Chapter Seven

Lori lay on her back, knees drawn up slightly, arms exposed to the air. The cool sheets she’d slipped under a few minutes ago had absorbed her body heat, making her feel as if she were trapped in a sauna. She wanted to push the sheets away from her but lacked the strength to move. The window in Shade’s bedroom was open, letting in the night air and sounds to reach her heated cheeks and ringing ears. She could hear the wind toying with the oak trees along Shade’s street, the sounds of invisible crickets, the distant barking of a dog. They were familiar, comfortable sounds.

What her body was feeling was far from comfortable or familiar.

Lori drew in a deep breath and pulled the sheet away from her flesh. She wore nothing. Clean air touched the swell above her breasts and caused her nipples to respond. Not that they needed night air to respond. Shade was capable of doing that with a touch, a kiss.

He would be with her in a moment. She could hear him locking the front door, turning off the light in the kitchen. There hadn’t been time for that a few minutes ago when he carried her into the bedroom and pulled down the sheet. There hadn’t been time for ordinary things while he was slipping off her boots, unbuttoning her shirt, pulling her jeans off the trembling flesh of her hips. Now, wearing nothing save his jockey shorts, Shade was doing things she was incapable of thinking about.

Lori waited for the silent question. She should be asking herself what she was doing here, looking for some sign that said she’d changed her mind. It didn’t come.

Instead, Shade came. She couldn’t see him in the darkened room; she wasn’t sure he’d made any sound. But she could sense his presence, smell him even. He was standing at the entrance to the room, his eyes seeking the still mound on his bed. Her mind’s eye filled in the blanks. She pictured the elastic of his shorts clinging to his hipbones, the exquisite roll and ripple of muscle on his chest and upper arms, thick, dark hairs matted over his taut thighs. The only thing her mind’s eye didn’t tell her was what he was thinking.

“I’m asking,” he whispered. “Do you want to say no?”

“No. I won’t tell you no.”

When she sensed that he’d reached the bed, she lifted her hands and caught hold of his arms. He leaned slowly toward her, his breath on her exposed throat chasing away the night air. I want you, rang through her. I want you!

Shade sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, his hands telling him what his eyes couldn’t. She hadn’t moved since he placed her in the bed. She was here, waiting for him. For an instant Shade experienced something that might have been tears, but her fingers found his waist and chased away any thoughts other than what this night was for. There’d only been one woman in Shade’s life since his divorce, three dates ending with the woman’s inviting him to come to her apartment. He couldn’t even remember her name now, and that bothered him.

He couldn’t imagine ever forgetting Lori Black. She was inside him as surely as her hands were on his exterior. He hadn’t known it was possible to feel this way, to need this creature of the woods as desperately as he needed breath to live. Her possession of his thoughts, his physical sense, alarmed him even as he told himself that he surely wouldn’t feel this possessed in the morning.

Gently, he pushed her to one side of the bed and lay down beside her. His hands were everywhere, cradling her breasts, rolling over the outline of her ribs, feathering the hairs low on her belly. He heard her sharp intake of breath and realized that possession, tonight, was a two-way street. She held his heart and body; he did the same for her.

Lori hadn’t expected Shade to cover her body as quickly, as boldly, as he did. It gave her no time to prepare for each new assault on her senses. She’d been ready to feel his hands on her breasts. The lower exploration came before she was ready and carried her along in the sensation, as a twig is carried by a torrent of rushing water. She clung to him, grasping his biceps as if they could stem her headlong journey. Even as her fingers pressed into his muscle, she was reaching for his lips, sealing her to him, sealing her fate. There was only one way the night would end.

When Shade threw back the covering and rose on his elbow over her, she strained upward, pressing her breasts boldly against his chest. Their naked bodies touching from shoulders to toes wasn’t enough. Lori needed the ultimate contact. She laid her head back on the pillow when his right hand found the hungry place that needed to be satisfied. Even then she needed his open mouth against hers; her tongue made an intimate assault as bold as the one his hand was making. She breathed sporadically, raggedly, through flared nostrils, sharing the air with him.

