bull: [Surprise] There won’t be any other bidders! I’ll see to that. Half this village is related to me and them that isn’t is related to my wife.
Bird: There’s bound to be outsiders bidding. There’s a craze for land everywhere.
[Bull points at his ashplant, which is near the counter, seizes it and strikes the floor with force. He brings drink with him and leans on counter]
Bull: That’s what I care about outsiders. Accursed friggers with nothing in their heads only to own the ground we’re walking on. We had their likes long enough, hadn’t we? Land is all that matters, Tadhg boy, own your own land.
[Bull sits on stool, right end of bar]
Bird: You’re right too, Bull. Dead right … Well, the wife will be wondering what’s keepin’ me. She’ll have the dinner on the table by now.
[He rises to go]
Bull: You never ate a full dinner in your life and neither did your wife, you caffler, you! Whiskey is your dinner, supper and tea. How long since you ate an egg, you little rat, you, or a pound o’ beef?
Bird: [Coming back] Ah, now, she’ll be worrin’, Bull, an’ you know what women are?
Bull: Why wouldn’t I? Haven’t I one of my own, God bless her? [Shouts] Sit down. [Shouts to Maimie] What’s he eatin’ up there? [Bird sits] A cow, is it?
Maimie: He shouldn’t be very long more.
Bull: I suppose he’s beginning his jelly and custard. That’s good, Tadhg … jelly and custard.
[Tadhg rises and goes to Bull. Has bag of biscuits. Finishes drink]
Tadhg: Da!
Bull: [Genuine affection] Yes, Tadhg?
Tadhg: We’ll have to get this field.
Bull: [Squeezing Tadhg’s arm, taking bag of biscuits] An’ we’ll get it, we’ll get it oul’ stock. By all rights ’tis our property an’ we’re not men to be cheated out of our property.
[Tadhg seizes a few biscuits. Bull downs his stout and examines his pocket-watch]
Bull: God, how I could frighten a feed of bacon and cabbage now, I guarantee you that. [Shouts to Maimie] Will he be long more?
Maimie: I’ll give him a call.
[She comes from behind counter and goes to stairway]
Bull: [To Tadhg and Bird] There’s nothing like a Bull to move a heifer, hah!
Maimie: Hurry on down, Mick, Mr McCabe wants to see you.
[There is a muffled reply from Mick]
Bull: What did he say?
Maimie: He’s finishing his tea.
Bull: His tea! Is it his supper or his dinner he’s having? Tell him to bring his tea down with him and drink it here.
Maimie: Bring your tea down with you. Mr McCabe is in a hurry. [Shouting upstairs]
Bull: Tell him myself had no dinner yet nor had Tadhg.
[Tadhg gobbles a few more biscuits]
Maimie: He says he’ll be down in a minute. [Makes this line almost a gibe] He has to go to the toilet.
[She sits behind bar]
Bull: O, Merciful father! He can’t eat his dinner without going to the lavatory!
Bird: I’ll slip away … I’ll come back again if you want me for anything.
Bull: [Peevishly] Can’t you sit still? ’Tis no wonder they call you after a bird. You’re worse than a bloody sparrow!
Tadhg: He’s here!
[Enter Mick]
Mick: How’re the men? How’s Bull, how are you? And Tadhg, how’re you?
Bull: We hadn’t our dinner yet and the two of us fasting since morning.
Mick: What can I do for you?
Bull: [Indicates Maimie] ’Tis private.
Mick: [To Maimie] Are you goin’ to the hairdresser?
[Maimie operates cash register and extracts a note. She exits without a word. As she is going off, Bull blows up the biscuit bag and bursts it]
Mick: Well, now what’s the problem?
Bull: The Bird here tells me you have a field for sale.
Mick: That’s right!
Bull: You’re aware of the fact that me and Tadhg has had the grazing of this field for the past five years and has the grazin’ of it now?
Mick: Yes, I am. Of course I am.
Bull: Five times £40 is £200. A lot of money!
Mick: ’Tis a lot!
Bull: I’ll grant you ’tis a lot. A lot of countin’ in hard-earned single pound notes.
[Bird looks at Bull knowing what’s coming]
Bull: £200 in grazing alone. Who’d pay it but myself.
Mick: Five forties is a fair sum.
Bull: ’Twould give me as much claim to the field as the woman who has it for sale.
[Mick doesn’t answer]
Tadhg: There wouldn’t be a stitch of grass in it only for the manure of the heifers … our heifers!
Bull: And the bullocks! Don’t forget the bullocks, Tadhg. Our bullocks is more fat and content than women with husbands in England.
Tadhg: ’Twas us that kept the donkeys out of it.
Bull: Donkeys! If there’s one thing that addles me, it’s wandering donkeys. I can’t sleep at night over them. I swear to you I get into bed happy and there I’d be just settling down when I’d think of the long-eared thievin’ pirates. No sleep for me that night. I keep thinking of the grass they eat on me, and the clover … the fine young clover.
Tadhg: A hungry ass would eat as much as two cows.
Bull: If he’s an ass, he’s after grass – someone else’s grass. I often come across a lonesome ass in April when you’d see no growth anywhere an’ you’d be sparin’ the young fields for hungry heifers. Like the black stallion donkey with the single ear and the eyes like a saint?
Tadhg: Oh, Christ!
Bull: The first time I met that bastard was a Stephen’s Day and he staring through one of the gates of the field we’re buying now. You’d think butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. To look at his face you’d think grass was the last thing in his head. He gave me a look and he trotted off. That night he broke the gate. Three months we watched him till we cornered him. Tadhg there beat him to death. He was a solid hour flaking him with his fists and me with a blackthorn … An’ do you mean to tell me I have no claim to that field? That any outside stranger can make his open bid and do us out of what’s ours, after we huntin’ every connivin’ jackass from the countryside?
Mick: Ah, now, Bull, be fair, she’s entitled to the best price she can get. The field is legally hers.
Bull: An’ she’ll get a fair price. I’ll hand you over £200 here an’ now an’ you’ll give me a receipt.
Mick: £200! Ah, you’ll have to do better than that. Anyway, ’tis for public auction on these premises, the fifth of April. ’Tis out of my hands, Bull … Sorry!
