I grew up on the plains of Kansas and was imbued from an early age with a strong belief in rugged individualism and going it alone in the true spirit of the pioneer.
When I found myself in the fiasco that was my first marriage (#81), it never occurred to me to ask anyone for help. I figured I’d gotten myself into this mess and somehow I’d get myself out. Eventually, I did. But if I’d known then what I know now about asking for help, I’d have gotten out a lot sooner, and with a lot less trauma. In fact, I’d never have gotten into it in the first place!
My friend Judy grew up with what those of us who know and love her refer to as a strong sense of entitlement. Her childhood training was just the opposite of mine. She has no hesitation about asking anyone anywhere for help. And the absolutely amazing thing to me is that she always gets whatever help she needs.
I’ve picked up some valuable lessons watching her over the years. First of all, I’ve learned that it’s okay to need help; it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Secondly, I’ve learned that most people are willing to help someone who simply asks for it.
In addition, I’ve learned to be careful whom I ask for help. There’s no point in going to an auto mechanic if you’re having a coronary.
Also, I’ve learned to distinguish between an everyday, garden-variety upset that a friend or a support group could help with and major distress that requires a professional (#47).
I also make a point of avoiding the person who insists on helping whether I need it or not. I used to be that type before I simplified my life, so I’m familiar with that energy!
If, like me, you’re one of those who’s never been comfortable asking for help, maybe it’s time to rethink your attachment to the pioneer spirit. We’re all human, and we all need a little assistance from time to time.
Developing the ability to ask for help when you need it will often provide clarity to your life, and enable you to move through life’s lessons much more quickly.