On the off chance Tia was still in the Bay Area, Seth had a hard time making himself leave. He couldn’t imagine driving home without her. But he’d searched for so long, with no results. He had to assume she was the one who’d left without him.
And if that was the case—what did it mean?
He was afraid to find out.
I don’t know what to do. Please let me know you’re okay.
He’d texted her that message just before he left, but despite checking his phone over and over again, he hadn’t gotten a response to that, either. She must’ve turned off her cell—or it was out of battery—because now when he tried calling her, it didn’t even ring before transferring to voice mail.
If something had happened to her, he’d never forgive himself.
He tried calling Maxi to ask if he’d check the security system on his phone to see if Tia had entered the house, but it was New Year’s Eve. Maxi had probably stayed up to ring in the New Year and was now sleeping off the champagne. Aiyana didn’t answer, either. She’d invited her grandchildren over for a New Year’s party so that the adults in the family could go out and was, no doubt, caught up in the kitchen making hot chocolate bombs or something else to show the kids a good time.
All he could do was rush back to Silver Springs and hope to find Tia safe and sound. If she hadn’t beaten him there, he’d call the police in both places and get some help trying to find her.
The drive seemed interminable. He tried to distract himself by listening to music, but certain songs were too hard to hear. When “Without You” by Harry Nilsson came on, he had to switch it right away. He didn’t even know how that song had gotten on his playlist. He could only guess that Shiloh had put it there, and he’d never noticed because he had such an extensive library.
But the weird thing was that it didn’t make him miss Shiloh—it made him miss Tia.
“What have I done?” he muttered, over and over.
When he finally pulled through the gate at Maxi’s, it was after one. As he’d come through town, he’d seen a few revelers who were still celebrating New Year’s. The Blue Suede Shoe had been packed. But there wasn’t a lot going on anywhere else.
He couldn’t believe he’d started the New Year by hurting Tia. He couldn’t have felt worse, especially after he drove down the driveway and found her car gone. “No!” he exclaimed and smacked the steering wheel as he brought the truck to a stop and cut the engine.
Although he knew the chances were highly unlikely, he’d hoped someone had stolen it and that he’d find her inside. He could buy her a new car.
He raced into the house calling her name, but she wasn’t there. Neither were her things. He found the earrings he’d given her laid out on the counter, along with the mirrored trees, some instructions on how to care for Kiki—as if he hadn’t helped her do it the past couple of weeks and wouldn’t already know—and a note.
His throat tightened, making it hard to swallow, as he opened the envelope.
Dear Seth:
I’m sorry I had to leave early, but it’ll be easier this way. Please don’t feel bad. You didn’t do anything wrong. After all, you warned me from the start. I just didn’t listen as well as I should have, I guess. I let go, trusted what I was feeling, because it honestly didn’t seem as though Shiloh was still standing between us. What we had felt authentic—at least to me. But I’m just a naive Mennonite girl at heart, and I obviously misread the clues. Maybe it’s because I’ve never loved anyone else.
Thanks for helping me through the aftermath of the accident. Please don’t think I’m angry, because I’m not. What happened at the restaurant was a wake-up call that needed to happen, but I do ask you to please give me some space so that I can heal and pull my life back together.
Regardless of anything else, I wish you every happiness.
Tia.
P.S. Please sell the trees and the earrings and donate the proceeds to the humanities center. I don’t have a lot of money right now—I don’t know how long my savings will have to last—but I would like to contribute in this way.
“Fuck,” he muttered as he sank onto one of the barstools. Her inherent kindness came through even now, which cut him even deeper.
His vision began to blur with tears. Propping his head on his fist, he squeezed his eyes closed and pushed the note away. He’d been a fool to do what he’d done. He hadn’t even meant it. It’d been a stupid, knee-jerk reaction to seeing people he associated with his former life, when he was married to Shiloh. But that one thoughtless moment had cost him the best thing to happen to him in a long time.
Fortunately, she’d been gone long enough that there were no paparazzi camped outside her condo—although Tia couldn’t imagine they’d be there at one in the morning on New Year’s Day, even if she hadn’t left the area.
