As an authorship team, we deeply appreciate:
Our agent, Gail Ross. You’ve been our bridge from the ivory tower to Main Street. You’ve shown us how to translate scientific findings into language real people get so they can benefit from them. You’ve been our greatest champion and mentor, preparing us as first-time authors to present our ideas to the top publishers in NYC. Ultimately guiding us to the best—St. Martin’s Press. Making us able to take our work into the world.
Our dream editor, Elizabeth Beier. You are a muse, drawing out the creative artistry of your charges. Beyond your brilliance, you are just the loveliest human being. We scored the winning lottery ticket when you entered our lives. Thanks also to Laura Clark for bringing out the best in us during our first book pitch in NYC and taking a chance on us; Danielle Prielipp for expertly leading our marketing strategy; Gabrielle Gantz for your savvy in directing our publicity campaign; Soleil Paz, our talented jacket designer; Brigitte Dale and Hannah Phillips for shepherding the manuscript through the finest details of the editing process; and the rest of our gifted collaborators at St. Martin’s Press for your creativity, invaluable guidance, and support of us.
Our students (past and present). B. L.’s research assistants, mentees, and those in her classes at Boston College. And T. K.’s students from the Boys and Girls Club, Summer Search, Medford High School, and beyond. For anyone who wonders why we have this unwavering belief in the resilience and awesomeness of the next generation, they can just take one look at you. The sparks who keep society moving forward.
Our research and direct service collaborators and colleagues. This book would not have been possible without years of research and direct service to understand how people grow into agents of change and contribution in the world. And this research and service would not have been possible without people like Lauren Melkus—thank you for investing in us, and partnering so faithfully as we together create tools and curricula and cultivate purpose at Boston College. It’s been an immense privilege and joy to collaborate with such generous educators, researchers, philanthropists, and research participants throughout the decades, and your stories and legacies are sprinkled throughout this book.
I (B. L.) am so grateful to:
My family, for delighting in my journey. Chu-Yu, Catharine, Philip, and Ruth, for your selfless love. Eli, for cheering me on when I was first considering becoming a psychologist. David L., for cheering me on and up, period. Chach, for being my heart-shaped rock. Zoe and Toby, for being the radiant lights in my life—I love being your mom. You, along with Desiree, Evie, Marina, Connor, Ben, and Max, give me hope that the future is in good hands. Most of all, thank you David T.—you are simply my best human. You remind me how good God is.
My dearest friends and life mentors—you know who you are. Whether we are listening closely to one another, solving problems, talking one another off a ledge, praying, or celebrating life—we are for each other. You are my happy place. As is obvious from my research and this book, I think a lot about what makes good relationships good—you bring out the best in one another. And I learned a lot about this from you.
My coauthor, T.—working with you is so fun and interesting every day. You constantly amaze me with your out-of-the-box thinking. You are 75 percent Trailblazer and 75 percent Builder. They don’t add up to 100 percent because you’re so good at multitasking. Beyond these skills and strengths, it’s a gift to work with someone so honorable and trustworthy. You are the real deal.
Where it all started—Lisa Damour. You planted the first seeds with your encouragement to write a book and willingness to share your own learnings as an author. Watching you use your platform to do such good has been my fuel and inspiration.
I (T. K.) am so grateful to:
My family, and especially my wife, Emily. You have always seen the best in me and pushed me to become my best self (even when I don’t want to!). This book wouldn’t have been possible without your support. I’m forever grateful for Max and Theo for providing me with my purpose. A huge thank you to Tony and Jennifer for being the best parents a guy could ask for. I’m grateful for my sister, Jesse, for being the caring, thoughtful, empathetic parent every kid needs. Linda, for being the most committed and caring grandparent. Kate, who has shown me what living out your purpose really means.
I’m also hugely grateful for my Vermont people: You can’t navigate life without the right crew, and I’ve been blessed with the best. Nate, thanks for being my sounding board on our long runs, and pretending to find my ideas interesting (even when hearing them on repeat for the thousandth time). Emily M., thank you for sharing your design talents to bring our ideas to life. Thank you to all my Boston parents. Parenting is the hardest thing in the world, and it helps to brave the journey with fellow travelers.
I also want to thank all my colleagues on this journey. I greatly appreciate your stamina and willingness to endure my endless stream of ideas and questions and my constant efforts to push the envelope and innovate the way things are done. I’ve been lucky enough to have people who empower me in every step of my professional journey.
And to Belle: Meeting you changed the trajectory of my career and my life for the better. I couldn’t have asked for a better mentor and partner on this wild adventure of ours. Thanks for always believing in me, balancing my strengths with your incredible talents, and being such a consistent, authentic force for good. Every day, I’m grateful to be able to call you a coauthor and friend.