November 4, 1944 dawned stormy with harsh wind and rain. In spite of the weather Anna glowed with joy. Today was her wedding day.
Patsy, maid-of-honour, helped Anna get ready. Patsy looked more ready for a dance club than a wedding in her clinging scarlet dress and black high-heeded shoes. Her long, blonde hair was combed over one eye like Veronica Lake. She looked like a trollop, but Anna loved her sister too much to criticize.
Anna decorated the living room earlier with blue plastic flowers and blue streamers in preparation for the reception. She’d painted a picture of a heart enclosing a couple dancing. It was too cutesy to constitute real art, but Daniel claimed to love it.
Anna sighed with happiness. Even the rain made her smile. She felt safe and warm because she was sheltered within the arms of her family. How could she leave them in a few short months?
The sight of her wedding dress banished any negative thoughts. It was beautiful; a long sheath of white satin with tiny rosettes along the high neckline and long sleeves. Generous Aunt Sophie had loaned it to Anna for her special day. It fit like it was made for her. The hem had been turned down at least two inches to accommodate Anna’s longer, leaner frame.
Patsy squirted perfume on Anna’s neck. Anna inhaled the marvelous scent, Cinderella, under the care of her fairy godmother.
Patsy spoke through a mouthful of bobby pins as she reached to attach the veil in Anna’s hair. “I hope this stays anchored in your fine hair. I wouldn’t want you losing your veil when Daniel kisses you. And how about giving some of that perfume to your maid-of-honour?”
Anna passed the perfume to Patsy. “Do your best, big sis. Do your best.”
Patsy stepped onto a low stool and placed the veil’s luxurious folds over Anna’s shoulders. Then she examined her handiwork. “You look marvelous. I’m sure Daniel will want to rip this creation right off you.”
Anna gazed with satisfaction at her reflection in the mirror. “He best not. I’m sure Aunt Sophie wants this beautiful dress for her daughters. She was an angel to lend it to me.” The dress, her decorations, and much more were the culmination of much planning and preparation.
Daniel had carefully saved the two hundred dollars required before a soldier could marry an English woman. They had both been interviewed by Daniel’s commanding officer, Colonel Darling (who was anything but). Staring fiercely at them through his wire-rim glasses and smoking a cigar, the Colonel bluntly asked if they had to get married. Anna had turned bright red as Daniel assured him that wasn’t the case.
She’d felt like a spy facing interrogation as the man asked her what she knew of Canada. Daniel and Anna read the library book on Canada together, just as they’d planned. However, Anna remained largely ignorant of her future home. Nonetheless, the Colonel nodded his head as she spoke. Her response must have been satisfactory.
Daniel had also filled out Form 1000/110 to prove he could afford to support her when he left the forces, which would be soon. She was also subjected to a blood test and a medical examination. The latter left a nude Anna uncomfortable and embarrassed.
* * *
Anna knew all the preparation had been worth it now her wedding day was here.
Patsy winked with the eye that wasn’t covered by hair. “Mom says Daniel is attractive, so that must mean he’s gorgeous, and I say, great. But, you don’t need to marry him. Why don’t you just fool around? Then you could stay in England?”
Anna understood her sister’s point. She did want to sleep with Daniel. Go to bed with him and all that entailed. However, she also wanted love. ”I’m delighted Daniel wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I want our lives entwined forever, not just a slap and tickle.” She clasped her hands tight together.
Patsy stepped back from Anna and regarded her with satisfaction. She opened the bedroom door and called to their mother. ”Anna looks beautiful. Come and see.”
Margaret ignored whatever tasks she was engaged with and entered the room within seconds. She carried the family bible. Anna would carry it in place of a bridal bouquet because of a dearth of flowers in war ravaged London in November. After the ceremony, the large, white, leather-bound bible would be returned to her mother. It contained birth and death information for the whole family.
Margaret gasped and placed a hand over her heart. “You look gorgeous, just gorgeous, an angel escaped from heaven. I think you were right about keeping your hair down. But you need some makeup. I’ll go find my lipstick. I remember it makes your whole face glow. Let it be my wedding gift.”