Bull: Is the bills out yet for it?
Mick: No, not yet.
Bull: Did you notify the papers?
Mick: I’m just on the point of doing it.
[Lifting Maimie’s typing]
Bull: [Pointing to it] On the point of it, but ’tisn’t done.
Tadhg: If it goes to the papers, you’ll have twenty bidding for it.
Bull: We can’t have that. [Pause. Hand on typing …] And we won’t have that.
Mick: [Detaches papers from Bull’s hand] The auction will have to be held.
Bull: And let it be held! There will be no one here but ourselves.
Mick: Ah, now, you know well there will be more than you interested. That’s a good bit of land.
Bull: If it don’t go to the papers an’ if there’s no bills who’s going to know except what’s here?
Mick: You can’t do that!
Bull: ’Twas done before. You did it yourself.
Mick: This is different. Old Nesbitt, the solicitor, knows about this.
Bull: He’s an old crook and, if you ask me, he won’t be here the day of the auction.
Mick: What are you going to do? Kidnap him?
Bull: There’s a few old granduncles of mine with wills to be made. One of them could be dying that day, couldn’t he? Oul’ Nesbitt wouldn’t want to fall out with our clan.
Mick: Hold it! Hold it! I can’t be a party to this. There’s a reserve of £800 and the old woman needs the money. Besides, it’s illegal.
Bull: [Laughs] Illegal! That’s a good one! [Nudges his companions] Did you hear that … illegal?
Mick: There’s my commission. Five percent of £800 is £40. I’m not going to lose £40 because you need a cheap field.
Bull: [Threateningly] I need that field! I have nineteen acres and no passage to water. I have to get a passage. I’ll pay you the £40 the day of the auction, provided my bid is accepted.
Mick: I’d like to see that in writing.
Bull: Writing? … Do you want me to be hanged? I’ll sign nothing. Look! You needn’t sign over the field ’till I plank the £40 into the palm of your hand.
Tadhg: That’s fair enough for anything, isn’t it, Bird?
Bird: ’Tis reasonable.
Bull: There will be something for Bird, too. We won’t forget the Bird.
Mick: You don’t seem to understand that this is highway robbery.
Bull: ’Tis worse robbery the other way. Do you want some hangblasted shagger of a stranger to get it?
Mick: What about Maggie Butler? ’Tis her field and no one else’s.
Bull: ’Tis as much mine! Look here, Flanagan, there’s nothing to prevent a boycott of your shop.
Mick: What … what do you mean?
Bull: There’s a hundred relations of mine in this village and around it. Not one of them will ever set foot in this pub again if I say so.
Mick: Give me the £40 now and I’ll do my best.
[Bull laughs and Tadhg moves to his left shoulder]
Bull: I’ll give you the half of it. I’ll give you £20 the day of the sale. Fair enough?
Mick: Fair enough! The Bird better keep his trap shut.
Bull: The Bird don’t like to get his feathers wet. Do you, Bird? There’s many a deep hole in the river below and who’s to say how a man might lose his footing?
Bird: My lips are sealed.
[Bull draws a wallet from his pocket and extracts two tenners]
Bull: [To Mick] Here’s two ten pound notes. The Bird here will act as a witness. Put your hand here, Bird, [He places Bird’s hand over Mick’s] and say after me [Authoritative tone] … As God is my judge …
Bird: As God is my judge …
Bull: I swear by my solemn oath …
Bird: I swear by my solemn oath …
Bull: That I witness the receipt of £20 by Mick Flanagan …
Bird: That I witness the receipt of £20 by Mick Flanagan …
Bull: Of the first part …
Bird: Of the first part …
Bull: From the person of Thady McCabe of the second part …
Bird: From the person of Thady McCabe of the second part …
Bull: [Proudly with grim humour] Here-in-after, affectionately known as the Bull … I’m no fool when it comes to law, boys.
Tadhg: Hear! Hear!
Bull: I’m as big a rogue as any solicitor.
Mick: I’ll have to get the bills printed but I’ll get the lot burned when they come from the printers.
Bull: Solid thinking … very solid! Now, here’s what we’ll do. The morning of the auction the Bird here opens the bidding with a £100 and I rise him £10. [Increasing in tempo] The Bird goes to £120 and again I rise him £10. The Bird soars up to £150 and again I rise him £10. The Bird flies higher to £190 but I’m there with the final bid of £200. All straight and fair and above board. Two down, as the man said, and carry one. What about the printer? Is he trustable?
Mick: Safer than a confession.
Bird: What about me, Bull?
Bull: What about you?
Bird: You promised me something.
Bull: What would you say to £5?
Bird: I’ll take it.
Bull: The minute the land changes hands, ’tis yours.
Bird: What about £1 on deposit?
Bull: [Wounded] Is it how you don’t trust me?
Bird: No … No … Good God, no!
Bull: You won’t be forgot, Bird. You have my guarantees on that.
Bird: Stand us a half-one before you go?
Bull: Give him a half-one, Mick. We’ll all have one. Have one yourself, Mick.
[Bull throws coin on counter and Mick goes to fetch whiskey]
Bull: [Leaning on bar, in an ecstasy of accomplishment] I watched this field for forty years and my father before me watched it for forty more. I know every rib of grass and every thistle and every whitethorn bush that bounds it. [To Bird] There’s shamrock in the south-west corner. Shamrock, imagine! The north part is bound by forty sloe bushes. Some fool planted them once, but they’re a good hedge. This is a sweet little field, this is an independent little field that wants eatin’.
Bird: Well, you’ll have it soon [Accepts whiskey from Mick] with the help of God.
Bull: [Looks at him suspiciously for a moment but goes on] When oul’ Maggie’s husband died five years ago, I knew he was dying. One look at the writin’ under his eyes and I knew. I knew the wife was feeling the pinch lately. I knew by the writin’. ’Twas wrote as plain as a process across her forehead and in the wrinkles of her cheeks. She was feelin’ the pinch of hunger. [Suddenly to Bird who becomes transfixed] Bird, I swear to you that I could tell what a man be thinking by the writin’ on his face.
Bird: Have no fear o’ me!
