Chapter Eight

Lori woke up first. She’d been sleeping on her side with her face away from Shade but her back resting securely against his strength. She stared out the bedroom window for several minutes, thinking of nothing except the slow shading from dark to light as the sun touched the evergreens. She could hear Shade’s deep, regular breathing behind her, a sound so right that it blended in with the sounds of the morning birds.

At length she became aware that the arm under her had fallen asleep and her fingers were in need of circulation. Lori eased herself out of bed and tiptoed to the window, rubbing her arm to return circulation to it. She was wearing nothing, which allowed the breeze coming in the open window to blow feathering kisses along her body.

Just before she stepped into the bathroom, Lori glanced back at Shade. His hair was flattened against his temple, and there was a crease mark on his cheek, little signs that made him unbelievably precious to her. If she hadn’t been afraid that he would awaken, she would have gone over and kissed him.

Instead, Lori showered and dressed, trying to put her mind on her plans for the day. A man was coming to deposit a load of gravel on the road leading to the farm. Lori wanted to be there to make sure none of the gravel spilled onto the grounds.

She thought about Ruth and smiled. The older woman would approve of what had happened last night. Ruth was both a realist and a romantic. She liked Lori and Shade. She wanted to see them happy and made no bones about the fact that she thought they’d be happiest together.

Was it really as simple as that? She wondered if she and Shade could climb into the same bed every night and be happy. This morning—this morning she simply didn’t know what her answer was. What she did know was that she’d never again be able to look at Shade without thinking of the gift, the knowledge, he’d given her.

She heard footsteps but didn’t turn around until Shade spoke. “I’m starved, woman. Don’t you ever feed people who come to your house?”

“It’s your house, in case you’ve forgotten.” Shade had pulled on pants but was wearing nothing from the waist up. The crease mark on his cheek had faded, but there was another one across his chest.

“Minor detail. You lured me here with talk of an ailing car, seduced me when all I wanted was something to eat, and now you won’t even offer me a cup of coffee.”

Lori studied Shade for a long minute before answering. “You’re in a fine mood this morning. I don’t know if I can keep up with you.”

Shade frowned, but didn’t speak until he’d started the coffeepot perking. “I’m not sure I can, either,” he said, sitting in the chair he’d used last night before they went into the bedroom. “I told myself I wasn’t going to let that happen, that we’d have dinner, I’d work on your car, and maybe we’d talk. That didn’t happen.”

Lori leaned against the kitchen counter. Even when sitting down, his power overwhelmed her. “Do you regret what happened?”

“Isn’t that what the man is supposed to ask the woman?” he asked in the same light tone he’d greeted her with a few minutes ago. “No. I don’t regret what happened. And I don’t think you do, either. But Lori, we both said things about not rushing into a relationship. I remember what it was like the first few week after Vicky and I separated. A divorce makes a person vulnerable. Wary and vulnerable all at the same time. I told myself I wasn’t going to rush you into anything. I didn’t keep my word, did I?”

“No, you didn’t,” Lori admitted. No matter what they might wind up saying to each other, this conversation was essential. “But Shade, it wasn’t your doing. I was as willing to have it, both times, happen.”

“I took advantage of what I knew you were going through. I know all about vulnerability firsthand.”

“How do you know what I’m going through?” she asked. “Not everyone who goes through a divorce feels the same thing.” For the first time today she thought about the letter from Brett, waiting for her to open it. She could almost sense him reaching out toward her, reminding her of everything that had gone wrong between them.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Shade glanced at the still-perking pot and then turned his alert eyes back on her. “But you’re in the process of asking yourself questions about your ability to have a positive relationship with a man. You need time to ask yourself those questions.”

How wise Shade was. “You’re right,” Lori whispered, finally admitting what had been tugging at the back of her mind since she woke up. “Brett told me that I wasn’t cut out for sharing myself with someone else. I should have thought about that instead of—”

“Instead of letting your body get the upper hand.”

Lori blushed and ducked her head. “Something like that.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Shade pressed. “There’s nothing wrong with what we did.”

Wasn’t there? Maybe not for Slade. She was the one who had been so sure a few short weeks ago that she wasn’t cut out for personal relationships. She still didn’t have the answer to that question. It was getting harder to focus on the necessary answer with Shade around, distracting her, arousing her. She wanted Shade physically. There was no denying that. But she didn’t know if she was good for him.