Margaret returned with the lipstick, and gave her daughter a big hug. Then, finally, she released Anna. “I’m trying not to be selfish, but you’ll be missed. I think maybe Daniel will make you happy, yet this is hard, so damned hard.”
It was the first time she’d ever heard her mother swear. Margaret put her face in her hands to hide the tears Anna knew were silently falling.
Tears formed in Anna’s eyes and her voice held a plaintive tone. “Mum, I’ll miss you, too. You’ll never know how much. I love Daniel and I want to be a wife and mother, so like Ruth in the Bible, where my husband goes so do I.”
Margaret went out the door, still covering her eyes, too overcome with emotion to speak.
Patsy’s angry sneer removed all the prettiness from her face and took Anna by surprise. “So Anna is marrying a Canadian and hurting Mum and Dad in the process. Welcome to the club of people who disappoint their parents. How does it feel?”
Anna bit her lip, trying to ignore the bitterness in her sister’s voice. Patsy was prone to sudden mood swings and Anna knew she should have anticipated the jealousy. “Horrible, but also good. I have to look after my needs. And Mum said she thinks Daniel will make me happy. That’s good. In her own way, she’s giving her blessings.”
“Yes, I suppose.” Patsy sounded noncommittal and dismissive.
* * *
Margaret was just about to awaken Michael from a quick nap, (fathers of the bride being integral to the ceremony); when she was distracted by a loud, urgent knock at the door. Margaret, eyes still tear stained, rushed to answer it. “Now who can that be…Don’t worry I’ll get rid of them as quickly as possible. Imagine bothering us on your wedding day.” She moved rapidly, and in the process her carefully coiffed hair lost some of its splendour.
Anna and Patsy, who came into the room to investigate, peered around their mother. A pompous-looking postman, literally too big for his uniform, filled the entryway holding out a letter.
“I have a special delivery letter for a Miss Anna Marshall? Which one of you would that be?” He spoke in a loud, pretentious voice.
Anna glided past her mother and held out her hand. “That’s me.” Anna placed her other hand over her busting heart. Dear God. Let Daniel be alright.
The red-haired postman eyed her attire. “I see you’re getting married today. I hope this isn’t news from across the channel. It would be a shame to ruin your special day.”
Anna doubted he cared; more likely he was a gossip. “Thank you,” Anna took the note and closed the door with a thud in the postman’s face
She examined the letter. The return address said only, Mr. Charles Harding. The creep! Could she never be rid of him? At least he hadn’t come in person.
Probably the letter contained some prattle about her marrying a hick farmer. Nonetheless, her hands shook. “I’m going to go into the bedroom and read this in privacy. I hope you understand. It’s from Charles.” Anna mustered as much authority as possible.
Both women nodded, their eyes were wide with curiosity. Neither spoke. Anna blushed with embarrassment.
Anna tore at the flimsy envelope as soon as she was alone. She tore open the envelope and yanked the letter out, it was written on soft, delicate paper, light as eiderdown.
My Beloved
I write you this letter because I beseech you not to marry the Canadian soldier. He does not know English ways and he will make your life miserable. I, on the other hand, am the man for you.
Your rejection is impossible for me to bear, so impossible that I am considering taking my life. There is rat poison in my home. I can and will take it if you continue to reject me. I do not want to live if I cannot have you by my side.
You see, my mother rejected me when she ran away from her family. I was only seven years old. I do not know where she is. I re-live this loss daily.
Please don’t tell anyone our dirty secret. It is for my father and I, and now you, to share.
My life is in your hands.
Charles
Anna wrapped her arms around her waist and went cold with shock. The letter drifted to the floor from her nerveless fingers.
Like everyone else, Anna believed Mrs. Harding was dead. For years she had pitied poor motherless Charles. Ronald Harding was widely praised for being both mother and father to his son.
This provided an explanation for Charles’ persistence in his pursuit of her. It also proved she’d been right to reject him. Not only did Charles not love her, he wanted a mother substitute and used the threat of suicide to incite guilt. She would, of course, keep Charles’ secret. But what should she do about her miserable situation? Would Charles really kill himself?
