Chapter Five

Lori stood on the lawn, looking out toward the road, or rather what she could see of the road through the underbrush. She had a clipboard in her hands and was alternately making sketches and looking at her surroundings. In the back pocket of her jeans were the just-developed pictures she’d taken of the farm.

It was a distractingly clear day, but Lori was barely aware of that fact. Foremost in her mind was that the farm was to be made accessible to visitors and thus major walkways had to be established while retaining the grounds’ unique flavor. She’d decided to allow visitors to come up to the front of the springhouse but to stop them there. If they were able to walk around the low stone structure, that would destroy much of the English ivy that crawled up the rock sides and stretched along the slope leading to the springhouse. She’d been relieved to hear that a parking area would be established at the entrance to the farm and thus no heavy clearing near the house would take place.

She was only vaguely aware of a screen door opening behind her and jumped when Ruth called her name.

“Oh, my dear, you were lost in thought, weren’t you?” Ruth said as she stood holding on to the door. “Are you terribly busy?”

Lori pressed a hand to her forehead and grimaced. “Not if I can help it. I think I’m getting brain drain from all this thinking. Is there something I can do for you?”

“I hope so. I’d like to walk out to the barn and see the work that’s being done, but I don’t trust my legs.”

“Of course.” Lori tucked her pencil in her back pocket and laid her clipboard on the ground. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to poke around there myself. Let me help you down the stairs.”

Lori was bothered by how much Ruth relied on her strength to get out of the screened porch and down onto the grass, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she complimented Ruth on her bright green sweater and the matching slacks that set off her still-slender body. “I’ve been so busy the past few days,” Lori said. “I’m sorry I haven’t come by and thanked you again for the coffee.”

“No thanks are necessary, and I know how busy you’ve been. I watched you taking pictures the other day. Did you get what you needed?”

Lori assured the elderly woman that she now had a complete record of the farm’s present condition. “I should have a complete set of the historical pictures from the museum by this afternoon,” she explained. “Now that I’ve made a preliminary determination of what needs to be done to restore the grounds to what the pictures show, I’ll be getting together with Shade this afternoon.” She shook her head at the sudden thought. “I’m eager to get started. It’s probably a good thing I have to get approval before I jump into things.”

“You haven’t seen Shade lately? I don’t understand that man.” Ruth pursed her lips as they started down the gravel road leading to the barn. “I don’t know what I’m going to have to do to make him aware of the fact that there’s an attractive woman under his nose. He can keep his nose to the grindstone only so long.”

He’s aware of me, Lori thought, but kept the thought to herself. Instead she said something about both of them being very busy and then guided the conversation around until Ruth was explaining how her father and two other farmers had built the impressive barn in less than a month. As they stood outside the barn’s entrance and stared up at the exposed rafters, Lori tried to put herself in Ruth’s father’s position. Today when someone needed a barn built, they contracted to have the work done and hurried the job along with the aid of modern equipment. She had no idea how three men had managed to build a three-story barn without jeopardizing life and limb. She could only hope that visitors to the farm would appreciate that basic fact.

Ruth breathed heavily for a minute. “My doctor tells me I should move where there aren’t any stairs. The crazy man. I can’t leave here.”

“Ruth, maybe he has a point,” Lori started hesitantly. She hated saying anything, but there was no ignoring how much Ruth depended on her for balance. “Is there any way you can have one of those stair elevators installed in your house? It might make it easier for you to get around.”

“I’m not putting any damn elevator in my house! When we’re done here, I’ll show you the inside. It’d ruin everything I hold dear about the place to put in one of those contraptions.”

Lori bit her tongue. Obviously Ruth had made up her mind about that matter. And yet Lori couldn’t help but worry. Ruth lived alone. If Ruth fell, she would be without help for a long time.

“I’m dying to see if the barn owls have any babies,” Ruth said as they entered the cool, open barn interior. “We’ve had owls nesting here for close to forty years. I told Shade I’d have his workmen kicked out on their ears if they did anything to disturb my owls.”

Lori giggled at the idea of Ruth’s giving Shade a boot but admitted that the woman would probably try to make good on her threat. “Where are the owls?” she asked, blinking in an attempt to adjust to the contrast between deep shadows and what light came through the spaces between the barn’s side boards. A couple of men were placing heavy jacks under a corner of the barn in preparation for placing a new foundation, but they were being kept company by several curious chickens, not barn owls.

Ruth walked to the middle of the barn and pointed upward. Straight overhead, Lori could just make out some kind of platform near the top of one of the main support timbers. “That’s where my babies are,” Ruth explained. “Darn these old eyes. I can’t see a thing. Do you see any movement?”

Lori waited, her neck aching from the unnatural position until she thought she detected a slight movement. As she concentrated, she caught the movement again and then was able to make out the rounded brown head and large, stern eyes looking down at her. A thrill of discovery shot through her. “There they are. I see one of them.”

