Chapter Six

No matter how many times she’d seen it done, Lori still cringed when limbs were being removed from trees that had been growing for decades. She turned from the work being done on the oak nearest the house and bent over to pick a sprig from a mint plant. She crushed the sprig between thumb and forefinger and brought her finger to her nose, relishing the fresh, alive aroma. The limb had to go. It grew so close to the roof that in a wind branches scraped the old shingles. And yet Lori felt as if she were condemning the proud old tree to something it would never ask for.

Ruth was seated at her usual place inside the screened porch, enjoying the activity, although nervous about machinery so close to her rose garden. Lori picked another mint sprig and brought it with her for Ruth’s enjoyment.

“It’s really something,” she said as she sat near Ruth. “The truck-mounted lift they have for high work is much safer than having a man climb the tree and try to remove a limb by himself.”

“I hope he knows what he’s doing. If they damage any of my roses—”

“I told them they’d have to answer to me,” Lori reassured Ruth. She was glad Ruth was outside. During the first two days of the week, Ruth hadn’t felt up to leaving the house. “With both of us keeping an eye on them, they’re going to be extra careful. Here.” She gave Ruth the mint. “I thought you’d enjoy this.”

Ruth smiled and crushed a leaf to expose the aroma. “I love mint. My husband thought it was a waste of time to plant mint, but then what does a man know about such things?”

Lori nodded in understanding. “I agree. It takes a woman to appreciate certain smells. Well, what do you think of what’s been going on here lately? Things are really looking different, aren’t they?”

Ruth nodded, her body relaxing a little. “I talked to Shade on the phone yesterday. He called to see how I was and what I thought of the tree trimmers you’d hired.”

“Shade was checking up on me?” Just speaking Shade’s name did things to Lori, but she was upset by the implication in Ruth’s statement.

“Of course not, my dear,” Ruth reassured her. “But Shade knows how I feel about the farm. I’m sure he was just making sure I wasn’t having second thoughts about putting the farm in the society’s hands. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t know how sensitive Shade is to such things. He’s such a considerate man.”

“I agree.” Lori kept her eyes resolutely on the work being done. She hadn’t seen Shade for nearly a week, but he’d had to be out of town for a couple of days, and she’d decided to spend the weekend exploring several of the small towns in the eastern part of the state. Now it was Wednesday, and her commitment to the farm and Shade’s need to catch up on work at the museum hadn’t left room for anything except a couple of telephone calls. Just the same, she didn’t doubt that Ruth could look into her too-big eyes and know that something had stirred her emotions.

“Shade said he’d try to come out here and have lunch with me,” Ruth was saying. “I invited him, but he said he’d accept only on the condition that he bring lunch. That’s what I mean about his being considerate. He knows it’s harder for me to whip up a meal than it used to be.”

“Ruth,” Lori ventured, “have you been to a doctor lately? You just don’t seem to have the color you did the day I met you.”

“A doctor isn’t going to do me any good, my dear,” Ruth said emphatically. “What’s wrong with me is I’m looking at ninety years of age damn soon. My body’s getting tired.”

“Maybe. But—”

“Don’t you bother yourself with me,” Ruth interrupted. “You can worry about being old when it happens to you.” She turned her attention back to the workers. “That limb’s just about off now. I certainly hope it misses the house when it comes down.”

Lori had been assured that the arborists were professionals, but she couldn’t sit where she was while the workman pulled on the rope around the limb. Not that her presence would assure safe removal, but at least she’d feel better if she could see what was happening. She gave Ruth a reassuring grin and stepped outside.

To her relief the men managed to bring the limb crashing to the ground on the driveway, expertly missing the roof and shrubbery around the tree. She gave Ruth the thumbs-up signal and went over to the foreman to discuss removal of another limb. As they talked, Lori rolled up the sleeves of her cotton blouse and pushed her hair away from her forehead. It was a warm spring day, and the breeze was barely moving.

By the time she saw Shade’s car coming down the driveway, Lori’s hair was clinging wetly to her temples. She’d lost all interest in the bag lunch waiting in her Mustang. She waved at Shade but didn’t feel comfortable leaving the work being done. It was probably just as well. Telephone calls had been relatively safe. How she would react when he was close enough to allow her access to his eyes was something she wasn’t sure she was ready to test.