Anna sat down on her bed and proceeded to wring her hands. She hated Charles. Hated more than she’d ever hated anyone before. Nonetheless, if Charles really took the rat poison, she would be as good as a murderer. Anna cringed at the thought of Charles dying a tormented death.
She rose from the bed and gazed out the window. She moved quickly with soft footsteps. Outside a dark sky with rain falling in torrents and few people hurrying on the street met her gaze. It even appeared a good day for suicide, as well as a wedding.
She closed her eyes, clasped her hands together and rested them on the thickly painted windowsill. She bowed her head because she couldn’t kneel in her wedding dress. Please God. Show me what to do. Even in the rubble she hadn’t prayed so fervently.
Anna opened her eyes, lifted her head and saw the sky had cleared somewhat. Now a lighter, friendlier rain fell. Her face lit from within when she glimpsed the hint of a rainbow. She had given her problem to a higher power who controlled everything. God had provided her with the answer. Her worry lessened.
Anna curled a strand of hair with her finger, a habitual action when thinking. Charles had a choice. He could find help, possibly from a minister, or he could continue to writhe in agony. She didn’t care which. She strove to be kind to others, but she couldn’t live for them. She would marry Daniel. She was not responsible for Charles’ happiness.
Anna left the window and retrieved the letter. Without re-reading it, she tore it into tiny pieces and threw them into the blue velvet jewel box she’d had since a child. Later, she would throw these pieces into the trash, and when she did so, she would be metaphorically throwing Charles out of her life forever.
Anna, her shoulders straight, exited her bedroom. She moved with purpose. Margaret beamed.
“Are you going to call off the wedding and marry Charles? You can, you know.” Her mother obviously believed Charles had offered some last minute incentive so Anna would change her mind about him.
Patsy said nothing, but practically quivered with curiosity. If Charles committed suicide, Patsy and Margaret might guess at the contents of the letter. What if he left an incriminating suicide note? Margaret would blame her and so would her father. Damn. Yet her decision came from God. The only decision, the right decision.
“No, no, I’m not calling off the wedding. Charles is a manipulative schemer. I won’t fall into his arms, no matter what he says and does. I am entitled to happiness and I will have it with Daniel.” She stamped her foot for emphasis.
* * *
The wedding party made the short, albeit damp walk, (the letup of rain only temporary), to the St. Andrews Anglican Church. It was the same church where Anna had been baptized and confirmed, and where she had gone to Sunday school to learn bible stories.
She would be married by Canon George Mathison, a tall, thin man with a shock of white hair and piercing blue eyes. Anna had always liked and respected him. He told Anna how much he would miss her, but nonetheless wished her happiness with her Canadian soldier.
Anna and Michael, huddled under their umbrellas, walked slowly because of Michael’s limp. Anna held up her dress so it wouldn’t be dragged through the mud. Margaret and Patsy followed. They also moved slowly. Anna was the only one in the family who enjoyed walking.
When they passed Charles’ home, Anna peeked out from under her umbrella. Charles stood on the stoop with his head bowed. He was unprotected from the elements and the rain ruined his wool suit and hat. Puddles of water surrounded his feet.
Anna groaned. The guilt reared its head. Then she mentally counted the reasons why she couldn’t let the guilt rule her. She didn’t love him and he didn’t love her. A marriage needed admiration and a sharing of values. It should not be based on pity.
Her head held high, Anna carried on her way without acknowledging Charles.
* * *
Despite their slow pace, the wedding party arrived at the church right on time. They attempted to dry themselves off, albeit unsuccessfully, in the reception room. Patsy peeked into the nave. Many guests were seated and Daniel and his groomsman, Reg, stood in front of the altar. Margaret was seated by Anna’s cousin, Tom, who acted as usher. Patsy positioned herself in front of Anna and Michael.
Anna linked her arm through her father’s in preparation for the wedding march. The long, red-carpeted aisle stretched forward.
Michael turned to Anna. “I will miss you more than I’ve ever missed anyone or anything. But I can see Daniel is a fine man, finer than Charles.”
My God, was her hearing going? Dad was actually saying something nice about Daniel. Would wonders never cease?
Michael’s eyes filled with tears. The scene played almost exactly like that with her mother.