Breathing a sigh of relief to see everything so dark and quiet, despite the revelry associated with this particular holiday, Tia let herself through the gate, parked in her spot and hauled in her stuff.
“I’m home,” she called out for no particular reason. She was entirely alone, didn’t own so much as a plant—she’d given her succulents to her neighbor before she went to Silver Springs—but it seemed appropriate.
She dumped her suitcase in the middle of the floor and told herself to get in bed and try to sleep. She needed to shut out the memories banging around in her head of Seth and what Christmas in Silver Springs had been like and gain some relief from the pain in her chest.
But her feet wouldn’t carry her past the living room. Instead, she curled up on the couch, put her hands beneath her scarred cheek and stared at the blank TV screen, unable to hold back the tears that dripped onto her fingers.
Seth couldn’t sleep. He rambled around Maxi’s house the way he’d rambled around his own in San Francisco after Shiloh had died and was still awake when the sun peeked over the horizon. He thought of what he’d be doing right now if Tia was around and knew he’d be in bed with her. They’d get up and have coffee together and talk about anything and everything while she cooked something for breakfast, like biscuits and gravy. Although she made a mean avocado toast, she said her cooking skills didn’t extend to the trendy stuff found in most LA restaurants these days. She’d been taught to cook with meat and potatoes, but he was perfectly fine with that. He liked comfort food.
After breakfast, they’d go for a run or a swim and maybe they’d wind up making love in the shower.
He wandered outside to the pool, feeling disconnected from everything and everyone, not to mention rumbled, exhausted and so angry with himself that he felt he deserved to be this miserable. He wished he could shut off his brain and go to sleep or bury himself in work to escape what he was feeling; he’d been so careful not to allow himself to feel anything the past three years.
But he couldn’t even make himself try. All he could think about was the way Tia had looked when he’d said she was just a friend. The color had drained from her face, except for where her cheek had been cut and stitched back together, and the scars had stood out more than he’d seen in a long while. He’d felt oddly compelled to trace the crooked lines with his finger, as if that could somehow make them disappear—like he could when working with paint. But, of course, that was impossible. Just seeing her look so stricken had made him hate himself.
He pulled out his phone. Just tell me you’re okay. That’s all I need to know, and I’ll leave you alone. He sent her that text message, but he knew she wouldn’t respond. She hadn’t answered any of his other messages, and he couldn’t blame her.
“Seth?”
It was his mother, but he didn’t turn to face her. “What?” he said.
“I’ve been ringing and ringing the bell,” she said in confusion. “I couldn’t get anyone to answer. Where’s Tia? I noticed her car’s gone, so I felt it might be okay to let myself in. I brought you both some quiche and mimosas for New Year’s Day. If you were gone, I was just going to leave them on the counter.”
He finally looked at her. “I think Tia went back to LA.”
Concern immediately erased Aiyana’s smile. “What happened? Does she have another photo shoot?”
“No. She’s gone for good. She took her things with her.”
“But...why? I thought she was staying for another couple of weeks.”
With a sigh, he faced the sunrise again. “I screwed up and said something I shouldn’t have.”
Aiyana didn’t speak right away. She just pulled on his arm, urging him toward the house. “It’s freezing out here. Can we go inside?”
He didn’t care if it was cold. He didn’t even feel it. But he cared about Aiyana, so he let her lead him back to the living room.
“Maybe this is something we can fix,” she said.
He shook his head. “No. I deserve it.”
“We all make mistakes, Seth. That’s what forgiveness is for. A relationship is never only smooth sailing. You of all people should know that.”
He scratched his neck. “I’ve got too many issues. She’ll be happier with somebody else.”
“What if she isn’t? What if the two of you are meant to be together?”
Normally, he would’ve said that no one could replace Shiloh. He’d believed that ever since he’d lost her. But something had definitely changed. “There’s nothing I can do,” he told her. “She won’t even talk to me.”
“And you’re going to give up that easily?”
He didn’t answer.
“Do you love her?”
If he didn’t love her, would he feel this way?
