CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

Gathering

Della gathered her skirts in her hands as she walked, trying to gather her thoughts with them. Yes, everything had come apart, but this wasn’t the first time her world had fallen in pieces. The difference now was that, for the first time in thirteen years, she hadn’t fallen apart with it—and that sent her mind orbiting back to a single overwhelming demand:

Do something.

In the suite vestibule, Serjer did not appear. Cautiously, with one finger, she pulled the left-hand curtain back and found the service door cracked open; Serjer sat behind it, motionless on a stool with his face in his hands. She dropped the curtain and turned to her Yoral.

“Yoral, can you talk to him? Make sure he’s all right, and that he has help to call the Household and the ashers if he needs it?”

Yoral inclined his head. “Of course, Mistress.”

When she entered the sitting room, Tagaret came and flung his arms around her. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, Della, you’re back.”

“Tagaret, you have to know what’s happened.”

He leaned away from her. “More deaths?”

The image of the room full of Arissen bodies washed over her, and she panted until she could shove it away. “Nekantor tried to control the Arissen. All of them.”

“Mercy of Heile—tried?”

“The Cohort first. The Division second, and then the Police. Pyaras is the only reason he failed.”

Tagaret stared at her, speechless, his face white.

“Pyaras Fell.”

For a second, Tagaret’s knees wobbled; she held him up. “No,” Tagaret said. “I can’t lose him. He’s not dead; I refuse to pretend he is. He’s my cousin . . .”

“Maybe we can see him in secret,” Della said. “We’ll manage something.”

“Look at us,” Tagaret said, mournfully. “What happened? We were going to change Varin . . .”

“We all wanted to change Varin,” she agreed. “Nekantor did, too; and his plan worked, because he had so few people he cared enough to protect. Think where we might be if he didn’t love order so much.”

“Chaos.” Tagaret leaned his head against hers. “Violence.”

“We’re so close to that abyss, still,” she whispered. “Right now, Adon is the only bridge that can get us across. And that means, even if we can’t do it the way we used to, we still have to protect him.”

“But he’s Heir,” Tagaret said. “Everyone will be watching. How do we make sure he won’t be found out?” He gave a heavy sigh. “There’s only one answer. I didn’t want him to be right . . .”

“Come into the drawing room. We need to talk to Mother.”

She knocked on Tamelera’s door, but got no answer. Tamelera might be too upset to respond . . . she tested the handle, and, finding it unlocked, cautiously cracked the door open.

Tamelera sat at the foot of her bed, holding Aloran, who had his face buried in her neck. “Aloran,” she said, softly. “Love, look at me.”

He leaned back from her. His face was wet with tears. “My Lady . . .”

She gently brushed the tears from his cheeks with her fingers. “We knew, didn’t we? At the Academy, or here, it was always going to happen. One way, or the other. We just didn’t know when. Just remember, I will give up everything before I lose you.”

Aloran leaned to kiss her . . .

Della realized what she was doing, and shoved the view closed, blushing furiously. She knocked again, harder. “Mother? Mother, can you come out, please?”

A second later, Tamelera opened the door herself.

“Please don’t Fall,” Della blurted. “We just lost Pyaras to the Arissen—please, please don’t. Adon still needs you. We’ll find another way.”

Tamelera stared, icy eyes wide, for an instant, as if about to fly into a rage. But then she exhaled. “Really? Pyaras?”

“Really. Can you and Aloran come out? I’m going to get Adon. We have to plan.”

She tiptoed to Adon’s door. This was going to be the hard one. What would she do if he’d locked himself in? She couldn’t possibly ask Aloran to intervene with him right now. She knocked.

“Who is it?”

Easier than expected. “It’s Della. Can you come out to the drawing room?”

“No. It’s not safe.”

“It’s not?”

“No. Nekantor might come in.”

“What if we come in where you are? It’s just me, and Tagaret, and Mother.”

The lock clicked, and the door swung slightly open.

They all gathered on the floor, on Adon’s carpet, amid the layers of colorful silk. Della sat down heavily across from Adon, while Tagaret and Mother sat to either side of them. Adon would hardly look at anyone.

“We’ll keep this room for you,” Della promised. “So you can always come here and get away from Nekantor. And be safe.”

“You shouldn’t,” said Adon. “You should leave.”