“Maybe we have been rushing things,” she said softly, reluctantly. “Maybe I am vulnerable.”

Shade groaned. “I was afraid you’d agree with me. Look.” He rose to his feet and stuck out his hand. “Why don’t we shake on it? Whatever is happening between us is going to have to slow down for a while until you get your head together.”

Lori stuck out her own hand and shook his soberly. She didn’t want to make an agreement like this. She wanted to dive for the comfort of his arms. But that wouldn’t be fair to either of them. What had Shade said? That she had to get her head together first?

Lori didn’t touch Shade again before he left. For several minutes after she was left alone, she busied herself with everyday tasks, but she knew she was only putting off what had to be done. The letter from Brett was partially responsible for the mood she was in. The only way she could deal with her mood was to give it full rein.

When she opened the envelope, she discovered another small one inside the one from Brett. The short note was from her father.

“I’m sending this to Brett since I don’t have your address,” he wrote. “I guess he’ll send it on to you. I’ve been working on an operation outside Seattle, but that’s just about over. I was thinking I could get in touch with you and we could spend some time together.”

The note wasn’t signed, but that didn’t surprise Lori. He hadn’t said how he intended to get in touch with her, but knowing Black Bob, he’d simply call Brett when he was free and curtly ask how to contact his daughter. That was nice, Lori thought, blinking back tears that came from a childhood filled with warm memories. She’d like to see her father. She wondered what he’d think of Shade.

Reading the letter from Brett wasn’t as easy. His bold script was impersonal and to the point as he explained that the letter from Black Bob had arrived the day before. “I guess I might as well tell you this now,” Brett went on. “You’ll find out, anyway. I’m getting married. I know; I told you I wasn’t going to jump into anything. But she’s right for me. I’m not like you. I never wanted to be a hermit. I need someone in my life.”

I’m not like you. I never wanted to be a hermit. Lori thought about these words a lot during the hours she spent at the farm that day. To outsiders she probably appeared to be a competent woman who knew her mind and stood her ground when the driver of the gravel truck wanted to turn around on a patch of ground carpeted with clover. But Lori begrudged the minutes she had to spend talking with the man. She wanted to work alone today, to redirect a vine climbing up the side of the well house so it wouldn’t try to set down a root system in the rotting wooden roof. She wanted to listen to the birds and peacocks and wind whistling through the growing wheat. She wanted to feel the wind on her face and arms and hands and remember how much of her upbringing was tied up in sensations like that. She needed to get back in touch with what she was and how she had felt when she asked Brett for a divorce. It wasn’t what she wanted to do, but she knew she’d never resolve her inner conflict until she did. Brett knew her, maybe better than anyone else. He believed she was destined to spend her life alone.

Shade hadn’t said anything about getting in touch with her, but she figured he’d call when she got back to the house. Her car was still ailing. If they could stick to the hands-off agreement they’d shaken on that morning, there was still a set of spark plugs on the kitchen counter. Having him here would put off the time of coming to grips with what she was.

Shade called a little before 7:00 p.m. His message was short and to the point. “I’ve been railroaded into attending a meeting of the county commissioners tonight. Something about their needing information on historic places that qualify for a tax freeze and how to go about getting a couple of other places considered for the freeze. This could go on half the night.”

Lori sobbed inside but forced her voice to remain neutral. She said something about needing to spend time on setting up a pruning schedule for the fruit trees and wound up with a semicheerful good-bye. It wasn’t fair! A man’s voice shouldn’t have the power to trigger memories of wild lovemaking.

Alone, she learned something else about his voice. The memory of it echoing inside her made it impossible for her to think about what Brett had said.

She slept poorly and went to the farm dragging the next morning. She would have liked to take Ruth walking to show her what she’d been doing, but Ruth put her off with vague comments about expecting a phone call from a cousin living in Wyoming. Lori spent the day identifying and photographing close-ups of several flowering bushes for future reference. She met with a member of the local horticultural society and gave the woman permission to cut slips of maiden pink for transplanting. Lori resented the intrusion into her thoughts, but Shade had told her that community relations were important in the right kind of publicity for the restoration project.

