Seth had told himself he’d leave Tia alone. He’d said he didn’t want to hurt her, and it was true. But having her in the house with him made it almost impossible to keep his distance. She was all he’d been able to think about today. He would’ve blamed that on the drama Kouretas had caused, except he hadn’t been able to focus on anything else even after he heard from her and knew she was safe and hadn’t succumbed to Kouretas’s pathetic attempt to strong-arm her. If he could focus on something else, he would’ve gotten some work done.
Instead, he’d surfed through TV stations while waiting for her to return. And now that she was home, they were in bed together—within a few minutes of her walking through the door.
He told himself he’d get it all figured out in the morning—somehow regain his footing. He couldn’t be expected to think coherently right now. The concern he’d felt today had wound him up, and now that he had her naked body beneath him there was no going back.
She threaded her fingers through his as he settled between her thighs and, closing his eyes in relief, pressed inside her. He’d been without this kind of intimacy for too long, he decided. No way was he going to be able to give it up again, not until Tia left Silver Springs and the temptation went with her.
He dipped his head and kissed her, pulling her lower lip into his mouth for a moment while luxuriating in the taste of her. He planned to take his time tonight, make it last as long as possible, but she surprised him by shifting so that she could be on top.
Once she took control, such a devilish smile tugged at the corners of her mouth that he couldn’t help grinning back. He loved that she was enjoying herself and that she willing to be bold about her own wants and needs. And the sight of her straddling him, with her hair falling over her bare breasts, drove him crazy. She rested her hands on his chest as she began to rock, nearly bringing him to climax, only to stop at the last second and start again, which took him even higher. She did that twice, and might have done it a third time, but he heard her gasp as though her own climax had taken her by surprise.
She dropped her head back as goose bumps covered her body, and, with a groan, he let himself go over the edge with her.
Tia could smell coffee when she woke up. Shoving the hair out of her face, she leaned up on one elbow to check the time on her phone and was shocked to see it was almost eleven. Rolling the other direction, she stretched out a foot, searching for Seth in the tangled bedding. With the blinds down it was too dark to see much, and when she didn’t find him, she guessed, from the coffee aroma, that he was down in the kitchen.
How had she slept so late? Had he slept in, too?
“Wow, what a night,” she murmured and couldn’t help shaking her head as she remembered how intense it had been at various points. Every night she spent with Seth was better than the one before, because they were growing more and more comfortable with each other.
She was also falling in love with him. But she refused to think about that. Now wasn’t the time. For once, she was going to be like everyone else and embrace the holidays—celebrate life and love and the beauty of sacrificing for others.
Shoving the pillows behind her back, she checked her phone again. She wanted to be sure Nina at People didn’t need anything else.
There was nothing from Nina, but she found a message from her brother-in-law. He’d finally responded to her text asking if he’d betrayed her.
What are you accusing me of?
She’d received that message at six o’clock his time, which was probably right before he headed out on the farm. Had he and Rachel made up after their argument last night? Were they going to be able to hold their marriage together? She didn’t understand how they could. And yet she didn’t see any way out for them, either.
For the first time, she felt sorry for both people. She sort of wanted to convey that to Abram to offer him some sympathy, too, but she had no idea how such a sentiment would be received. If he blamed her for his troubled marriage, she couldn’t imagine that anything she had to say would bring him any solace.
It certainly wasn’t going to help their relationship that she’d now accused him. She wished she could just let it go; she got the creeping sensation that she had the wrong person. But she was the one who’d put it out there. He deserved some clarification.
Did you tell the paparazzi where they could find me?
She thought it might take some time to get a response. For all she knew, he didn’t even have his phone with him. He left it at the house a lot; he had little need of it out on the farm. That was how Rachel had contacted her so often. But he surprised her when he messaged right away.
How would I do that? First of all, I don’t know where you are. I’ve heard Rachel say the name of the place, but it has no meaning to me. It’s somewhere in California. That’s all I know. And even if I wanted to contact a paparazzi person, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t know where to look for one.
A paparazzi person. She chuckled because his gaffe actually lent him some credibility.