“The babies. What about the babies?”

Again Lori concentrated. The shadows at the top of the barn were so deep that when the owl stopped moving, she couldn’t see him, and yet she was sure there was some kind of nest to one side of the platform. Suddenly, with a flurry of wings, another owl joined the first and started dipping its head repeatedly toward the nest. “I think they’re feeding the babies,” Lori exclaimed, laughing with the joy of her discovery. “I’m sure that’s what’s happening.”

Ruth sighed and laughed with Lori. “I just had to make sure my babies were safe. I have deer that come around the fruit trees and rabbits in the wheat fields, but the barn owls have always been my favorite. My husband and I discovered them together.”

Lori lowered her head to look at Ruth. Although the elderly woman was still smiling, her eyes were glistening. Lori put her arm around Ruth’s shoulder. “You miss him, don’t you?” she said softly.

“Of course I miss the old goat. That’s why I won’t listen to that fool doctor. I can’t leave Jack here alone.”

Lori was silent. She understood what Ruth was saying but needed time to think about the deeper truth being expressed. Jack Kadin was dead, but his memory remained at the farm. This was the only true home Ruth had known, where she’d spent fifty years of married life.

“I think that’s beautiful,” Lori whispered as they walked back out into the sunlight. “Not many people have the kind of memories you do.”

“They’re precious,” Ruth said softly. “Sometimes at night I miss Jack so much I don’t think I can stand it, but then day comes, and I see him everywhere I look. I’m very happy then.”

“I’m sorry the nights are hard.”

“It can’t be helped, child; it can’t be helped.” Ruth gave her a mischievous wink. “Jack and I made those old bedsprings creak right up until he died. Some people don’t believe that. They don’t believe a man in his seventies wants to make love to a wrinkled old woman. That’s ridiculous! When you love someone, it doesn’t matter how old and ugly you are. You still need that kind of closeness.”

Lori hurt for Ruth, but when she looked into Ruth’s eyes, she saw the light of memories shining back at her, not sorrow. For a minute Lori wasn’t sure she could breathe without risking tears herself. What a beautiful, precious relationship Ruth and Jack had had! And how far she was from experiencing what Ruth was telling her.

Ruth had been holding on to Lori’s arm, but now she stopped and patted Lori’s hand “What’s wrong?”

Lori blinked. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking about what you were saying.”

“It was more than that, my dear. I see it in your face. There’s something terribly sad there. I think you need a man to make love to.”

“Ruth!” Lori didn’t know whether to laugh or be embarrassed.

“What?” Ruth asked, her own eyes too round and innocent to be believed. “You were married. You have to know what it’s like to have a man around whenever you need one.”

“I’m afraid I don’t.” Lori questioned the wisdom of telling Ruth the truth, but she was afraid her eyes would give her away anyway. “I didn’t have that kind of marriage.”

“What kind of marriage did you have?”

Lori tried to give Ruth an offended look. “You ask a lot of questions.”

“That’s one of the privileges of being over eighty. I’m allowed to be as nosy as I want. You didn’t like making love?”

“It isn’t as simple as that,” Lori admitted. Not only wasn’t she offended; for some reason Lori was ready to face the question squarely. “Those barn owls? They make love because some instinct tells them to. They don’t think about how they both argued over the same mouse or worry over who’s going to do most of the work building a nest. Humans mess things up by letting their minds get involved with their bodies.”

“You aren’t telling me anything,” Ruth chided.

Lori waited until she’d gotten Ruth back up the stairs and seated comfortably in her rocker. “I guess I’m not,” she admitted. “I tried so hard at first to be the kind of wife Brett wanted. I tried to like parties and noise and sharing everything about my life with him. When I realized that wasn’t going to work, I started to resent him. Why couldn’t he allow me my own space? Why did I have to be what he wanted?” Lori shook her head. “Even that stopped. Finally, I realized I was the one who was out of step. It wasn’t wrong for a person to want to be included in every aspect of his spouse’s life. I couldn’t help what my upbringing was like or change the reality of never really being close to anyone except my father. I didn’t like being asked to share my every thought, my every emotion, and I didn’t know how to make myself like that. So I let go.”

Ruth had folded her hands peacefully in her lap, but her eyes were anything but peaceful or relaxing to look at. “Your ex-husband sounds like a very insecure man.”

“Oh, no,” Lori tried to reassure her. “He was a very successful businessman. He knew what he wanted out of life.”

“And he wanted you to fit into that life without having any leeway of your own. That, my dear, is insecurity.”

Lori stood looking down at Ruth. She’d never thought of it that way before. It simply didn’t fit in with what she’d faced when her marriage fell apart. “I’m the one who was the misfit. My father was a cross between a gypsy and a hermit. I take after him.”