That evening she prepared a quick dinner and set about working on the pruning schedule she hadn’t been able to concentrate on the night before. She had actually lost herself in the work when the phone rang. Lori stumbled while hurrying from the dining room, where her work was set up, to the kitchen telephone, but the masculine voice she wanted to hear from wasn’t on the other end of the line. “Lori Black?” a high-pitched woman’s voice asked.

“Yes. Can I help you?” Lori asked, fighting down a wave of depression.

“Mrs. Black. I’m Vicky Ryan. Shade told me you were living in the house.”

Vicky. Shade’s ex-wife! “Where are you?” Lori asked before she could catch herself. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t very polite. I just didn’t expect to hear from you.”

“I didn’t expect to be back here so soon,” the woman with the little-girl voice said. “Things came up, and I had to cut my tour short. I don’t want to disturb you, but there are things I need from the house.”

Lori wondered if Shade knew Vicky was back in town. Maybe that was why she hadn’t seen him last night or heard from him today. “Of course,” Lori said, grateful that certain responses were expected of her and she wouldn’t have to grope her way through a relationship with Shade’s ex-wife. “I just wish I’d known. I’ll be out of here as soon as I can.” Lori allowed herself a quick glance toward the kitchen window. She didn’t want to leave here and find a place to stay down in the valley.

“Oh, no!” Vicky’s words cut through Lori’s thoughts. “I’m not going to kick you out. I don’t want to live there. But, well, when do you think it would be convenient for me to pick up a few things?”

Lori blinked and concentrated. The conversation was ridiculous. Vicky Ryan shouldn’t be asking for permission to come to her own house. “Right away,” Lori said, and then cringed when Vicky agreed.

The two women hung up, and Lori returned to the material she’d spread out on the dining room table. Should she clear any evidence that she’d made herself completely at home here? Instead of making that decision, Lori returned to the phone and tried to call Shade. All she got for her troubles was his recorded message telling her to leave her name and number. Lori hung up before hearing the beep giving her permission to speak.

She hurried into the bedroom and straightened the coverlet. Then she went into the bathroom and put away the hairbrush and toothpaste left behind that morning. She was hiding the last evidence of her dinner dishes when the doorbell rang.

Nothing about Vicky Ryan surprised Lori. Shade had done a good job of describing his ex-wife. The woman—a girl, really—was shorter than Lori, with youthful, flawless skin and hair too blonde to give nature all the credit. She wore a ridiculous amount of makeup, which, to Lori’s way of thinking, masked an innocent purity. Despite her tailored skirt and blazer and the expensive ruby ring on her right hand, Vicky was anything but a self-assured young woman. Her hands fluttered in front of her and she shifted her hips repeatedly as she tried to meet Lori’s eyes. “I can’t get over how brave you are,” Vicky said as Lori was closing the door behind them. “I’d be scared to death to stay here alone.”

Lori smiled and led the way into the living room. She would have liked Vicky to take the initiative, but obviously the younger woman didn’t know what to do now that she was inside the house. “It doesn’t bother me,” Lori said. “I grew up in the woods, so I’m used to it.”

Vicky perched delicately on the edge of a chair and waited for Lori to sit down.

“Shade thinks I’m such a child. I tried to stay here. I really did. But I hate living alone.”

Lori took a minute to note the contrast between Vicky’s almost adolescent demeanor and her own comfort at wearing an old T-shirt and going around barefoot. “Not everyone is cut out for living alone,” Lori acknowledged. Just me, she thought distractedly. At least that’s what my ex-husband says.

“I wish Shade would see that. But then he thought I was crazy to go off on that tour through Europe. Nothing I do pleases him.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true,” Lori pressed, not sure why she should discuss the relationship between Vicky and Shade. “Besides, why should you try to please him?” Lori grinned. “We women are liberated. We can do whatever we want.”

Vicky returned Lori’s smile. “That’s what my friend, the one who got me to go on the tour, kept telling me. Maybe that’s why I cut my trip short. I want to get on with my life.”

Lori nodded appreciatively. Vicky still sounded and looked like an insecure teenager, but what she’d said showed that the younger woman had been doing a lot of thinking. “What can I do to help you?” she asked. “What do you need? Where are you living?”

The smile left Vicky’s face. “In a motel. At least I am until I can find a place to rent. I tried to call Shade when I flew in today to see if he’d find me a place, but I couldn’t get a hold of him.”