However, Anna responded differently. She was scared and it had nothing to do with Charles. In a few short months she’d be leaving everything she knew to journey to a foreign country. She quickly hugged Michael. How could she leave this man? Or her mother? Would there be in-law problems with the religious fanatics? Daniel’s shell shock might make him hard to live with. Oh God. What was she doing?
In for a penny, in for a pound. It was too late to back out now. Anna straightened her shoulders and smiled at her dad. The organist struck up the opening chords of the wedding march and, she walked slowly down the aisle on her father’s arm. She attempted to smile at Daniel but her cheeks felt wooden. His smile loomed huge.
Despite her nerves, Anna found the wedding ceremony, her wedding ceremony, short, simple and enchanting. A pretty young soloist sang Ava Maria in a high, clear voice. Tears filled Anna’s eyes. She failed to hear the rain pounding on the roof and windows.
Margaret also shed tears. Anna suspected they weren’t tears of tears of happiness.
Then Anna repeated her vows opposite the man whose life she would soon share. Daniel dazzled in his uniform, and Reg, also in uniform, wore a wide grin.
Daniel’s voice came loud and clear. Anna’s quivered. Her hands shook when Daniel placed the plain gold wedding band on the third finger of her left hand. She wished she had something special for Daniel.
She was declaring her love for him in front of family and friends. Why must she suffer misgivings?
Then, too soon, the simple ceremony ended; they kissed to applause, signed the register and stood outside in the rain having pictures taken. Anna wondered if her teeth chattered with more than the cold.
* * *
Anna hugged her mother. “Mum, the food looks scrumptious. I don’t know how you do it with the rationing, but you always put on a feast. Thank you for this beautiful wedding.” Anna’s mouth watered as she ogled the ham, homemade buns and peas, carrots and corn. How had Margaret procured all this? For dessert, there’d be chocolate pudding served with tea.
Anna frowned. Shouldn’t her mother have passed some of her culinary knowledge onto her daughter? Would she be able to handle the cooking when she got to Canada?
Anna’s frown deepened when she noticed Patsy snuggling up to Daniel and squeezing her voluptuous body against him. Patsy’s words lingered in the air. “Now aren’t you the cute one?” Her lips pursed in a sexy pout.
Daniel rubbed his injured shoulder as he pushed Patsy away. “I just married your sister. What the hell are you trying to prove?”
Anna started to sway from side to side. She was so happy an imaginary orchestra playing a Strauss Waltz rang inside her head. Any doubts she had about marrying Daniel evaporated.
Anna’s eyes crinkled with happiness as she and Daniel accepted congratulations from their guests. Some people asked when she planned to leave for Canada. She replied it would be sometime in February.
She was proud to have Daniel at her side. He was friendly, and charmed all their neighbours. He asked the Anderson’s how they liked their new prefab house.
Paul Anderson responded, “We love it. It’s almost worth being bombed out.”
Daniel even got a smile out of staid Janet Meadows when he complimented her on her beautiful new hat.
The only people missing were Ronald and Charles Harding. She hoped to God Charles would still be alive tomorrow.
Michael put the gramophone on and everyone listened to the White Cliffs of Dover. Anna thrilled to Vera Lynn’s haunting voice. Michael, with tears in his eyes, started to sing along to the recording in a less than perfect voice. Soon virtually everyone in the room was singing. Michael waved his arms like a conductor. The crowd swayed in time to the music.
Anna also felt unshed tears prick at the back of her eyes. Were they tears of happiness or sadness? Probably both. She would never forget this moment.
Anna approached Julie, stunning in a strikingly beautiful, although obviously well used, navy blue sheath. Anna briefly hugged her friend. “Thank you for coming. It wouldn’t be the same without you.”
Julie smiled, revealing her perfect teeth. “Thank you.” Daniel’s groomsman, Reg, rushed to Julie’s side and placed an arm around her waist. “I have an announcement to make. Julie has agreed to marry me. We’ll go to the altar in three or four months.”
Reg and Julie gazed into each other’s eyes. Anna knew the rest of the people assembled had disappeared as far as they were concerned. Anna often felt like that with Daniel. It must be the essence of love.
