Wasn’t it a certain Disney lobster that said things are better where they are wetter? It certainly is an amazing and mostly undiscovered world down there in the ocean. Perhaps things aren’t necessarily better, but they most certainly are odder. Where else would creatures with eight arms mingle with creatures with no brains (and no, I’m not talking about humans there)?
So let’s dive deep into the ocean with the blue whale and crawl onto land with the adventurous frogs, and we will see if the jokes at least are better where it’s wetter!
A boy and a girl octopus were out on their first date. With the evening sun shimmering through the shallow water, they strolled along the seafloor arm in arm in arm in arm in arm….
The octopus was collecting money for a good (undersea) cause, and all of the fishy creatures were giving generously.
“Except for that pair of oysters over by the reef!” the octopus complained.
“Ahh, don’t take it personally,” the dolphin reassured him. “They never give to any good causes.”
“Why not?” the octopus asked.
“Ohhh,” the dolphin sighed, “they’re just two shellfish!”
Did you hear about the fish dealer who never gave anyone a little extra and never let anyone of with a dime?
Twenty years in the business had made him sell-fish.
“Hey!” said the old fisherman to the young angler. “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”
“I don’t know,” said the young angler. “What do you call a fish with no eyes?”
“A fsh.”
Q: Where do Superman’s goldfish live?
A: In the Super Bowl.
There were two goldfish in a tank, and one asked the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
Q: Where do fish get their money from?
A: The riverbank.
Q: Why is it easy to weigh fish?
A: Because they always have scales.
Q: How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
A: You take it to a whale-way station.
When you move as slowly as a turtle, it means meeting up with friends can take an impossibly long time. But they do manage to keep in touch. They use their shell phones.
Q: What would be a good career for an octopus?
A: The arm-y.
Q: Where did the turtle get a new shell?
A: From the hard-wear store.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they spend most of their time in schools.
After a good day out fishing on the lake, a fisherman was heading toward the parking lot carrying two brown trout in a bucket. Just as he was about to drive away, a fisheries officer walked over and asked to see his permit.
He didn’t have one, but he did some quick thinking.
“I wasn’t fishing,” he said to the fisheries officer, “and I didn’t catch these trout. In fact, they aren’t even wild trout—they are my pets. Every day I come down to the lake and dump these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I’m ready to go I whistle, and they jump back into the bucket, and we go home.”
The fisheries officer was not convinced and started talking about how much the man could be fined for fishing without a permit.
“Hey, sir,” the man protested. “If you don’t believe me, I can show you!”
He looked convincing, and the fisheries officer was just a bit curious, so after a moment’s hesitation, he said, “Okay. Show me!”
The man took his bucket to the lakeside and poured the fish into the water. Then he and the fisheries officer took a leisurely stroll to the end of the pier and back. Arriving back, the fisheries officer said, “Okay, now whistle to your fish and let me see them jump out of the water and into the bucket.”
The man kept walking toward the parking lot. “Fish?” he said. “What fish?”
A goldfish was gliding through its castle and around the treasure chest when it spotted its human coming over to the fish tank with some fish food.
Oh no! Fish fakes again, he thought. Just because I have a tiny memory span they think they can keep on feeding me the same stuff over and… Oh boy! Fish flakes! I can’t remember the last time I had them!
Two fishermen were walking back from the lake at the end of the day. One said to the other, “Did you get many bites today?”
“Sure did,” the other fisherman replied. “I got fifty-three.”
“Fifty-three!” the first fisherman gasped. “That’s an amazing number!”
“Yeah,” sighed the other fisherman. “One fish and fifty-two mosquitoes!”
Two fish were swimming in a river when it began to rain.
“Quick,” said one fish to the other, “let’s swim under that bridge so we don’t get wet!”
A man was strolling along a riverbank when he stopped to talk to an angler.
“Is this river any good for fish?” he asked.
The angler replied, “It must be. I’ve been here all day and I can’t get any of them to leave it.”
Q: What do you do with a blue whale?
A: Try to cheer it up.
Q: How do you know dolphins are intelligent?
A: Within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw them fish three times a day.
A mom asked her son if he had put fresh water in his fish’s bowl recently.
“Didn’t think I should,” the boy said. “It hasn’t finished the last lot yet.”
A man was cruising down the road when he saw something small and green by the edge of the asphalt. Getting a little closer, he saw it was a frog. Closer still and he saw the frog had its thumb in the air.
So he pulled over, opened the door, and said, “Hop in!”
Q: What kind of tiles can’t you stick on walls?
A: Rep-tiles.
Q: What happened to the frog when it parked illegally?
A: It got toad away.
A chicken came into the library, stopped in front of the librarian, and said, “Buk, buk, BUK!” The librarian tried to shoo it away, but the chicken kept coming back and saying, “Buk, buk, BUK!”
Eventually, with no other clue as to what to do, she decided the chicken must want a book. So she gave it a romance.
The next day the chicken came back, stopped in front of the librarian, and said, “Buk, buk, BUK!” Rather than go through the whole thing again, she gave the chicken a thriller. It took the book and left.
When the chicken came in the third day and said, “Buk, buk, BUK!” she gave it a sci-fi book and followed it as it left.
She followed it out of town to a pond where the chicken seemed to throw the book into the water. But a frog caught it before it got wet, looked through it, and then threw it back.
“Reddit!” the frog croaked.
Q: They say cats have nine lives, but what animal has more lives than a cat?
A: A frog, it croaks every night.
Q: Why are frogs usually happier than humans?
A: Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Q: How did the frog feel after it broke its leg?
A: Pretty un-hoppy.
Q: Why do frogs like years that are divisible by four?
A: Because they are leap years.
Q: Why was the frog in the hospital?
A: To have a hop-eration.
Q: What did the frog order from the drive-thru?
A: Fries and a croak.
Two young frogs were down by the pond catching bugs. They had been there most of the day when their momma called them to bed.
“Wow!” said one frog to the other. “Time’s sure fun when you’re having flies!”
Q: What do you get if you cross a frog with some mist?
A: Kermit the Fog.
Q: What do you get if you cross a steer with a tadpole?
A: A bullfrog.