“Then why are you standing here talking to an old woman? If you were a gypsy or a hermit, you’d have packed your tent and walked on down the road.”

Lori had no words to counter what Ruth had said. She was getting a headache from being asked to go back and dig up the remains of a failed marriage. It didn’t matter anyway. She was divorced. Starting over with Brett was the last thing she’d ever attempt. “You’re too deep for me, Ruth,” she admitted. “I can’t keep up with you.”

Ruth gave her a long, intense look. “I doubt that. But I do think it’s going to take you a while to stop blaming yourself. You have to. Otherwise, you can’t get on with your life.”

Lori thought Ruth might be too tired to take her on the promised tour of her house, but after resting a few minutes, the older woman insisted on taking her through the ground-floor rooms. “There are three bedrooms upstairs, but two of them are closed off, and I don’t go into mine more than once a day,” Ruth explained. “That old quack of a doctor is right about one thing. Stairs and I don’t get along like we used to.”

It didn’t bother Lori that she was unable to see the upstairs. She was content to poke through the old-fashioned kitchen with rust stains in the sink, handmade curtains over the dining-nook windows and herbs hanging drying from the low ceiling. Ruth had many of her china dishes out on display, but Lori was afraid to handle them after she learned that they were over a hundred years old. The living room and formal sitting room were constructed with hardwood floors covered with accent rugs that had been made from rags by Ruth and, before her, by her mother.

The furniture went with hardwood floors and faded rugs. Although they were obviously antiques, they were meant to be used and not hidden under dustcovers. Lori was afraid to sit in one rocker because the cane backing had frayed in several places. A leg on a coffee table was loose, and the afghan thrown over the back of a couch was obviously there to hide the worn fabric underneath. Lori, who had seen her share of historic homes filled with antiques, was delighted to find a home dedicated to function and not full of hands-off signs. It bothered her to see the accumulation of dust and dirty windows, not because Lori was a stickler for cleanliness but because it was evidence that Ruth was physically unable to keep up with her housework.

Lori didn’t say anything, but as she was getting ready to leave, she made her decision. She was going to talk to Shade and see if anything could be done to make it easier for Ruth to stay where she was.

The thought of Shade caused her to glance at the old grandfather clock in the entry hall. “I had no idea it was so late,” she exclaimed. “Shade is going to have my head. I was supposed to meet with him a half hour ago.”

“I doubt if he’ll lop off your head. It’s much too pretty. Besides—” Ruth winked. “Your Mr. Ryan likes you just the way you are.”

How do you know? Lori thought, but there wasn’t time to ask. She was the one who had set up the meeting with Shade and the financial director. Her diagram of the traffic-flow pattern wasn’t complete, and she hadn’t had time to arrange the photographs she’d taken in logical sequence. That plus being late wasn’t going to impress anyone.

Lori pushed her old Mustang to the limit of its ability and left it parked haphazardly between two stalls behind the museum. She took the front stairs two at a time and arrived at Shade’s outer office out of breath. As she shifted from one foot to the other while she was being announced, Lori ran her fingers across her forehead to push aside the hair she knew would be there. She was sweating! What an impression she was going to make.

Shade was very much aware that Lori was out of breath. He’d been glancing at his watch every few minutes for the last hour, growing both alarmed and impatient because the one person he wanted to see today might not feel the same way. His thoughts were tied up in the memory of a kiss that maybe shouldn’t have taken place. Realizing that she’d been rushing gave him an almost boyish confidence. “I was starting to think we’d have to send out a search team for you,” Shade said as he came out to usher her in to where the financial director sat glaring at her. “Don’t you have a watch?”

Lori shook her head. “They’re always getting in the way. I’m sorry. I was talking to Ruth and lost track of time. But I think I have everything I need to make a presentation,” she finished up.

Shade said little as she laid out her plans. Although he was still thinking about the last time they were together, he gave no hint. In fact, he was relishing the difference between the woman he had held in his arms the other night and the competent businesswoman in front of him today. She had a scale drawing of the present condition of the land to go along with her photographs. Alongside that she placed another drawing of what she envisioned the finished work to look like. With that went the photographs from Ruth.

Lori explained that construction would be limited to reestablishment of the fence that once bordered the south side of the farm where it reached the county road. “I know of several historic gardens around public buildings that have benches and even picnic tables, but I don’t feel they’d be right here. We want people to see a farm, not a park.”

The financial director continued to frown, but after having spent an afternoon with him, Lori knew that was his demeanor no matter what was being discussed. Shade had followed her presentation intently, his eyes only occasionally leaving the sketches and photographs to stray to her face. “By Jove, Frederick, I think she’s got it!” he exclaimed as she waited. Shade asked a few questions about the condition of a couple of diseased trees and the placement of the underground sprinkling system, surprising himself at his ability to isolate business from personal matters. It made him wonder, not for the first time, if it was possible for them to explore both sides of a developing relationship.

