Faith
The smell woke me before anything else. Stale cigarettes, beer, and cheap perfume. It seemed Spade had enough of the clubhouse and had come home. Lucky me. I didn’t dare move, or give him any hint he’d woken me. I heard him stumble around and bump into things, then the thump of his boots hitting the floor. By the time he’d undressed and fallen into bed, tension filled every muscle in my body, and I was ready to bolt if necessary.
Within minutes of him falling into bed, I heard the first snore. I breathed a sigh of relief and forced myself to relax. It seemed he’d had too much to drink. As much as I hated him driving here intoxicated, I was also grateful he’d passed out. It meant I didn’t have to deal with his bullshit.
If I’d known he was part of a motorcycle club called the Raging Demons, I’d have never gone on that first date. Instead, he’d lured me in with his charm and good looks. I’d paid the price for so long. One stupid mistake led to years of abuse and suffering at his hands. I hated him. Not just him. His entire club. They were all cheating assholes who took out their anger on whatever person was handy. Didn’t matter if that ended up being their girlfriend, kid, or an innocent bystander. They made me sick.
And I’d been stuck with him for years.
At sixteen, I’d thought I knew everything. People warned me away from Spade, and I hadn’t listened. They’d called him an outlaw. A bad seed. Said he ran with a rough crowd. It had thrilled me that an older guy liked me. Until I discovered he’d knocked me up. He’d forced me to drop out of high school, saying he’d take care of us. While he’d made sure I had food to eat, a car to drive, and a roof over my head, it hadn’t been worth the hefty price.
No more. At thirty-four, I’d found my courage. Or maybe I’d finally just had enough of Spade and the Raging Demons. I’d planned to run tonight. The fact he’d come home wrecked my plans. I’d have to suffer through his presence a little while longer. He’d likely go back to the clubhouse tomorrow, or maybe the day after. Once I knew he was gone and not coming right back, I’d make my move. I’d been setting aside some cash. Had a bag stuffed with fake IDs, the keys to an old car, and clothes for me and the kids. Everything we’d need to start over, far from here.
I’d felt so stupid. I wasn’t even the one who’d come up with this plan. No, that honor went to my courageous daughter, Piper. She might only be sixteen, but she had a strength I’d never possessed. She’d done her research and found a way for us to leave. A woman she knew at the hospital, one who had treated our wounds one too many times not to become suspicious, had helped with the identification, stash of money, and the car.
If I’d been smart, I’d have left long before I had children. No, I’d have never dated him to begin with. When I told him about our first baby, he’d seemed happy. I’d dropped out, moved into this house with him, and then the abuse started. He’d sent me tumbling down the stairs one night, and I’d lost our baby. If that hadn’t happened, Piper would have had an older brother. Looking back, I wondered if Spade had done it on purpose. He wouldn’t have liked having another man in the house, even if it was his son.
After Piper, I’d had another miscarriage, also a boy. Her sister, Cordelia, wasn’t born for several more years. Even still, at twelve, she understood far more than she should have. I’d had another miscarriage after Cordy. Another boy. The doctor said I shouldn’t have more children and cautioned me against getting pregnant again. I’d gotten on birth control pills, except I’d gotten sick and had to take antibiotics.
It figured Spade would want sex during that time. The pills had been rendered useless, and I’d gotten pregnant again. The child in my belly now would be another casualty of Spade’s jealousy and anger if I didn’t escape. I didn’t know for certain if I’d carry the baby to term, but I refused to let the wretched man hurt another of our children. Even though I was only fourteen weeks pregnant, the doctor felt certain during the ultrasound my baby was a boy. I’d known then I needed to leave. The moment Spade realized I was pregnant with another boy, it would all be over. I couldn’t let him kill another of our children.
I mentally went over everything I’d gathered, and how we’d get to the car stashed in a parking lot a mile away. I didn’t have a destination in mind. I just knew I needed to get as far from Spade and the Raging Demons as I possibly could. Whatever it took, I’d keep my children safe. I refused to lose another one, especially since the doctor said this would likely be my last. If this baby didn’t make it, I wouldn’t have the chance to have another.
