When Cole and Sarah rejoined the group holding hands, Zara couldn’t help but smile. Maybe her best friend was finally going to get the Happily Ever After he truly deserved. Putting those thoughts aside, she quickly asked, “Have you made a decision, Sarah?”
“Yes. I’ll accept your help. What’s the next step in stopping my father?”
“I’m glad you asked. We’ll start by teaching you how to shift without thinking about it. Once you’ve mastered that, then my nieces will teach you how to kick ass in human form,” Hildy said with glee.
“I can teach her how to shift,” Cole said, squeezing her hand to show his support.
“Afraid not pretty boy. This is going to be extremely painful in the beginning, since she’s been suppressing her powers. We don’t have time to worry about you setting our asses on fire because you think we’re hurting your mate.”
“I promise to be on my best behavior.”
“Mm-hmm. That’s what they all say right before they try to light a fire up under your ass. If I had a dime for every time a fire-breathing shifter singed my eyebrows, I’d be rich. Have you ever seen what a shifter goes through when they’ve denied their destiny?”
“It ain’t pretty, pretty boy,” Fat Bastard said with a smirk.
“No shit, Sherlock. Remember when Damien forced the Jezibaba to shift. We were repairing buildings for days,” Jango Fett chimed in.
Cole turned to address Fat Bastard, but he had returned to licking his nads with gusto for the whole world to see. The dragon in him wanted to set the cat’s ass on fire.
When Fat Bastard finally took a break and caught Cole’s dark, fiery glare, understanding crossed his face which prompted his warning. “Don’t even think about it, pretty boy. What bounces off of me will come back at you full force. Although, it might be fun watching a dragon set his own ass on fire.”
“He’s got a point there, you know,” Jango Fett said with a smirk.
Before Cole could respond, a loud scream came from the kitchen which had everyone running toward Zelda.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Mac asked, concern in his voice.
“Someone ate one of my fucking turkey legs. When I left to relieve my bladder, there were five, scrumptious, smoked turkey legs covered in pickle juice and hot sauce on the table, as well as my bowl of chocolate sauce that I planned to dip them in for a little extra kick. Now, there’s only four smoked turkey legs. So what I want to know, is which one of you dirty bastards ate my puppies’ turkey leg?”
“Um. Sweetheart. We can get you and the puppies… I mean babies another turkey leg. Okay?” Fabio said in a soothing voice.
“That’s not the point, Daddy-O. You can’t just help yourself to a pregnant woman’s food. Now, come on people. Fess up. I promise to make your ass kicking quick and painless if you just come forward on your own accord.”
“I’m not the smartest cat on the block, but isn’t that an oxymoron. I mean, if you kick their ass, it’s going to be painful,” Fat Bastard said as he continued to contemplate Zelda’s statement.
“Shut it, Fat Bastard, or I’m getting a lock for the refrigerator when we get back home and bringing out the treadmills, again.”
“You wouldn’t,” he quickly replied, terrified by her last comment. When he realized she was serious, he did the only thing any self-respecting cat in his position could do, he simply nodded and slunk away with his tail between his legs.
Cole watched as Fat Bastard returned to the living room. There was a part of him that felt bad for the ill-mannered cat, but then, there was a part of him that was pissed he was more afraid of a pregnant, hormonal woman bitching about a turkey leg than a dragon who had threatened to set his ass on fire. Fate was one twisted bitch, he thought.
“Anybody?” Zelda asked, as she glared at everyone in the room. When no one answered, she said, “Fine, but now I’m watching all of you.”
Fifteen minutes later, Zelda screamed again followed by her yelling, “Bad dogs. Come back here with my turkey leg you little thieving bastards. I still need to dip it in chocolate sauce.”
A few minutes later, Max entered the living room with said turkey leg in his mouth followed closely by Jax. When Zara said, “I think we’ve solved the case of the missing turkey leg,” the entire room erupted into laughter.
“Zoe, get your damn thieving puppies under control. The little bastards took my turkey leg. My puppies needed it more than yours.”
“Seriously, Zelda. It won’t kill you to share a turkey leg with my babies. It’s not like you don’t have a smorgasbord constantly at your beck and call.”
“What’s your point?” Zelda demanded.