The financial director’s questions were, Lori thought, minute and picky, but she bit her tongue and answered as completely as possible. She held firm on her insistence that she be allowed to choose the arborist who would do the work on the trees, explaining that a licensed expert was worth whatever they had to pay him. After at least an hour of questions, Frederick gave Shade a short nod. “I can’t see any objections to the overall plan. Of course, we have to ask for a strict accounting of any expenditures.”

“I’m sure Ms. Black is capable of doing that, Frederick,” Shade said with a little less patience than he’d shown at the start of the meeting. “Someone who financed her college education is bound to know the value of a dollar.”

Lori shot Shade a look of gratitude but said nothing. She’d done the bookkeeping for the business she had owned with her husband, but that didn’t mean she enjoyed financial details. They were a fact of life, nothing more.

Frederick started to say something about Lori’s needing to read the details of the restoration grant, but Shade waved him off. “Let’s let her trim her roses or whatever she’s going to be doing. I’m sure Lori has enough to do without reading that deadly old document.”

“I don’t mind,” Lori reassured him. “I’ve never had much to do with grants.”

“Then why start now? Shade interrupted. “You don’t have to be an expert in everything, Lori.”

Lori bristled. She hadn’t expected this from him. “Why not? Are you afraid my head can’t handle it?”

“Back up a minute.” Shade held up a restraining hand. “I retract that statement. I was just trying to save you some work.”

Lori had to admit that he was right. She certainly didn’t have to get upset because he was trying to warn her away from what was probably very dull reading material. “Apology accepted.” She smiled, her eyes lingering boldly on his lips. It had been a nice kiss—more than nice. “If you’ll accept mine. I had no reason to assume you were putting me down.”

“I’d never do that, Lori,” Shade said softly. “I’m too impressed by what you’ve done already. Well, Frederick?” He turned toward the financial director. “Can we give her the green light?”

Frederick nodded—reluctantly, it seemed to Lori— and got to his feet. The moment the door had closed behind him, Shade ran his hand over his eyes, groaning. “You’d think every penny was coming out of his pocket. At least we’ll never go bankrupt with him at the helm.”

Shade helped Lori put away her materials, silence closing around them. Lori knew there was no need for words. He had to be thinking about the last time they were together. It was in the way he let his eyes swing her way, a softening around his mouth. Finally, Shade sighed and patted the neat, if bulging, folder. “I was going to call you last night, see if there were any problems with the house, but I figured you’d holler if the water pipes broke or the electricity went out.”

“I’d probably set out candles and wait for morning.” It was amazing that they could carry on this conversation with what remained unsaid filling the space between them. “Black Bob and I lived in our share of cabins without electricity.”

“A true pioneer. What are you doing tonight?”

“I haven’t given it any thought. I really do need to wash some clothes.”

“Wash them tomorrow. Tonight we’re going to see a slide show.”

“What?” Lori stared at Shade, but he seemed intrigued by the photograph at the top of the folder of the grape arbor over the house’s back door. “I don’t want to go to a slide show.”

“Too bad.” He lifted his head, his eyes saying something entirely different from what was coming from his mouth. “It’s one the historical society is sponsoring. It details the history of the lumber industry.”

Of course she was interested, interested enough to work her way past the message in his eyes. That was what her father’s working life had revolved around. “You should have said that first. I don’t like being given orders.”

“I’ll have to remember that.” Shade tucked the hefty folder under his arm and placed his free hand in the small of Lori’s back to steer her toward the door. “It’s a habit I got into when I was married. Vicky had to have someone make all the decisions.”

Lori didn’t want to talk about Vicky Ryan. She let Shade guide her ahead of him and waited while he turned out the lights and closed the conference room door. “What time should I be there? Where is the presentation?”

“I’ll pick you up. If that’s all right with you?” Shade grinned. “See? I’m learning.”

When Lori was standing in the bathroom a half hour later, she realized that her smile was a mirror of the one she’d seen on Shade’s face. Although she usually looked forward to quiet evenings, she found herself anticipating the prospect of seeing Shade again. It was the idea of learning more about the timber industry, she told her reflection, but even she couldn’t ignore the skepticism in her eyes. A slide show had nothing to do with her mood.

Lori showered and shampooed and even found the patience to use a hair dryer on her short curls until they floated instead of curled around her ears. She had almost talked herself into a sweater and skirt outfit when she spotted the soft pink crepe dress she’d bought for a party Brett insisted they attend. She’d only worn the expensive garment once. It didn’t make sense not to let it see more service. Besides, my boss deserves to see me in at least one dress. The soft, puffy, three-quarter-length sleeves and full skirt draping gently around her hips made her feel more feminine than she had in years. If only she had some perfume or jewelry to go with it. But her few pieces of jewelry were still packed away, and she hadn’t bothered to buy perfume for a long time.