Then the wedding guests cheered and Daniel clapped Reg on the back. “Congratulations, you two are perfect together. I’m sure you’ll be as happy as Anna and me. I just wish the four of us could continue to see each other in Canada. Even though it’s impossible. Your farm’s in Manitoba. Mine’s in Alberta. We’ll be hundreds of miles apart.”
Anna felt sorry as well. It would be wonderful to enjoy Reg and Julie’s companionship in Canada. Much would be missed when she moved.
Anna felt a small, warm hand close onto her own. She smiled with pleasure because she felt quite certain it belonged to her nephew, Robert. She bent down and enclosed him in a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. Who brought you all the way from Wales? Oh, never mind. It doesn’t matter. I just never want this hug to end.”
Anna finally held Robert at arms-length and took a careful look at him. He appeared taller, but otherwise relatively unchanged. His hair still shone a soft blond; his eyes still looked bright blue. His cheeks were as rosy as ever. He must be thriving in Wales.
Robert spoke softly. “Is it true that you are going off with a stranger to Canada?”
“Daniel is hardly a stranger, but yes, I’ll be leaving in a short while for Canada. I will miss you terribly. However, I love Daniel and Canada is his home. Someday you’ll have a wife, and then you’ll understand.”
Robert looked like he doubted that would ever happen but he nodded his beautiful head in agreement. “I wish you were my mother. Then I could go with you.”
Anna had heard this before. Patsy had been furious and she undoubtedly would be again. However, luckily it looked like Patsy flirted with one of their neighbors and didn’t hear the exchange. Anna saw her sister laugh as she tossed her hair over her shoulder.
The first time Anna bought Robert a toy train, which he loved, he called her Mum for weeks. Anna hadn’t wanted to cause trouble for Patsy, she simply loved the child. Anna frowned. She wanted children almost as much as food or sleep or life itself. She couldn’t understand Patsy’s indifference to his son.
However, Anna rarely quarreled with Patsy. She craved harmony and believed it her mission to maintain peace within the family. Was she abandoning this mission by leaving? For an instant her happiness was clouded by guilt before she pushed it away.
* * *
In the taxi on their way from the train to the small quaint inn by the sea Anna and Daniel animatedly related the story of how they met to their driver. The man appeared fascinated by their tale. The honeymoon would last four days. On the fifth, Daniel would begin the return journey to Canada. His parents had written he was needed on the farm. They hadn’t said anything about his wife. Anna clutched her queasy stomach. The result of nerves? She feared so. Daniel’s parents didn’t sound at all welcoming.
Anna delighted in the inn. Even in the rain it looked romantic. She discovered their room contained a fireplace and fine mahogany furniture. A table and two chairs had already been set for the provided breakfast.
A smiling Anna exclaimed, “I don’t know when I’ve seen a more beautiful room. It will be so cozy once we get a fire going in the hearth. I wish I’d brought along my paint box. It would make a beautiful Van Gogh like picture.
Daniel said, “We certainly weren’t going to stay with your parents tonight, or in that suffocating room I rent that is filled with men. I need to be all alone with you, Mrs. Armstrong.”
Anna glowed. Mrs. Armstrong. How good the words sounded. She had a good, honest, brave husband. Children would follow. She had everything she’d ever wanted.
The fireplace not only warmed the room, but also bathed it in flickering light. Daniel took Anna into his arms and kissed her again and again. Rapture flooded her. They had, of course, kissed before,, but these kisses became more insistent, more passionate.
In the midst of a hot embrace, he unzipped her wedding dress. His big, strong hands felt wonderful on her back and she could feel his male hardness against her body. Anna moaned with pleasure.
Daniel carefully helped her out of the dress. It would remain beautiful for Aunt Sophie’s daughters. She placed the dress over the only chair and stood before him in her slip. She quivered with excitement.
“Anna, you are beautiful. So beautiful.”
Firelight played on Daniel’s handsome face. He became Eros, God of love. Anna was Aphrodite.
She felt beautiful enough to be demanding. Will you take off your uniform? I want to look at you.” Anna’s voice choked with desire.
“Of course.” Daniel slowly began to remove every piece of clothing. Anna moaned. She’d never seen a more fantastic sight. He was gloriously male and as perfectly proportioned as Michelangelo’s David. His only flaw were the divots on his shoulder where the shrapnel, or at least much of it, had been removed. Anna decided that the male body was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.
