Because they couldn’t go running—not with Ray Kouretas in town—Seth suggested they go swimming.
“I’m not a good swimmer,” Tia said.
“You don’t have to be good,” he responded. “It’s just for exercise. Plus, we have a heated pool. Might as well make use of it.”
He thought she was about to refuse, so he pushed a little harder. “You have to fight,” he said softly. “What you’re going through won’t go away, and it won’t fix itself, but you can fight through it. Actually, you have no other choice. You either beat it, or it will beat you.”
She stared down at her feet for several seconds before lifting her head. “You mean I have to adjust to my new reality.”
He felt terrible for her. But the more he was around her, the less the scars from the accident bothered him—and they hadn’t bothered him much to begin with. Although he could see why they’d be a big deal to her, surely they didn’t have to ruin the rest of her life. “The future doesn’t have to be as bad as you think, even if it doesn’t include acting.”
“You have no idea how hard it is to even hear that,” she said.
“I do,” he assured her. “But you’re healthy and strong and smart and talented...” He could’ve added that she was beautiful, too. He’d said it before. But now it felt different. Something had shifted at the breakfast table when she’d taken his hand, and he couldn’t figure out how to make it go back.
“Thanks for the encouragement,” she said. “But I’m worried about Ray Kouretas, and I just...don’t have the energy to work out today.”
“Don’t let Kouretas bother you. Come swim with me.” He bent his head to peer into her face. “What else do you have to do?”
Making an expression that conceded the point, she said, “Okay.”
Once again, she could’ve mentioned that he wasn’t very good at following his own advice. The past three years, he’d focused far too much on what he’d lost, even though, unlike her, he still had his job and was able to support himself doing what he loved.
But it was always easier to see what other people needed to do. It was also easier to cope with his own problems when he was focused on someone else’s. Tia had given him a renewed determination to set a better example. Ironically, considering how he’d felt about her the day they met, he was glad she was here. Otherwise, nothing in his life would’ve changed. And he’d desperately needed...something.
Seth was waiting in the pool when Tia returned fifteen minutes later. His dark hair was wet and slicked back, highlighting the bone structure of his face, which was inarguably masculine and yet classically beautiful, especially his cheekbones and strong jaw.
But she didn’t want to think about beauty—his or anyone else’s—not when she’d been robbed of hers.
“Is the water warm enough?” she asked, shivering against the cold as she stripped off her towel.
“It’s perfect,” he said and immediately pulled his gaze away from her, pushed off from the side and started swimming.
Surprised that he wasn’t a little more welcoming, considering she’d made the effort to come over at his insistence, she dipped her toe in to test the water and was relieved to find that it was at least eighty degrees. “Oh, you’re right,” she muttered in relief and hurried around to use the steps.
Seth cut cleanly through the water, flipping over at the opposite end of the pool each time he reached it with a natural grace she knew she did not possess in the water. “It feels great, right?” he asked when he finally stopped and hung off the edge.
She got the impression he was hesitant to come too close, which was odd. He hadn’t acted that way before. But maybe that moment at the breakfast table had made him conscious of her in a whole new way. It had certainly made her conscious of him—and reluctant to get her hair wet in front of him. She knew having it slicked back the way his was would show her scars in the worst possible light. “Surprisingly good.”
“I told you.” He cocked an eyebrow. “But sitting on the steps isn’t swimming.”
“I’m working up to it,” she said drily.
He chuckled. “How about you start now?”
And let him see her face without her hair to help cover it? She didn’t want to do that, and yet...she had no idea why it would matter so much to her. Regardless of what’d happened at the kitchen table, her love life was over. Who would want her now?
Although she knew that was self-pity talking, and people found love despite scars and other physical differences all the time, she felt so ugly. And physically, Seth was far above average. “I think I’ll wait and see if I warm up to the idea.”
His smile slanted to one side, making him even more attractive—to the point he gave her butterflies. She was beginning to have an unexpected response to him—one she would never have believed she could feel in her current situation—which was a little disconcerting. She couldn’t allow herself to get infatuated with a man who was now so much better-looking than she was, not to mention that he was still in love with his dead wife. She didn’t want to be nursing a broken heart on top of everything else.