That was because there hadn’t been anyone she wanted to get close enough to to give off a message of femininity for a long time.

Not tonight, old girl, Lori told herself before snapping off the bathroom light. Tonight isn‘t for gnawing over old bones. Tonight she was going to a slide show with Shade Ryan.

 

 

The slide show represented a trip down memory lane for Lori. She was surprised by the turnout for the program, held in a converted ballroom managed by the historical society. As they were waiting for the program to begin, Shade explained that in addition to a notice placed in the local paper, announcements of the show had gone out to senior citizen groups, the woodworkers’ union and the schools. “Despite the advent of the computer, this is logging country. People remember what it was like when the men in the family started working in the mills as soon as they were out of school. Besides, if you don’t mind my tooting our horn, the historical society has a reputation for putting on a quality program.”

Lori couldn’t have agreed more. Even with Shade sitting next to her in the crowded room, she half forgot where she was and whom she was with. As she was shown a pictorial history of the progress of logging operations since earliest times, she found herself viewing the slides through her father’s eyes. He might have made a few minor comments about some of the points the narrator was making, but Lori was sure he’d agree that a fair portrayal of the industry was being made.

Her eyes grew misty as they were shown logging camps in the middle of the wilderness that consisted of nothing except tents and small trailers. Lori had spent time in more than one of those camps. As a small child, she had known almost nothing about the world of city apartments, department stores or schools with different teachers for each grade. It seemed incredible that she had grown up far removed from experiences most children took for granted, but because she hadn’t experienced hot-lunch programs, shiny yellow buses and educational specialists, she didn’t miss them. Her upbringing was unique, not inferior.

Shade remained detached from the presentation. He couldn’t shake the impact of the presence to his right, a slim arm brushing against the sleeve of his velour pullover. Occasionally he glanced at her, trying to picture the petite woman clamoring over the clear-cuts, running down logging roads, watching her father prepare a meal in the most primitive conditions. Although a protective streak in him wanted to deny that she probably knew more about the sights and smells and sounds of what they were seeing than most of the people here, he was able to acknowledge the impact this upbringing had had on her. Lori Black was, if nothing else, a product of her childhood. Learning more about that product was a lesson he was eager to begin. Hard as it was to sit next to her and not touch her, he could acknowledge that pushing a physical relationship might ruin a more permanent one. Don’t close yourself off from me, he asked silently. I need to reach you.

As the show ended, the lights came on, and people started getting to their feet. Lori was aware of how many people stopped by to talk to Shade, but she continued to sit in her hard-backed chair, thinking. Even when she’d been thrown into a college environment, she hadn’t thought of her earlier years as something that would be recorded for posterity. One-room schoolhouses, a person’s belongings piled into the backseat of an old car, a father with pitch on his hands and wanderlust in his soul—those were the things that added up to what she’d become.

“Are you all right?” Shade asked, his hands lightly on her shoulder.

“What?” Lori blinked and looked up. “I was just thinking about my father. You know, sometimes I was the only child in one of those logging camps. How many men would be able to raise a child by himself under those conditions?”

“It really was as bad as the slides showed?”

“Complete with tents and water that had to be trucked in.” Lori smiled at the memory. “It takes a long time for the twentieth century to reach the mountains. My early education was patchwork to say the least.”

“I wonder if that’s the best way for a child to be raised.”

Lori drew away. “Shade, it was the only thing I knew. I can’t remember ever wanting to fight the way I lived. I always had books. I learned a great deal that way.”

“But you weren’t around other children.” Shade helped her to her feet. “I’d think that would bother your father.”

“Black Bob didn’t have much need for people. He raised me the same way.” Reluctantly, Lori allowed Shade to lead her from the room. Although she was becoming more aware of the man guiding her, she was reluctant to leave her memories. “I just wish Black Bob could have been here tonight. He’d enjoy it.” She laughed softly. “Of course he wouldn’t have much use for a roomful of people. He’d probably bolt before the program was over.”

Shade wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his strong, warm body. He wouldn’t let her do the same! The emotion was so intense that it rocked him. “You didn’t bolt,” he said, trying to comfort himself. “Maybe you two aren’t from the same mold, after all.”

No, I didn’t, Lori admitted to herself. She remembered how uncomfortable she used to be when Brett dragged her to one public gathering after another. She hadn’t felt that way tonight. She might have tried to tell herself that she had lost herself in the presentation, but that would have been a lie. It wasn’t just the material being presented that allowed her to sit comfortably in a roomful of people; this man had played a crucial role. “I wish you could meet my father,” Lori whispered against Shade’s chest. “He’s one of a kind.”

Lori felt Shade’s lips brushing across the top of her head, and then he spoke. “I would like to meet the man who raised such a beautiful daughter. Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

With Shade running interference, they were able to leave the still-crowded building. Lori didn’t ask what he had in mind as they got into his car and left the parking lot. Shade had called her beautiful. She’d have to remember to wear a dress more often.

