Diversify your brand, social, and human capital.
Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.
—MALCOLM X
Should young people go to college? Conventional wisdom about whether to go to college has gone around and around in circles. Go at all costs. Don’t go, it costs too much. Go, but make it worth the cost. The “go at all costs” view emerged on the premise of a college degree as the golden ticket to the American dream. Long ago, a college degree replaced a high school diploma as the minimum qualification for entry into the skilled labor market. And those with college degrees (compared with those without) could earn more money over the course of their lives. The actual stories of underprivileged and first-generation students provide insight into why they fight for their college educations at all costs.
Belle’s father, Chu-yu Liang, describes his life as a “miracle” … because he made it to the United States to pursue the American dream through higher education. It’s an “against-all-odds” story of a fatherless boy and his two sisters in China in the 1940s, when widowed mothers had virtually no means of earning a paycheck and ensuring basic survival. Poverty and food scarcity dictated his school and work choices. When his grandmother suggested that he forgo school to work as an apprentice at a local grocery store, he promised himself he’d pursue his dreams of further education. This road came to constant crossroads—relocations, school transitions, serious illnesses. Each derailed (and spurred) his education. He never had a full year in any one school until he moved to Taiwan and tested into a Chinese Air Force Technical School—his best option for “free” education and boarding. During two years of training to repair military aircraft, he realized he was made for engineering. So he failed the graduation exam on purpose to avoid being forced into the Chinese military. (Unlike the U.S. military, from which one can retire in ten to twenty years, there is no leaving the Chinese military.) Next, Chu took the highly competitive exam for entry into one of only four colleges at the time. He ranked the engineering program first, but was admitted into agricultural college. After two years of majoring in this unrelated field, he attempted again to test into engineering school, this time with success.
He started his entire college degree over as an engineering major in order to pursue this field that would pave the way to higher education in the United States. He was admitted into Oklahoma State University for graduate school. He arrived in the States with a $500 airplane ticket bought by his aunt, a $200 traveler’s check from his mother, and $2,400—the exact amount required for immediate deposit in order to secure a student visa. Two years later, he graduated with an MS in mechanical engineering.
Today, Chu’s children and grandchildren are Americans pursuing their purpose. They are beneficiaries of his Seeker’s Journey—his courage to step off the path again and again to answer the call to adventure. It was not easy. It involved wrong turns, failures, pivots. It involved persistence and sacrifice. It involved great blessings and rewards for generations.
To this day, there continues to be a steady stream of underrepresented college students giving the shirts off their backs for a college degree. But a combination of rising costs and student loan debt, decreased acceptance rates, and stagnant wages has contributed to buyer’s ambivalence and remorse. Lower-cost alternatives have popped up everywhere. Income share agreements. Coding bootcamps. Online credentialing programs. One such program, Make School, is a combination of a short-term coding bootcamp and traditional college whose goal is to get students hired as software engineers. Google’s Career Certificates promise “high-paying high-growth job fields—no college degree required.” Meanwhile, doubts about higher education continue to inch up each time we hear about a college dropout building a fortune in Silicon Valley.
And the list goes on.
Just when we thought ambivalence about going to college couldn’t get worse, it’s gotten worse since COVID-19.1 College enrollment numbers dropped another 5 percent a year after the start of the pandemic. It dropped nearly 10 percent for community colleges. And low-income students were 2.3 times less likely to enroll than higher-income peers. The percentage of Americans ages eighteen to twenty-nine who view college as “very important” dropped 33 percent from 2013 to 2019.2 Forty-six percent of parents said they would prefer that their children not go to a four-year college after high school, even if there were no financial or other barriers.3 A 2021 New America/Third Way survey found that almost two out of every three college students said college “is not worth cost anymore.”4 This says an awful lot about people’s current confidence in the value of higher education.
What’s contributed to doubts about college are strong disputes in the popular press. Pundits often cherry-pick statistics representing one side of the debate:
or
Nine out of ten jobs created are going to people with college degrees.5 Compared to high school grads, typical college graduates will earn about $900,000 more over their working lives.6 For the average person, the net present value of a college degree is $344,000. In other words, this is the amount of money that a college degree is worth today. And its value increases exponentially over one’s career. Estimates put the forty-year net present value of a bachelor’s degree from Boston College at nearly $1.5 million.7
Recent history suggests that a college degree will be more important than ever in the aftermath of COVID-19. In the great recession of 2008, the United States lost 7.2 million jobs. Eighty percent of jobs lost did not require a college degree.8 And when the economy rebounded, an astonishing 95 percent of jobs created during the recovery required education beyond high school.9 We’re already seeing similar trends from the fallout of COVID-19. American workers with only a high school diploma are twice as likely to be unemployed as those with a bachelor’s degree.10 What was true in 2008 is proving to be true today; the worse things get, the more important a degree becomes.