Bull: [Affable] I won’t oul’ stock, for I know you’re to be trusted above any man I know.
Tadhg: Da, what about the dinner?
Bull: [Proudly] There’s your healthy man! When he isn’t hungry for women, he’s hungry for meat. Tadhg, my son, marry no woman if she hasn’t land.
[Enter a youngish sergeant of civic guards in full uniform]
Sergeant: Good afternoon, men!
Mick: Ah, good afternoon to you, Sergeant Leahy. Would you care for a drink?
Sergeant: Thank you, no, Mick.
Bull: [To Tadhg] Come on away or our dinner will be perished.
Sergeant: I didn’t call to see you, Mick. I came to have a word with Mr McCabe here.
Bull: Well, you’ll have to postpone it because I’m going to my dinner.
Sergeant: This won’t take long. I’m here investigating the death of a donkey.
[Laughter from all]
Bull: Investigating the death of an ass! You wouldn’t hear it in a play! By gor! ’Tis the same law the whole time. The same dirty English law. No change at all.
Sergeant: Maybe not, but I have to ask your son and yourself a few questions.
Bull: You’re out of your mind, Sergeant. Come on away home, Tadhg. God, have ye anything else to do? What about all the murders and the robberies? ’Twould be more in your line to be solving them. Come on, Tadhg, this fellow is like all the rest of ’em. His brains are in the arse of his trousers.
Sergeant: [Sharply] That’s enough of that! Sit down and answer my questions … sit down or come to the barracks!
Bull: Sit down, Tadhg … [Smugly] There’s more thought of donkeys in this world than there is of Christians.
Sergeant: Where were you the night before last?
Bull: What night was that?
Sergeant: [To Tadhg] Where were you the night before last?
Tadhg: Where’s that we were again, Da?
Bull: We were at home playing cards.
Sergeant: Until what time?
Bull: Till morning.
Sergeant: And did you leave the house during that time?
Bull: We were in the backyard a few times, or is that ag’in the law, too?
Sergeant: Can you prove that you didn’t visit Mrs Butler’s field over the river on that night?
Bull: On my solemn oath and conscience, if we left the house for more than two minutes.
Sergeant: You have that field taken for grazing, haven’t you?
Bull: Everyone knows that.
Sergeant: Well, can you prove you weren’t there?
Bull: The Bird there was playing cards with us till two o’clock in the mornin’.
Sergeant: Is that the truth, Bird?
Bird: Gospel!
Sergeant: Well, the donkey was killed around midnight. His cries were heard by a couple walking along the river. They reported to the SPCA who in turn reported it to the Barrack Orderly. What I want to know is where were ye when the donkey was poisoned?
Tadhg: He wasn’t poisoned!
Sergeant: How do you know he wasn’t poisoned?
Tadhg: Well …
Bull: Because there’s no poison on our lands. That’s how he knows an’ don’t be doin’ the smart man with your tricky questions. What is he but an innocent boy that never told a lie in his whole life. You don’t care, do you, so long as you can get a conviction. Tell me, where do you disappear to when there’s tinkers fightin’, an’ law-abidin’ men gettin’ stabbed to death in the street?
Sergeant: Bird, you say you were at this man’s house that night and I say – you’re a liar!
Bird: Ye all heard it! Ye all heard what he said! You called me a liar, Sergeant, and no man does that to the Bird O’Donnell. No man – uniform or no uniform.
Sergeant: All right! All right! I take it back. I apologise for calling you a liar.
Bird: You better not do it again! [Somewhat mollified]
Sergeant: I’m wasting my time! There’s nothing in your heads but pigs and cows and pitiful patches of land. You laugh when you hear that an old jackass was beaten to death, but a man might be beaten to death here for all you’d give a damn.
[Exit Sergeant Leahy]
Bull: And a Sergeant might get his face split open one night and all the guards in Ireland wouldn’t find out who did it … not if they searched till Kingdom Come!
[Action takes place as before.
The time is the morning of April the fifth. Maimie Flanagan is behind the bar. Three of the children are playing in and around the bar area. The Bird is seated at table with a glass of whiskey in front of him. The Bird rises and approaches the counter. He brings his whiskey along with him and swallows it at the counter. He places glass on counter and takes coin from his pocket which he places on the counter]
Maimie: Good girl, Nellie, will you go upstairs and look after the baby?
Bird: Throw a drop of whiskey into that, will you? [He carefully arranges money on the counter] Just enough!
[Enter boys from the street]
Bird: Close the bloody door, I’m perished.
[Maimie pours whiskey, takes money and places it in cash register]
Maimie: [To boys] Upstairs!
Bird: I see you got your hair done.
Maimie: About time, wasn’t it?
Bird: It suits you. [Surveys it from an angle] Definitely suits you. Kind of a girly look.
Maimie: [Touches her hair up] D’you think so? ’Tis the latest … well, the latest around here anyway …
[Enter Leamy with a box of stout]
Leamy: My father said you were short of stout.
Maimie: Thanks, Leamy. What’s he doin’ up there?
Leamy: Listenin’ to the wireless. The baby’s crying, Muddy. What’ll I do with him?
Maimie: Give him a suck out of the bottle and if he doesn’t settle down, call me, Leamy.
Leamy: All right, Muddy.
Maimie: Aoife, take Mary upstairs. Leamy, take this fellow upstairs, there’s an auction going on here this morning.
Leamy: [To Bird who is now throwing rings] Bird, you’d hook a farmer quicker than you’d hook a thirteen.
[Exit Leamy, mock-chased by Bird]
Maimie: Well, did he like it?
Bird: What?
Maimie: Me hair.
Bird: Who?
Maimie: The fellow you told me about. Young Nesbitt, the solicitor’s son.
Bird: Oh, he was on about you again the other night.
Maimie: What did he say?
Bird: How did a good-looking woman like Maimie Flanagan get stuck in a dump like this? That’s what he said … how did she get stuck in a dump like this?
Maimie: Stuck is right! He seems like a nice young fellow. Why don’t you bring him in for a drink sometime? Or does he drink?
Bird: Does he what? He doesn’t drink around here, though … too much talk. You can’t blame him. You know what they’re like around here?