You don’t want Shade to choose where you live, Lori thought, but she bit her tongue. She hadn’t known Vicky long enough to say something like that. Lori told Vicky a little about her unsuccessful attempts to find housing in the valley, but she had the feeling Vicky wasn’t really listening.

“How long have you known Shade?” Vicky asked.

Lori blinked. She had no idea how much Shade had told his ex-wife about the woman living in their house. She briefly sketched the professional relationship she had with Shade, winding up with the agreement to have her stay in the house until its future had been decided. “Of course if you want to stay here—” Lori started to say.

Vicky actually shuddered. “No, thank you! I know what I can and can’t do, and staying here is something I’ll never be able to do. I looked at a condominium today, but I know what Shade will say. He thinks condos are the most ridiculous excuse for a home he’s ever heard of.”

“What does it matter what Shade thinks?” Lori asked. “It’s your life.”

Vicky wrapped her fingers around her upper arms and sank deeper in her chair. “Shade makes alimony payments. As long as it’s his money—”

Lori blinked. She tried to put herself in the position of a divorced woman dependent on her ex-husband’s money to survive, but it was almost beyond her comprehension. “Oh,” she wound up saying. “Are you trying to find a job?”

To her surprise Vicky showed the first true animation she had since walking into the house. “I want to. In fact, I wanted to look for work when Shade and I first separated, but I was so confused, what with the business with the lawyer and everything. I really didn’t do anything for several months. Then my friend insisted I go on this tour. That’s one of the reasons I came back when I did. I want to get my life going. But—” Vicky dropped her head for a minute. “I don’t have any real job skills. I was just out of high school when Shade and I married. I didn’t want to be anything but a wife. That’s what Shade wanted, too.”

Shade had wanted a wife who had no existence beyond the house and him. That gave Lori a glimpse that she’d never had before of the man, but this wasn’t the time to dwell on that. “What would you like to do?” she asked Vicky in what she hoped was a helpful tone.

“I don’t know,” Vicky moaned. “I took typing in high school, but that was so long ago, and I wasn’t very good at it. I applied to a nursing school while I was married, but I couldn’t keep up with some of the courses. Shade said I wasn’t cut out for nursing.”

Lori frowned. Maybe Vicky would be a nurse now if her husband hadn’t been so quick to let her drop out of school. Lori couldn’t help but wonder what kind of a woman Vicky would be now if Shade hadn’t always been there with a safety net stretched under her. “Maybe you should look at nursing again?” Lori suggested. “You’re a few years older now.”

“I don’t know. Oh, it’s so complicated,” Vicky moaned again. “That’s why I couldn’t enjoy the tour. I knew I had some big decisions to make. I had to be back here, not in Europe, to make those decisions. But I have to find a place to live before I can think about anything else.”

Lori couldn’t argue with that logic. At least Vicky knew herself well enough to understand that she couldn’t take on more than one major decision at a time. “I don’t know what’s so wrong with a condominium if that’s what you want,” Lori said. “Shade doesn’t have to live in it, so what does he care?”

“You know how he is about this place. He can’t understand why anyone would want to live with neighbors on the other side of the wall. But I need people around me. I like the idea of having people look out for each other.”

“And it makes you feel safer, doesn’t it?” Lori asked. It wouldn’t be her lifestyle, but if Vicky was enough in tune with her feelings to believe she’d feel safe in a condominium, she should be allowed to do that. “Is there some way you could try one out for a few weeks before making a decision?”

“I don’t know.” Vicky brightened. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

“All they can do is tell you no,” Lori pointed out. “You’ll never know unless you ask.”

“You’re right. Of course there’s still Shade to contend with.”

“He isn’t going to stop making alimony payments, is he? He wouldn’t cut you off if you weren’t spending the money the way he thought you should?” Lori couldn’t imagine Shade ever doing that.

“Oh, no.” Vicky shook her head vigorously. “He didn’t think much of my going on that tour, but he went ahead and paid for my share of the expenses, anyway.”

“Well, then.” Lori spread her arms and settled back in her chair. “Go for it. It’s your life.”

Vicky smiled briefly, tentatively. “Yes. It is my life. I just wish I didn’t feel so unsure about it.”

“Vicky, we all feel unsure at times. You’re hardly alone there.”