That said, it’s too simplistic to think that college is a good financial investment for all students. The data shows that the payoff is variable: high if you graduate, low if you don’t make it all the way through. It’s estimated that six in ten who start college never finish. It’s especially disturbing that the ones most likely to drop out are underprivileged students.
To add to these disincentives for low-income students, they’re also four times less likely to go to a selective college compared with those from wealthy families who have similar grades and test scores.11 This is the result of undermatching—a well-documented phenomenon where poor students are steered toward programs with low completion rates at the front end of the application process, rather than during admissions.12 Given the risk and hardship, it’s no shock that even those with a lot to gain from a college degree are hedging their bets. After all, only some get into selective institutions, and only some make it to the finish. Even fewer land a meaningful job that can stave off crushing student debt. It’s a pipe dream to think that everyone can enjoy what’s offered at the country’s richest, most prestigious colleges. So shouldn’t we be encouraging students (especially underprivileged ones) to forgo college and focus instead on getting good jobs with fair wages, decent unions, healthcare, and transportation? Why waste time and money when there are entrepreneurs out there making millions without a degree? Entrepreneur Neil Patel lamented that “college was a waste of time, a waste of energy, a waste of money, and a waste of potential.”13
These may seem like compelling arguments. But the true value of college is a little bit more complicated. College is immensely valuable and worth the price of admission when we use it wisely. It’s not enough to just go to college—we need to be intentional about investing in higher education in a way that will pay off in the future.
This brings us to several questions: What should you get out of college? What’s the true value of higher education? When making college decisions, young people should consider three types of value: brand capital, social capital, and human capital.
How people choose a college reveals much about what they think the value of college is. Out of four thousand institutes of higher education in the United States alone, how do people pick one? A quick Google search would tell us there are at least thirty metrics one should consider when choosing a college (e.g., quality of faculty, curriculum, study abroad, etc.).14 But, in reality, students and families (except those driven by affordability) overwhelmingly pick their school based on reputation.15 We look at the list of schools we’ve been accepted to and pick the most exclusive college we can afford. We want to go to the most prestigious school possible. We want the school with the most respected reputation or brand, so that we will be respected. Respect by association.
In marketing, brand equity refers to the social value of a well-respected name. In college selection, we call this brand capital. Brand capital suggests that the value of higher education results from social signaling. A college degree from a “name-brand” institution sends a signal to prospective employers that students are ambitious, talented, and hardworking. This is called the halo effect—if a person has one positive attribute (the college they attended), people assume they have other positive attributes (they are hardworking, ambitious, conscientious, etc.).
Economists explain how a college’s reputation (or brand) signals the value of the college’s people and programs.16 Consumers rely on reputation to evaluate a product’s quality when it’s hard to judge it another way. For example, “experience” products, like a bottle of wine, a healthcare provider, or a college education, are hard to assess without experiencing them first. So we make decisions based on reviews or word of mouth. It’s why people will pay a lot for a bottle of wine that’s been highly rated by a wine connoisseur. And why people want a referral for a doctor. And why people choose a college that’s highly ranked in U.S. News & World Report.
It’s not just students and parents who buy into name-brand schools. It’s employers as well. Elite firms, like Wall Street’s leading investment banks, consulting firms, and law offices, prefer graduates from prestigious colleges.17 They use college reputation as a “quick and dirty” way to infer individual ability. You got into a top-notch college, so you must be top-notch. Halo effect.
A sprinkling of firms, like Deloitte, BBC, and Virgin Money, have switched to a “college-blind” hiring process because they realize that brand name isn’t a perfect measure of student ability. One study showed that when exit exams are available, employers rely less on college reputation and more on individual student ability to set earnings.18 Hopefully, one day these practices will be more widespread so that employers can spot great candidates at lower-ranked schools. In the meantime, make no mistake—brand capital is real. It’s part of why a Mercedes-Benz can cost ten times that of a Hyundai. It’s part of why a Patek watch costs a hundred times more than a Seiko. And it’s often why graduates of prestigious schools get first dibs on interviews for prestigious firms and programs.
Brand capital is important, but its value is exaggerated.