Maimie: You’re right there! You couldn’t turn in your bed but they’d know it.
Bird: There’s a lot of jealousy. It must be a holy terror to be a good-lookin’ woman an’ all them oul’ frowsies gabbin’ about you. An ’tis worse if you’re not appreciated by them who should appreciate you.
Maimie: Sure, even if I talk to any good-looking fella in the bar, himself does be mad jealous. You’d think I was goin’ to run away with one of ’em.
Bird: No one but yourself would stick it. You’ve got the patience of Job.
Maimie: Oh, he can be terrible. D’you remember the time last year I went to the dance in town … that I thought he’d be spending the night in Dublin?
Bird: You looked good that night. Mind you, I wasn’t the only one who remarked it.
Maimie: Four years since I was at a dance, and imagine … on that one night he should get a lift home unexpectedly!
Bird: [Gets off stool and comes to her] What did he do?
Maimie: Waited up till I came home. I asked a few of the boys in for a drink and he hiding all the time around in the stairway. [The Bird whistles] Heard every word we said. Luck o’ God, ’twas all innocent. He got a great suck-in. It’s a pity I didn’t know he was listening I’d have stuck in something deliberately.
Bird: A pity!
Maimie: ’Twould have been great gas if we all knelt down and said the Rosary.
Bird: But what happened? What happened?
Maimie: Oh, he waited till the boys were gone and there he was, sitting on the steps of the stairs as I was going up. Christ, I thought I’d drop dead … he struck me and I fell down the stairs. I pretended to be unconscious. That frightened him. You should have heard him! Oh, the lamenting would bring a laugh from a corpse.
Bird: Good! … Good! … Go on!
Maimie: ‘Wake up, Maim. Wake up, my little darling!’ he never called me darling before, not even when we were courting. He got a bit annoyed then. ‘Wake up, Maimie! Will you wake up, in the name o’ God, and don’t disgrace me by being dead …’
Bird: This is marvellous! … marvellous! …
Maimie: Wait till you hear! ‘Wake up,’ said he and he started sobbing. ‘Wake up, you bloody bitch. You want to have me hanged!’ [Both laugh] He said the Act of Contrition into my ear after that and rushed over for the doctor and the priest. I had a brandy while I was waiting.
Bird: Ah, this is priceless! …
Maimie: Bird, were you ever anointed? [Bird looks askance at her] Oh, it’s a great sensation when you aren’t sick … more soothing than getting your hair done … something like a massage …
[At this stage a newcomer enters and nods both to Maimie and the Bird. He is a young man in his late twenties, well-dressed and presentable. He is William Dee]
Maimie: Good morning.
William: Good morning.
Bird: Good morning.
Maimie: Nice morning, isn’t it?
William: Yes, it is. Could I have a bottle of beer, please?
Bird: ’Tis inclined to be a bit showery, but all in all, ’tisn’t bad for the time of year.
William: April is a tricky month all right. You never know where you are with it.
Bird: Like a woman!
William: [Considers this observation] Yes, in some ways … Yes, it is! It’s a strange month.
Bird: Fine one minute and wet the next. [Playing with his glass] I hate windy weather. I’m told there’s good growth though. Should please the farmers.
William: A very difficult thing to do.
Bird: You aren’t far wrong there. [Sarcastically] Still, they had a hard winter and they deserve a bit of comfort, the creatures!
Maimie: [Placing drink on the counter] Now, there you are!
[William places money on the counter]
Bird: Good luck! [Finishing drink ostentatiously]
William: Would you care for a drink, sir?
Bird: Yes, indeed … a large whiskey, Maimie, please.
[Maimie fills the Bird’s glass and takes the price of it from William’s change]
Maimie: You’re a stranger to these parts.
William: My wife was born around here. So I’m not a stranger … not a complete stranger, that is.
Maimie: Where was your wife born?
William: About six miles away … a place called Tubber.
Maimie: What was her name?
William: Connolly.
Bird: [Thoughtfully] Connolly! … Connolly!
Maimie: I can’t seem to place her.
Bird: Neither can I.
William: Well, that would be pretty hard for you. There’s nobody of that name in Tubber now. The whole family moved to England twenty years ago.
Maimie: And are you from around here?
William: No. I’m a Galway man. I live in England. Living there twelve years. Me, if I had my way, that’s where I’d like to stay.
Maimie: Is your wife with you?
William: No … she’s in England. She may be joining me soon. It all depends.
Maimie: You’re on holiday?
William: No … business. That’s why I’m here. I came to see your husband. If he’s around I’d like a few words with him.
Maimie: He’s finishing his breakfast. I’ll slip up and get him if you like. It’s no trouble.
William: No, there’s no hurry. Will you have a drink? I should have asked you in the first place.
Maimie: I don’t know that I should!
Bird: Go on, for God’s sake! You’ll only be young once. [To William] This is our local beauty queen.
Maimie: Don’t mind him! …’Twill have to be quick.
Bird: We won’t tell … cross our hearts!
Maimie: I’ll have a drop of brandy, so.
[William places money on counter]
Bird: A gay soul, this one, as game as any.
Maimie: Here’s cheers!
Bird: Good luck!
Maimie: [Tosses back her drink quickly] Now you’ll have to have one on me.
William: Not for me, thanks. Too early!
[Bird swallows his drink quickly and proffers his glass]
Bird: I won’t say no, Maimie.
Maimie: It has to be a small one this time. We don’t want him drunk, do we, Mister …?
William: The name is Dee … William Dee.
Maimie: Mr Dee, are you sure you won’t have one?
William: No, if you don’t mind. Some other time, maybe. I’ll be here for a few days [Sits on a chair at table] and it’s possible I’ll be here permanently.
[Maimie fills Bird’s drink and hands it to him. Takes William’s money, gets change and gives it to him]
William: Your husband is Michael Flanagan, the auctioneer, isn’t he?
Maimie: That’s right! I’ll slip up and get him. [Suggestively to Dee] Drop in again, some time, any time … Bird.
Bird: Maimie!
[Exit Maimie]
William: Seems like a nice woman.
Bird: You needn’t say this to anyone … but she’s a regular flier, that one. Thirty, thirty.