“Do you mean it? I mean, you’re so independent and all. You have a responsible job, and you’re not afraid to live up here by yourself. You don’t know how much I envy you.”

“Don’t,” Lori admonished, feeling a bit like Vicky’s big sister. “I’m not nearly as together as you make me sound. I couldn’t make a success of my marriage.”

“But you found yourself a job, moved, all without anyone holding your hand. That’s what I envy about you.”

“I didn’t have any choice. I’d decided my marriage was over. I couldn’t very well continue to hang on to my husband’s shirttail.”

“That’s what I’ve done.” Vicky’s voice was a sad whisper. “I’m not proud of myself. But it’s so hard to know what to do. I’ve never had to make those kinds of decisions before.”

Lori leaned forward, acknowledging an urge to pat Vicky on the shoulder. “There’s a first time for everything. We all have to do things we haven’t done before.”

“I guess. It’s just that it’s harder for me than it is for most people. Look, I’ve taken up enough of your time. What I need is— If you don’t mind, I’m going to need some silverware and dishes. Lord, I hate the motel I’m in. I have to find a place to live soon.”

Lori got to her feet and started toward the kitchen. “Look at a condominium. Listen to me,” she said, turning back toward Vicky. “I’m giving you advice when that’s the last thing you need. It’s your decision.”

Vicky straightened her shoulders with an effort. “You’re right. It is my decision. I guess all Shade can do is call me foolish.”

Lori found it hard to believe that Shade would ever call Vicky foolish, but since she hadn’t been around to watch the interaction between them, she kept her opinion to herself. She tried to get Vicky to take more kitchen supplies than the fragile-looking woman wanted, and then gave up. If Vicky didn’t think she needed more than two pots, that was her business. She didn’t need someone else butting in, telling her what to do. As Vicky was getting ready to leave, Lori wished Vicky luck and asked her to call she’d found a place to live.

It wasn’t until two days later that Lori learned Shade had been the last to hear that Vicky was back in town. Lori had gone to the museum to meet with the financial director about some revisions of anticipated expenses for materials from a local grange. She was just finishing up when Shade walked in on the meeting.

“You should be happy, Frederick,” Shade teased the financial director. “It isn’t often people tell you they’re going to spend less money than they thought they were going to. That isn’t a trait you often see in a woman.”

Frederick muttered something about needing to plug the figures into the computer and scurried out of the room. Lori waited until they were alone. “What do you have against women today?” she challenged. Her anger over her inability to come to grips with what she needed out of life made it easy for her to snap at the man who had complicated that life. “You’re trying to stereotype us all.”

“Am I? Then I apologize,” Shade said, not sounding at all apologetic. “It’s just that my ex-wife informed me this morning that she wants to sign a short-term lease for some damn fancy condominium. It’ll cost less than her staying at a motel, so maybe I shouldn’t argue.”

Lori gathered her papers and stood up. She’d just gone through several days of not seeing this man, wondering how much he was responsible for the fact that being alive wasn’t the same comfortable, boring experience it had been before. “Why don’t you let Vicky do what she has to? She’s over the age of consent, you know.”

“Look who is in a bad mood,” Shade countered. “Are you holding it against me because I haven’t been in touch with you?”

Lori shook her head. Yes, she’d missed Shade more than she wanted to admit, but she’d also appreciated the time to concentrate on her thoughts, her emotions. “We were moving awfully fast. I think the past few days were necessary.”

“Don’t stand there in that see-through blouse and tell me that and expect me to agree,” Shade said softly.

Lori glanced down. Her blouse was far from transparent, but the fabric was soft enough that it followed the outlines of her breasts. “I didn’t do that on purpose.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s just that my imagination starts working overtime whenever I see you. Vicky told me she’s already seen you, picked up some things from the house. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“That’s between you and Vicky,” Lori pointed out. “I’m not going to come running to you every time your ex-wife makes a move.”

“Maybe you should,” Shade said, his eyes narrowing. “That seems to be the only way I can keep track of what Vicky’s up to.”

“Shade, will you listen to yourself?” Lori warned. “That’s your ex-wife you’re talking about, not your daughter. Vicky’s a free woman. She can come and go as she pleases.”