We’ll be talking about two types of capital that far eclipse brand capital’s impact on graduates’ long-term success. The first is the value of relationships people can build while in college. Relationships can be the biggest factor in whether students graduate from college or not. Decades of research have found that formative relationships serve as the foundation for learning, belonging, and thriving.19 Students learn more and fail less when they have close relationships with their professors.20 Even perceptions of relationships drive student outcomes. When students see their professors as helpful, encouraging, and approachable, they’re more likely to build relationships with them and thrive in college. When they view their professors as cold, uncaring, and unapproachable, they’re more likely to disengage academically.21 The more students interact with faculty, the more likely they are to be successful.22 Simply put, when students have relationships with caring adults on campus, they are more satisfied with college, and more successful upon graduation.23
The benefits of these college relationships spill into life beyond college. Students’ networks help them connect to job leads: over 50 percent of all job applicants rely on formal and informal networks during their employment search.24 And networks help students successfully land their jobs. Over half of all job placements are the result of a personal connection. Your network is your net worth. Relationships don’t just help students get through college, they set them up for long-term success.
By long-term success, we’re talking about more than prestige or decent pay. So often people who chose a job for only these reasons admit that they don’t love or even like their work. They work to live, rather than live to work. Since jobs will make up so much of their waking hours and self-identity,25 let’s hold higher hopes for graduates than just barely tolerable jobs. Good jobs have been defined by “work engagement”—doing work you love that uses your strengths and skills and aligns with your values.26 Research reveals that one of the most important things in life is a purposeful job27 and that finding one is the primary reason Americans go to college.28 Unfortunately, Gallup’s State of the American Workplace survey revealed that 70 percent of full-time employees are not engaged at work.29 Only 30 percent are doing work they love.
A survey of thirty thousand graduates was done to see what about a college education prepared them for good jobs and good lives.30 The two factors that were clearly tied to these outcomes were people and experiences.31 What mattered in students’ future work engagement was not how prestigious their college was, but whether they had people on campus who had cared about them as a whole person, got them excited about learning, and encouraged them to pursue their purpose. Supportive relationships during college more than doubled their odds of being engaged in their later work lives.
Hands-on experiences during college also doubled their odds of being engaged in their later work lives. These include internships where students could apply what they were learning in the classroom, extracurricular activities, and working on projects that took at least a semester to complete.
And what’s good for students is also good for colleges. A poll of thousands of alumni found that those who had significant relationships with even one or two professors were twice as likely to find their college experience very rewarding.32 Alumni with seven to ten strong relationships were three times as likely to have an extremely rewarding college experience. Having three friends and taking just one class with one great professor can be the difference between a bad college experience and a great one.33 The true value of education is not the logo on the hood, it’s what’s under the hood. It’s the relationships that students build and the opportunity for experiential, hands-on learning.
The research makes it clear: relationships formed in college are incredibly valuable. Yet it’s not just relationships themselves, but the social capital they provide students.34 Social capital is your access to connections that can promote your potential and purpose.35 The power of social capital happens through four actions: a flow of knowledge, access to opportunity, social credentialing, and reinforcement of identity or position.
Imagine that you’re a graduating senior trying to get your foot in the door of the aviation industry. Your roommate’s aunt is a pilot with Delta Airlines and holds social capital in this competitive field. You ask her for an informational interview and she shares tips she has gleaned through her career (flow of knowledge). She lets you know of a position in her department that hasn’t been posted yet (access to opportunity). She offers to connect you with the hiring manager, to whom she recommends you send your résumé and cover letter directly. It works in your favor to be associated with this aunt, since she is in excellent standing at Delta (halo effect, social credentialing, and reinforcement of identity).
A college campus can dramatically boost your access to social capital. It’s a hotbed of people who have connections to programs, internships, and resources that may be aligned with your vocational aspirations and purpose. Whenever you build a relationship you are expanding your world and the opportunities you have access to.
The day we were completing this chapter, Belle received this letter from a graduate describing their relationship this way:
The further I get in life, the more I realize that I could not have done it without the mentorship and support I was lucky to cultivate throughout my lifetime. Throughout college, I was introduced to so many different interests and new ideas, and I felt like I was standing at a crossroads with a million decisions to make. While sometimes I would try to answer my questions with my own experiences and internet searches, the truth is there was nothing more valuable than the insight of those who had walked the path before me. There was one professor in college that I was able to go to for anything—to talk about my college experiences and my career interests and everything in between. She was able to provide emotional support when I was stressed and guidance from her own career experiences that were relevant to my explorations. She was always honest with me and encouraged me to discover what would make me truly happy. It is because I have had mentors like her in my corner that I have been able to learn and grow based on not only my experiences alone, but also the world of knowledge and experiences that exist in the people around me.
Below are types of social capital you can tap into by asking people in your network questions like these.