“What did you have for dinner?” Shade asked once they were alone.

Lori had to think before she could answer him. “Soup,” she said, laughing. “Out of a can.”

“What am I going to do with you? You can’t earn your salary if all you eat is soup. I know a place that sells the most spectacular and fattening milk shakes you’ve ever seen. Do you want yours with or without whipped cream on top?”

Lori tried to object and tell Shade that he’d already done enough for one evening, but he refused to listen to her. “When I decide to pamper a woman, the least she could do is accept gracefully,” he pointed out. “You can worry about dieting tomorrow.”

Lori gave up. The truth was that she wanted to be with Shade. After the evening they’d shared, the house on the hill would feel empty. Shade pulled into the small, neat ice cream parlor and ordered for both of them. They chose a corner table and attacked their tall, frosty glasses. “I love these things,” Shade said around a full mouth. “I have to go to so many meetings planned by little old ladies who serve sandwiches that wouldn’t fill a squirrel. I’d much rather come in here and pig out.”

“Why do you go to those meetings?” Lori had to ask. “I mean—if you don’t like them.”

“We all have to do things we don’t like. Look, I like people. I also have times when I need to be alone. Or with just one person. Like you.” Shade stopped eating and met Lori’s eyes. “I’m not going to pretend you’re nothing more than another employee. I’m not sure what it is, but I want to be with you.”

“I’m flattered,” Lori managed. She was glad he’d said that and wanted to acknowledge his honesty. “I’m not much good at the art of small talk, I’m afraid.”

“That’s what I like about you. You say what you want to, not what you think you should be saying. Does Black Bob get credit for that?”

“I guess. He certainly is a maverick.”

Shade smiled and touched the tip of her nose the way he had the night he’d fixed dinner for them. “I wouldn’t call you a maverick. In fact, I don’t know what label to paste on you. You don’t fit into any mold.”

Lori flushed and turned her full attention to her milk shake. “I don’t know what to say,” she managed.

“But you can admit that. Don’t you see? A lot of women feel they have to cover up, make some remark that spoils the mood. Oh—” Shade frowned. He hadn’t wanted to say what was going to come next, but if he waited much longer, he would probably talk himself out of it. “I almost forgot to tell you. Vicky might be coming back earlier than I expected.”

“Should I move out?” Lori took another swallow of milk shake, but the cold concoction seemed to have lost its appeal.

“No.” Shade touched her hand as a way of reinforcing his statement. “When she called, I told her someone was house-sitting. She isn’t sure she wants to come back to the house anyway. If only she’d make up her mind!”

Lori started, unprepared for Shade’s anger. “Why is she coming back early?”

“Who knows?” Shade forced himself to take a calming breath before continuing. He hadn’t wanted to mention Vicky tonight, not only because it was Lori he wanted to think about but because thoughts of his ex-wife still confused him. “Who knows what that woman is thinking about, ever? I’m sorry. I don’t mean to drag this out around you, but it makes me so damn frustrated that she can’t make up her mind about anything.”

“Are you sure it’s her fault?” Lori asked, aware that she might be treading on dangerous ground. “I mean, you said she was pretty young when you got married. She hadn’t had much chance to be on her own. You made all the decisions in your marriage.”

“I didn’t have much choice,” Shade explained. “You want to know how bad it was? If it had been her I’d taken to the slide show, I’d have had to make the decision on what she should wear. What kind of woman can’t decide what she wants to wear?”

Lori didn’t have an answer for that. She wanted to tell Shade she didn’t want to talk about his ex-wife. But Shade was obviously on edge. Now wasn’t the right time to say something that might upset him more. And really, she couldn’t blame Shade. A man might not mind helping his daughter choose her clothes, but a wife should be capable of making those minor decisions. As she thought about it, it seemed remarkable that Vicky was able to face the fact of being divorced at all. “Shade?” she ventured. “Who wanted the divorce?”

Shade looked at her, his expression saying that was the last thing he expected. “Both of us. Maybe Vicky more than me.”

“Why?” Now it was her turn to touch his hand, a comforting gesture, she hoped. “I mean, Vicky depended on you so much.”

“I know.” The words were a deep whisper. “But neither of us was happy. I knew I wasn’t helping her stand on her feet, but I didn’t know how to go about doing that. I was willing to hang in there, be her prop. But—” Shade stared without seeing for a minute. “But I have to hand it to Vicky. She knew I wasn’t happy the way things were going. She said she didn’t want to hold me back anymore.”

“She asked for the divorce?”

Shade laughed bitterly. “Not exactly. She started talking to this friend she’s on tour with. The friend got her lawyer to contact Vicky. I understand now that a lot of what was holding Vicky back was uncertainty about her financial future. Because of a lawyer—who probably bought a new car, thanks to me—Vicky got the security she needed. Damn. How did we get on this subject?” As if to put an abrupt end to it, Shade got to his feet and stood at the door, waiting for Lori to join him.