But you’re the only one with the desire to hurt me, she wrote.
I won’t lie. I don’t appreciate the worldly influence you’ve had on my wife. It’s hard not to hold that against you. But I would never try to hurt anyone. I’m a pacifist. All Mennonites are pacifists. The Bible teaches against that kind of evil. Or have you forgotten?
She could feel the umbrage in that response. She’d accused him of something he considered beneath him, and maybe it was. Perhaps she thought worse of him than he deserved. After all, he was a product of how he’d been raised and what he’d been taught. In the Mennonite world, the man was the head of the house, and his word was law. The woman was supposed to support him and obey him as her master. No matter how that clashed with her modern principles, she’d been part of the community once. She understood how strongly they believed the patriarchal system to be ordained by God.
Do you have any idea how the paparazzi found me?
Come on, Tia. You know what it’s like here. We don’t take our problems to outsiders. We handle everything among ourselves.
That was true. And as she’d realized last night, if Kouretas knew about her background, he would’ve said something. He was the type of person to strike back.
Then I owe you an apology, she wrote to Abram.
You owe Rachel and your parents one, too, he wrote back.
She didn’t believe that was true. She’d never meant to hurt any of them—and with Rachel she’d only been trying to help. For what? she wrote. All I’ve ever done is live my life according to my own conscience.
When she didn’t get anything back from him, she thought that was the end of the conversation. But just as she was climbing out of bed, she felt her phone vibrate.
You’ll never come back here—not to stay—will you?
As she considered Abram’s assessment, she realized just how wide the gap between her past and her present had become. He obviously recognized it, too. Although she’d never come right out and said this to her family before, she felt it was time to be totally transparent. No. Never.
“Hey.”
Startled, she looked up to find Seth filling the doorway. “Sorry, I...I didn’t hear you coming.”
He jerked his head toward her phone. “Don’t tell me Kouretas is causing trouble again.”
“No, it’s not him.”
He carried the cup of coffee he’d brought up into the room and put it on the nightstand before sitting next to her on the bed. “Then, is everything okay?”
“Of course.” Putting her phone down in favor of taking a sip of coffee, she forced a smile. “I was thinking... It might be fun to go shopping today.”
“Did you say shopping? As in leaving the house and going to a store? Or are you talking about ordering online?”
She could understand his shock. “I mean going out. It’s too late to have anything shipped, and I’d like to get your mother a gift for Christmas.”
“Wow. Now you’re just getting cocky,” he said jokingly.
“I don’t want to let the accident hold me back. She was the one who told me not to let it, remember?”
“My mother’s always got good advice.”
“I’m going to take it.”
He reach out to touch her face and ran a thumb over her bottom lip. “Thanks for last night.”
Tia had enjoyed it, too. Just the way he was looking at her right now made her want to pull him back into bed. Which was frightening. She couldn’t remember feeling this way about anyone else.
If she wasn’t careful, she was going to have a hard time letting him go. “Want to go shopping with me?” she asked.
“Sure.” Still holding her chin, he pecked her mouth. “As long as we go for a run first.”
That effectively dispelled the moment.
“Ugh! You can’t be serious.”
“We’re setting healthy habits, remember?”
“Tomorrow will be soon enough to start,” she grumbled.
Playfully pushing her back onto the bed, he pinned her down while tickling her, making her laugh so hard she didn’t have the strength to even try to fend him off. “Are you ready to go running today?” he challenged. “Huh? What do you say?”
“Okay,” she finally gasped so that he’d stop and let her catch her breath. “Yes, I’ll go today!”
Running didn’t turn out to be nearly as bad as Tia had expected. She enjoyed being with Seth no matter what they were doing, and he was especially charming when he was coaching and encouraging her. He was also eager to take a shower with her when they got back, which made the effort well worth it.
“Can you tell me why you’ve been on the pill since you were just a girl?” he asked afterward, standing in the doorway of the bathroom while she was getting ready. “Especially when you were in such a strict religious sect and probably didn’t have much sexual contact with boys?”