Types of Social Capital
These elements of social capital are listed in order from lowest cost to highest. Providing information is easy and relatively painless. Providing a recommendation is potentially more time-intensive and risks the recommender’s reputation. The strength of your relationships with people in your network should factor into the type of social capital you can request from them.
When Tim’s principal asked him to create a job description for himself as director of community engagement, he decided his purpose would be building the social capital of his school. He created a partnership project that formed “official” collaborations with local institutions of higher ed, as well as local employers. Arborists, EMT companies, real estate agencies, and local credit unions all came on board. He sought out workforce development programs and nonprofit organizations.
The benefits of these partnerships were bidirectional. Tim held social capital that organizations valued—access to students they could potentially recruit. The partners all pitched their programs to students, encouraging them to apply. Students who were interested would then meet with their guidance counselors to discuss the fit with their purpose and get help with the application. Although students could’ve applied to these programs on their own, the partnership project reduced the friction of accessing social capital. Social capital came to students’ doorsteps. This project resulted in a 30 percent increase in students matriculating to a high-quality postsecondary program.
The third major asset of a college education is human capital. This is the value you bring to the world. It’s what you have to show for your college experience. Human capital represents all the knowledge and skills you’ve gained. One of the best opportunities to grow human capital is by having formative experiences during college.
In a large study of graduates, there were three key college experiences aligned with finding purposeful work: (1) a mentor who encouraged them to pursue their dreams; (2) an internship or job that helped them apply what they were learning in the classroom; and (3) a class focused on making meaning of their work. In other words, formative experiences led to purposeful work after college.36 And great jobs and great lives go hand in hand. Graduates who have purposeful work are ten times more likely to be happy and healthy.
Employers agree that the value of higher education is driven by formative experience. Over 90 percent of managers and executives said they were more likely to hire a recent graduate who’s had an internship or apprenticeship with an organization.37 In a large study asking employers what they looked for when hiring recent graduates, at the top of their list were internships, employment during college, and volunteer experiences.38 At the bottom of the list? College reputation, grades, and coursework. Employers place more weight on students’ experiences than on academic credentials. They care more about what you’ve done than what you know.
The Association of American Colleges & Universities refers to high-impact practices (HIPs) as college experiences most linked to student engagement, well-being, and career preparation.39 These include first-year seminars, service learning, learning communities, research fellowships, and internships. HIPs provide opportunities to gain hands-on learning and community. HIPs are linked to improved grades, classroom engagement, and course completion and decreased absenteeism.40 They improve students’ critical thinking skills and deepen classroom learning.41
There are two overarching benefits of hands-on experiences: to test and to show. Formative experiences are how we test out our elements of purpose. They provide an opportunity to listen for the call. Liza thought her core values and strengths were best applied in the nursing field, but experience proved otherwise. Experiences are opportunities to listen and hear your call. To build on your technical and universal skills. To try to make a positive impact in the world.
The second benefit is a chance to show your human capital. Experiences are tangible evidence of our capabilities. Saying you’re good at computer programming is not as convincing as actually cracking the code in your data science internship. More and more, the value of higher education is dependent on your ability to communicate it. You have to show your work. Experiences are how we signal to the world our commitment to our values, strengths, skills, and contribution. Experiences allow you to self-credential.
The term “capital” usually refers to money. So often money is the metric used to determine the value of higher education. How much will it cost? What’s the return on investment? It’s time to expand the scope of college capital to include brand, social, and human capital. A college’s benefits for you can go way beyond the U.S. News & World Report ranking, status, and prestige level. While going on a college tour may help you evaluate a college, basing your decision on the beauty of the campus and social skills of the tour guide is equivalent to judging a book by its cover. Yes, meal plans, social life, and location may be side perks to college life, but these factors should not be the bases for choosing a college.
When you’re considering whether a college is for you, use the lens of social capital. Investigate what kinds of relationships you can build at this school, using the four elements of purpose.
Next, critically consider the opportunities for formative experiences.
Formative relationships (social capital) and formative experiences (human capital) are the engines that drive us toward purpose. They’re the key ingredients for living a successful, meaningful life. So we need to advance beyond asking “Should I go to college?” and “Where should I go?” to tackle more pointed questions:
Leveraging social and human capital from the college experience might seem like common sense. But only one in four graduates form caring relationships with faculty members.42 Less than half of all students report engaging in an internship or apprenticeship, even though hiring managers and executives say these are the most important qualifications for employment.43 Marginalized and underrepresented students are faring even worse. Low-income students report even fewer relationships with teachers, nonfamily adults, friends of family, and coaches.44 First-generation college students are nearly three times more likely than peers to report having zero close college relationships.45
What’s going on? Why are students struggling to build relationships and take advantage of hands-on opportunities in college? Unfortunately, they are part of a growing epidemic sweeping across the country.
