On the way down to the infirmary, Honey, in keeping with her Honey-ness, immediately dialled the police. ‘Hello, officer? I have just been attacked by a ferocious girl – a famous rock star’s daughter – and I’ve been badly injured ...’
I snatched the phone off her and pressed the ‘End’ button. ‘What?’ she asked, blinking with innocence. ‘This’ – she pointed to her now completely bloodless nose – ‘is GBH; that’s Grievous Bodily Harm. Star will have to be charged and I hope incarcerated.’
The only grievous thing about it all was Honey, and I told her, ‘You’ve hardly even been hurt. The bleeding was totally negligible and you used Star’s mild whack to launch yourself on to the desk intentionally. Besides, it didn’t even bleed properly, it was just a spot and there’s no sign of blood now.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Honey snapped, pinching her nostrils together as if stopping a torrent of blood. She called the police again.
It wasn’t the first time the police had been called by Honey to have a fellow student arrested. Once she’d tried to have Star done for having red hair – in Honey’s eyes a crime against aesthetics! And anyway, Star’s hair isn’t even red, it’s strawberry blond – after several sprayings with Sun-In, anyway. The point is, Honey’s frantic call about GBH didn’t have the police hopping around the way she’d hoped. They arrived but then wandered into the infirmary in a bored sort of way, accompanied by Sister Constance. They didn’t seem even mildly keen on the idea of charging Star or anyone else. Honey had to implore them even to open their pads and write something down, and even then they only wrote down her name. By this stage, there was no evidence that Honey had even had a nosebleed and Sister Constance, whom they justifiably considered a reliable witness, said it was all a storm in a teacup and offered them butterscotchs. They were more than happy to accept both Sister’s version of events and her butterscotch and wandered off back to their police car.
Just the same, a rumour had swiftly spread that Star had been led from the school grounds in handcuffs for assaulting Honey. The truth was that Tiger had picked her up and taken her home along with Brian and Hilda because, as he told Sister Constance, he didn’t consider Saint Augustine’s a safe environment. He wasn’t so easily bought by the offer of butterscotchs apparently. Either that or Sister had downed them all herself by the time he arrived.
For me, Georgina and Star leaving was like the theft of my two closest friends, although I felt sorriest for Indie because now she’d have to go to bed and wake up alone in an empty room.
‘It’s worse for you,’ I told her. ‘You’ll have no one to chat to at night.’
‘You could always come and stay with me?’ she suggested hopefully. That was when I first realised that Indie and I had become proper friends in our own right, as opposed to two girls with shared friends. ‘Otherwise I’ll sneak into your room,’ she promised.
‘Why don’t we have a moonwalk?’ I suggested as the idea suddenly occurred to me. ‘We can escape after lights out, take our duvets, vodka and tuck stashes down to Puller’s Wood. It’s a Saint Augustine’s tradition.’
Indie clapped her hands. ‘George and Star have told me all about them,’ she replied excitedly. ‘Let’s!’
The first time Indie came into our room on her own, only Honey and I were there. She hissed at Honey, ‘You are such a bitch!’ exactly like Star would have.
Honey, who was checking her mobile, looked up nonchalantly and replied sarcastically, ‘Thank you so much for all your tea and sympathy, darling. I’m the one with the broken nose who’ll probably have to spend the rest of my life having corrective surgery.’
‘That’s if you have any cartilage left after all your other nose jobs,’ shot back Indie.
Then I noticed that it wasn’t her mobile she was fiddling with at all. It was mine.
‘Honey, what are you doing with my phone?’ I demanded crossly.
‘Just reading your messages,’ she responded shamelessly, before turning back to Indie. ‘At least I’ve had a nose job! You should think about surgery yourself, Indie. I mean, most people are probably too polite to say anything, but honestly darling, take it from someone unafraid of the truth. Surgery is a necessity in your case rather than an option, if you see what I mean.’ Honey held up her Chanel compact to Indie’s spectacularly stunning face.
As Honey hadn’t responded to my demand that she give me back my mobile, I snatched it from her and began to check my messages.
‘Oh, like the surgery you had to remove your brain, you mean?’ Indie replied, snatching the compact from Honey and tossing it into the bin.
There were no messages. ‘There are no messages,’ I said to Honey, holding up my phone.
Portia walked in at that moment but she only said ‘Hi’ to Indie, ignoring both Honey and me.
‘Oh, well there were a few. I read them. Several in fact,’ Honey replied idly, shrugging her shoulders. ‘I must have deleted them accidentally. Soz, darling, but your phone is sooooo ancient. They were all from Billy, as usual. Probably best you didn’t see them actually. Billy’s got a very pervy turn of phrase and I know how politically correct you Americans are.’
I stood there opening and closing my mouth both at her audacity and her news that Billy had been texting me. I had been hoping for something from Freddie but this turn of events had me frantically wondering what was going on.
‘I didn’t know things had heated up quite that much between the two of you,’ Honey continued, now smirking. ‘I suppose I always thought of you as a little mouse . . . but you’re quite the seductress, Calypso.’ She laughed loudly at her own turn of phrase.
I just stood there, blinking. So did Indie.
‘So you’re admitting you just deleted her personal messages?’ Indie clarified.
‘Hardly! At least not on purpose, obviously,’ Honey gasped indignantly.
‘Rubbish,’ Indie said crossly.
While this exchange was going on I was wondering whether this was the first time Honey had accidentally erased my messages. It would certainly explain a lot!