“I had no sexual contact with boys,” she clarified, looking at him in the mirror. “Until I reached LA, I hadn’t even kissed a boy. I had my eye on leaving as far back as I can remember, and I wasn’t about to let anything happen that might make my exit that much more difficult.”
“Like an arranged marriage? Is that something Mennonites do?”
“No, but approval from both families is typically sought. And I didn’t want to go anywhere near that. I knew I wanted out.”
“That’s a pretty mature thought process for someone who was as young as you were.”
“After sneaking around just to be able to read People magazine, I understood what I was up against.”
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “So no first love from back then?”
“Not back then, no. I can’t call him my first love, but there was a guy living in the same place I was after I reached LA—a fellow tenant—who was my first kiss. There were so many of us sharing the same house,” she said with a laugh. “It’s crazy to think about what it was like in those days. But I was lucky to have a place to sleep.”
“I can’t imagine you in LA not knowing a soul—not even understanding much about how the outside world worked.”
“It was a steep learning curve.”
“Did he become your first boyfriend?”
“Not really. We hung out a lot at first. But it didn’t last. There wasn’t any spark. After a while I felt like it was more about studying how people outside the Mennonite community behaved. Then I got with a guy I met at the comedy club where I worked hawking tickets. Jack Lippy. He was the first man I ever slept with. I remember feeling so guilty afterward that I broke up with him.”
“How many men have you been with?” He raised his hands. “You don’t have to answer that question if you don’t want to. I’m just curious if you went hog wild once you realized what you’d been missing, or if your upbringing or something else still held you back.”
She smoothed concealer over her scars. “I’ve only slept with three people.”
His jaw dropped. “Including me?”
She nodded before widening her right eye so she could apply some mascara. “I was too busy working, taking acting classes and going to auditions. I didn’t have time to sleep around.”
“Most people in their twenties make time for sex,” he said wryly.
“Okay, I also didn’t want to disappoint my family. I knew they believed I’d fallen from grace, and feeling their disappointment and disapproval has never been easy. I guess that held me back, too.”
Their eyes met in the mirror. “I can’t believe you were willing to sleep with me.”
In a way, neither could she. She’d always been so careful to look before she leaped. She knew how fragile her existence was and had never had much margin for error. But she honestly didn’t see how she could’ve refused him. There was just something about him that made him different than every other man. “You’re irresistible.” She grinned as though it was a joke; he didn’t need to know it was actually the truth.
He folded his arms as he leaned against the vanity. “So how does birth control come into this picture?”
“I have endometriosis, so my periods have never been regular.” She switched to her left eye so she could finish with her mascara.
“And your parents let you go on the pill?”
“Shocking, right? My father didn’t want to do anything about it. He said it was God’s will. But the pain was so intense that, for once, my mother insisted on getting me to a regular doctor, who insisted that I needed this prescription. I don’t think she even realized it was the pill.”
He chuckled before sobering when he asked, “Is endometriosis bad?”
“There are worse things.”
“What does it mean?”
“Hopefully, nothing.” Finished with her mascara, she put on some blush, being careful to avoid the side of her face that was too red to begin with. “The doctor thinks I can probably still have children.” She’d added that last part because she felt it would be natural for anyone to wonder. But considering how she felt about Seth and that they were sleeping together, she wished she could take it back. She didn’t want him to think she was trying to entice him into a commitment.
Clearing her throat, she dug a pair of earrings out of her bag and put them on. “How do I look?”
“Perfect,” he said without hesitation.
“My scars don’t bother you?” she asked earnestly.
“Everyone has scars, Tia. Some are just more visible than others.”
“But...if they don’t have to hold me back, they don’t have to hold you back, either.”
“I’m working on it,” he said.
She smiled. “I know you are.”
“Ready?”
She indicated she was, but he didn’t head out of the bathroom. He pulled his phone from his pocket instead.
“What is it?” she asked when she saw him frown.
“Lois Ivey just texted me.”
“Has she heard about Kouretas dropping the charges?” Tia asked. “How’s she reacting?”
“She’s in a panic. She says the police plan to press charges against her for providing false information.”