Her flesh and muscles and blood felt alive with her need. She could do nothing less than position herself for him, welcome him into her. He was over her now, his weight handled by his elbows, his hands somehow free to make contact with her hair and cheeks. But her thoughts weren’t on his hands. He was offering her the most primitive pleasure she’d ever known. Lori’s brain telescoped down until there was nothing except heat, intoxication, a need for fulfillment beyond any she’d ever had. She surrendered totally to what he was doing to her, knowing, somehow, of the surrender in him as well.

The torrent of rushing water had become a raging river, taking everything she was or might be with it. Lori felt herself being lifted out of her body, reaching another plain, having the torrent lift her yet higher. She moved with Shade, her body mindlessly pacing itself to him. They were together in the current, traveling as one.

Then she was at the crest, suspended momentarily, shooting out and over. She heard herself sobbing something unintelligible, but it didn’t matter. The journey had been worth the destination. She understood, as she never had before, what it meant to be a woman.

Lori slept for three or four hours. The rest of the time she lay with her head resting on Shade’s chest. She drank in the sound of his slumbering breath and recorded it to memory. There were no thoughts as to the morality of what they’d done. She’d needed Shade as she’d never needed a man before—might never need one again. In the morning she’d thank him for that.

Shade was the first one up. Lori became aware of the sounds of a shower running before she fully put the pieces together. She hadn’t wanted to go back to sleep. She’d wanted to listen to him breathe. But she must have dozed off, and now he was gone from her and making himself ready to reenter the world that had seemed so far away last night. Lori slipped out of bed, slipped into the oversized shirt she’d worn last night and went into the kitchen to put on coffee. She was looking for the necessary ingredients when the aroma reached her. Shade had already thought of that.

She poured them each a cup and had started toward the bathroom with one when he appeared. “Your turn,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I have an early meeting.”

“You’re leaving?” She was aware of how naked she sounded, but there was no way she could hide what she was feeling.

“I’m afraid so.” Like last night, Shade was wearing only briefs, but this time his attire signified a retreating from her. “It was beautiful.”

She didn’t have to ask him what he was talking about. “It was,” she whispered. “I could fix you some breakfast.”

He shook his head. “It’s a breakfast meeting.” He came closer, took the steaming mug and pulled her close with his free arm. “We’ll talk later,” he said before kissing her.

After he’d left, Lori took a shower, made the bed and then took her first true look at what he called home. The most outstanding room was the one next to his bedroom. It was a weight trainer’s dream. There was a variety of equipment that looked like a cross between a medieval torture chamber and the latest in physical-fitness technology.

The living room contained a couch and matching chair, a coffee table, lamp and small TV. There was a beautiful hardwood table in the dining area, but it was covered with folders and files and other material Shade must have brought home from work. From the looks of the table, Shade probably never ate his meals there.

It wasn’t until she was in her car heading toward the ranch that Lori shook off the residue of last night and concentrated fully on the day. They’d talk, he’d promised her. The promise sustained her and freed her to do what had to be done.

The other day she’d uncovered a cement fish pond built into the ground in front of the farmhouse. The pond had been so overgrown by vines that even Ruth had forgotten it existed. There were other, more pressing matters Lori could have been concentrating on, but she decided to spend the day clearing around the pond, cleaning it out and having it filled. It would be something to show Shade, and maybe Ruth would feel like going to a pet store with her to pick out some hearty fish to stock it with.

Ruth was enthusiastic about Lori’s project but begged off. “I’m sure I’ll like anything you choose. I didn’t get much sleep last night,” the older woman explained.

Neither did I, Lori thought, but kept her thought to herself. Although she had hoped to get to town before the middle of the afternoon, she wound up having to drive into the city during the hottest time of the day. Despite the need to run several personal errands, she hurried back to the farm to deposit the fish before they expired. There was still a little clearing out that needed to be done around the pond, but at least it was filled with cool water, and a half-dozen large, heavy-bodied goldfish were exploring their new home.

Lori thought about telling Ruth of her successful expedition, but because the drapes in Ruth’s bedroom were drawn, Lori got in her car and drove home.

She’d just kicked off her shoes when the phone rang. “What do you have on hand to feed a hungry mechanic?” Shade asked without preliminary. “I’ll be over in about a half hour.”

Shade. He was coming here. Would there be any staying out of his arms if he walked in the door? “I’m not sure what I have,” she stalled. “I didn’t get to the store.”

“You’re hopeless,” he groaned. “Look, I’m on my way to the auto-parts store. I’ll grab some steaks or something, okay?”