They feel alone.
A recent survey of twenty thousand people showed that loneliness in the United States is on the rise.46 A majority feel that no one knows them well (58 percent) and often or always feel alone (52 percent). Almost two-thirds of respondents feel that their interests and ideas are not shared by those around them. Of all demographics, Gen Z (those age eighteen to twenty-two), were most likely to report feeling chronically lonely (79 percent), compared with millennials (71 percent) and boomers (50 percent).47 Loneliness is their number one fear, ranking ahead of losing a home or a job.48
They have cause for worry. Lonely people are at greater risk for premature mortality. The physical health fallout of loneliness is on par with substance abuse, obesity, injury, and violence.49 U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy describes loneliness as “the subjective feeling that you’re lacking the social connections you need. It can feel like being stranded, abandoned, or cut off from the people with whom you belong—even if you’re surrounded by other people. What’s missing when you’re lonely is the feeling of closeness, trust, and the affection of genuine friends, loved ones, and community.”50
Despite the deeply felt pain associated with loneliness, we don’t do ourselves any favors in order to get out of it. Eighty-five percent of American adults prefer to rely on themselves as opposed to other people, and four out of five agree that they rely solely on themselves.51 Asking for help seems somehow antithetical to the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality of Americans. People fear that asking for help will make them seem incompetent, inferior, and dependent on others.52 There’s a fear that asking for help signals that you need it.
Ironically, the opposite is true: seeking help makes individuals seem more competent to others, not less.53 And it shows you are willing to take risks. Asking for advice actually conveys confidence and wisdom (you know what you don’t know, and you know when to ask).54 Employees who ask for help are happier and more successful in their roles.55
Another challenge is that even when students want help, most don’t know how to ask for it. People aren’t taught to identify the type of help they need and when. And if you don’t know what you need, you can’t make an effective ask. Below is a guide for growing your capital. We’ll walk you through exactly what you need to know about what type of support to look for and how to find it, as well as strategies for recruiting people to be on your team. We’ll show you how to use the language of purpose to build transformative relationships and ace any job interview.
The first step to growing your capital is making room for it. We are often so busy that we can’t add another thing. Our lives are spread two miles wide and half an inch deep. Growing capital requires time and going deeper in a few manageable directions. It doesn’t mean running in a million new directions. It means spring cleaning to remove some distractions and clutter, so that the most valued things can be discovered. We realize that for the overscheduled students of today, this may seem like an impossible feat. Below we provide some practical tips, but it’s essentially prioritizing relationships we care about and pursuing experiences that are meaningful to us, and not being afraid to say no to “opportunities” that fall outside these descriptions.
In our homes, college dorm rooms, and work computers, many of us have what’s called a junk drawer (or closet). It’s a place where we throw everything that might be of use. It becomes a big, unorganized mess. Some of the things might have been worth keeping, but now everything is inaccessible. And we didn’t put the things of value in their rightful places, so we could find them when we needed them. Now, as a result, we have no clue what’s even in the drawer.
Often we live life like this. Accepting all offers for friendship, a good time, or a résumé line item. We jam-pack them all into our overflowing drawer. Maybe some of these taught us important lessons that can be used to make future decisions. But since we didn’t have a good filter for curating our college (or other) experiences, now we don’t know what to make of it all.
We need some smaller bins for organizing these experiences, so that we can use them to help us make future choices. To borrow a few tips from the organizing expert Marie Kondo, we need to simplify our lives. We need a filter for making these daily choices about which things are life-giving and aligned with our purpose. And which are not. This is not to say we can never do anything that’s a waste of time. Take time to rest, play, hang out with friends and family, binge Netflix, and do nothing. We need breaks, after all.
But since your time is precious, be selective about the relationships and experiences you deeply invest in. Sometimes this means that opportunities that come your way are not for this season of your life. (Trust us when we say that so many of the opportunities that we think are “once in a lifetime” will come around again. So be patient.) Sometimes it means it’s time to let go of the ones that are no longer serving you well. Maybe they once were, but are not anymore. Thank them for the role they once played—then let them go.
In the next sections, we’re going to give you some bins and tips for organizing your capital so that you can make a plan to pursue them selectively.
As mentioned, Seekers, just like hero/ines, have mentors and other companions with them on their adventures. As the saying goes, no person is an island. On your purpose journey, there are three different types of people who help you navigate. But if you don’t know to look for them, they might just pass you by. So who are they?