It seemed only a few minutes before Shade was getting back in his car. This time he stopped near the center of activity and got out of his car. “Things going okay? You missed a succulent lunch. Hamburgers and root beer.”

“That’s what you brought Ruth? You’re a real gourmet,” Lori chided him. She had never felt this alive simply from being close to a man before.

Shade shrugged, obviously unconcerned. “Ruth doesn’t get out to many fast-food joints. I thought she might enjoy it. I was right. She ate all my fries. How about you? Have you had lunch yet?”

Lori leaned against the tree surgeon’s truck and pushed her hair off her forehead with an irritated gesture. She gave herself a mental shake, trying to free herself of Shade’s impact. “I’m too hot to be hungry. Rain a few days ago and now this warm spell. Things are growing like crazy.”

“Mushroom weather.” Shade’s voice took on a wistful tone. “Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve gone mushroom hunting?”

“Years? At least that’s how long it’s been for me. Shade?” Lori frowned. “I’m worried about Ruth. Her color doesn’t look good to me. Have you noticed?”

“She’s unsteady on her feet. She doesn’t want to admit it, but it’s hard not to notice. I’m trying to get her to see a doctor.” Shade joined her by the truck, giving her a playful shove with his hip so she would make room for him. “I hope I won’t have to start worrying about two women. Will I have to stay here to make sure you get something to eat?”

“In a few minutes.” Lori breathed deeply. She wasn’t about to tell Shade what she was feeling, but already her heat-induced exhaustion had been replaced by one of increased sensitivity because their hips were touching. “I’m glad you found time to come see Ruth. She thinks a lot of you.”

“I think a lot of her, too. Did you enjoy your weekend? You like exploring, don’t you?”

Lori nodded. She’d taken two rolls of pictures during the weekend, probably to the puzzlement of the residents of the sleepy little towns she’d wandered through. “It’s that old wanderlust of mine. I love exploring new places.”

Shade reached out and laced his fingers with hers. “I hope that doesn’t mean you’re going to be gone every weekend. I missed you.”

I missed you. “I didn’t want to drag you around with me,” she explained. “I figured you had better things to do. Not everyone likes to wander around back roads.”

“Next time ask me. I know you like being alone, but I don’t think it would hurt to try sharing yourself with someone once in a while.”

Lori was aware of the deeper emotion beneath Shade’s words and wondered if he was criticizing her. The question was on Lori’s lips, but the feel of his fingers intertwined with hers stopped her. He wouldn’t be holding hands if he was angry with her. “I didn’t think,” she admitted. “I’m just used to doing things on my own.”

“Next time ask.” Shade gave her a quick peck on the forehead before releasing her hand. “I’m sorry. Duty calls. What do you know about morels?”

Lori’s words were tinged with memories. “You’re asking a mountain girl what she knows about morels? They’re best fried in butter.”

“I knew there was something special about you.” Shade winked. “Fried it is. It just so happens that I know a spot about five miles from here that should be alive with them after that rain. How—” Shade drew out the question. “How would you like to go hunting with me?”

“Don’t!” The thought of covering a steak with fresh morel mushrooms brought Lori’s appetite back full force. “How can I force down a sandwich after you’ve dangled that in front of me?”

“I thought you knew. I’m a sadist. Tonight, after work. I’ll call you.”

He was gone. Lori stared at his retreating figure, not trying to deny how much pleasure it gave her to watch the smooth play of muscles as his thighs moved within their linen covering. She wasn’t ready for the emotion. After feeling so little in a marriage bed, she was reacting strongly to the simple act of a man walking. At least he couldn’t know how deeply she’d been touched by the simple prospect of spending several hours wandering through the woods looking for mushrooms. That was an act from her past, touching base with what had given her childhood meaning.

Lori distracted herself by tackling her uninspired lunch and then pushing the workmen along to make sure they completed work on two other trees before quitting time. They probably thought her an unrelenting taskmaster, but she had to be accountable to the society’s financial director. Besides, working at full speed gave her little time to wonder what the evening might bring. She’d lost count of the times she’d gone mushroom hunting with her father, but tonight would be different. She’d be with Shade, insulated from the world by the woods they’d be in.