“Can I take off your slip?”
“Of course.” He pulled the garment over her head and she stood before him in her bra and corset. Her chest was flushed and she felt hot. She was too aroused to be embarrassed, although she had never liked the look of her near-naked body. Daniel easily removed her stockings. Her corset also presented no problem. It had been bought in a large size so it would last longer. He fumbled as he unclasped her brassiere. Her husband appeared as inexperienced as herself. She removed her own knickers.
Daniel sighed. “I’m in heaven.” He pulled Anna into his arms. They moved as one to the bed. Soon she had his length and strength and supreme maleness against her. She cried out with desire. He caressed every part of her body. The small breasts and hips she’d never liked felt wonderful under his touch. Anna absently realized she wasn’t wearing the blue nightgown her mother had gifted her for the first night of the honeymoon. It didn’t matter. There would be plenty of time for the nightgown when Daniel went back to Canada.
Anna groaned when Daniel entered her. It was a groan fueled by desire, not pain. She was in ecstasy. Despite the fact they were both virgins, they found a rhythm and it brought them to climax. Enthusiasm made up for inexperience.
Finally they lay together, spent, in a tangle of body parts. Daniel repeated over and over “I love you.” Anna was too overcome for words, but she sighed with pleasure. She was now a woman in every sense of the word.
* * *
It had been the fullest, most exciting day of Anna’s life. It was also the most exhausting. Sleep came almost instantly although she wasn’t used to sleeping with someone else. A part of her was aware of Daniel’s steady breathing and his sexy, musky scent. It mingled with her perfume.
Abruptly, she awoke. Daniel trembled. His whole body was covered in sweat. She felt as if the heat he radiated would burn her flesh. He screamed and she thought she heard, “God. God help me,” but couldn’t be sure. His voice sounded loud and harsh, nothing like his regular speaking voice. Anna shrank away from him.
He kicked and thrashed so hard she feared he would fall out of bed. He pulled the covers off Anna. She froze in terror. Oh God, what can I do? Finally, Daniel quit thrashing about and began to whimper like a lost puppy. Still asleep, he turned towards her, assuming the fetal position. His cries ceased.
“Should I try to wake him??” She was terrified of him like this, but worried he might harm himself, or her, if he remained sleeping. She pulled the covers back over her shoulders because the room had grown cold and propped herself up on one elbow. Her heart pounded. She tentatively touched his good shoulder. “Daniel, wake up. You had a bad dream. You have nothing to fear. You’re safe, my love. Soon you’ll be back in Canada.” She was certain her voice was soothing.
Anna shook almost as much as Daniel. She had suspected something like this might happen ever since she’d noticed the vacant look in his eyes that first night they’d gone dancing. However, it was still horrid.
Daniel awoke. His eyes opened slowly, he appeared wild and crazed. Anna cowered before his gaze. Would he hit her, mistaking her for the enemy? No. In an instant the wildness withdrew. It was replaced by the vacancy Anna recognized from earlier incidents.
A couple of short moments passed with only the vacancy for company. Then Daniel’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh God, I’m sorry. Now you know you’ve married an emotional cripple. I’m broken. I only hinted at my nightmares. I should have said more. It’s just that I love you so much.” He struggled to stifle a sob.
Anna knew her next words would be crucial so she spoke from her soul. “I will never be sorry I married you. You are a thousand times better than any other man. You are kind and good.” Anna jumped when a log crackled in the fireplace.
“Only a cruel man could have gone through what you’ve seen and not be troubled. I understand. I will always understand.” Anna threw her arms around her husband. She felt the pounding of his heart.
Yet, despite her words, Anna wondered if she hadn’t made a mistake. What if every night became like this? Interrupted sleep and the anguish derived from loving someone who was sick. It was all made worse because she’d soon be in a strange country. But she loved Daniel. He fulfilled her like no other person. She must do her best to help him. She maneuvered into a cross-legged sitting position on the bed. She looked into Daniel’s sad, beautiful eyes. “I have an idea. I think I may know how to fix you. Tell me about your dream. When I was trapped in the rubble I found I became used to the terror after a while. If you relive your experiences I think some of your fears might go away. You’d be confronting them just as your subconscious tries to do in your dreams.”