Sometimes we need companions, confidants, sidekicks who are there for us when we hit a bump in the road. Anchors are the people we feel comfortable reaching out to at four in the morning to share our troubles. They inherently get us. They’re good at knowing what we need, when we need it. We call them Anchors for a reason: in times of uncertainty, they ground us. They’re trustworthy and there for us even when the whole world has left us. Anchors make us feel psychologically safe being our authentic selves. They have our back. They are like Sherpas who carry our backpacks and tell us what to bring in order to climb to the summit.
Also, don’t forget your sidekick groups. Sometimes they’re a support group, your safe haven for clearing out some mental baggage. Often it’s the people who say, “Come on over.” The three words that promise relief or fun is on the way. Game nights and Netflix binges with besties. Shooting hoops with roomies. Being together is your reset button even when not a word is spoken. In any shape and form, Anchors are people you do life with.
Who’s your person(s)? Do you have people on your team who unconditionally support you through thick and thin?
Other times, what we most need is guidance. While Anchors break our fall, Guides move us forward. They’ve been where we are heading. Life is a steep climb, and it’s encouraging to have those ahead of us on the journey “call back.” Guides tell us which mountain to climb, where the rocks are, the bumps, and how to navigate the climb. They may even order us the food and equipment. When we’re at an inflection point in our journey, and we’re unsure of what to do next, Guides are the people who can best help us. We turn to them for advice or information. They are practical and clear-minded. The organizational psychologist Herminia Ibarra refers to Guides as “strategizers” who share insider information that can be used to move forward or get ahead.56
Do you have access to people who help you make decisions? Whom do you turn to for wisdom and direction?
When we know where to go, we may need help getting there. Bridges can connect us to opportunities and resources. They can help us access other formative relationships or experiences as we pursue our purpose. Bridges are at a point in their journeys where we would like to be. They’re farther along on the very type of journey that motivates and inspires us. They can throw us a line, or serve as a bridge from where we are to where they are. Their lived experiences serve as road maps. They’ve gained insights or significant achievements that we could benefit from. Bridges are the people who can introduce us to a person whom we need to hear a “yes” from. They help get our foot in the door or over the transom, so that we can make the magic happen. Our world is flatter than ever, and so new Bridges are often just a LinkedIn connection away. Ibarra refers to them as opportunity givers who provide introductions to other influential people.57
You may already have more Anchors, Guides, and Bridges than you realize. How many people do you think you know? Hazard a guess. The average American knows six hundred people.58 We drastically underestimate the number of people we know. It’s because there’s a cognitive limit to the number of people we can have a stable relationship with—for most, that number hovers between one hundred and two hundred.59 Our brains can’t easily recall everyone we’ve had a relationship with. Our networks are way bigger and more valuable than we give them credit for.
So, let’s create a visual of your latent networks. In the center of a large piece of paper, write your name. Put the names of all the people you know around your name. Include your family members, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors. Cast a wide net. Write down everyone you know. Include people you’re currently close to, as well as old acquaintances and classmates. As you begin writing names down, consider the connections each of these people have. Write down those names as well. An interesting thing happens. The more names we write down, the more people keep coming to mind. This is called activating our latent network. Try to write down all of your first- and second-degree network members. That is, you know them directly (first degree) or the person you know has direct connections with them (second degree). Those closest to you should be placed closest to your name, while mild acquaintances should be positioned farther from the center of your network.
Once you’ve finished your eco-map, step back and take a look. Not bad! This is your social capital.
The next step is knowing what to ask for from your social network. Organize the names of your supports into these three categories (it’s fine to put the same names in more than one category):
|
Anchors |
Guides |
Bridges |
|---|---|---|
|
Emotional support and sounding boards |
Information, advice, and guidance |
Access to opportunities and other people |
The type of support we need often depends on our stage of the Seeker’s Journey, and it would be helpful to use the chart above to think through who we might reach out to. If we’re still considering all possible life directions, we’re in the exploration stage. We can reach out to Anchors for emotional support and to act as sounding boards for generating ideas. If we’ve narrowed our options down, we’re in the deciding stage. We can reach out to Guides for advice and guidance. If we’ve made a decision and are pursuing a specific goal, we can reach out to Bridges for recommendations and referrals.