“The auto-parts store?” Lori asked. She couldn’t keep pace with his everyday conversation. “What for?”

“Can’t you remember anything?” He lowered his voice for a moment. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had your mind on something else. I told you I didn’t want you driving your car any more than necessary until I’ve had time to go over it. I’m picking up spark plugs and a new battery. I think I’ll have a mechanic look at the brakes before I do anything to them. I’m not sure what they need.”

“A mechanic?” Lori protested. “I can’t afford—”

“Don’t tell me what you can afford,” Shade interrupted. “Brakes aren’t optional in a car. Don’t worry. As long as you feed me, I’ll do the work. I just want a second opinion before I tear your car apart.” He said something about making sure the car was in the garage where he could work on it and then hung up.

Lori turned away from the phone, took a step toward the bedroom and wound up giving herself a hug. Shade was coming! She’d be seeing him in less than an hour! A glance at herself in the mirror told Lori that she had some work to do to erase the hot day from her face and body. She jumped into the shower, shivered under a cool spray and then quickly toweled off, remembering with a shiver that had nothing to do with being cold that Shade had seen her in a lot less than this. She slipped into jeans and a thin T-shirt and then grabbed her car keys. Lori eased her Mustang into the garage and pumped the brakes so that the car wouldn’t roll into the far wall. It was then that she decided to see if any junk mail had made its way into the mailbox beside the road. There were two flyers from local businesses and a white envelope bearing the logo of Jordan Landscaping.

She’d read it later.

She went back inside and rummaged through the bathroom dresser for makeup. As she was putting on her lipstick, she felt the almost-physical presence of a vise reaching out to engulf her. Things had been moving terribly fast with Shade. Maybe it took seeing the envelope from her ex-husband to bring her up short.

What am I? she asked the image in the mirror. You’re acting like some animal in heat. Sure he has a zest for life and a fantastic house in the woods. That isn’t enough reason to drop your guard and toy with more pain like the kind you put yourself and Brett through. She’d thought she’d learned her lesson when the divorce became final. Now? Now she wasn’t at all sure.

What you need is more time by yourself. That’s what Black Bob always did.

Lori took a determined breath and turned off the bathroom light. It was sweet of Shade to offer to work on her car and bring dinner by, but she was going to have to talk to him about this, let him understand that she was going to put on the brakes, take some time to be by herself. To think. Surely, knowing what he did of her upbringing and unsuccessful marriage, he’d understand.

Unfortunately, when she opened the door to let Shade in, a serious conversation was thrown to the back of her mind by a kiss that lifted her onto her toes. “Umm, you look good enough to eat.” Shade grinned as he released her. “I was hoping you’d meet me wearing nothing but a cheesecloth nightgown, but I guess I can live.”

“A cheesecloth nightgown?” Lori cocked her head and relieved Shade of some of the packages he was gripping with one arm. She’d tell him what was on her mind—later. “I don’t think they make them.”

“They should. If that isn’t an erotic thought, I don’t know what is. Of course you could wrap yourself in one of those see-through curtains some people have in their kitchens. I’d like that just as well.”

Lori blushed, responding despite herself to the image his words conjured up. “You’re embarrassing me,” she admitted.

“That’s exactly what I had in mind.” Shade deposited his packages on the kitchen table and started running his hands up and down her arms. “You’re the best-looking thing I’ve seen all day. I spent six hours with a woman who had spent her life collecting dolls from all over the world. I’ve seen everything from French cancan dolls to vestal virgins, but none of them can hold a candle to you.”

Lori’s mind flirted with what she had tried to tell herself in the bathroom, but the thoughts evaporated before Shade’s caress. “Ah, do you want dinner before you look at my car?” she stammered.

“What I want has nothing to do with food.”

Lori glanced into Shade’s eyes. He was ricocheting between joking and a seriousness that both alarmed and intrigued her. If she didn’t stop him, she couldn’t be sure how far the conversation would go. How far did she want it to go, she had to ask. “You’re in a rare mood tonight,” she pointed out, skirting the greater issue.

“Aren’t I, though? Let’s just say it’s been a long day in the trenches, and I’m eager to put all that behind me.” Shade gripped her shoulders and pulled her to him for a kiss that went further and deeper than the one they shared at the door. He sensed a change in her from last night that bothered him. He didn’t like this reserve, this holding back. But maybe he knew how to deal with that. He continued boldly. “All the time I was listening to that old lady talking about dolls as if they were her children, I was thinking about you. You’re doing strange things to me.”