For a moment, she wondered if she’d made the wrong decision coming out here. She shouldn’t have done it, didn’t want him to see her looking any worse. But she was already in the water, and she didn’t have a chance with him, anyway, so there wasn’t any point in leaving. As he’d implied, she had to accept her new reality. The least she could do was put forth the effort to get some exercise.
Once she started to swim, and he didn’t seem horrified by what he saw, she decided she’d made a good decision. She was actually happy to be out of the house, she realized. The steam rising from the water created an interesting effect, and Seth acted less remote as time went by, especially once he started coaching her on how to swim freestyle. She wasn’t any good at it, but concentrating on it gave her a break from everything else, and that was such a relief that she wasn’t ready to stop when he did.
“Can you dive?” she asked as she climbed out of the water.
“That’s not one of my talents,” he replied. “Why? Can you?”
“I’m better at diving than swimming,” she bragged, but she didn’t do much to prove it once they started competing. She tried to do a somersault, but it’d been so long since she’d done one that she sort of freaked out in midair and wound up landing awkwardly and making a big splash.
Once he helped her out and learned she hadn’t hit her face and was fine, Seth couldn’t quit laughing. “Show me again how you do that?” he teased, so she shoved him into the pool.
“Now look who’s laughing,” she said, but that only made him come after her.
Although she tried to run away, she was being careful not to fall on the wet cement—something he didn’t seem too worried about—so it wasn’t difficult for him to catch her. She felt his arms close around her and squealed just before he lifted her off her feet.
She could tell he expected to toss her in that easily, but she’d grown up with an older brother who’d tried to do the same thing, at the swimming hole they all used, on more than one occasion. Grabbing his wrist at the last second and holding on for all she was worth, she pulled him off balance and into the water with her, and they both came up sputtering.
“I can’t believe you got me again!” he said, pretending to be angry, and dunked her, but that only made her determined to dunk him back.
They play-fought and laughed and play-fought and laughed, wrestling in the water until Tia was so exhausted she thought she might drown. She managed to drag Seth under one last time, but when they came up, she had to hold on to him to keep from sinking, since he was tall enough to stand and she wasn’t. He had his arms around her, too. She didn’t know why—maybe to hold her up. But the front of her was smashed up against the front of him, and neither one of them seemed eager to change that.
Although they were both breathing hard from the exertion and the laughing, all levity faded the instant their eyes met. The color of his irises deepened to a dark chocolate color, and his gaze fell to her mouth just before he kissed her.
His kiss couldn’t be categorized as timid. It wasn’t what she’d call soft or gentle, either. But it was extremely satisfying. He crushed her lips beneath his as he drew her tongue into his mouth and didn’t stop kissing her until she had to break away to catch her breath.
Then he looked as startled as she was—and probably more uncertain. She liked what’d happened. She wanted more. And yet...neither of them were in a good position to let this get out of hand.
What was he thinking?
She wanted to ask, but before she could say anything, his arm swept her to the edge of the pool where she could hang on as he got out. Then, without a word, he grabbed his towel and walked into the house.
Seth’s heart was thumping against his chest. He’d had to get away from Tia before he dove back into the pool. There was love, and then there was sex. He craved one of those things, but it wasn’t the one that would be good for Tia, not when she was this fragile. When he couldn’t get into a relationship with her, she’d think it was because of what the accident had done to her face, but nothing could be further from the truth. He knew he’d never be able to get over Shiloh and definitely didn’t want to make Tia’s life any worse.
He thought maybe she’d come in and demand an explanation. Why he’d kissed her in the first place. Why he’d walked away without saying anything. But she didn’t, and for that he was grateful. He had no idea what he’d say. He hadn’t been himself since that short interlude at breakfast, because he hadn’t been able to quit thinking about how much he’d enjoyed her touch and wanted more of it. So once he had her in his arms, instinct had taken over, without any permission from his brain.
Trying not to dwell on how good Tia had tasted—the mere acknowledgment felt so disloyal to Shiloh—he got in the shower, where he knew he was safe from a confrontation, and let the water pound down his back.
Afterward, while drying his hair, he couldn’t help listening for sounds of movement in the house above the whir of the blow-dryer.
He couldn’t hear anything. Thank God.
What would’ve happened had he stayed in the pool? he wondered. But the answer was easy. He would’ve removed her suit and his basketball shorts. No question. The thought of her bare body sliding under his as he pressed her up against the side of the pool and—
Yanking his mind away from that precipice, he drew a deep, steadying breath. Lust had always seemed like such a shallow emotion. At least, it was portrayed that way. Who knew it could be powerful enough to nearly bring him to his knees?