On the way home Lori concentrated on the sharp, steep turns, trying not to glance at the stony profile next to her. This wasn’t the way she wanted the evening to turn out. It had been so long since she’d felt like spending time with a man. It wasn’t fair to have Shade’s past come between them. He was obviously in no mood to come up with any small talk, and it was too late for her to start learning that art.

To her surprise Shade walked with her to the door and came in after—she’d unlocked it. “You wouldn’t happen to have any decaffeinated coffee, would you?” he asked.

“Don’t you have to go to work tomorrow?” Lori frowned. She shouldn’t have said that. She didn’t want him to leave. “You’re going to be tired,” she wound up.

Shade sighed. “I’m going to be tired whether I stay here or go home. I’m not going to be getting much sleep. Unless—unless maybe you rather I leave?”

Lori glanced up at Shade, caught the shadows around his jade eyes and shook her head. Don’t leave, please, she thought. “No. Of course not. I’d like to share some coffee with you. Maybe you’d like to choose some records. I really enjoyed the ones we were listening to the other night.”

“You can play any of them you want to,” Shade said, turning toward the living room as Lori headed for the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Lori had coffee brewing and joined Shade in the living room. She could sense his need to spend time with his thoughts, but that didn’t make it easy for her to dismiss the fact of his presence. They sat in silence, glancing through the evening paper, Lori distracted. Finally, her restless squirming caught Shade’s attention. “You are tired. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I wouldn’t be a very good hostess. Honest, I’m not tired. I don’t mind.” It was true. The shadows had been lifted from Shade’s eyes; she much preferred sharing the room with him to being alone. “I don’t think I thanked you properly for the evening, or the milk shake. It was fun.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” A slight, grateful smile touched Shade’s mouth. “We’ll have to do that sort of thing more often. Look, forget the coffee. It’s more important that you get your sleep.”

He was going to leave. No! Lori scrambled to her feet and hurried to the kitchen. “I’d be offended if you left without sampling some of my coffee. I want you to know I really can cook. At least I can boil water.”

Shade’s laugh accompanied her on her journey and surrounded her mind as she filled two mugs with steaming coffee. Shade was standing by the sliding-glass door, looking down at the valley lights, when she handed him his mug. “I can’t believe how much I love this view,” he said softly, his free arm coming around Lori and holding her so she could appreciate the same thing. “In the winter, when it’s too cold to sit outside, I slide my chair next to the glass so I can still see out. Or at least that’s what I used to do.”

Lori took a long, relaxing breath and leaned her body against Shade’s strength. The lamplight at the opposite end of the living room did little to disturb the night that had crept in through the glass. Steam from the coffee was warming her hand and face. Warmth from Shade’s side and arm was completing the glow spreading through her body. “I think you need to move back here,” she said softly. “Maybe Vicky would let you have the house.”

“Maybe. I didn’t think so a few weeks ago because of the memories, but the house feels different now, better.” He turned toward her. “You’re the difference. You’ve brought new life to the house.” He hadn’t meant to say that much. The realization that Lori’s presence had gone a long way toward erasing the memories that went with the house was something he had been willing to admit to himself, not Lori. But the words were out, and now that they were, they’d become something he had to acknowledge. His hand tightened around her, allowing him to draw from her. Maybe it wasn’t wrong after all. Lori was a woman who, he believed, was ready for honesty in all its forms.

Lori didn’t dare return Shade’s gaze. She had no idea how it had happened, but in the space of a heartbeat, warmth had turned into heat. Shade’s arm became charged with a sensual brand of electricity that was consuming her. The alarming thing about that was that she wasn’t sure he was aware what he was doing to her. “I—thank you,” she managed weakly.

“You’re welcome. You’re shaking. Are you cold?”

Lori gripped her coffee mug tightly. Not cold. Something much more dangerous. Flames had reached her inner being, her very core, it seemed. She sucked in air through her nostrils in a desperate attempt to regain control of her emotions. “It must be because I’m tired,” she lied. “I feel a little shaky.”

Shade’s lips were on her temple, light feathers of electricity that were nearly Lori’s undoing. “Maybe this will help. Did I tell you how much I enjoyed tonight?”

“I think you did.” He had to realize that there was a direct route from her temple to her breasts, that her nipples had hardened and were straining toward freedom. She could only hope he wouldn’t press the point.

“But not the way I want to,” Shade was saying. He pulled the mug out of her nerveless fingers and laid it on a table next to his. “You were the most beautiful woman there tonight. I want to tell you that. Every time I thought about the way you looked, I forgot what it was we’d gone out for.”

