We tend to ignore bugs, or run squealing if we see one! But they are hugely important for the ecosystem. If mankind disappeared overnight the bugs wouldn’t notice. If they were to vanish we would be in big trouble. All very admirable, but…well…some of them keep their eyes on stalks, travel on a trail of slime, bite, sting, and other weird stuff.
We might not be able to live without them, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a laugh at them. If they wouldn’t notice us disappearing they’re not gonna be too “bugged” if we crack a few jokes!
Q: Why is it better to be a grasshopper than a cricket?
A: Because grasshoppers can play cricket but crickets can’t play grasshopper.
Q: What do you call a fly with no wings?
A: A walk.
Q: What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
A: Anteneye.
The bees’ honey business was going great! They were flying honey all over the country and making a lot of money. Eventually they decided they needed someone to add up all that cash. Who did they ask to do the job? The account-ant.
The little ant was not feeling too well, so it went to a doctor. The doctor examined the ant, decided it just had a little infection—and prescribed it some ant-ibiotics.
Q: What do you call a one hundred-year-old ant?
A: An ant-ique.
The anteater was generally considered the healthiest creature in the woods. One day a tortoise asked it the secret to its good health.
“Oh, it ain’t no secret,” said the anteater. “It’s just that I’m so chock-full of ant-ibodies!”
Q: What is the biggest ant in the world?
A: An eleph-ant.
Q: And what’s even bigger than an eleph-ant?
A: A gi-ant.
Q: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
A: Ten ants.
Q: What do you call a smartly dressed ant?
A: Eleg-ant.
Q: Where do ants go to eat?
A: At a restaur-ant.
Q: What do you call an ant that works for the government?
A: Import-ant.
Q: What do you call an ant that skips school?
A: A tru-ant.
Q: What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
A: All sorts of antics.
Q: What do bees do if they want to use public transportation?
A: They wait at the buzz stop.
Q: What does a queen bee do when she burps?
A: She issues a royal pardon.
Q: What’s more dangerous than being with a fool?
A: Fooling with a bee.
Q: What did the mommy bee say to her kids?
A: Beehive yourself.
Q: What buzzes, is black and yellow, and goes along the bottom of the sea?
A: A bee in a submarine.
Q: What is black and yellow and buzzes along at 30,000 feet?
A: A bee in an airplane.
Q: What did the smooth-talking bee say to the pretty flower?
A: Hello, honey!
Q: What’s a bee’s favorite flower?
A: A bee-gonia.
Q: Which bee is good for your health?
A: Vitamin bee.
Q: What goes zzub, zzub?
A: A bee flying backward.
Q: What do you call a bee born in May?
A: A maybe.
Q: What kind of bee can’t be understood?
A: A mumble bee.
Two bees were sitting in a sauna. One turned to the other and said, “‘Swarm in here, isn’t it?”
Q: What TV station do bees watch?
A: A Bee See.
Q: Why did the bees go on strike?
A: Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because of the honeycombs.
Q: What did the spider say to the fly?
A: I’m getting married. Do you want to come to the webbing?
Q: How do you spot a modern spider?
A: It doesn’t have a web, it has a website.
There was a spider who really didn’t like humans. How do I know? Well, it told me they drive it up the wall.
Humans have the Super Bowl, but the animal kingdom has a big sporting event as well. In a bit of an uneven match, the big animals took on the little animals in football. After the first half the little animals, not surprisingly, were being pretty well beaten, so the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little ones.
At the start of the second half, the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a five yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, “Who stopped the elephant?”
“I did,” said the centipede.
“Who stopped the rhino?”
“Uh, that was me, too,” said the centipede.
“And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a five yard loss?”
“Well, that was me as well,” said the centipede. “So where were you during the first half?” demanded the coach.
“Well,” said the centipede, “I was having my ankles taped.”
Q: What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?
A: One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie.
Q: How do bees travel when they’re tired?
A: They take the buzz.
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm in your apple.
Q: Why didn’t the worms go into Noah’s ark in an apple?
A: Because he said they had to go in pears.
Q: Why do gardeners plant bulbs?
A: So worms can see when they’re burrowing underground.
Q: What do bugs learn in school?
A: Moth-a-matics.
Q: What did the impatient waiter ask the greedy aardvark?
A: Is that your final ant, sir?
Everybody knows ants are supposed to be some of the hardest working and busiest creatures in the world. So, how come they always have time to show up at picnics?
Q: Which animal is the strongest, an elephant or a snail?
A: The snail, of course. It carries its whole house wherever it goes. An elephant just carries its trunk.
There once was an ant that fell madly in love with an ant from another anthill. Its parents didn’t approve, so it left the anthill and they both ran away to get married.
The next morning the newspaper in the anthill had a one-word banner headline—ANTELOPES.
Q: Why did the fly fly?
A: Because the spider spied her.
Q: What is the longest insect in the world?
A: A centipede. Its body covers a hundred feet.
A couple was having a party at their house. An hour before the party the woman found out that she still needed escargots (snails). So she sent her husband out to get some.
He decided to walk to the market, figuring he had plenty of time. Then he bumped into an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while, and they started shooting the breeze.
An hour and a half later, he looked at his watch and realized that the party had already started. He quickly ran to the market, bought the snails, and ran home. He tried to sneak in the back door without his wife seeing him, but at that moment she walked into the kitchen. He quickly dropped the snails on the path and shouted, “Come on guys! We’re almost there!”
Q: What did the snail say when it hitched a ride on the tortoise?
A: Wheeeee!
A Texan farmer went to Australia for a vacation. There he met an Aussie farmer and got to talking. The Aussie showed of the huge wheat field surrounding his farmhouse, and the Texan said, “They ain’t nothin’! We have wheat fields ten times that size.”
Then they drove an hour to the pasture area where the Aussie showed of his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately said, “They ain’t nothin’! We have longhorns that are twice as large as your cows.”
The Aussie farmer was getting a little tired of the Texan farmer’s bragging, and the conversation died down a little. Just then a kangaroo came bouncing through the fields.
“What are those?” the Texan gasped.
“Oh,” said the Aussie, seeing his chance. “Don’t you have grasshoppers in Texas?”
Q: What is green, sooty, and whistles as it rubs its back legs together?
A: Chimney Cricket.
Q: What is green and can jump a mile in a minute?
A: A grasshopper with hiccups.
Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: At the end of a giant’s fingers.
Q: Two silk worms were in a race. What was the result?
A: A tie.
Two caterpillars looked up as a butterfly flew overhead.
One of them shuddered and said, “Oh man, those thrill seekers! You’ll never get me to go up in one of those things!”
Q: What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly?
A: A bug that can find its way around in a dark closet.
Jack: Imagine if tarantulas were as big as horses!
Jill: Yeah, if one bit you, you could ride it to hospital.
Q: Why can’t ladybugs play hide-and-seek?
A: Because they’re always spotted.