“You need to decide,” his mother said. “Because if you love her, you owe it to yourself to make that clear. You owe it to her, too.”
Tia was awakened by a knock at the door. Afraid it was her neighbor, using the excuse of asking if she wanted her succulents back to have an opportunity to engage her, she almost didn’t answer. She couldn’t face returning to her old life quite yet. She needed some time to cope with this latest setback.
Intent on going back to sleep while she was still groggy enough to do so, she grabbed the throw blanket at her feet and drew it up over her. Shut out the noise. Fade back into oblivion, she told herself.
But then she heard Seth’s voice: “Tia, it’s me. Will you answer the door? Please?”
How had he found her?
She guessed it wasn’t too difficult. Maxi had her address. He’d probably provided it.
“You don’t have to worry,” she called. “I’m fine.”
“Can you please tell that to my face?”
She didn’t want to see him. She knew it would only make her want him more. “Why?”
“I have something to show you.”
What was he talking about? Had he brought her earrings?
She sat up and stretched, trying to come to full awareness. “Can’t you just tell me what it is?”
“I could, but I won’t. You have to open the door.”
If she continued to tell him to go, maybe he would. Then, she’d never know what he was talking about. And he’d raised her curiosity.
After scrubbing a hand over her face, she crossed to the door and cracked it open. “What is it?”
“This.” He gestured toward a cardboard package he had with him that was about four feet tall and four feet wide.
“You painted something you want to show me?”
“I did.”
“And I haven’t seen it before?”
“No, but if you’ll let me in, I’d like to show it to you.”
She stepped back and opened the door wide enough that he could carry it inside. “What’s this about?”
His eyes swept over her as though he was eager to reassure himself that she was, indeed, okay. “I hope the fact that this painting means so much to me will tell you something.”
She had no idea what he was going for here. Was he giving her one of his paintings to help her out financially? To make himself feel better for having hurt her, even though she knew it wasn’t intentional? She had no idea, but she definitely wanted to see what he was talking about. “Then, let’s have a look.”
When she knelt to unwrap it, he helped remove the tape before lifting off the cardboard that protected the front, and Tia rocked back so that she could take it all in.
It was a conceptual representation of a naked woman and easily the most beautiful painting of his she’d ever seen. “This is gorgeous,” she admitted. “Is it of Shiloh? Because if you’re here to tell me you’ll never be able to get over her, and you want to show me this so that I’ll understand, I get it.”
He was watching her carefully when he said, “It’s not of Shiloh, Tia. It’s of you.”
“Of me?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “But...how? When? We haven’t known each other all that long.” And she thought she’d seen what he’d been working on while she was living in Maxi’s house.
“I painted it after we first made love, and I’ve been changing and tweaking it ever since. Each time I learned something new about you, or you meant something deeper to me, I had to go back and fix it, make it resemble you more closely, until it became this.” He looked down at it himself. “Now I think it’s perfect—the best thing I’ve ever created.”
Her gaze shifted from his face to the painting and back again. “I had no idea...”
“Because I kept it hidden,” he explained. “I knew it would make me too transparent, and I was still trying to avoid being that vulnerable.” He set the painting down. “I’m sorry about last night, Tia.”
“I’ve already forgiven you. And this is beautiful. I’m glad that what we had meant...something. But if you can’t get over Shiloh, it’s better if we go our separate ways, Seth. I can’t—”
“That’s just it,” he broke in. “What happened at the restaurant didn’t have anything to do with Shiloh. Not really. It had to do with me. With how hard it is for me to trust love—to trust someone else to give me the love I need.”
Tia didn’t think she’d ever heard such raw honesty. “Are you sure about this?” she whispered. “About me?”
He leaned the painting up against the couch. “I’m sure,” he said. “It just took almost losing you to make me accept it. Will you give me another chance?”
Tia wiped fresh tears from her cheeks. When she’d been with Seth in Silver Springs, she’d felt as though she’d found the place where she belonged in the world. No matter where she came from or what her career was or where she was going, he was her safe harbor.
And now she knew it was true. “Of course,” she said, and smiling through her tears, she slipped into his arms.