She had just stepped inside Vicky’s house when the telephone rang. “I’m still at the museum,” Shade explained. “But I should be out of here in five minutes. What if I pick you up at your place? I don’t suppose I have to remind you to wear boots.”

Lori glanced at the kitchen clock. “I’d really like time for a shower,” she explained. “Otherwise, I’m not going to be fit to be with.”

“If you’ll wait, I’ll wash your back for you.”

Lori laughed and hurried into the bathroom as soon as she’d hung up. She fully intended on taking a quick shower, but as soon as the cool spray hit her, she knew there was no way she was going to be able to jolt her tired body into action. She took a long time shampooing her hair and then stood with her face lifted under the faucet before soaping her body. She’d probably have to take another shower tonight to protect herself against any poison oak they might come across, but she needed this to revive herself. She was out of the shower but wearing nothing except a towel when the doorbell rang.

“I’m in the bathroom,” she called out. “Come in. There’s iced tea in the refrigerator.”

She heard the door open and close and turned back to the task of drying her hair. She thought about throwing on some underwear, but the effort seemed overwhelming. Maybe she should tell Shade she was too tired for anything. She would have if he’d suggested anything except the chance to relive a treasured childhood memory.

The bathroom door opened. A hand holding a glass of wine worked its way through the crack. “This was in front of the iced tea,” Shade deadpanned. “You are one slow woman. I thought you’d be ready by now.”

Lori held on to the top of the towel wrapped around her with one hand and accepted the wine with the other. “I can’t seem to get moving.” She smiled, decidedly nervous at the thought of having to share the bathroom with a fully clothed man, especially this man. “The humidity today really sapped me.”

“A hike will revive you, if the wine doesn’t put you to sleep first.” Shade’s eyes glinted with amusement. “Is that what you’re going to be wearing?”

“Will you get out of here?” she ordered with mock severity. “I can’t get dressed with you in here.”

“You should have thought of that before you invited me in.” He leaned against the now-closed bathroom door and folded his arms across his chest, the gesture making his upper arm muscles bulge. “I’m afraid you have an audience.”

“And I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.” Lori took a sip of wine, hoping that her outward calm was enough of a camouflage for what she was feeling inside. “I’m not going to get dressed with you standing here.”

“I don’t mind.” Shade’s eyes slid slowly down her body. “That outfit will do just fine. The skirt’s a little short.”

Lori warned herself not to look down, but even as she was forming the words, she glanced at her legs. The towel barely reached the top of her thighs. “You’re embarrassing me,” she admitted.

“I’m honored. I haven’t embarrassed anyone for a long time.” Shade’s eyes closed to slits. “I don’t recall anything in your contract that protects you from being seduced by your boss. In fact, I’m going to add that clause if it isn’t in there already. Besides, I can always claim you enticed me by your attire, or rather lack of attire.”

“You’re the one who walked in here.”

“Minor point. They’ll never hang me with that evidence.”

In less time than it took for Lori’s heart to beat once, Shade reached out and touched the top of her towel. A single yank and it would have been stripped from her. Instead of taking advantage of the situation, Shade turned around and started out the bathroom door. “Hurry along, woman. I’m starved,” he called over his shoulder.

Lori slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, too surprised to do anything except laugh. At least she no longer felt too tired to move. She wondered at the self-control that kept him from stripping her and admitted that knowing that about him made him even more special than he was already.

Five minutes later Lori was wearing a man’s shirt, faded jeans and comfortable walking boots. She was still lifting her short curls with her fingers as she walked into the kitchen, an empty wineglass in her free hand. “There,” she said. “Is that better?”

“You expect me to give you an honest answer? Can you guess what I really wanted to do?” Shade asked. He started to refill her glass before she could object.

Lori didn’t know what to say. She accepted the glass and took a sip, more to have something to do than out of enjoyment of the wine.

“I’m serious,” Shade continued. “I’ve been doing things around you that I didn’t ever think I’d do. I keep telling myself I’m your boss. I have no business unzipping your dress or—”

I haven‘t told you to stop. “Maybe we need to have a lawyer write up a contract,” Lori said out of a need to fill the silence. “He can tell us what is and isn’t acceptable behavior in our situation. I’m not much help. I haven’t had much experience in this sort of thing.”