Honey commenced brushing her hair, which involved flipping her head over. ‘Why don’t you scuttle off to your own room, Indie, things are getting a little crowded in here, don’t you think, Portia?’ Honey asked.
‘I don’t think you want to hear what I think,’ Portia replied as she focused on sending a text message from her own mobile. I tried to gauge her expression but as ever she was as inscrutable as the Sphinx.
My eyes were burning with desperation to see whom and what she was texting. ‘How many times have you tampered with my mobile exactly, Honey?’ I demanded, turning my attention back to Honey before I shamed myself by craning over to peer at Portia’s screen.
‘Oh, Calypso, talk about self-centred!’ Honey snapped, flipping her head back up. ‘Why does it always have to be about you, you, you? You can’t always take centre stage like this. Don’t you think its poor Georgina and Star we should be worrying about, darling?’ she implored, her lower lip dropping as if she truly cared.
‘You’re incredible, Honey,’ Indie said to as she flopped on to Honey’s bed.
Honey fluttered her eyelashes. ‘Thank you, darling. I’m sorry I can’t return the compliment.’
Indie leaned back on Honey’s bed, making herself comfortable by rearranging her pillows. ‘All Star did was give you a bit of a slap and after the way you’ve been behaving, I can’t believe she was so restrained,’ Indie told her. ‘If I were Calypso I’d give you another slap for deleting Billy’s texts.’
‘Calypso doesn’t seem to mind, so why do you?’ asked Honey as she grabbed at her pillows. ‘Now get your filthy feet off my bed and go back to your own room.’
‘I do care as a matter of fact, Honey,’ I corrected her as Indie left the room.
‘Oh, then it must be me who doesn’t care,’ she replied with the ease of someone completely comfortable with her role.
I was so angry I stormed out of the room. When I passed Clemmie and Arabella’s room they called me in. Of course I told them all about what Honey had done.
‘What a bitch,’ Arabella agreed.
‘She’s done it before with other people,’ Clemmie added casually.
‘All par for the Honey course,’ they both said, sighing.
‘I don’t know if she’s done it before now. I don’t know if Freddie or Billy have tried to contact me before and, well, I’ve been so confused about how I feel because I’ve been getting barely any texts at all.’
Seeing how upset I was they both gave me a cuddle. Their other roommate, Rosie, had been in the en suite having a shower but as she came out she remarked. ‘I thought you and Billy were an item?’
I briefly looked up at Rosie who was still in her robe. She smiled and went back into the bathroom. I turned to my friends. ‘I think I only started liking Billy because of all the complications with Freddie, mostly because Freddie wasn’t texting me. Well, actually neither was Billy, but he’s doing his A-levels so that’s understandable. The real issue is that Freddie’s going to the ball with Portia. Wait a minute, why did Rosie think Billy and I were an item?’
The girls looked at one another. ‘Honey told us, I think,’ Arabella said, looking to Clemmie for confirmation. Clemmie nodded. Now I was really confused.
‘When you say Freddie is going to the ball with Portia, do you actually mean going with as in going with?’ asked Arabella.
I shook my head. ‘I don’t know. That’s the thing. Honey’s got me confused.’
Clemmie put her arm around me. ‘So, it’s Freddie you really like?’
I nodded.
‘Seriously, serious?’
I nodded again because as easy as it would be to like Billy after seeing Freddie at fencing I knew that I felt something much stronger for him. He might be inconvenient, but he was the one I wanted to pull.
‘OK, well, you’re not going to like this, then,’ Clemmie warned me, shaking her head. ‘But Honey told us that Freddie and Portia were an item.’
I looked from Clemmie to Arabella. ‘What did she say, exactly?’
‘Just how mad for one another they were,’ Arabella replied vaguely.
‘Yes, but it is Honey we’re talking about and as she’s our only source I wouldn’t put much stock by it,’ added Clemmie.
I nodded. ‘I know but . . . well, Portia hasn’t helped.’
‘Portia wouldn’t be a bitch,’ Arabella said firmly. ‘I’ve known her all my life and one thing she isn’t is a backstabber.’
‘Oh, it’s such a mess,’ I groaned, putting my head in my hands with the frustration of it all.
‘Honey is a witch,’ Clemmie said, ‘but Portia stealing Freddie, I don’t buy. Have you spoken to Portia about all this?’
The tears sprang to my eyes at the obvious sense in this remark, and Clemmie and Arabella took me in their arms for another cuddle. It felt good to finally share my plight with others, and all my doubts and suspicions about Portia came tumbling out, as well as how horrible I’d been towards her and how now I couldn’t go to the ball because I had nowhere to stay in London, and even if Portia hadn’t been trying to steal Freddie I wouldn’t blame her now if she did.
Clemmie and Arabella were really comforting. Arabella offered me some sweets, and Clemmie said she wouldn’t even mind if I ate a jelly baby, as Sebastian was growing up now and hardly resembled their little faces at all.
I smiled through my tears. ‘Indie and I were thinking of having a moonwalk tonight, if you want to come,’ I told them, drying my eyes.
‘Hoorah, a moonwalk!’ they squealed, bouncing on the bed with excitement. ‘We haven’t had one since last term.’
‘I know, it’s been so cold, but the stars are bright and the moon’s full and I know I won’t get to sleep tonight anyway. I’m too worried about Star and Georgina.’
They were already gathering sweets, fags, Body Shop Specials and duvets as I left their room. On the way back to the Saint Ursula room I was determined to try and sort things out with Portia once and for all.