Just a little more time… soon, we’d be free from this hell, and we’d never look back.
The door opened slowly, and I peered into the hallway. Piper pressed her finger to her lips as she glared at her dad snoring next to me. She crept into the room, silent as a mouse, and kneeled beside the bed.
“Cordy is sick,” she whispered. “She has a fever. A bad one.”
I nodded. Maybe we could make a run for it after all. As much as I didn’t want to use my daughter’s illness as a means of escape, it couldn’t be helped. If I stayed until she recovered, we might lose our chance to get away for quite a while. Not to mention, it meant I’d risk Spade figuring out the baby was a boy. The doctor had printed a picture from the ultrasound, and while I’d hidden it, Spade always had a knack for finding things. It amazed me he hadn’t discovered my little stash so far. If he had, I’d likely be dead by now. He wasn’t the type of man to let someone walk out on him.
“I’ll write your dad a note and we’ll take her to the hospital,” I whispered back, then winked at her, so she’d know it was time to leave and not come back. She gave me a nod, her jaw tightening. I saw the resolve on her face and knew she was ready to get out of here.
I eased off the bed. Once I stood, I paused. Spade stopped snoring. I stared at him, my heart racing, and realized he was staring me down.
“Where the fuck you going?” he asked, his words slurring.
“Cordelia is running a high fever. I need to take her to the ER. Get some rest. You know those doctors take forever. We’ll likely be gone a few hours.”
He grunted. “Better have breakfast on the table in the morning.”
I nodded. “I will. Promise. Just need to get her some medicine so she’ll sleep and get better. You know if I don’t, she’ll cry and keep you up all night.”
“Fine.” He rolled over and almost immediately started snoring again.
I didn’t dare take any extra time. I changed as quickly as I could, grabbed what we needed, and hustled the girls into the car. I’d originally planned to leave it at the house, but I couldn’t now. I didn’t dare chance him coming out when he didn’t hear the engine turn over. Instead, I’d stash it within walking distance of the parking garage, then we’d switch to the other vehicle.
It wasn’t until the neighborhood was a speck in the distance I finally loosened my white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. I glanced at Piper and saw her scanning our surroundings.
“We’ll ditch the car in a minute and walk to the other one. I know your sister needs medical attention, but we’ll have to stop along the way. Preferably in the next state and using our new IDs. I’m just not sure we have enough cash to cover an ER visit.” I worried at my bottom lip. “Maybe one of those emergency clinics? We can find one along the way.”
“Cordy will be fine, Mom. You know she’d rather get the hell away from that asshole, no matter what it takes.”
I nodded. Yeah, I knew. We all felt the same way, and now our dreams were coming true. I wouldn’t rest until we had lots of miles between us and the Raging Demons. Only then would I allow myself the hope we could have a new start. I’d at least stop at a pharmacy for some over-the-counter pain reliever and fever reducer. It might help keep her comfortable until I could get her to a doctor.
“We’ve got this, Mom,” Piper said.
“I know.” I reached over and took her hand. “You’ve been so brave and resourceful. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be able to escape. I’m sorry I’ve been such a horrible mom. I should have never stayed with him, but if I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have you, Cordelia, or your little brother. And I adore all of you.”
“We love you too, Mom. Just get us out of here.”
We parked the car and made our way to the one the nurse had purchased and stashed in the parking garage. By the time the sun was rising over the horizon, I was barely awake and knew we needed to stop for a while. I bypassed any large cities and pulled off when I saw a sign advertising a small town. It looked like they had a few places to eat, two gas stations, and one motel. I didn’t think Spade would try to find us here if he even figured out which direction we went. We’d made it out of state at the very least, so I felt marginally better about stopping for a bit.
For that matter, he might wake up, realize we were gone, and go celebrate the fact he no longer had a bunch of women costing him money.
I could hope at any rate.
Then again, he’d always threatened to kill me if I left him. He didn’t love me. Barely tolerated the girls. I didn’t know why he made us stay unless it made him feel powerful. Or perhaps he didn’t want to lose his favorite punching bag. I’d never know, because I wouldn’t see that man again. I’d run as far as I had to, as long as he couldn’t find us.