Shade sighed and downed his wine. “I should know better. Come on. Let’s get out of here before I do something else I’m going to have to apologize for.”

If you apologize, I’ll have to, too, Lori thought as they went through the front door together. I look at you and see muscular thighs, shoulders like a mountain, a broad chest. That isn’t what an employee is supposed to see in an employer.

Because she saw Shade glancing at it, Lori suggested that they take her Mustang. She settled into her seat with a couple of plastic bags for collecting morels on her lap, her mood quickly joining Shade’s as he reinforced the need for secrecy about where they were going. “We can’t be too careful about this,” Shade pointed out, his eyes on the rearview mirror as if on the lookout for someone tailing them. “I found out about this place from a logger friend. He’d been in there clear-cutting about three years ago. Wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t bribed him with a beer or two.”

“We used to post guards when we were stalking morels,” Lori said, joining in the spirit of their adventure. “I’ve heard of people who are willing to kill for information about a prime site.” She sighed. “It’s been so long. I’ve almost forgotten how much I enjoyed doing this with Black Bob.”

“You’ll enjoy doing it with me.” Shade was almost to the bottom of the mountain, but instead of heading into the valley, he took a country road that took them into the hills to the west of town. After about five miles he turned off onto a gravel road that soon faded away to a deeply rutted dirt road. Before Lori could become concerned about her car’s ability to straddle the ruts, he pulled off to the right and got out.

“End of the road. Now we start hoofing.”

Lori fell in line behind Shade as he plunged into the thick shrubbery that nearly covered a thin trail. “Black Bob and I knew a man who swore the only time you could hunt mushrooms was at dawn,” she told his back. “I was always a little leery of him, but Black Bob and he got along just fine.

Shade stopped and turned back toward Lori. “Do you always call your dad Black Bob?”

“Most of the time,” she admitted. “He said I started doing that when I heard the other loggers call him that. He thought it was cute.”

“Hmm. Unique man, your father.” Shade resumed plunging through the bushes. “I’d like to meet him.”

“I want you to,” Lori said with more feeling than she thought would come through. Her father enjoyed the company of men like himself but had always drawn inside himself when required to rub shoulders with men who didn’t make their living in the woods. She wondered what Black Bob would think of Shade.

“Have you noticed anything different about Ruth lately?” Shade asked, breaking through her thoughts. “She doesn’t seem as interested in teasing me as she used to.”

Lori fought her way back to the here and now. Although the question was important, it still seemed rather inconsiderate of Shade to interrupt her thoughts. But what he was saying was something that had to be discussed. “I think you’re right. She should see a doctor,” Lori said. “I haven’t known her very long, so I can’t make much of a comparison, but she doesn’t have much zip these days. You know what I think? I think living alone in that old house, taking care of it, is getting too much for her.”

Shade leaned forward, walking slower now. “Do you think she should go to a nursing home?”

“Oh, no!” Lori was surprised that Shade would even mention such a thing. Ruth loved her home as much as Lori loved the wilderness. Denying either of them their beloved environment would be a death sentence. “Don’t do that to her, Shade. Don’t even think it. I know she’s turned her affairs over to the historical society, but don’t take away what makes living worthwhile to her.”

“Then what do you suggest?”

“Maybe a housekeeper,” Lori said, her thoughts barely keeping pace with her words. She wasn’t out of breath, but she did have to concentrate on where she was walking. “I haven’t given it enough thought. But maybe that’s the answer. If she had someone staying with her—”

“I don’t think so,” Shade interrupted. “You’re the one who said it. The farm is what makes life worthwhile for her. She’d never agree to sharing her home with a stranger.”

“It wouldn’t be as if we threw some strange nurse in with her,” Lori protested, all too aware that an easy solution wasn’t forthcoming. “We’d have to give the two women time to get to know each other, decide if they could get along.”

“When you’ve been alone and independent as long as Ruth has, it isn’t easy,” Shade pressed. “Go ahead. Make the suggestion if you think you have to, but I don’t think it’s going to work.”

“I will,” she said firmly. “I’m willing to try anything short of a nursing home. That’s where people go to die.”