“I think her point is that it’s not going to kill you to share some of your damn food with Max and Jax. Goddess knows you put away enough carbs every day to feed several third world countries,” Zara said with a smirk.
“Oh for Goddess’s sake. Keep the damn turkey leg. You’re just lucky I have four more. But I’m warning you little bastards, come near my food again, and I’m going to smite your thieving asses. I don’t care how cute you are,” Zelda said, as she watched the dogs pout in between taking bites of her turkey leg.
“Aw, you hurt their feelings,” Zoe insisted.
“Not enough for them to give me back my damn turkey leg,” Zelda countered.
“Now that we’ve solved the mystery of the missing turkey leg, can we get back down to business?” Hildy said, dryly.
Cole felt as though he was in the Twilight Zone, or a three-ring circus. At this point, it was a toss-up given the mixed emotions he was currently experiencing. A part of him wanted to argue with Hildy to let him stay and help Sarah, but the other part didn’t want to be a distraction, as Hildy had indicated. Either way, his need to protect his mate versus allowing her to embrace her destiny were definitely at odds with one another and he was sure that it was written all over his face.
“Cole, you look a little stressed and I have just the thing to help. Come with me and let these ladies get to work,” Fabio said in a soothing voice.
Reluctantly, Cole followed Zara’s father upstairs. He wasn’t sure what the old man was up to, but something told him he would eventually live to regret his decision. When he entered the room, Fabio had managed to change into what looked like women’s leotards and placed several yoga mats on the floor, which caused warning bells to go off in his head.
What in Hades is he up to now? Cole thought.
“Have you ever tried yoga? I started taking classes after I became a human. I found it helped me to relax when things became stressful.”
“Funny. I thought you started taking yoga classes because you wanted to lick your nads in human form.”
“Okay, that too. Unfortunately, the more classes I took, the more I found Zelda’s leotards a little too constricting down there if you know what I mean,” Fabio said as he pointed toward his crotch.
Looking like a deer caught in the headlights, Cole hesitantly asked, “What exactly does that have to do with me?”
“Nothing really, but it did inspire me to design my own line of men’s leotards. Only, I call them Fab-a-tards.”
A few minutes later, Fabio pulled out two pair for Cole’s inspection. The first pair were in a rainbow pattern and covered in matching sequins. The second pair were black and had a red dragon wrapped around the right leg. Both had a snap pouch at the crotch to make it easier when a man had to use the restroom.
Living with Zara, Cole had seen some freaky shit over the years, but he had to admit this took the cake. Unsure of how to respond, he simply nodded and watched in amazement as the old man continued to ramble on about his newest creation.
“The rainbow ones are my favorite. If I ever get invited on RuPaul’s Drag Race, these will definitely be my go to pants,” Fabio cooed.
“Oh-kay,” Cole said, still unsure of how to respond.
“So, which one do you want to try on first,” Fabio asked eagerly as he held a pair in each hand.
Things suddenly became crystal clear as Cole thought back to the strange incident with Fabio on the Love Machine. “Wait a minute! You took my measurements on the bus when I was sleeping,” he said matter of fact.
Cheeks flushed, Fabio simply nodded in agreement. “You’re such a fine specimen of a man, I knew the moment I saw you that you’d be the perfect model for my Fab-a-tards. Besides, Mac, Nicolai and Stefano had already turned me down. Why it’s so hard for the male species to embrace his inner feminine side is beyond me.”
Frustrated beyond belief and extremely freaked out, Cole caught himself mid-shift, but it was too late. He had already burned the rainbow sequined Fab-a-tard to a crisp.
“Huh! Who knew sequins were flammable?”
“I-I’m. Uh…”
Fabio turned to look at Cole, who was now staring blankly at what was left of the burned Fab-a-tards and said, “Well. Okay. I feel like you’re trying to tell me something here.”
“No. Um. Look. I’m…”
“Were they not soft enough?” Fabio asked, dumbfounded.
“Well, Uh…”
“Did you not like the rainbows? I mean seriously because I thought everyone loved rainbows.”
“Uh…”
“Were the sequins too flashy? If that’s the case, it’s an easy fix.”
“Well, since you asked…”
“Wait! I’ve got it. You’re more of a rhinestone type of guy.”