“Help me out, Shiloh,” he said while staring at his reflection. But she’d never felt more distant than she did in that moment. And the only way he could siphon off the sexual energy flowing through him was to start a new painting, one that hadn’t been commissioned but captured the desire, the wild turbulence and the deep-seated anger he felt—at his mother, at his childhood, at the loss of one of the few people who’d ever truly loved him, and at the fact that his body craved something his mind and heart couldn’t let him have.
Tia was a little shaken after Seth left. She’d been feeling more like herself than she had since the accident. She’d even begun to let go of her self-consciousness and fear and believe that Seth didn’t really see or care about her scars.
And then wham. What’d happened to them when they’d come up out of the water that last time? Had she instigated their kiss?
She didn’t think so, but she’d certainly been a willing participant.
She had to admit she was sort of disappointed that he’d pulled away. Since the accident, sex had been the furthest thing from her mind. She was prepared to go years without even dating. But his kiss had definitely reminded her of how wonderful it felt to be close to someone in that way—when it was the right person and the right time. And now that sex was back on her radar, she couldn’t seem to stop craving it.
Why had he gone inside without a word? What was he feeling? Regret? Was he wracked with guilt because of his love for his late wife?
Maybe he regretted inviting her over to eat and swim...
She had no way of knowing, because he didn’t come back out, and she wasn’t about to go after him.
With a long sigh, she got out of the pool, dried off and went back to the guesthouse through the gate so that she wouldn’t have to go through the house. But after she changed and showered, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t feel like lying around and watching TV for yet another day. She wanted go out, see the town and get dinner like a normal person. That kiss in the pool had taken her mind off the accident. But what would take her mind off that kiss?
Nothing, if she continued to stay inside the house, pacing like a caged tiger.
For the first time in what seemed like forever, she experienced a burst of energy at the prospect of being mobile again, enjoying the holiday decorations, playing some Christmas music in the car, maybe even buying a peppermint latte or a sugar cookie at that place in town—Sugar Mama—Aiyana had mentioned.
But it was the middle of the day. Someone could recognize her and potentially report the sighting to Kouretas. Besides that, since the accident, she was afraid to get behind the wheel. It’d taken a great deal of self-talk and willpower to drive from LA to Silver Springs, and if she had to brake quickly, she nearly broke into a cold sweat.
So she played a game on her phone, tried to watch another episode of The Office and scoured the cupboards looking for the supplies to bake cookies—without success—before she grew so bored she gave in and used thick makeup to disguise her face as much as possible. She was an actress. She could pretend to be someone else, couldn’t she? And she had to overcome her fear of driving, couldn’t let that debilitate her any more than what the accident had done to her already.
Pulling out her sunglasses to hide her eyes, she put on a hoodie, even though she’d claimed not to have one when Seth first suggested she go running with him, and headed out.
It was cold enough that everyone would be wearing coats and hats and hoodies. She’d made herself as nondescript as possible, but still. With Kouretas blabbing about her being in town, putting everyone on high alert, she couldn’t take any chances. She wouldn’t be able to get out of the car like she suddenly longed to do—couldn’t go shopping or get something to eat. But she could drive around, gain her confidence back as a driver and see the area. She couldn’t imagine anyone would recognize her in a hoodie with sunglasses covering most of her face. People would have to look at her carefully to be able to recognize her, and there’d only be one or two opportunities to do that, maybe at a stoplight.
The town wasn’t big enough to keep her busy for long. But even after she’d driven through it a few times, slowly and carefully to compensate for her fear, and wound around the Topatopa Mountains that helped form the narrow valley that sheltered Silver Springs, she wasn’t ready to go home.
She could think of only one more option.
After pulling off to the side of the road, she searched for New Horizons Boys & Girls Ranch on her phone and called the number.
“New Horizons,” a female voice chirped.
Tia could hear Christmas music playing in the background. “Is Aiyana Turner in?”
“Yes, she is. May I tell her who’s calling?”
Tia couldn’t use her real name. The woman might recognize it. “Tell her...tell her it’s Seth’s new friend from the guesthouse.”
“One moment, please.”