William: [Somewhat coldly] She struck me as being a nice friendly woman.
Bird: Ah, I was only having a bit of a joke. You’re right about her, though. She’s lovely.
[Mick appears at stairway]
Mick: Good morning, gentlemen! [To William] The wife tells me you were wanting to see me.
William: I’m sorry if I disturbed you. There’s no particular hurry.
Mick: That’s all right. I was only listening to the late news … What can I do for you?
William: Well, first of all, let me introduce myself. My name is William Dee.
Mick: I’m Mick Flanagan. [He shakes hands with William] How do you do?
William: I have a letter here from Mr Nesbitt, the solicitor, about the sale of a field. [Looks at watch] The auction was supposed to take place at eleven o’clock today. Maybe, there’s been a mistake …
Mick: No, there’s no mistake. This is the day of the auction, all right. But who told you? How did you get in touch with oul’ Nesbitt?
William: It’s the wife, you see. Since our last baby her nerves haven’t been too good and she wants to come back to Ireland. Mr Nesbitt was one of the many solicitors I wrote to, to be on the lookout for just such a field. Last week I had a letter from him so I took a chance and came over. Sláinte!
[Mick picks up William’s empty glass and goes and fills half-pint]
Mick: You may have come on a fool’s errand.
[Mick gives the beck to the Bird who finishes his drink and exits quickly]
William: I don’t understand.
Mick: There’s only four acres … you couldn’t possibly make a living there.
William: I’m not worried about that. My site in England is much less.
Mick: Don’t get me wrong now, my friend. I’m only advising you for your own good.
William: I’ve a business of my own in England and I do fairly well. I supply concrete blocks to builders. This field is the right size for me. It’s on a river with first-class gravel.
Mick: Who told you? About the gravel, I mean?
William: I had an engineer from the town look it over.
Mick: An engineer! That must have been the fellow with the wooden box. Said he was catching eel fry … You’d want a fortune to start a business like that!
William: It’s not as difficult as it sounds. I cover an acre or so with concrete, move in my machinery and I’m in business.
Mick: [Putting free drink before William] It’s only fair to tell you there’s a boycott on outside bidders.
William: Nesbitt said nothing about a boycott.
Mick: Well, that’s the way it is. There’s a boycott all right and there could be trouble … serious trouble.
William: What sort of boycott?
Mick: I wouldn’t want to lead you astray but for the past five years now a farmer whose land is right next to the field has rented the grazing. He believes he has first claim …
William: It’s a public auction, isn’t it?
Mick: Yes … yes … but I thought I’d warn you. The village would hold it against you.
William: I wouldn’t be selling blocks to the village.
Mick: You wouldn’t get men to work for you.
William: A few of my men in England would give their right hands to get back to Ireland.
Mick: You don’t know about land. You’re a stranger … you wouldn’t understand. There will be trouble.
William: All I know is that my wife isn’t well. If I don’t get her back here quick, she’ll crack up. Now, if that isn’t trouble, tell me, what is?
Mick: Look! I’ll tell you what … you go back to your wife and I’ll find a suitable field for you. I won’t let you down. I’ll search high and low. You won’t have long to wait.
William: You’re an auctioneer?
Mick: Yes.
William: And this is a public auction?
Mick: Yes.
William: Well, I’m a prospective buyer, so how about getting along with the auction?
[Enter Maimie with a tea-tray. She comes between them]
Maimie: [To William] Would you like a cup of tea?
[Mick glowers at Maimie as she places tea on table]
William: Thanks, I would.
Mick: D’you know what he’s doin’?
Maimie: No … what?
Mick: He’s biddin’ for the field!
Maimie: What’s so awful about that?
Mick: [Furious] Cripes Almighty, woman!
[Maimie exits with the tea-tray]
William: I’m not so welcome, am I?
Mick: Look, I’ve nothing against you personally.
William: And I’ve nothing against you, personally or otherwise.
[Enter Maggie Butler]
Mick: Ah, there you are, Mrs Butler. You’re welcome!
Maggie: Is it time for the auction yet?
Mick: Any minute now. We’re waiting for the bidders.
Maggie: There don’t seem to be many here.
Mick: It won’t be so. It won’t be so, I assure you.
[Enter Maimie]
William: [To Maggie] Are you the owner of the field?
Maggie: I am, sir.
William: I’m pleased to meet you. My name is Dee … William Dee. I expect to be bidding for your property …
Mick: [Confidentially to Maggie] It might be better if you weren’t here until the auction starts. Why don’t you go upstairs with Maimie for a cup of tea?
Maimie: Aye, Maggie, do.
Maggie: Very well. [She rises and Maimie solicitously takes charge of her] You’ll do your best for me, Mr Flanagan?
Mick: We’ll do our best, our very best.
Maggie: You’ll be sure to call me, Mr Flanagan.
Mick: To be sure, to be sure.
Maimie: Come on this way, Maggie, watch the toys.
[Exit Maggie and Maimie]
William: As a prospective buyer, I have a right to know everything about the field.
Mick: You know too bloody much!
William: I know how to look after myself.
[Enter the Bird. He sidles to counter and rests his elbows on it, watching Mick and William. He is followed almost immediately by the Bull McCabe who carries an ashplant. Following the Bull, comes his son, Tadhg. They both glare at William who is somewhat surprised by their attitude]
Bull: [Stops inside door to survey William] Give us three half pints o’ porter.
William: Hello there.
[Mick goes behind counter to fetch the stout. The Bull scowls at William who is somewhat amused by his antics]
Bull: We were told about you. Are you aware there’s an objection here?
William: So I’m told.
Bull: What do you want the field for?
William: That’s no business of yours.
Mick: He’s going to make concrete blocks.
Bull: What?
Mick: To cover the field with concrete.
Bull: What about the grass? What about my lovely heifers?
Tadhg: No more meadows nor hay? [To William] You’re an oily son-of-a-bitch!
Bull: No foreign cock with hair-oil and a tie-pin is goin’ to do me out of my rights. I’ve had that field for five years. It’s my only passage to water. You’re tacklin’ a crowd now that could do for you, man. Watch out for yourself.
