When i was growing up I had an older brother who beat up on me fairly regularly for the first thirteen years of my life. I got little respite until he left home at eighteen to become a Jesuit priest.
Once he was out of the house, my life settled down to what most people would call normal, and I began to forget about all those early traumas with the monster brother. Today we call it denial, but I went on about my life and created the fantasy that I had had a happy childhood, which, for the most part, I did.
But you can’t just stuff those early childhood hurts and expect them to go away. At some time, at some level, you have to deal with them.
Many years later I went into counseling to talk about a business relationship that was troubling me, and ended up talking about my brother.
It took months of therapy and personal reflection to uncover the resentment I’d been carrying around with me all those years. When I finally recognized the extent of the trauma, I was certain I’d never be able to forgive him.
As I began to get in touch with my anger, I began to understand why certain patterns and circumstances had been repeated over and over again throughout my life. And gradually I began to see that holding on to that anger was keeping me from truly moving forward. I realized that if I wanted to get on with it, I’d have to forgive my brother.
It took me several more years and many quiet hours of contemplation, but finally I was able to pick up the phone, call him, and discuss it with him. I was able, in my heart of hearts, to forgive him for all those years of mistreatment.
Soon after that phone call, I started painting, something I had always wanted to do but had never quite been able to get around to. The correlation was so direct there is no doubt in my mind that forgiveness was a key: one month I forgave my brother; the next month I started to tap into my creative core.
I urge you to stop right now and make a list of any people you might be harboring anger or resentment against. Then start working today on forgiveness overnight. And you may not be able to do it alone. There are many seminars, books, and tapes available to help you. If necessary, get some counseling (#47). Do whatever you need to do to get started learning to forgive.
Keep in mind that you don’t have to learn forgiveness for the benefit of the person who may have wronged you, but for the liberation of your own soul.