Supper was fish fingers, my favourite, but not tonight – I had no appetite. None of my friends with pets did. A rumour had swept through the school that the pet shed was to be closed, pending an investigation and that the vet had spoken sternly to Sister Constance about the animal rights issues of allowing girls to pierce rabbits’ ears and place large heavy hoops in them.
We were in a complete state and none of us could eat our food. It wasn’t just the pet shed we were upset about either; we were more worried about Georgina’s fate. Sharon, the lady on tray duty that evening, took our names and said we were all going on report for not eating.
‘Fine, report yourself, stupid,’ Star told her as she slammed her full tray into the slot with a crash.
‘Don’t you take your food issues out on me, dearie, or I’ll report you for disrespecting a dinner lady!’
But Star had already stormed off.
‘What is it with everyone and their reports today?’ Honey asked gaily, skipping along beside us happily – just to wind us up, I suspect. ‘Report, report, report, Is it the word du jour or something?’
Now was not a time for skipping and I told her so. ‘You can imagine how panicked Star and I are about the fate of our own pets,’ I told her as we headed off to Sister Constance’s office after supper.
As we waited on the bench outside Sister’s office for our summons, Honey taunted us for our ‘sickly sentimentality,’ which in case you haven’t heard, is sooo last millennium. Then she blabbered on about not being in the least bit fazed about the possible closure of the pet shed as she was sooo over pets.
‘Oh shut up, will you, Honey!’ Star snapped – only Honey looked shocked, and she’s never shocked by Star telling her to shut up. Also, she was looking at me. That was when I realised that I, Calypso Kelly, unshielded by Daddy’s plastic and Mummy’s contacts, had just told The Ultimate Psycho Toff, to shut up.
‘Sorry, Honey,’ I muttered.
Honey merely ignored me and began studying her manicure.
Star was abnormally silent, which made me feel frightened about what was to come. When Star doesn’t express herself verbally you just know it’s going to come out another way. She was glaring at Honey and Honey was glaring back at her as Sister Constance finally cried out, ‘Enter!’
When we wandered in, we weren’t invited to sit down. Sister Constance didn’t even look us in the eye. She looked stricken. The serene calm that characterised our Mother Superior seemed to have been drained from the inside of her soul, and her face seemed to have shrunk into her nun habit.
Star and I stood there with Honey between us. I felt Star nudge her because Honey fell into me theatrically, as if Star had used super human force. Actually, knowing Star she might have. Normally I would have done nothing, but hating Honey as I did at that moment I nudged her myself – really, really hard – and she fell right back against Star’s elbow.
‘Ow!’ she complained. ‘Sister! Did you see what they just did to me?’
Sister Constance didn’t look up, let alone reply.
‘I have a preternatural tendency to bruise,’ Honey whined, rubbing her arm. ‘I wouldn’t want to have the nurse look at me and jump to conclusions regarding abuse,’ she muttered, knowing that no one gave a damn what she did at that particular point in time.
Again, Sister refused to comment.
Eventually Star asked about Georgina.
‘Georgina has left the school,’ Sister Constance replied. We waited for a bit for her to go on but all she did was take a butterscotch from the box on her desk and begin to suck on it really loudly.
‘What? For good?’ Star asked.
Sister Constance nodded. ‘Miss Castle Orpington has left the school grounds of her own accord,’ she explained, the butterscotch rolling around in her mouth. ‘She, along with Tobias, fully accept responsibility for the flask of vodka, but other than that, her father has refused to discuss her future at Saint Augustine’s. He’s in Morocco at the moment and cannot be reached.’
‘But you will let her back?’ Star demanded to know.
Sister sucked hard on the sweet which made the most revolting noise. ‘That is a matter for the school board, Star. More to the point is the spiritual bankruptcy that led her to seek refuge in alcohol.’
Honey rolled her eyes. ‘I think she probably just wanted to get drunk, Sister.’
Star and I both had to suppress a giggle.
‘Girls!’ Sister warned.
But Honey continued, ‘I think you’re blowing this out of proportion. Why, Eades boys wander about their school sucking on flasks all the time and no one bats an eye. A boy from Marlborough I know said they can even buy it at the school tuck-shop. And the by the way, now we are on the topic of tuck shops, all the boys’ schools seem to have the most enormous shops. That is sooo unfair, Sister. They can even buy clothes and order Savile Row suits at their schools, whereas our tuckshop is just a window sill that’s only open once a week and even then we can only buy sweets. We can’t even buy phone credit! It is sooo babyish.’
Sister Constance, daintily taking her butterscotch out of her mouth between thumb and forefinger replied, ‘Miss O’Hare, you do say the most ridiculous things. And the older you get, the less tolerance I have for your ridiculousness. So, for the love of Mary will you just, shut up!’
All our jaws collectively dropped to the floor as Sister popped the sweet back in her mouth and sucked on it loudly.
After a few minutes of rude sweet-sucking noises, Sister spoke again. ‘Georgina isn’t my only concern, though. I had the vet in here earlier and he has grave, grave doubts about the attitude some girls have towards their pets, which I must admit I fully share. He furthermore expressed doubts about the viability of the pet shed after the unfortunate fate of your rabbit, Miss O’Hare.’
‘Fine, shut the pet shed,’ Honey said. ‘I’m so over animals anyway. Unless we’re talking those little fur trimmed Gucci shoes. I think I’ll have them in mauve. I know, maybe if I give them Absinthe, they’ll give me a discount,’ she added, giggling at her awful joke.
That was when Star thumped her across the back and she fell theatrically across Sister’s desk and got a bit of a nosebleed – not because of how hard Star had hit her, but because of her theatrical fall. Plus, after you’ve had as much cartilage removed from your nose as Honey has, your nose tends to bleed quite easily.
Sister ignored Honey and the spot of blood on the end of her nose as she sucked serenely on her sweet for a moment. I thought she wasn’t going to say anything about it at all but then she did. Not to Honey, just to me. ‘Take Honey down to the infirmary,’ she instructed. ‘Star, following Brian’s escape from the pet shed, the attack on Tobias, and the events that have transpired here, I feel compelled to contact your father.’
Star remained strangely silent but I couldn’t stop myself. ‘Sister, that’s sooo unfair! You saw what happened. Honey launched herself and besides there is barely a drop of blood. If we take her to the infirmary, there might be a, well, a report or something!’
Sister gave me a look that spoke volumes – volumes as in, ‘don’t push it or you’ll be the next one launched.’