“And spend my money as she pleases. I’m sorry.” Shade placed his arm around Lori’s shoulders. “I didn’t mean to drop this on you. It’s just that the habit of keeping tabs on my less than mature wife has been pretty deeply ingrained out of necessity. I know how irresponsible, how indecisive she is. I’m always having to bail her out of one mishap or another.”

“Maybe you should stop doing that,” Lori said, forcing herself to concentrate on the topic despite the undeniable distraction of Shade’s arm around her. “Let Vicky make her mistakes and learn from them.”

“That’s easier said than done, especially when you’re the one paying the bills. Vicky said you approved of this condominium business.” Shade’s voice held a note of disapproval.

“I told Vicky it was her decision and she’d never know what she thought of a condominium if she didn’t give one a try.”

“That’s—forget it. I don’t want to fight with you. Look, what else do you have to do today?”

Lori glanced up at the large wall clock above the desk. It was already after 4:00 p.m. “I was going to go out to the grange for some fertilizer and tools, but I’d have to rush making my choices. I don’t want to have to do that.”

“That’s what I call a good decision.” Shade grinned, the light in his eyes warming her heart. “I’ll tell you what. If you can promise to behave yourself, I’ll do some of that car work I promised the other night. I know I’m pretty irresistible, but I’m never going to get your car in shape if you insist on throwing yourself at me.”

Lori eagerly joined in Shade’s mood. They had been intense around each other. A casual, joking relationship was much safer. She frowned, pretending to be making a weighty decision. “I’ll tell you what,” she said slowly. “I’ve seen you work. I think your efforts are at least worth a hamburger. I might even throw in a salad if you don’t track in any grease.”

Shade gave her a quick squeeze. “Sounds like an honest wage for an honest day’s work. Why don’t you head on home? I’ll finish up a few things here and join you.”

Lori stopped at the grocery store for tomatoes and onions and hamburger buns. As a consequence, she’d only been at the house a few minutes before Shade showed up. He had a pair of coveralls in one hand. Apparently he was determined to accomplish his intended task this time. So be it, Lori acknowledged, willing herself not to let her eyes stay too long on his body. They’d skirted the edges of an argument earlier. Tonight they should move cautiously, tending to business and not bodily demands.

As Lori was pouring them a glass of wine, Shade asked her a few questions about her car, his features neutral, his hands never straying to her body. Then he went into the bedroom to change while Lori started looking through her mail. It wasn’t until she had separated the bills from advertisements that she realized she’d been thinking about the envelope that had come the other day.

“You’re looking sober,” Shade said as he rejoined her. “Bad news?”

“Not today.” Lori spent the better part of a minute deciding what she should say next. Finally, she got up, reached for the envelope near the telephone and handed it to Shade. “My ex-husband is getting married,” she said.

Shade glanced at both letters and then looked at her. “Does that bother you?”

“Not really,” Lori admitted. He wasn’t commenting on what Brett had said about her. “I just hope things work out for him. It seems as if he’s moving awfully fast.”

“Some people are like that. There’s one good thing about a failed marriage. It usually tells people what they don’t want the second time around.”

If they’re sure they’re cut out for a second time around, Lori thought before pushing that tired thought to the back of her mind. “I’m glad he sent the letter from Black Bob. He hopes we can get together. I’d like that,” she said softly.

Shade leaned down and kissed Lori chastely on the tip of her nose. “You know what I was thinking? The museum makes extensive use of oral histories. Do you think Black Bob would speak into a tape recorder, talk about what it was like to work in the woods all his life, the changes he’s seen, that sort of thing?”

Lori responded to Shade’s kiss by burrowing into the warmth of his chest. “If you go slow with him. Dad’s kind of a rare breed. He doesn’t like to talk much, but he’ll reminisce when he’s in the right mood. He might do it if he’s convinced future generations will benefit from what he says.”

“See if you can talk him into it when he comes here. Now.” Shade placed his wine on the counter and wrapped his arms around Lori’s shoulders. “I just want to make something perfectly clear. I don’t work cheap. A quick dinner isn’t adequate compensation for grease under my fingernails and bruised knuckles. Do you get what I’m driving at, woman?”

Lori admitted she did. She wrapped her arms around Shade’s waist and started to run a teasing finger up the inside of his shirt, her nail running a light course along his spine. Her body actually ached with the need to make the contact deeper, but she refused to surrender. There was nothing in Shade’s voice to indicate he was on the raw edge of passion.