“Adon,” said Tagaret, “here’s something you need to understand about Nekantor. He’s always harmed us, but we’ve always survived it. He won’t kill us, or damage us too severely, because we’re still his kuarjos pieces. And without all the pieces—”

“You can’t play the game.” Adon looked up for the first time.

“I’m going to stay,” Tagaret said.

“So will I,” said Della. “We won’t leave you.”

“Then help me,” Adon said. “Nekantor is expecting me to appoint an Executor to the Pelismara Division. He wanted me to appoint Corrim, but I can’t stand to do that to him. Or to Lady Selemei.”

“You’ll want someone whose Family hates him, and is powerful enough to resist him,” said Tagaret. “Fifth, I’d say, or Third. My Kuarmei can write up the order.”

“Unger of the Fifth Family,” said Adon.

“Perfect,” Della said. “That means you also get to appoint an Alixi of Selimna. But don’t appoint Tagaret. Not now; we need to stay here with you in Pelismara at least until our child is born.” Had she really just said that? She shivered.

“Someone we trust, though,” said Tagaret. “Who won’t do violence against the Selimnai, and who might consider accommodating us later.”

Adon nodded. “A friend of yours.”

“Gowan,” said Tagaret. He got up and rang the service call button. Kuarmei came quickly and wrote up the papers on Adon’s desk. Adon stood to sign them, but hesitated.

“What if he’s angry?” His voice shook. “What will he do?”

“Nekantor loves order,” said Tagaret. “He’ll cling to it until he can’t anymore, before he causes chaos. We have to count on that.”

Adon looked at him for several seconds, and pressed one hand against a pocket of his coat. Then he nodded. “All right.” He signed the papers and handed them to Kuarmei, who bowed and left through the door into the Maze.

“I’m going to have to leave Pelismara,” said Tamelera.

Adon’s body jerked as if she’d hit him, but when he spoke, he spoke in a calm and distant voice. “Of course you will. That’s why you weren’t at the Selection events, wasn’t it. You were afraid of what he would do.”

Tamelera looked down at her hands. “Yes. Adon, I love you. I’ll write to you.” Tears came into her voice. “I’m so sorry.” She stood up, straightened her skirts, and left the room.

“Mother, wait,” Della called. Standing up was awkward. She just managed to catch Tamelera still in the drawing room, with one hand on her open bedroom door. “Mother, let’s think about this. You can go; and you should. But you don’t have to run.”

Tamelera’s brows pinched. “What do you mean?”

“Yes.” Tagaret had come up behind her. “What do you mean?”

Della turned so she could look between them. “We want to go back to Selimna, right? But it’s not Selimna we want. It’s a new Varin—the Varin our child would want to grow up in. We found a way to make a difference in Selimna without you as Alixi, Tagaret. We can find a way to make a difference without being there. Mother, you know Household Director Aimali already.”

Tamelera nodded slowly. “I do.”

“And you know you already changed the Circle to the Lady’s Walk. You also know Melumalai Forder, now, which means you can speak to Dorlis and Nenda. We can send you with letters that will allow you to speak with Venorai Castremei. And Tagaret and I can stay here and work with Pyaras and Veriga and Melín, and even Vant, and send you ideas. You can begin this work, to make Selimna the place where you and Aloran deserve to live together.”

“I wish to do this, my Lady.” Aloran emerged from the open bedroom door and resumed his place at Tamelera’s shoulder.

“If you wish it, then of course we’ll do it,” said Tamelera. She looked at Della solemnly. “We’ll go to Selimna, and do what you can’t.”

“And we’ll do what you can’t,” Della said. “Adon needs love. He needs a reason to believe he will have a future, to give him strength.”

“The most important thing is, we won’t give up,” said Tagaret.

“We won’t give up,” Della promised. “We’ll save one life.”

To Master Adon,

I know it’s selfish of me to leave you like this. It’s not your fault. I’ve made my choice: I choose death for myself before he uses me to control you. At least I won’t die still carrying his name. You gave me that.

He’s not strong. Never forget it. He is searching, always searching for calm. Once he finds something that will give it to him, he will be completely dependent on it and will never consent to give it up.

It doesn’t mean he’s not dangerous, though. He perverts people. Careful he doesn’t do it to you.

I would have served you faithfully. May Mai forgive me for my transgressions.

Sincerely,

Adon’s Dexelin of the Household of the First Family