*Beep*
It’s Michelle . . . I’m so sorry that I’ve been MIA and that we keep missing each other. I’m dying to hear how it’s—
*Click*
Oh crap! That’s my other line . . . I’m at work, I’ll call you back.
*Beep*
Okay, it’s me again. I can’t believe things are working out. It’s amazing. Who would’ve thought—
*Loud Thump*
Oops, sorry . . . dropped the phone. What was I saying? Oh, right . . . who would’ve thought that this idea of yours—
*Click*
FUCK . . . there it goes again! I’ll call you back.
*Beep*
Sorry . . . this place is a zoo. It’s so disorganized. Where was I? Oh right. I’m so happy things are working out with Nate. I’ll try to catch up with you later tonight. I want to hear details. Bye.
settling (down)
friday, june 10
Three weeks later I find myself settled into a comfortable relationship with the first love of my life. On the night of our dinner date, Nate took me to Nobu and the two of us talked over sushi for hours. We got along so well; it was like no time had passed since we had last seen each other. Nate told me that he’s been living in Colorado since college. Three years ago he bought a place in Manhattan and, up until recently, was splitting his time between his place in Telluride and here. However, after spending ten days in the Boulder County Jail (they let him go early for good behavior), he decided that he had had enough of Colorado and has decided to move to New York permanently.
I knew Nate came from a wealthy family, but I guess I never knew just how wealthy. His grandparents set up a trust fund for him and he never has to worry about money—ever—which is why he can live wherever he wants. However, just because he’s loaded doesn’t mean he’s a deadbeat. He’s involved in many environmental organizations, which is how he ended up in trouble. He was arrested during a peaceful protest gone bad. He always was an earth-lover; I’m not surprised he ended up this way. Anyway, after what happened in Boulder, Nate told me that he’s decided to take a break from all that for a while and maybe do some traveling.
Talking about where we’ve been soon had Nate and I talking about where we were the last time we saw each other. After he apologized to me for what happened at the Santana concert (the girl), I apologized to him for what happened at the Santana concert (the priest), and then the two of us started reminiscing about the good times before that. We talked about dating on and off during high school, we talked about how crazy we were for one another the summer before we left for college, and we talked about our first time.
Since Nate lives less than a block away from Nobu, he invited me over to his place for a drink after dinner and I, of course, said yes. Of all the places for him to live in New York, would you believe it’s a loft in Tribeca? Seriously, he lives in my dream home. It’s amazing, too. It’s enormous, like 4,000-square-feet enormous, and beautifully decorated. Nate has style.
Having one drink on the sofa soon led to kissing on the sofa, which led to . . . well, I left the next morning. Yes, I slept with him on the first date, but it wasn’t technically our first date, I guess. I wasn’t sure what to do with regards to this, to be honest. I mean, if you’ve already slept with someone, do have to play all the games again if you reunite years later? Do you have to wait three dates or however it is long women are waiting these days to sleep with them again? I decided the answer to that question is no.
Anyway, I felt like it was the first time all over again. The entire night I kept having flashbacks to the way things were. I kept feeling like I was seventeen years old again. The next morning, when I rolled over and saw Nate sleeping next to me, it was so weird. I couldn’t believe I was with him again. I still can’t believe it. I mean, first loves reuniting after years apart—I feel like my life has turned into all those movies I watch.
Since that evening, our relationship has moved at whirlwind speeds. We’ve been out almost every night and have already fallen into a routine. Every night we go to dinner with any one of a half-a-dozen couples he runs around with, then go to someone’s place for a few drinks, and then I stay over at Nate’s. I feel as if I’ve all but moved in with him. As for Eva, she comes with me when I stay over at his place and loves it there. She runs around like it’s a racetrack, sliding all over the polished wood floors. She likes Nate’s place more than she likes Nate, actually. For some reason she’s afraid of him. I jokingly blame Colin for this, telling him that his negativity the first meeting he had with Nate in the hallway rubbed off on her. He was holding her, after all, while he was giving Nate a once over.