[Mick arrives with three bottles of stout]
Bull: Give us sixpence worth of biscuits – far-to-go ones.
William: [To Mick] Isn’t it time the auction was started?
Bull: If you know what’s good for you, you won’t bid.
William: Is that a threat?
Tadhg: [Intimidating] Make what you like of it!
William: If you care to make yourself clear, I certainly will.
Tadhg: [Fighting pose] If you fancy yourself, you can have it here.
William: For God’s sake, be your age!
[William rises, goes to stairway and calls for Maggie Butler before anyone can stop him]
William: [To others] I think you’ll all agree that Mrs Butler should be present. She is the rightful owner, I believe.
Mick: Mrs Butler, I’m going to start the auction now.
[Mick places bag of biscuits on table and accepts money from Bull]
Bull: [To Mick] He’ll get his head split if he isn’t careful. Bloody imported whoresmaster, taking over the village as if he owned it.
Mick: I want no trouble here now, Bull. There’s a way for circumventing everything.
Bull: I’ll circumvent him, if there’s circumventing to be done.
[Enter Maggie Butler followed by Maimie]
Mick: Mrs Butler, take a seat.
[Reluctantly Mick goes behind counter and emerges with two long slips of white paper]
Mick: I’ll read the conditions of sale. [Stands on a low box] ‘The highest bidder shall be the purchaser and if any dispute arises as to any bidding, the property shall be put up again at the last undisputed bidding. There will be a reserve price and the vendor and her agents will be at liberty to bid. No person shall advance less than five pounds at any bidding and no bidding shall be retracted …’
Bull: I see the dirty hand of the law in this!
Mick: [Reading] ‘Two … The purchaser shall immediately on being declared as such, pay to the Auctioneer one-fourth of the purchase money as a deposit together with the usual auction fees of five per cent …’ And so on and so forth, et cetera, et cetera.
[Mick hands form to Maimie who places it on counter. Bull snatches the paper]
Bull: Law! Law! [To Tadhg] That’s the dear material. All the money in Carraigthomond wouldn’t pay for a suit length of that cloth.
[He slams form back on counter]
Mick: And now the ‘Particulars and Conditions of Sale’ … [Reads from second paper] ‘Particulars and Conditions of Sale by Auction of the undermentioned property pursuant to advertisement duly published for the purpose …’
Bull: Oh, merciful God, that’s the rigmarole. Start the bidding and get it over.
Mick: [Hands paper to Maimie] … Now, this land, as you all know, is well watered and well fenced with a carrying power of seven cattle …
Bull: Thanks to me and Tadhg. ’Twas our sweat that fenced it and our dung that manured it. Come on, man, get on with the bidding!
Mick: Do I hear an opening bid for this excellent property?
[Bull, Tadhg and the Bird sip their stout and nothing is to be heard unless it is the sound of Tadhg crunching biscuits]
Mick: I repeat, ladies and gentlemen, will someone bid me for this fine field on the banks of the Oinseach river. [Pause] This property of three acres one rood and thirty-two perches or thereabouts. This green grassy pasture … [Pause] … come on now! … Do I hear an opening bid? … Will someone bid me, please!
[Bull nods at the Bird and the Bird shuffles a pace forward]
Mick: Do I hear a bid?
Bird: £100.
Mick: I hear you loud and clear, sir. £100 it is from the Bird O’Donnell … Now, this is more like it. Do I hear any advance on £100?
[All eyes are turned on William who calmly lights a cigarette]
Bull: £110.
Mick: £110 from Mr Thady McCabe.
Bird: £120.
Mick: £120 from Mr Bird O’Donnell.
Bull: £130.
Mick: Do I hear … Do I hear an increase on £130? Do I hear an increase on £130?
Bird: £150.
Mick: £150. Do I hear –?
Bull: £160.
Mick: £160 from the Bull McCabe. Do I hear any advance on £160?
[At this stage they all look at William who smokes on unperturbed]
Bird: £190.
Mick: Any advance on £190? Any advance on £190?
Bull: £200!
[Pause]
Mick: I have £200. Do I have any advance on £200? On £200? I have £200 from Mr Thady McCabe of Inchabawn … [Again William is the subject of all eyes] Is this to be the final bid? There is a reserve and I will negotiate by private treaty with the highest bidder. C’mon now, ladies and gentlemen. Before I close this public auction, do I hear any advance on £200?
William: [Casually] Guineas!
Mick: Any advance on £200?
William: Two hundred guineas.
Tadhg: What’s guineas?
Bull: He should be disqualified. There’s no such thing as a guinea going these days.
William: All right. I’ll bid £300.
[An audible hush]
Mick: [Nervously] I have £300 … have I any advance on £300? I’m bid £300. Do I hear £350? Do I hear £350? No! … In that event, I’ll call a recess for a day and negotiate by private treaty.
[Mick is about to turn away but William rises and stops him]
William: What time to you propose to start tomorrow?
Mick: Oh, some time in the morning. We can’t all be on the dot like you. These people here are hardworking people with little time to spare.
William: What guarantee have I that you won’t close the deal with him? [Indicating Bull]
Mick: Now, let that be the least of your worries. Everything is nice and legal here.
William: I take it then that my bid being the highest, you’ll give me something in writing until morning.
Mick: [Anger] You’ll get no bloody writing from me … You’ll be here in the morning if you want to bid again.
William: Bid against whom?
Mick: [For the benefit of Maggie Butler] You’ll bid till this woman’s reserve has been reached. There’s no one going to wrong an old woman, not while I’m on my feet, Mister. I’ll give you a guarantee of that.
William: How much is the reserve?
Mick: £800.
William: That’s not beyond me and I’m prepared to bid again. When can I see the field?
[Tadhg and Bull step forward]
Tadhg: Stay away from that field.
Bull: There’s cattle of ours there.
William: If the field is for auction, I’m entitled to have a look at it.
Bull: Use your head while you’re able. Stay away!
Tadhg: That’s right! Get the hell out of here now … while you can.
Maggie: You can see my field any time, sir.
Bull: [Roars] Shut up, you oul’ fool! What about my claim?
Maggie: You’ve no claim!