“It all depends on how you look at it,” Shade said over his shoulder. “One thing that bothers me about having Ruth stay where she is, even with a competent housekeeper, is that the stairs are still there. If she fell and hurt herself— She’d be a lot safer where facilities are planned for the safety of the patients.”

“Ruth isn’t a patient. She’s a delightful old dear who deserves happiness in her last years.”

“Not if independence is going to endanger her life. Look, you don’t like the idea of a nursing home. Maybe that wasn’t a wise choice of words.” Shade paused a moment. “How about one of those retirement facilities, those apartments people can buy into that have housekeeping services and medical staff on hand?”

“You’re still not getting the point.” Lori tried to keep her voice low, but it wasn’t easy. “Ruth has lived her whole life on that farm. Uprooting her now would kill her.”

“You’ll never know unless you try. Keeping her where she is might kill her. Look, I know all about your damned independence, and I know that one of the things I did wrong is overprotect Vicky, but this is different.”

Shade’s words stopped Lori for a moment. There was no denying that Ruth could injure herself in the old house. But forcing her to live jammed up against people she didn’t know in a sterile apartment wasn’t the answer, either. “I don’t have any answers,” Lori said softly. “All I know is it would kill me if I had to live in one of those places. Some people simply aren’t made for living elbow to elbow with others.”

“What about my elbow? Do you mind that?”

Lori frowned, trying to keep up with the new direction the conversation had just taken. “Are you trying to change the subject?” she challenged.

“You noticed. We’re here.” Shade stepped to one side so Lori could join him. “I just wonder how you feel about having me around all the time.”

Lori didn’t answer. Instead, she allowed herself to be distracted by her surroundings. They’d been walking along what remained of a skid road, but now the terrain had opened up to reveal the results of a recent clear-cut. Poking up from the stubs of trees felled by the logging crews were new seedlings. The seedlings were dwarfed in size by the brush, now exposed to the sunlight, but in a few years the carefully planted trees would be the first to be touched by a morning sun.

Lori breathed in the scent of what was as familiar as breath itself to her. It was true that she enjoyed her own company and relished the hours of solitude. Having Shade enter her world and wanting to be part of his world was calling for adjustments she wasn’t sure she could handle. She had failed, miserably, with her husband. Right now, maybe because being with Shade was a new, heady experience, she was eager to share this experience with him instead of being alone.

But she didn’t know if it would last. Lori once thought she’d be able to be a wife. She’d turned her back on the quiet voice that rebelled against a man’s intruding on her private space, taking away the quiet that was part of her background.

She had been wrong. Marriage wasn’t what she thought it would be. There was too much togetherness, too much probing into her privacy. She didn’t know if what she felt for Shade was different enough or if she was heading toward those same feelings again.

“I like having you around.” Lori laughed, striving for a light tone. Not tonight. She wasn’t going to think heavy thoughts tonight. “Who else provides me with a beautiful house to live in and takes me mushroom hunting and gives me a job?”

“You’re just after my money.” Shade’s face fell in mock soberness. “I should have known.” If Shade was aware of what she was trying to sidestep, he wasn’t mentioning it.

“That’s it,” Lori quipped back, relieved that Shade wasn’t pressing his earlier question. She handed him one of the plastic bags and started toward a rotting log that might be housing the highly prized mushrooms with their distinctive pits and ridges running in all directions. “When I saw the size of your wallet—”

Shade headed toward a tree stump. “Strange. I wasn’t carrying a wallet that first night out at the farm.” His voice softened. “What I remember is a beautiful young woman, with wet hair stringing around her face and a shirt so soaked it left nothing to the imagination.”

Lori blushed, but because her back was to Shade, she didn’t think he’d notice. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about that.”

“I know.” Shade dropped to his knees and pinched off a three-inch morel at the base of its white stem. “That’s what I found so intriguing. You had no idea what you looked like. You didn’t seem to care whether I was a rapist or a robber or anything. You were so trusting.”

Lori snipped off a morel of her own with her nails and dropped it in her sack. “That’s what Brett used to say. He said I was too trusting. Maybe that’s what comes from growing up the way I did. There weren’t many people around. Dad and I got to know the ones we were around pretty well.”

“I better remember that. Lori, someone needs to take care of you.”