Thankfully, it wasn’t long before Seth’s mother came on the line. “Tia? How are you? Better, I hope.”
Tia drew a deep breath. It was good just to hear Aiyana’s voice, which was weird since they’d only met once. “I’m fine. I’m...in the area and was wondering if...well, never mind. It’s a workday, so you’re probably busy. I was just hoping I could come by sometime.”
“Of course you can come by! Since you’re in the area, come now.”
The welcoming reassurance felt so nice. “Are you sure? I don’t want to bother you if this is a bad time, especially because I—I can’t allow myself to be seen by anybody else—not unless I want an unflattering picture splashed across the tabloids, and I’m definitely not ready to deal with that. So maybe we should just set a time, after dark, when it’d be safer for me to stop by?”
“That won’t be necessary. Seth might’ve told you I live on campus, but my house is distanced from the other buildings. Where are you?”
Tia leaned over her steering wheel to take a look at the wrought iron arch that marked the entrance to New Horizons. “By the turnoff.”
“To the school?”
“Yes.”
Aiyana laughed. “That is close. Just take the loop until you see the big yellow house with the wraparound porch. It’ll be after the administration building, set off by itself. You can’t miss it. I’ll meet you there.”
Tia took a deep breath. As excited and relieved as she’d initially been to reach out to Aiyana, she was suddenly running out of enthusiasm for taking this risk.
But she liked Aiyana. Now that she’d come this far, she wanted to follow through.
“Thank you. I’ll be there in a second.”
Seth stood back to examine his work. It wasn’t often that he had such a vivid picture in his mind of what he wanted to create that he was able to do it, start to finish, in one day. The frenzy of energy required to work that fast, before he could lose any of his vision, left him drained afterward, and today was no different. But as he stood back to consider the piece he’d just finished, there was little he felt the need to change. That was unusual. He was such a perfectionist that there was always some small or even large tweaks he wanted to make. But in creating the contemporary rendering of what Tia’s entry into his life meant to him, he seemed to have said everything he needed to say.
He just hoped she never saw it, or, if she did, that she didn’t recognize herself in the figure he’d created with calming blues and alarming reds. The reds represented her situation, her drive, her disappointment and the physical reality of the life-altering crash with its resulting scars. The blues represented her young age at the time, the hope she’d felt and should still feel and a certain humanity he could sense in her, even though he didn’t know her very well.
It was the duality of the painting he liked, because it also represented what he felt toward her: the sympathy, the friendship, the well-wishes of the blue juxtaposed to the desire and sexual frustration of the reds.
“I’m done,” he said, even though he was alone, and tossed his brushes aside before yawning and combing his hair back from his face with his fingers. He didn’t want to think anymore. He didn’t want to feel anymore, either. He’d always felt too much. And he found the tension between the past and the present as exhausting as the painting mania of the past six hours.
He’d been living on too little sleep for too long and was going to bed. His brushes were expensive, but he didn’t even have the energy to wash them out. He suddenly didn’t care if he had to replace them all.
He was just going down the stairs when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Others had tried to call or text him while he was working, but he’d been too engrossed to even look at his screen. He was tempted to ignore this, too, but he had to take his phone from his pocket to charge it when he went to bed, anyway, so he glanced down to see what he’d missed.
There was nothing from Tia.
He’d sort of expected that.
His mother had tried to reach him a couple of times. Eli had invited him over for dinner. Gavin had sent him a message saying they needed someone to dress up as Santa for his kids, which was more of a joke, since Gavin knew that was something he would never do. Maybe he’d pay for a Santa, but he wouldn’t pretend to be a Santa.
Then there was the text that’d just come in. It was from his mother-in-law.
I’m making Shiloh’s favorite dinner. Would you like to join us?
He cursed as he came to an abrupt stop. Of course they would reach out to him tonight. He didn’t want to go over to their house; he wanted to sleep. But if he didn’t accept the invitation, especially after being late to notify them that he was in town, they’d be offended again.
They were giving him the chance to smooth over that small gaffe and were probably testing him to see if he still loved their daughter enough to make tonight a priority, no matter the late notice.
That there always had to be more to it rankled. He wished he could say no without feeling any remorse later. But maybe he should accept and get it over with. It would go a long way toward keeping the peace while he was in town, and he knew it.
So, with a sigh, he leaned against the railing and typed his response. What time?