Bull: [Dangerously] Look out for yourself, you! Look out for yourself. [He cows the old woman]
William: I’ll be back when you open in the morning.
Bull: That field is mine! Remember that! I’ll pay a fair price. God Almighty! ’Tis a sin to cover grass and clover with concrete.
[Maggie Butler rises and moves towards doorway]
Maggie: [To Maimie] I’ll have to be goin’. There’s no one in the house but myself.
Bull: You should remember that!
[Maggie looks back, startled. William acknowledges Maggie’s exit]
Bull: [To William] Get out while you’re clean!
William: I’ll be back in the morning … and this time I’ll be with my solicitor.
[William exiting]
Bull: You might be back with more than your solicitor.
[William exits. Bull, Tadhg and Mick go into a huddle at the counter. The lights fade]
[Action takes place in the pub late that evening. Leamy is at the door looking out, Maimie is outside bar, watching him]
Maimie: [To Leamy after opening pause] It’s quiet, Leamy. You could have gone out with the boys.
Leamy: I’d rather be here with you, Muddy. You go out for a walk and I’ll be OK. There won’t be anybody in for a while.
Maimie: A funny thing, Mister, I’d rather be here with you, too. Give my back a rub like a good boy. [Leamy does so] Oh, that’s lovely!
Leamy: I wish it was always like this.
Maimie: Sit down, Leamy, and we’ll treat ourselves to a drink.
Leamy: You stay there and I’ll get it. [He seats his mother] Now, what’ll it be? The sky’s the limit!
Maimie: I’ll have a drop of brandy. Are they asleep upstairs?
Leamy: All sound! … A small brandy it’ll be.
[He goes behind counter]
Maimie: I haven’t sat down since morning. It’s like a holiday having a stretch. [She yawns] I wonder what it’s like to have a job that ends at six with Saturdays and Sundays free and holidays. Can you imagine, Leamy … holidays. Sure, if we had holidays we wouldn’t know what to do with ’em.
Leamy: [Places drink on table and sits down] Would you like a cigarette?
Maimie: Aye, they’re over there by the register. You’re a great boy! [Lifts her glass] Long life, Leamy!
Leamy: And the same to you, Muddy! [They drink!] Do you feel it, too?
Maimie: Feel what?
Leamy: The fear! I’m getting afraid already. I’ll bolt the door and put up the shutters and let nobody in. Let’s just sit here and never open that old door again.
Maimie: I know what you mean, Leamy.
[Someone approaches from outside]
Maimie: Take the glasses, quick!
Mrs McCabe: Ah, wait for me, will you!
Dandy: C’mon. C’mon.
[Leamy takes the glasses and hurries behind the counter. Enter Dandy McCabe and his Wife. His Wife trails behind him, wearing a shawl]
Dandy: Good evening, Maimie!
Maimie: Dandy, Mrs McCabe.
Mrs McCabe: Hello, Maimie.
Maimie: What can I do for you?
Dandy: Give us a gargle first. [To Wife] What do you want?
Mrs McCabe: A tint of peppermint.
Dandy: Give her a peppermint and give me a half o’ rum.
Leamy: I’ll get them, Muddy.
Maimie: Good boy, Leamy.
Dandy: Is the boss in?
Maimie: He should be back shortly.
Dandy: You’ll do, just as nicely. I want to pay him for that acre of bog. Will you see if he has it in the books?
Maimie: Sit down, I won’t be a minute.
[Exit Maimie]
Dandy: [To Wife] C’mon, c’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Sit down there you, in a place where I can be admiring you.
[Leamy emerges with drinks and places them on table]
Dandy: You’re the oldest boy, aren’t you?
Leamy: Yes sir!
Dandy: Call me Dandy, man. They all call it to me. Them that don’t do it to my face, do it behind my back. What’s your name?
Leamy: Leamy!
Dandy: Leamy, Dandy!
Leamy: Leamy, Dandy!
Dandy: You’re called after your grandfather, Leamy Flanagan. A decent man he was. Too fond of his drop. A good man’s case. How much is due to you?
Leamy: Three shillings.
Dandy: [Locates money] A horse and a hound is three shillings and a tanner for yourself.
Leamy: Thanks very much.
Dandy: Thanks very much, Dandy.
Leamy: Thanks very much, Dandy.
Dandy: Simple, isn’t it? [Indicates Wife] You know this one?
Leamy: Yes, Dandy.
Dandy: Married twenty-four years and never a cross word between us.
Leamy: [Beginning to enjoy himself] That must be a record.
Dandy: Say ‘Dandy’.
Leamy: That must be a record, Dandy.
Dandy: [Conspiratorially] And I’ll tell you something else. To go no further. [Leamy nods] If she liked she could be married to the Aly Khan.
[Wife hits him on the arm and nearly collapses with laughter]
Dandy: Met her when I was in the army. Love at first sight. Bet you can’t guess why I brought her to town tonight … go on, guess.
Leamy: I couldn’t guess, Dandy.
Dandy: [Looks around mysteriously] Word of a man. Shake hands on it. To go no further. [Leamy shakes his hand … conspiratorially …] I’m buying an aeroplane for her.
[Wife hits him on arm and laughs to her heart’s content. So does Leamy]
Dandy: She has one weakness though, only the one …
Leamy: What’s that, Dandy?
Dandy: She won’t eat canaries. I boiled a canary for her yesterday and stuffed him with ginger. Wouldn’t look at it … [Laughter] … had to give it to her mother.
[Enter Maimie with a ledger. Leamy goes behind counter and puts money in cash register]
Maimie: [Reading from ledger] One acre of turbary purchased last January, including fees, thirty-six pounds ten. It’s here all right, Dandy.
Dandy: And I’m here, too. [Takes wallet from inside pocket and extracts money] Here’s your money, Maimie. Three tenners, a fiver, pound note, ten shillings, that’s thirty-six pounds ten.
Maimie: [Accepts money and counts it] It’s all here, Dandy.
Dandy: And I’m all there!
Maimie: I’ll cross it off the book and get your receipt.
[Maimie goes behind counter to cash register and ledger. Dandy rises to his feet, finds Mick’s auctioneering hammer and fondles it briefly]
Dandy: Will I have another? [To Mrs McCabe] Will you have one?