I don’t need anyone to take care of me, Lori thought. I’ve never needed that. “The only thing I need out of you, Shade Ryan, is for you to keep a rash promise you made in a moment of weakness,” Lori challenged, because they’d come too close to something dangerous in their relationship, and she needed to shy away from it.

“Me? A rash promise? I don’t believe it.”

Lori nodded somberly, or at least she hoped she was being somber enough. To her relief, Shade seemed willing to leave serious discussions behind. “You made a couple of disparaging comments about my car. Something about the brakes, if I remember. Are you going to recommend a good mechanic?”

“I’m a good mechanic,” Shade boasted as he dropped several more morels in his bag. “And it wasn’t just the brakes. I could name a half-dozen things that car needs. There are certain responsibilities that go with being entrusted with a classic. You’re in danger of losing custody of your car if you don’t take better care of it.” His search brought him within a few feet of Lori.

Lori groaned and made a quick comparison to see which of them had the heavier bag. “Auto mechanics was one class I missed. Can we work on things one at a time, as my budget allows?”

Shade shook his head and grabbed at a morel before Lori could pick it. “At least three things aren’t going to wait,” he said seriously. “The brakes, a new battery, decent tires. I can get the batteries and tires for you wholesale.” He straightened momentarily to ease a catch in his back. “I’ll try to get to the brakes this weekend.”

“You don’t have to,” Lori started to protest. She pretended to be concentrating on the search, but her eyes missed a couple of mushrooms poking up from the carpet of pine needles. “If you can just give me the name of a mechanic—”

“I could.” He quickly claimed the mushrooms she’d missed and held them in front of her. “But you don’t need that bill. This weekend. I’m holding you to that. In the meantime, I don’t want you driving that car any more than you have to. It isn’t safe.”

Lori felt something cold click inside her. Those were Brett’s words. He insisted on living his role as the male head of the house to the fullest. Their marriage had been filled with one order after another. “I want you to stop by the store after work and pick up a few things.” “Don’t make any plans for the weekend; we have an invitation to a party.” “Will you please buy yourself a dress? I’m sick of looking at jeans.”

She wasn’t married anymore. No man had the right to give her orders. But she didn’t tell Shade that. They were sharing what should be a delightful experience. Even Lori knew enough about the social graces—although Brett would probably argue that—to know that disagreements shouldn’t be aired when there was a precious mood to be maintained. Lori gave Shade a noncommittal smile and turned the conversation to safer topics.

They scrambled around the clearing for a half hour, what they said to each other dictated by how close they were to each other at any given time. Lori gave the conversations only casual attention. She was busy absorbing her surroundings, touching base with her past, and whether she was willing to admit it or not, testing Shade’s place in what had for years been her world. He fit in it completely.

She didn’t expect to feel that, not after the way what he’d said had forced her to touch base with her marriage. But Shade seemed to have the same need she did to drink in pine scent, lift his eyes in the direction of bird calls, step carefully around the small, sharp pits in the earth left by deer hooves. Lori noticed that he gave a pitch stain on his jeans no more than a casual glance and said nothing when a cloud of almost-invisible insects swirled briefly around his head.

He’s comfortable here, she thought. He belongs.

“I’m afraid that’s it for me,” Shade said finally. To press home his point, he held aloft a bulging plastic sack. “What do you say we go home and clean these up?”

Home. Lori didn’t know which house he meant, but when she turned questioning eyes in his direction, the answer was in what he was and not any words he might say. Lori read the message in his eyes. He was challenging her, letting her know that there was a certain danger in going to his house. If she wasn’t interested in testing the boundaries of their relationship, she should tell him to take her home now.

Lori didn’t. She felt his warmth as he pulled her close to his side and acknowledged the chill that shot out in all directions from the spot where his lips met her neck. What they’d shared in the wilderness tonight had a profound effect on her. Shade had demonstrated his right to be here, with her. Dangerous or not, she wasn’t ready to leave him.

He had to be feeling the same thing. When he brought her up next to his chest and sought her lips, she understood that he didn’t want the evening to end, either. Lori surrendered to the emotion. She wanted—no, needed—to feel his lips on hers, needed his breath caressing her flesh. But that wasn’t all. She needed more, much more than a kiss.