She hadn’t been aware of that, not at all. She’d been so caught up in memories of her father and childhood that she hadn’t thought that much about Shade. That had all been changed now that they were alone and he’d put his arm around her.

This time his touch wasn’t the companionable gesture it had been a minute ago. Shade took her neck between his hands, his fingers spread to stretch from her ears to her collarbone. He was gazing down at her, eyes dark and intense.

Lori shuddered. Her legs were weak, so weak that she swayed. She wanted to lift her arms to clutch him in support, but they were too heavy. All she could do was stand where she was and gaze up at eyes that captured her every thought.

Their kiss was so gentle, so reverent, that it cooled a little the intense emotion that had consumed her a moment ago. Their bodies barely touched, but Shade’s hands on her neck held her as securely as the most ardent embrace. Lori leaned toward him, a willing participant in their mutual experiment.

Her eyes closed slightly; she could see that his eyes were open but hooded. Her lips acknowledged the fact that he was smiling.

“That was nice,” Shade whispered. “Chaste but nice.”

“Thank you, sir,” Lori managed, grateful that he wasn’t expecting more in the way of speech from her.

His eyes never left hers as his fingers trailed lower on her collarbone, found the soft boat-neck dress top and started to explore the flesh under the pink fabric. Lori opened her lips slightly as the need for more oxygen grew. His fingers were on the swell of her upper breast, stopped from further exploration by taut fabric. Knowing that he wanted to explore more, but was unable to, added to her sense of the forbidden. They shouldn’t be doing this. He was her boss.

No. That didn’t have anything to do with tonight, not really. They were both adults, unmarried, free to do whatever they wanted.

And Lori wanted Shade’s hands on her body, his lips touching hers. She hadn’t felt that urgency for a very long time, maybe never.

The next time Shade lowered his head to touch her lips, she found the strength she lacked a moment ago. Her arms went around his waist. She was the one with the need to press their bodies together, to feel his muscular legs against her thighs, to know the mixture of pleasure and wanting that came from experiencing the layers of fabric separating their flesh. Shade placed his arm around her back and pressed her breasts against his chest. Lori didn’t try to keep her eyes open. His body felt even harder than it looked. He was a rock, a mass of granite that formed the perfect contrast to her own slight frame.

So this was what was good about being small and slight. For maybe the first time in her life, Lori found nothing wrong with her soft, womanly body. Maybe it wasn’t capable of doing all the physical chores she wanted from it. But it was perfect for molding against a man’s body.

Their kiss became more than a tentative exploration. Lori parted her lips, delighted because Shade was doing the same thing. Shyly, she explored the opening with her tongue, delighting in the feel of his teeth, his tongue. If speech hadn’t been impossible, she would have told him that he was tickling her.

Shade’s hands left her waist and traveled upward to the top of her zipper. She shuddered as she was freed and his hands were free to explore her backbone, the angles of her shoulder blades. “You’re so soft,” he whispered around their sealed lips. “Soft and yet strong under that softness.”

That’s the way I want to be for you. Lori’s thoughts went no further than that. She no longer was asking herself whether this should be happening. The experience consumed her. She allowed Shade to push her away from him long enough to pull the dress off her shoulders, but before he could unfasten her belt, she pressed her breasts against him again, needing the contact.

It felt awkward but very sensual to be kissing a man with her dress half off, bunched around her waist, while her shoulders were naked except for her bra straps. The night air was igniting the downy hairs on her shoulders, but next to the greater impact of feeling his heart beating against her breasts, the slighter sensation was lost.

Shade covered her shoulders with his hands. His lips left her mouth and sought the side of her neck. Lori arched her head away from him to give him greater access to the long, slender line. She was aware of her body’s slight trembling and nearly cried out with the wonder of what was happening to her.

The thought of how completely Shade was able to control her body frightened her. Before this moment they’d only shared a short, chaste kiss. Now his fingers were lifting the straps on her bra, reaching for the firm mounds that ached for his touch. They were going too fast. Too much was happening.

“Shade, I—”

“I know,” he groaned, bringing his hands back to safer territory. “Don’t say it. I’d better leave.”

Don’t! Don’t leave me wanting you like this. “I think that’s best.”

Shade pushed her abruptly away from him and turned toward the door, groping for the door like a blind man. “I hope you don’t regret this. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but I’m not going to apologize.”

“I’m not, either.” How she’d found the strength to speak, she didn’t know. “Drive carefully.”

She was alone. The heavy front door was between her and the man who’d left her with her dress only half on. For a long minute Lori stared at the door before looking down at herself. The top of her dress was a jumble of fabric held in place by the hot-pink sash belt. Her shoulders were coming alive with goose bumps that had nothing to do with cold air.

Lori started to lift the fabric back in place until she realized it didn’t matter. Instead, she unfastened the belt, pulled it free and let the dress slide off her hips.

She turned toward the bedroom without bothering to pick up the dress.