Chapter 30
Mina
As I stepped into the neonatal ward at Children’s Hospital, I was greeted by one of Samantha’s nurses. “She’s doing so well, Mom.”
“How much does she weigh now?” I set my purse down, then went over to the sink to scrub my hands. When dealing with sick babies with weakened immune systems, being sterile was the rule.
“She’s up to three pounds, eight ounces.” She smiled. “I told your husband she should be coming home really soon.”
The word “husband” felt like a dagger to my heart. It was a reminder that Sam didn’t want to marry me. The fairy tale I thought I was going to have was slowly becoming a nightmare.
“Yeah, we can’t wait to bring her home.” I smiled, walking over to the incubator.
Baby Samantha was sleeping as usual. She was so medicated, with steroids for her lungs as well as other medications, that she was rarely ever awake. I had yet to see her eyes for longer than a minute. I knew they were pretty though.
“Hey, mama.” I slid my finger into one of the holes to caress her tiny thigh. She was lying there in a pink cap and diaper. Her face was covered in tubes. At times it was hard to stomach. “Samantha, I can’t wait for you to come home. I’m gonna paint your room this weekend. Are you a pink or purple kind of girl?” I had already decided to use both colors. Talking to her was soothing to me. It reminded me of when I would talk to my own son. Sadly, he didn’t make it past a year. I felt God had given me Samantha as a replacement. The funny thing was that Samantha looked just like Chloe. That didn’t matter. I loved her like she was mine.
“Would you like to hold her?”
I’d forgotten the nurse was still standing there. “Oh, yes! Please!”
“Of course! Just slip this on over your clothes.” She handed me something similar to a paper surgical outfit. “Okay, now have a seat, and I’ll hand her to you.”
I did as instructed, watching her open the incubator like a wrapped present then hand me the gift inside.
“Here’s your mommy.”
“Oh, my God, she’s so tiny.” I blinked back a few tears. My hands were shaky because I feared I would drop her. “Will I hurt her?”
“She’s strong. You won’t hurt her.” She stood nearby until I got comfortable enough to sit back.
For over an hour, I held on to baby Samantha for dear life. I talked to her and even hummed a few songs. It felt good to have a child in my arms again. In that moment, I vowed to love her and protect her as if she were my own.
“Ma’am, I hate to disturb you, but when your husband was here earlier, he left his phone.” The nurse handed me Sam’s phone.
“Thank you! He’s always so careless with things like this.”