He didn’t have to say it. Cleaning morels wasn’t why they were leaving the clearing, getting into the Mustang, reentering civilization. What might happen once they were inside four walls would add a new dimension to their relationship. Lori didn’t think about that dimension. Instead, she rested her head on his shoulder as he negotiated the car around chuckholes, her heart tripping over both itself and an ill-defined intensity igniting her nerve endings. As he turned to run his lips over her hair, she knew; he was feeling the same intensity.

When they reached the tree-lined residential street Shade lived on, Lori sat up. The area didn’t satisfy her soul the way the house in the evergreens did, but she had to endorse his choice. The oak trees lining both sides of the street established the area as an older, well-cared-for neighborhood.

When Shade pulled into his driveway, Lori stepped out and looked back at the street. Two oaks stood sentry in front of Shade’s house, blocking his front yard from prying eyes.

She let Shade lead her through the three-bedroom house with its quality but sparse furnishings. “Uninspired, isn’t it?” Shade said after he’d shown her a bedroom with a single dresser and a deep-blue coverlet draped over a rather lumpy-looking bed. “I keep saying I’ll give it more attention this winter.”

“You don’t belong here,” Lori said without thinking. “Oh, it’s a lovely neighborhood, but I don’t feel your presence here the way I do at the other place.”

“That’s a little deeper than I want to get into tonight,” Shade said as he steered her toward the kitchen so they could deposit their bounty in the sink. “You packed up and moved when you got divorced. I guess we all find different ways of putting down new roots after a divorce.”

You’re lost, aren’t you? Lori thought as she watched Shade fill the sink with salty water to chase out any small insects in the mushrooms. You need to be married.

She shivered, drawing away from the revelation she’d just made. When he was married, Shade’s life had direction. It was possible that he was actively looking for that direction again. Surely he didn’t think she might be able to fill that bill. He had to realize how unfit, how unready, she was for such a role. All she wanted tonight was— She didn’t finish the thought. “How did you find this place?”

“I called a realtor. I told him how much space I needed, what I could afford. He took care of all the details.”

“You mean you let him make that decision for you?” Shade was saying more about his state of mind following the divorce than he probably realized.

Shade shrugged. “I liked the neighborhood. The rest of it didn’t matter that much.”

“Oh.” Shade had made Vicky sound like the lost one in their relationship. It wasn’t until this moment that she fully understood how much Shade himself had been affected by the divorce. She wanted to give him something, anything, of herself to make things easier for him. “I—you made a good decision,” she said with as much conviction as she could summon up. “It’s a nice house.”

“It’s a house.”

Almost before she knew she was going to do it, Lori reached out and laid her hand gently along the hard outline of Shade’s jaw. She concentrated on the independent strands of hair taking off in all directions, the green eyes, like a deep, quiet pool in the middle of a river. They reminded her of swimming in the Yuba River with her father as a child, and how she stayed close to him when they came to those deep pools because she couldn’t shake the feeling that something could reach up from the bottom and touch her.

“What are you thinking about?” Shade asked. His hand covered hers, holding her palm against the hard bone and letting her feel his jaw working as he asked his question.

Lori laughed. They were on familiar ground now. “Have you ever gone swimming in a river in the middle of a forest? It’s so cold you can’t breathe, but so clear and beautiful you don’t ever want to swim in a swimming pool after that experience.”

“No. I’ve never gone swimming in a river like that. But I think I’d like to. I’d like to do it with you.”

Sharing. Shade was talking about sharing experiences. “Black Bob had his favorite spots in California and Oregon and Washington. He didn’t want to share them with anyone. Some of them were so remote we had to walk for miles to get there,” she said, giving him a little more of herself.

“Do you think you could find them?”

“Oh, yes.” Lori smiled. He was accepting what she was giving. It felt right. “I’ve probably been on every logging road in the western states. I might have a little trouble getting started, but I’d eventually find my way around.”

“When can we go?”

Now he was taking the lead in the sharing that was taking place. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that and tried to pull her hand away, but Shade wouldn’t let her. “A river isn’t anything like a swimming pool,” she whispered, her words guiding her. “There are water snakes, and insects shed their skins on the rocks, and the footing is slippery.”

“You liked it, didn’t you?”

“I loved it.” She felt her eyes come alive and didn’t try to hide their sparkle.

“Then I want to do it. With you.”