Mrs McCabe: Not for me.
Dandy: I’ll have the same again, Leamy. [Lifts hammer] There’s a hammer that never drove a nail. Ladies and gentlemen. I have here for sale, one prime farmer’s wife, fifteen hands high, sound in wind and limb and steady as a butcher’s table. Do I hear a bid … Do I hear a bid for this prime specimen of womanhood … [To Leamy] You, sir! You look a decent sort of a man. Do I hear a bid …? She has two medals for making toast and four for making pancakes. She has a gold cup for drinking sour milk and a certificate for snoring.
[Suddenly Dandy stops dead and looks towards the doorway. Enter the Bull McCabe, followed by Tadhg, followed by the Bird O’Donnell. Dandy’s Wife gets up immediately and stands near her husband]
Bull: You came, Dandy. Blood is thicker than water.
Dandy: [Subdued, cautious] How’s the Bull? How are you, Tadhg … Bird?
[Leamy quietly withdraws a little behind grocery counter. Maimie comes from behind counter]
Maimie: Your receipt, Dandy.
Dandy: Thanks, Maimie.
Bull: You got the word?
Dandy: Yes, Bull.
Bull: You know there’s a man in the village who’s here to wrong me?
Dandy: Yes, Bull! Yes!
Bull: Sit down! … All of you, sit down! Where’s himself, Maimie?
[Enter Mick Flanagan]
Mick: Right behind you, Bull. Sorry I’m late.
Bull: [Generously] A good man is never late, Mick.
[All sit … Mick, the Bird, Tadhg, Dandy and his Wife. Maimie goes forward and sits a little apart independently. Bull sees Leamy behind the counter]
Bull: What’s he doin’ up? Shouldn’t he be in bed?
Maimie: He’s just going.
Bull: No … No … Let him up. He’s no fool. He knows enough. Sit down, boy … out here, boy.
[Leamy takes a seat near his mother]
Bull: I’m a fair man and I want nothing but what’s mine! I won’t be wronged in my own village, in my own country by an imported landgrabber. The sweat I’ve lost won’t be given for nothing. A total stranger has come and he wants to bury my sweat and blood in concrete. It’s ag’in’ God an’ man an’ I was never the person to bow the head when trouble came and no man is goin’ to do me out of my natural-born rights. Now this robber comes from nowhere and he’s nothing less than a robber … And you all know the cure for a robber … he must be given a fright and a fright he’s goin’ to get. But people forgets old friends when there’s danger and if this man gets a fright and a bit of a beatin’, we’ll have the civic guards goin’ around askin’ questions. Now, you know the kind civic guards is … What is friends for, I ask, unless ’tis to pull one another out of hoults. What is neighbours and relations for unless ’tis to ‘love ye one another’ says the Gospel. So, when the civic guards come with their long noses, all of you will remember that Tadhg and myself were in this pub at the time that robbin’ gazebo got his dues … We’ll give him just enough to teach him a lesson. Now, I’ll want a promise, won’t I, to show we can trust one another. Dandy, you’ll take an oath on the Holy Ghost.
Dandy: Sure, Bull. Sure. And don’t worry about the Missus.
Bull: Sound man, Dandy. I knew I could trust you. What about you, Bird?
Bird: OK, but I’m not swearing by the Holy Ghost.
Bull: And what have you got against the Holy Ghost, you little caffler, you?
Bird: ’Tis wrong! ’Tis wrong!
Bull: Did he ever give you a fright?
Bird: A fright?
Bull: Yes, a fright. Any other ghost you’ll meet will frighten the life outa you. But the Holy Ghost never gave anyone a fright. Come on, swear!
Bird: Sure, Bull. Sure.
Bull: Mick?
Mick: OK, Bull, but don’t overdo it.
Bull: A good fright and no more. Put up a bottle of whiskey for my friends. Maimie … Maimie! I’m talkin’ to you.
Maimie: And I hear you, Bull.
Bull: Maimie, what do you say?
Maimie: This man has done no harm.
Bull: Not yet … not yet … but he will.
Maimie: It isn’t right to beat a man up. He’s alone here.
Bull: He don’t belong here.
Maimie: The guards will hear of it.
Bull: Of course they will, but that’s the end of it as far as they are concerned, if we all keep our mouths shut.
Maimie: This can lead to nothing but trouble.
Bull: There will be real trouble if you don’t swear to keep your trap shut. I know enough about you to cause a right plateful of trouble. Your husband might be blind but the Bull McCabe knows your comings and goings like the back of his hand.
[Leamy looks curiously at his mother and then gets off stool and tries to run past Bull. Bull stops him]
Bull: And you, boy? You’ll be all right, won’t you? You don’t want your mother to be hurt, do you?
Maimie: Leamy won’t say a word.
Bull: Of course he won’t. There’s men around here would think nothing of puttin’ a bomb up ag’in’ a public house door. ’Twas done before, the time of the land division. Who’s to say what people will do?
[He pats Leamy and dismisses him]
Maimie: All right! All right! We get the message.
Bull: That’s great now. ’Tis a weight off my mind to know that my friends are behind me. Now none of you will leave here after me and Tadhg go and when we come back, ’twill be the same as if we never left. Right, Dandy?
Dandy: Sure thing, Bull.
Bull: Good health. Good health, Maimie.
Bird: Good luck, Bull.
Dandy: Good luck, Bull.
[Mick rises and goes to the back of the bar]
Bull: What I would like now is a song and who better than Dandy.
Bird: Sure Bull.
Bull: Give us ‘The Poor Blind Boy’, Dandy.
[Dandy commences to sing ‘The Poor Blind Boy’]
Dandy: [Sings] She’s left the old field where he played as a baby.
The little white cottage that lies by the sea.
The cradle that rocked him is lonesome and shady
As she thinks of those days that never will be.
[Bull motions to Tadhg and they exit quietly. The singing goes on]
They’re far from each other, she cries for her
loved one
By night and by morning since ever he died,
She walked through the field while the cold moon shines down
As she thinks of the fate of the poor blind boy.
[End of Act One]