Anna stared at the fire. It had begun to die, but she ignored it. “I read in an article composed by a psychologist that talking about trauma helps get rid of it. So please talk to me. I think you’ll begin to feel better.”
Anna leaned in close so she could decipher Daniel’s hushed tones. “I’m so ashamed. I can’t tell you my dream. And I’ll never talk to a psychologist. I’m not a nut case.” Daniel’s hands shook and his face was flushed.
“Please Darling. Please.”
Daniel moaned. “I can’t. I simply can’t.”
His face grew red with anger and Anna withdrew rapidly.
“Who says talking helps? You just read something in a silly magazine. What do you know?” He sat upright in bed and buried his face in his hands.
The scent of Chanel No. 5 was cloying. All colour drained from Anna’s face while she sought to comfort him. “I most definitely do not think you’re insane. But please. If you love me, talk to me.”
“I love you Anna, but…” He started to sob.
“Yes, you can tell me. Tell me everything.” She reached out and gently touched his arm. His tension surged through her fingertips.
Daniel quit sobbing. She handed him a hankie. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose. “Okay. I’ll try. We were assigned to Juno Beach and I commanded a Sherman Firefly tank, and we were hit on the beach.” He spoke so softly Anna had to strain to hear him.
He stopped speaking and looked expectantly at Anna, his face still racked with pain.
Please, you didn’t tell me enough. Give me details. I know it’s painful, but I think it will help. And remember, none of this is your fault. You had an impossible job. I love everything about you. I just want you whole again. What were you feeling?”
“Fear. I’ve never been so scared. I remember the terrible weather, the seasickness and how the ship reeked of vomit. I couldn’t sleep the night before the attack, just as I haven’t slept properly every night since.” He shrugged, “You see, I’ll never be the same again. I was happy and young and stupidly naïve. Now I’m old and broken.” He sighed and she winced with his pain.
“I’ve never been so terrified as when they launched our Sherman Firefly into the rough seas. I heard later some men drowned. Our radios failed because of the seawater. I was with my buddies in the tank, but somehow achingly alone. It was chaos. Dying men were everywhere. The beach was filled with brains and guts and blood, men screaming and crying.” Daniel began to shake again.
Anna touched his good shoulder. Her eyes willed him to say more.
“Five infantry mounted themselves on our tank and I worried about them. Not an idle fear. Within minutes, German guns killed them all. Their blood ran down the tank. I still see it. I’d been talking to them only hours before.”
Daniel swallowed and Anna feared he might vomit. “My prayers were useless. I may not be particularly religious but I prayed then. I’m sure every man on the beach did. The landing was equally horrific. Our tank buried itself in the sand. It was just like the rubble. I couldn’t see a thing and I was supposed to fight.”
Suddenly, he stopped talking. He buried his face in his hands. “I cannot continue. Leave me alone.”
Anna shuddered. It seemed cruel to push him, but she truly believed it was the right thing. “Just a little more. I love you. I would die for you if I could erase your pain.”
Suddenly, he slammed his fist down onto the bed with such force both pillows landed on the floor. He roared, “Damn it. I’ve had enough. This is making me feel worse. You say you love me. So leave me alone.” His handsome face was wild with anger. Anna leapt from the bed and landed on the floor in a heap beside the pillows. She feared Daniel might hit her and it wouldn’t be his fault. She would never again force him to explain a nightmare.
“As you wish. Remember that I love you.” She reached open her arms and Daniel reluctantly moved into them. Despite everything, the warmth from his body soothed her.
* * *
In the morning, the rain ceased and they faced the bright day with sudden optimism. They didn’t talk about Daniel’s dream, but rather the blood on the stained sheets.
”I hope I didn’t hurt you. I love you. I never want to hurt you.”
Anna sighed with unexpected happiness “No, you didn’t hurt me. Making love with you was even more wonderful than I’ve ever imagined and it’s because of you, Mr. Armstrong. It was beautiful.
He beamed. He took her into his arms and they made love once again.”