Guiding Question |
Stage |
Support Needed |
Support Person |
|---|---|---|---|
|
Open-ended and broad: What are my options? |
Learning and exploring |
Emotional support, sounding board, and ideas |
Anchors |
|
Close-ended and specific: Should I do X or Y? |
Deciding |
Guidance and advice |
Guides |
|
“How” questions: How do I achieve my goal? |
Pursuing |
Recommendations and referrals |
Bridges |
We’re aware that most people despise networking. What comes to mind are awkward, transactional conversations. We don’t like acting fake and superficial. We don’t like asking for help, burdening people, or feeling indebted. We don’t like using people like props.
Fortunately, the networking we’re talking about is different. Traditional networking is about gaining things from others; we are talking about building a relationship. It’s about making a genuine connection. It’s powered by interest, enjoyment, and a sense of awe that we’re all part of a giant tapestry, each playing our part in the world and connected by tiny threads. This invisible web of connections holds us all together. The connections are always there. Always ready for us to tighten them.
And we do this simply by approaching people with sincere curiosity. Dale Carnegie put it this way: “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”60 Social networking involves an open heart and mind toward people. An enthusiasm for trying to understand and learn from the people we meet. We want to know what makes them tick, and what gets them up in the morning.
We see our shared core humanity with the person in front of us, so we’re not intimidated or put off by the surface differences between us. We delight in the differences. We seek to diversify our networks. It’s a little like diversifying our portfolios. This is one of the most important principles of investing. It means ensuring that you spread your capital among different investments so that you’re not relying on just one investment for all your returns.
Networking is the opposite of “finding our people,” which is code for going through life looking to meet others just like us. It’s stepping out of that comfort zone into the unknown. Networking is one of the best parts of our call to adventure. People are interesting, and there are souls out there worth knowing. When we meet people different from us we’re stretched. We learn new things. We go deeper in our convictions and understandings.
Every interaction can be mutually beneficial. According to self-determination theory, everyone has three psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. And a fourth one may be added: beneficence. “Beneficence” is defined as “the sheer pleasure of having contributed to others.”61 In other words, helping others is a pleasure.62
Keep this in mind when reaching out to those in your network. You’re not just asking for a handout. You’re not thinking, “What can I get from this person?” Instead, you’re giving someone an opportunity to make a positive impact on someone else. That someone else is you. Yes, it’s a favor, but it’s also a gift. If someone reached out to you because they saw you as an expert in the field and believed you could help them move forward in their lives, how would you feel? Important and needed? Requests like this meet the needs of both the helpee and the helper. Asking for help from people brings out the best in them. The hard part is knowing what type of help you need and how to ask for it.
The more specific your ask, the more likely you are to get a favorable response. Here’s an ask that’s too vague: I was hoping you could talk to me to help me figure out my future.
Much better ask: I am a recent college graduate interested in product management, because my internship in application support made me realize I love working with customers. Would you be willing to talk with me for fifteen minutes about what skills and certification I would need to be marketable for product management positions?
In the first ask, it wasn’t clear how the expert could be helpful. If people don’t think they can be helpful, they won’t accept the offer. The second ask provided a brief reason for the interest in the field and explained how the expert could be helpful: by talking about the skills and training needed to be marketable in the expert’s field. A clear ask reassures people that they can be helpful and their time is well spent. The clear ask should be followed by a clear thank-you that is very specific about how the expert was helpful and how much the time spent was appreciated.
On the next page we provide a template for how to ask for help at different stages of your Seeker’s Journey.
Invest in your social network members. Pay it forward. Ask them, “How can I help you?” Before requesting anything from them, offer to help first. Express encouragement and affirmation. If someone asks for something like an informational interview, say yes when your schedule allows. Connect people who you think would be interested in each other. Offer advice when solicited. Answer inquiries in a timely manner.
In a recent example, a former student of Belle’s took the time to write to her on LinkedIn: “I was fondly telling a coworker about the awesome applied psych practicum I took in college and was reminded how grateful I am to have had that opportunity … I truly would not be as happy or excited about where I am today without it. So thank you for all that you did and I hope all is well!” Belle responded by inviting her to come to the current practicum class and share her career story. She immediately responded affirmatively: “Absolutely, I would love to! I was able to connect with Alannah while she was in your class last semester and I was thrilled to hear she was in BC HR just like I was. Please feel free to reach out now or in the future through LinkedIn or my email. So great to reconnect!” She came and did a beautiful job presenting in Belle’s class. You can bet that Belle will be eager to write letters of recommendation for her in the future.