“Really?” Tia said. “I didn’t think they’d do anything, since this didn’t end up going anywhere. Are they going after Kouretas, too?”
“I don’t know. But she’s begging me to step in and talk to the Silver Springs Police so that she doesn’t wind up in jail.”
“And? Will you?”
“I don’t know.” He squeezed his forehead as though just seeing Lois’s text made him tired. “She didn’t seem to care much if I went to jail, but—” he dropped his hand “—I’ll probably end up doing what I can.”
Tia would’ve guessed that. Unable to resist a wave of tenderness, she slid her arms around him and kissed his cheek. “You’re such a good guy.”
It felt wonderful to see Tia having fun. Seth held her hand as they ambled from one store to another to give her added support, and she turned her face toward him so that she wouldn’t be recognized whenever someone walked by. But with her scarf, beanie and sunglasses, and most people busy doing their own holiday shopping, no one seemed to be paying them any attention.
“Do you think your mother would like this?” she asked, holding up a set of whale bookends at a gift shop a few doors down from Sugar Mama. “She has those shelves in the living room with plenty of space to display them.”
“I bet she’d love them,” he said.
“What would she like better? Any ideas?”
He wanted to help her look. For a change, he was feeling the Christmas spirit, too. Even the carols that played in every single shop didn’t grate on his nerves like they usually did. The colorful lights, the scent of evergreen that permeated the nicer gift shops, the man roasting chestnuts with an old-fashioned cart at one end of the street—he had to admit it was all quite pleasant. The only thing that bothered him was Lois Ivey. His phone vibrated again and again, and every time he pulled it out, he found another text or incoming call from Shiloh’s mother.
“She won’t quit?” Tia asked, grimacing when he checked his phone yet again.
He scowled at the screen. “Apparently not.”
“Have you decided how you’re going to handle the situation?”
“No. I don’t even want to think about it today. This is our time to relax and have fun.”
He was almost certain Tia was smiling under the scarf that came up to cover half her face, because she hugged him impulsively before allowing herself to be distracted by another potential purchase.
He was looking for a gift, too, something she lingered over and seemed to want for herself, which was why, when his phone finally went silent for half an hour, he was relieved. He thought maybe Lois had finally exhausted her efforts, but they’d just entered a shop like a Williams-Sonoma when his phone went off again.
Irritated to think she was back, he almost answered it just so he could tell her not to bother him, that he’d get back to her when he was good and ready.
Except this time, it was his mother.
Tia was a few feet away, examining some trees made out of mirrors. “Aren’t these gorgeous?” she said.
He didn’t have a chance to respond. He signaled that he’d be outside and answered his mother’s call as he passed through the door. “Are you checking in about the assembly tomorrow?” he asked without preamble. “If so, you don’t have to worry. I’ll be there.”
“I was actually calling about something else,” she said.
“What is it?”
“Lois Ivey just left my office.”
“She was at the school?”
“She said she’s been trying to reach you but you won’t speak to her.”
“It’s not that I won’t speak to her. I’m still trying to decide how I feel about the whole thing and what I’m going to do about it. What do you think I should do?”
“I’m still so angry over what she did that I’m tempted to say you should let it run its course. Maybe it’ll teach her a good lesson.”
“Wow! This is coming from you? You’re the most forgiving person I know.”
“Not when someone threatens you,” she said.
His own mother hadn’t done much to protect him, but Aiyana had always been a fierce defender. “I guess I’ll call the police and try to get them to back off,” he said. “She’s already lost her daughter. And having to pay Graham’s gambling debts—or face bankruptcy—won’t be easy.”
“That’s nice of you, son.”
“It’s what you would do,” he said with a laugh.
“I guess you’re right. Like you say, the Iveys have already lost a daughter. And the gambling debts might be a problem. But it’s even worse than that.”
“Worse? How?”
“They might not realize it yet, but they’ve also lost a son—one who would’ve continued to be good to them if only they had treated him fairly.”
As Seth watched a group of carolers set up across the street, he realized that his mother was right. He was going to do everything he could to get the police to let the Iveys go.
But then he was going to walk out of their lives for good.