The rumble Shade’s voice made on its way out of his chest stopped whatever thoughts Lori might have had. For an instant her mind flitted back to the night they first met, when she was aware of how deep the tones in his chest were. She’d been more interested in the sounds than the words then. That was happening again. Shade slowly pulled her hand away from his jaw and sandwiched it between his. Then he brought her hand to his lips and kissed the exposed tips.

“I want to do many things with you, Lori Black.”

At his words Lori’s legs went numb. In an effort to regain some sense of self-control, she tried to pull away, but something inside her needed the contact too much to allow her to try to escape. “I’d like that,” she whispered, aware of how much of herself she was revealing but unable to stop. She was looking into emerald depths, caught in Shade’s strength as surely as the wilderness had taken hold of a young girl’s soul.

Shade took her in his arms, his massive hands covering the bulk of her back, pulling her hungry body toward his until she was no longer aware that she was in a dimly lit kitchen with mushrooms floating in a full sink. Lori lifted her face upward, wanting his lips on hers.

He obliged. Shade’s lips were slightly parted, not in passion but in deep exploration. He’d waited so long for this! For as long as the kiss lasted, Shade believed that he was offering her more of himself than he had ever offered anyone before. Despite his need for her, he realized how much she was giving in return. Her arms went around his solid neck. He was aware of his strength, the powerful upper arms straining against the shirt fabric. He realized that his strength held no fear for her, and that knowledge affected him more than he thought it could. He’d never hurt her or push things faster or further than she was ready for. Despite the machinery in the spare bedroom that kept those muscles in perfect tune, he had the necessary self-control not to take advantage of his strength. She was too precious to him for anything except complete physical equality.

Lori leaned forward until she was resting against him and parted her own lips in willing surrender. In the years since she’d placed a trusting hand in Black Bob’s callused one, she’d never turned herself over to a man this way.

“Oh, God,” Shade whispered. The sound rumbled in his chest and reached her breasts. “You feel so good, Lori. So good.”

And I feel so safe here. Lori didn’t speak. She wondered if she had lost the ability to work the necessary muscles in her throat, but the question didn’t concern her enough to seek an answer. She boldly brought her tongue into play and tasted the soft insides of his lips. Muscles like iron; lips like a baby’s cheek. Those simple contrasts said all she needed to know tonight about Shade Ryan.

With a groan, Shade pulled away. He looked down at her with eyes that didn’t seem to be focusing. He had to be sure. There could be no regrets. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he whispered. “Because I’m not sure I do.”

“I don’t know anything,” she admitted.

A fleeting smile touched Shade’s lips. She was no more rational than he was. That was the emotional equality he was looking for to go with physical equality. He pulled one hand away from her back and brought it to her face. While he held her against him with his left, the middle finger on his right hand touched her lower lip so tentatively that he could feel the downy hairs. The knowledge made him hold his breath. He’d never known a woman’s lip could be that sensitive.

Lori parted her lips and let Shade’s finger find the entrance to her mouth. Now three fingers were tracing a slow, sensual pattern around her parted lips, a move that ignited nerve endings in her breasts and her belly.

Lori groaned in exquisite agony. She’d been married. Her husband had explored every inch of her. But Brett had never touched those nerves, never guessed the pleasure she was capable of feeling because a man’s fingers were barely touching her lips.

When Shade removed his fingers, she thought she would cry out with wanting them back again, but before aching loss could wipe out pleasure, he was wrapping his fingers through the thick, dark curls at the back of her head. He gently pulled her head back and bent over, consuming her lips with a mouth that was no longer interested in gentle exploration.

Lori, who had always fought for freedom, was securely in the grip of a man. His lips were pressed tightly against hers. One hand pressed against her back, giving her only minimum freedom. The other was grasping her hair so tightly that she knew there was no breaking free. But the strongest bonds came not from his strength but from two hungry mouths locked together. Lori gripped his powerful biceps in an effort to keep her balance, but her thoughts weren’t on his total mastery over her.

What reasoning powers she still possessed were focused on the undeniable fact that there was a direct line from her lips to every nerve in her body. Lori strangled on a groan, spread her legs slightly and surrendered to the tidal wave that washed over her. Freedom was for later. Surrender, total surrender, was for this moment.