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ANCHORS Emotional support and sounding boards |
GUIDES Information, advice, and guidance |
BRIDGES Access to opportunities and other people |
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I’m considering options after high school. I have no idea what I want to do for a career, so I would love to learn from as many different perspectives as possible. Would you be willing to chat for fifteen minutes about your college experience and how it was helpful (or not) in your career decisions? |
I’m going to college next year and majoring in education. I think I want to become either a teacher or a school counselor, but don’t know how to decide. Would you be willing to chat for fifteen minutes about your experience as an educator and give me some insights or advice? |
I’m graduating from college this year and looking to start my career as a data analyst at a large financial firm. Since you work at Morgan Stanley, your wisdom would be invaluable to me. Would you be willing to chat for fifteen minutes about tips and strategies I could use to land my first job? If not, are there other people in your field you recommend I talk to? |
The more we reflect on our network members, the more we realize how abundant our connections are. The more specific our ask for help, the more likely we are to receive it. Now comes the real challenge … actually having that sit-down conversation and making it count.
Here’s a big tip. We build relationships with people by finding commonalities. The more we share in common with someone, the more we like them. The more we get to know anyone, the more we realize we have in common. The challenge is keeping a conversation going long enough to make these connections.
Here’s a way to prepare for rich conversations. Ask yourself: What are five things you would want to know about anyone you meet? Write them down and then create questions to ask for each one. This simple exercise will help you invite people to share genuinely about themselves.
A variant of the same exercise helps you to prepare to do the same. Ask yourself: What are five things I would want someone to know about me?
In case you’re wondering what you have in common with a network member who seems very different from yourself (e.g., age, race, gender, etc.), we’ll let you in on a secret. You both have some sense of purpose. Here’s how to get people talking about these deeper parts of themselves en route to discovering commonalities.
Inevitably, in answering these questions, commonalities will surface. And as we point out the shared values, strengths, skills, or impact, meaningful connections will form.
In the process of talking about purpose, there will be opportunities for you to ask for information, advice, and wisdom:
The more conversations we have like this, the more knowledge and wisdom we will acquire. We’ll build on opportunities and understanding of the job landscape. We’ll walk away each time with insights to help us navigate our journeys. And we may gain our most valued relationships of our lifetime.
After connecting with our network members, we should always express appreciation by explaining the help and value they provided. A gratitude letter can follow this template:
Closing the loop like this not only makes them feel good by letting them know how they were of service to you, but it also signals that they’re now on your team. Keep them updated on your journey and thank them for their contributions. Beneficence in action. The people who help you often become your greatest cheerleaders, if you give them the chance. You also benefit from sending this letter. Gratitude letter writers experience increased life satisfaction and decreased depressive symptoms.63 Recent top Twitter trends show that despite overarching anxiety and sadness during the COVID-19 year, tweets that express gratitude have increased 20 percent.64 People look for something to be grateful for in the midst of difficult times.
Once we’ve explored and discovered our direction, how do we get accepted into the school, program, or job? In other words, how do we convince an employer or admissions committee to give us a shot? Here’s another secret. Selection committees and interviewers need to be convinced of three things:
Answering these (sometimes unspoken) questions well can seal the deal.
The admissions committee wants to know if you will invest in your classes, take advantage of all the resources available to you, and be “all in” at their institution. Employers want to know if you will meet deadlines and go the extra mile to be successful. Whether they directly ask or not, they’re looking for evidence of your motivation to invest in their position.
An effective and genuine way to show them your motivation is to share with them your fifth purpose principle—the need you want to meet in the world. Share the story of your calling and why it’s important to you. Show them how you can pursue this aspiration by joining their organization. Show them how the position you’re applying for will help you pursue your aspiration to make a particular contribution. When colleges or employers understand the impact you want to make, and how it’s connected to their position or organization, they’ll appreciate the depth of your intrinsic motivation.
Besides the motivation to work hard, organizations want to know if you have the competencies to do the job. You can address this question (whether or not they ask you directly) by communicating your strengths and the skills you want to master. Study the list of strengths and skills listed in their job posting. Then show your work. In other words, use specific examples to show them how your strengths align with the strengths they’re looking for. Tell stories of times you’ve leveraged these strengths in and out of school. List some skills you’ve committed to mastering over time, and describe how their organization provides you an opportunity to do so. If you don’t have a specific skill they are looking for, you can turn this into your advantage; as a lifelong learner, you’re most interested in this college or position because it provides an opportunity to build skills you’re eager to develop. Express your ambition, motivation, and long-term commitment.
The third thing organizations want to know is what you’ll add to their community. Will you be a good team player? Will you be a positive addition to the organizational culture? Are you someone people in their community will like and want to work with? Maintaining a positive and healthy culture is a top priority in most organizations. You can have all the motivation and skills in the world, but if no one wants to be around you, it’s a nonstarter. To give them a sense of your kindred spirit and character, show them how your core values align with the organization’s core values.