Lori zeroed in on Shade’s last sentence. He was no longer joking. “What kind of things?” she asked, frightened and yet knowing she had to hear the answer.

Shade stared down at her, his green eyes letting her partially but not all the way into his thoughts. “I can’t explain them all,” he started. “When Vicky and I got divorced, I told myself that was the last time I wanted to get into a complex relationship. I knew I needed time to reassess my thinking, try to figure out why I’d chosen a child bride to be a father figure to. I can’t say I’ve done all the thinking I need to on that score, but I’m finding that all my thinking these days is about you.”

“I’m flattered,” Lori said in an attempt to lighten the conversation. The look in Shade’s eyes told her she’d failed. “I’ve done a lot of thinking about you,” she admitted.

“And what conclusions have you come to?”

“Not that fast.” Lori pulled back, but not far enough away so he had to let go of her. “You’re the one who started this deep conversation.”

“So I did. Lori.” He lowered himself onto a kitchen chair and pulled her onto his lap. “Have you ever wondered whether you were capable of a satisfactory relationship? Of course you have. Everyone does that. That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day. Do you know what conclusion I’ve come to?”

“No. What?”

“That I’m tired of thinking. That I want to spend some time with you doing whatever we want to.”

Lori trembled briefly. “One step at a time. Is that what you’re saying?”

Shade nodded. “I guess I am. Does that make sense?”

It was Lori’s turn to nod. She’d had the same thoughts just before he arrived. “Things were so simple last night. They aren’t anymore.”

Shade wrapped his arm around her waist, his fingers creeping upward until they were toying with her rib cage. He wasn’t sure he wanted her to go on, but what she was thinking would have to come out sooner or later. “Does that bother you?”

Lori started to nod, but the gesture turned into a shake of the head instead. Shade’s thumb had found the base of her bra. “I was a failure as a wife,” she admitted, burying her face in the mass of curls on top of Shade’s head. “I can’t impose myself on anyone that way again.”

“You wouldn’t trust yourself in any kind of relationship? You think you’d be hurting the guy?” Shade’s free hand covered Lori’s breast while his other hand gripped her securely around the waist. “You don’t think you have anything to offer a man?”

How could he hold her like this and ask that question? Shade wouldn’t be touching her if he weren’t ready to dispute his words. Lori parted her lips and closed her teeth around a lock of hair. She pulled gently. “I don’t like that kind of a question,” she warned in mock seriousness.

“Ow! All right. I take that back.” Shade’s thumb and forefinger were swallowing inches of blouse fabric until the garment was bunched above Lori’s bra. His thumb ducked under the taut white fabric and found firm, swollen flesh. “Besides,” he whispered, “you have a lot to offer a man.”

Lori’s arms had been at her side, but now she wrapped them around Shade’s head. It felt right to be burying her face in his hair while her arms encompassed his head. It was as if she had some control over him at the same time she was seeking safety and warmth from him. He was content to concentrate on her breasts, to wait until she could no longer pretend to be ignoring what he was doing to her.

Lori surrendered. She released Shade’s hair and let her muscles relax, concentrating on nothing except what his fingers inside her bra were doing. There was a taste of the forbidden, of the dangerous, to what was happening, because he was caressing her in a lighted kitchen with her clothing on instead of naked in a darkened bedroom. Shade’s hand left her waist and found the fastening at the back of her bra. She shivered once as her breasts were freed but didn’t try to draw away. Instead, she continued to rest her face on Shade’s head, her thoughts going no further than his hands. Shade was still holding her on his lap with his left hand, but his right one had gone from a teasing exploration of one breast to a bold capture of both mounds.

Lori squirmed on his lap, her senses screaming. She was being ignited in a way that went beyond her comprehension. What they were doing rode the boundary between play and sensual testing. That in itself was driving her frantic with wanting him.

“This is what I was thinking about when that woman kept yammering at me,” Shade whispered. “I tried to concentrate on what she was saying, but my fingers were itching from the need to touch you.”

“You sound sure of yourself.” Her mouth, buried in his hair, made a muffled sound.

“I remember what happened last night.”