Shade squirmed. “That tickles! Do it again. Ah.” He grinned down at her. “I think you can come up with something.”

“Hmm.” Lori pretended to be deep in thought “I guess I could darn your socks. Or don’t women darn socks anymore?”

“Do you know how?”

“I haven’t the vaguest idea. That wasn’t one of the things I learned from Black Bob.”

“Then I guess we’ll have to come up with another form of compensation.” Shade’s hands had found the loose collar on Lori’s lightweight sweater and was gently stretching the fabric, trying to reach the lace bra. “Can you think of anything?”

Lori stopped just short of surrender. “We said something about things going too fast,” she pointed out.

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. All I’m looking for is an alternative to your darning my socks. Lori.” He pulled his hands out and gripped her shoulders, forcing her to look up into his eyes. “I’ve been doing some thinking about this sex business. People take it too damn serious, if you want my opinion. I remember a college roommate of mine who had a terrific success rate with the coeds because he convinced them that sex was the greatest form of recreation and exercise ever devised.”

“You think our going to bed together is a form of recreation?” Lori asked, not nearly as shocked as she pretended to be.

“I think it’s worth considering” was all Shade would say before picking up the necessary auto parts and going out to the garage.

For the next two hours Lori divided her time between the kitchen and garage, trying to be helpful, apologizing for having neglected her car for as long as she had. By the time she’d finally convinced Shade to quit, the car had been given a tune-up, but he was still muttering about the state of her brakes. “Those things belong in the museum,” he said as he was washing up. “I’m going to give you the name of my mechanic. Go by the shop after work tomorrow and tell him to call me after he’s decided what they need.”

“Yes, sir,” Lori agreed weakly. She wasn’t used to accepting orders from a man without an argument, but in this situation at least, she was out of her element. The brakes were obviously on their last legs, and she had no idea what they needed before they’d be reliable again. As she was placing food on the table, Lori admitted that this time, with Shade, she had no need to point out that she was capable of making her own decisions. It hadn’t been that way with Brett.

They spoke little during dinner. Lori kept thinking about what Shade had said about sex being a fascinating form of recreation. It made sex sound like an alternative for physical fitness and not an expression of one’s emotions, but when she studied the way Shade’s eyelashes almost brushed his eyebrows as he looked up at her, she realized that sex with him wouldn’t be nearly as detached an event as his comparison made it sound No matter whether lovemaking was accomplished with deep sighs or casual vigor, she would still be sharing her body with a man who meant very, very much to her.

Shade leaned back in his chair, frowned at his grease-stained fingers and then smiled at her. “You wouldn’t be interested in working off all those calories, would you?”

“Are you propositioning me?”

“Heck no. I just don’t want you to go to bed with a full stomach. Don’t you believe in exercise?”

The form of exercise Shade introduced her to in the king-size bed was certainly adequate for working off a late dinner, but even as Shade was demonstrating for her his version of warming-up exercises, Lori was unable to convince herself that their lovemaking was as lighthearted as they were trying to make it.

She tried It was Lori’s suggestion that finger exercises were a proper substitute for push-ups. She gave credit to her theory by pointing out that whenever she ran her fingers over his rib cage or lightly feathered the line of his hipbones, he jumped. Shade agreed. Didn’t her body move restlessly on the fitted sheet as he explored the contours of her breasts?

“I think we should get a patent on this,” Shade said between deep breaths aimed at self-control. “We’ve really stumbled on something. We could write a book and make a fortune off it.”

“I suppose you’ll want more than fifty percent. I’ll probably have to hire a lawyer to get my fair share,” Lori challenged. She threw a naked leg across Shade’s in an attempt to coerce him into listening to reason. “Just because you had the idea first doesn’t entitle you to more. After all, where would you be without a guinea pig to experiment on?”

“Some guinea pig!” Shade snorted, stopping her by placing a large hand over her mouth. “Don’t talk unless you have something worthwhile to say. Our research might take all night.”

It nearly did. When they were lying naked next to each other with a sheet thrown over them, and her short curls were being crushed against Shade’s chest, Lori made a confession. His arms and lips and powerful legs were enveloping more than her body. Her heart was involved.

And that frightened Lori. She didn’t know how much of her separate self she was surrendering to this man.