“They’re flammable for Goddess’s sake. You can’t expect a dragon to wear flammable leotards,” Cole snapped, losing what little patience he had left.
“Got it! I need to make them flame resistant. Want to try on the other pair?” Fabio asked enthusiastically.
Stunned by the events that had just played out before him, there was only one thought running through Cole’s head. What the hell have I gotten myself into? Yet on the flip side, he had to give Fabio props for his persistence.
“Come on! You know you want to. It’ll be our little secret,” Fabio encouraged. “It’ll make you feel better and help you get your emotions under control, which means you’ll be able to help Sarah.”
Cole knew he was being played, but his desire to help Sarah outweighed his common sense, which was the reason he snatched the pants out of Fabio’s hand and begrudgingly went into the bathroom to change.
“Oh goody! I can’t wait to see how you look in them,” Fabio squealed.
Ten minutes later, Cole looked at himself in the mirror with disgust. “How could you have stooped so low in such a short amount of time?” he mumbled to himself. Part of him was disgusted because he’d let Fabio con him into putting on a pair of leotards. The other part was equally disgusted because they actually felt good. His family jewels had plenty of breathing room and the fabric was really soft and flexible. He loved the way they moved with his body. “Yep, definitely getting my man card pulled if the guys ever find out about this,” he whispered to himself before joining Fabio in the next room.
“Oh. My. Goddess. They look perfect on you,” Fabio said as he quickly started taking pictures. “I always knew you’d be the perfect model for my Fab-a-tards, but this is even beyond my imagination. I can’t believe my dream to be a designer is finally coming true,” he cried.
“Fabio, enough with the damn pictures. You will destroy every one of them, do you hear me?” he said through gritted teeth.”
“Fine. Don’t get your panties all in a wad. Take your place on the mat and we’ll start the yoga class.
Once they had finished a few breathing techniques, Fabio started with the mountain pose, which Cole thought was simple enough. The pants felt good and the breathing techniques were helping him relax. Although Fabio insisted that the downward facing dog encouraged full-body circulation and was a great way to stretch his calves and heels, he couldn’t help but feel a little exposed being down on all fours with his ass up in the air for all to see in the Fab-a-tards of all things. But, he had to admit that his nads were flowing freely with the wind.
“How are you doing over there, Cole?”
“Fine,” Cole replied, a little out of breath.
“Are the Fab-a-tards living up to your expectations?”
“Um. I guess.”
“Good. Let’s move into the warrior pose. This will strengthen and stretch your long legs and ankles. You know, yoga has helped with my stamina and flexibility in the bedroom with Baba Love if you know what I mean.”
The last thing Cole wanted to think about was Fabio and Baba Yaga doing the nasty. “TMI,” he quickly said before Zara’s father could elaborate further.
“Just making a point. Are you ready for the tree pose? Given that dragons tend to be clumsy, this will help your balance while strengthening your thighs, calves and spine. Baba Love appreciates how tight my thighs and ass are. This pose has a lot to do with it.”
“What did you not understand about TMI?” Cole asked again.
“Oh. Right! Let’s move into the bridge pose.”
When Fabio laid down on the floor with his arms to his side, bent his knees, and pressed his feet into the floor as he lifted his hips, that’s where Cole drew the line. He had no desire to contort his body into a damn human pretzel.
“You know, I think I’m good now. I’m feeling a lot more relaxed than when I originally entered the room. Good session,” Cole said as he raced to the bathroom to change clothes before anyone saw him in Fabio’s leotards. Yep, his man card had been definitely checked at the door. He was going to need therapy after this.”
When he returned from the bathroom, Fabio said, “Good session, Cole. Your aura is already brighter. I’ll let you know once I have a new mockup for the rainbow Fab-a-tards with the sequins. I can already tell they’re going to look stunning on you.”
“Yeah, about that,” Cole started to say before he suddenly fell silent. There was so much hope and excitement in the older man’s eyes that he couldn’t shit on his parade. So, he simply nodded in agreement and quickly exited the room.
“Thanks again, Cole. You have no idea how much that meant to me,” Fabio yelled.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out was the mantra going through Cole’s head as he made a mental note to start looking for a therapist tomorrow.