“Oh.”

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” It was hard to think with Shade’s hand over her breasts, the nipples nestled in his palm. “I thought you were sure of yourself.”

“The only thing I’m sure of was that I wanted to make love with you last night. You agreed to it.”

Lori struggled to open her eyes. “I agreed because—” Because I wanted you so much it scared me. “Things are happening right now,” she pointed out with much more self-control than she felt. Surely he could sense her tensing thigh muscles on his lap.

“Yes. They are. Lori? Do you want dinner, or do you want to go into the bedroom?”

I want you to make love to me, she admitted, if only to herself. But he was asking her to set the boundaries of their relationship, to put on the brakes. Because she hadn’t been able to dismiss her thoughts while in the bathroom, she spoke the words she wasn’t sure she had the courage for. “I think we better eat.”

Shade groaned and shoved her off his lap. He rose to his feet before she could think whether she wanted to turn toward or away from him. “I bought a couple of rib steaks,” he was saying in a tone she’d never heard before. “Do you want me to start the barbecue?”

Lori tried to meet Shade’s eyes, but it was obvious that he didn’t trust himself to make that contact. He was rummaging through the package he’d brought in, his eyes as far as possible from her disheveled blouse.

“That—that would be fine.” She could reach out and wrap her arms around him, burrow into the safe haven of his chest and feel his arms around her. “I’ll make a salad.” She pulled down on her blouse with fingers that hated their task.

Shade turned around. He was holding two steaks in his hands, but as soon as he saw what she was doing, he dropped them on the counter. What a liar he was turning into. He hadn’t come here to work on her car or feed her. “Oh, hell.” He took the step that brought them together and pulled her hands away from her task. “I don’t give a damn about dinner.”

“Neither do I.”

Thank God! Until this instant he hadn’t been sure how she’d react to seeing him. Her words were proof that she didn’t regret last night. Shade swept her into his arms and held her tightly against his chest. He could feel her drawing in deeply for air and wondered if he was doing the same. “I’m not going to ask you again.”

“I know. Shade, I want you.”

Lori buried her head in Shade’s chest as he carried her into the bedroom. She released her grip from around his neck only when he started to lower her onto the king-size bed. Lori lay back on the coverlet, knowing that Shade and Vicky had made love here but not caring. She was the woman with Shade Ryan tonight. He was unbuttoning his shirt for her and pulling off his belt for her.

She needed his help to rid herself of her clothes, but she needed no help when he joined her on the bed.

Lori remembered everything she’d learned about Shade last night, but now she was learning even more. The flesh on the small of his back was sensitive; if she wanted to take advantage of it, she could control him now that she knew that. Somehow her hands found the back of his thighs and tried to stretch her fingers over the width of muscle she found there. Her fingers rode lower and pressed against the sinew behind his knees. He was magnificent, magnificent and hers!

At the same time Lori was revealing things about herself that even she hadn’t known until tonight. She loved the feel of a masculine finger brushing lightly over her earlobe. That same finger on the inside of her elbow was all it took to shoot electric sparks throughout her body. At his prompting, she lay inert on her back, hands uneasy by her side while he feathered her stomach and hipbones with his mouth and tongue. When she could no longer stand what his exploration was doing to her senses, she reached for him, digging her nails almost cruelly into his shoulder blades.

Shade waited until she was gripping him tightly and then straightened his back, bringing her off the bed with him. His hands found her backbone, the swell of her buttocks. He pressed against the flesh there, pushing her tightly against his body, cementing her body into his mind. His mouth reached for her hair, nipping and pulling gently as she’d done earlier. He wanted her, wanted to make love, but there was no urgency in his wanting. For maybe the first time in his adult life, he realized that there was more to making love than the final act. There was the touching and the kissing and the play that tuned them both into each other and blunted the definitions between their separate personalities.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispered, his hands back to exploring the velvet flesh around her naked waist. Her fingers dug into his shoulders, but he felt no pain. “I’m getting drunk on you.”

Lori didn’t answer, but that didn’t bother Shade. He rather suspected that she was at a point beyond speech. As his hands worked their way around to the front of her waist, he learned what he needed to know from the ragged way she was breathing. There wouldn’t be any stopping tonight. Tonight was everything he’d ever wanted a night to be.

“I’ll work on your car tomorrow” were the last words he said.