Speaking of Colin, he hasn’t warmed up to Nate very much since their initial meeting, which can make things difficult. Since Michelle has been working so much, he’s become kind of like my best friend. Basically, if I’m not with Nate, I’m with him. He keeps telling me that his “Irish intuition” was right, that Nate has proved to be nothing but a “snotty-nosed little bastard” who uses his money to get what he wants. “I’m surprised he didn’t buy his way out of the clink,” he said to me just last week. (Nate did, in fact, try to buy his way out of jail but was unsuccessful, however I didn’t tell Colin that.) What prompted this conversation was that Michelle got me an interview with Vintage Vogue to be a designer—which is what I’ve always wanted to do—and Nate asked me postpone it until August because he’s planning a vacation in July and wants me to go with him. When I told him that I can’t afford to go two more months without a job, that I need to pay my rent, he paid it for me. I felt kind of weird letting him do that, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was okay. I mean, it’s not like he worked for the money and it’s not like there’s not more where it came from.
The reason this made Colin angry is because he says Nate is stopping me from fulfilling my dreams. “The fella you’re with should encourage you and push you to be the best you can be,” he said, “not encourage you to pass up opportunities so you can live life according to his schedule.” I see Colin’s point and may still go on the interview, but I’m not sure yet. I blamed passing it up on the fact that I’m too overwhelmed with Daisy’s wedding right now, which is a week away. As soon as it’s over, I can always call Michelle and reschedule it, I guess. Things have been heating up there, she said. Elisabeth’s trial started this week and rumor has it she’s going to get off. If and when she does, the two companies will be in direct competition with one another. Michelle said they’d do anything to keep Elisabeth’s old staff members from going back to work for her if that happens.
Anyway, back to Colin and Nate. Nate hasn’t exactly warmed up to Colin either. I think he can sense that Colin doesn’t like him because he keeps saying things to him in jest about being Irish, things that come off as being rude. Last week, for example, he asked Colin if he’s yet mastered being able to punch someone without spilling his pint. He also keeps making jokes about pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, green clovers, and blue diamonds. I said something to him about stopping, because I can see Colin’s blood boil every time Nate says something like this, but Nate told me that he’s only kidding and says that Colin needs to lighten up. “I wouldn’t crack so many jokes if he’d get over his jealousy and be nice to me,” Nate then said, “but he can’t.”
“What jealousy?” I asked him. I don’t think Colin disliking Nate has anything to do with the fact that he’s dating me. I think if they randomly met in some bar that they’d detest each other as well.
“The guy’s a struggling actor-slash-bartender who rents a box in the East Village and drives a beat-up Vespa,” Nate explained, “while I own a huge loft and drive a Porsche.” (He does drive a Porsche, by the way.)
While there’s a small chance Nate could be right, I don’t think he is. Colin’s not the jealous type—he’s too sure of himself and comfortable in his own skin to be envious of Nate or anything that he has. Besides him telling me about the soap opera audition, I’ve never known him to lack self-confidence.
Anyway, tonight should be interesting. Nate and I are going to dinner with some of his friends at Spice Market, a hip Asian restaurant in the Meatpacking District owned by Jean-Georges. Afterward, I’ve made plans for all of us to visit the vodka bar where Colin bartends, so we’ll see how they treat one another. I’m kind of worried, to be honest. Dealing with Colin and Nate alone is one thing. Dealing with Colin, Nate, and a couple of Nate’s rich friends egging him on is another.
About an hour before dinner, while I’m at Nate’s getting ready, Daisy calls to tell me how good the food is at Spice Market. While I’m trying to remember her recommendations on what to order and what not to order, she begins to tell me something else, but then hesitates. I demand that she spits it out.
“Do you remember my friend from high school, Ally Hathaway?” she asks.
Remember? How could I forget? She and Daisy were inseparable. “Yeah,” I say.
“Well, she’s coming to the wedding,” she says, “so I was talking to her on the phone. When I told her about you and Nate being together, she got quiet and then admitted to me that she got together with him the summer you and he were so hot and heavy, the summer before you both left for college.” I sit down as Daisy continues. “She said she’s always felt so bad about it, and always wanted to fess up to me about it, but never did.”
“Daisy, I was with him almost every day that summer,” I say, not believing her. “I’d know if he were with someone.”
“That’s what I told her, but she insisted she was telling the truth. Delilah, I believe her. She’ll be at the wedding, you can ask her”—Suddenly Daisy stops talking—“uh oh . . . hold on!” After hearing a thud, like she’s dropped the phone, I hear the sounds of . . . someone getting sick? About thirty seconds later she returns. Her voice is weak. “Sorry about that . . .”
“Daisy, are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just stress. Don’t worry.”
“Just stress?” Something’s not right. “You’ve never been sick from stress before.”
“I’ve also never planned a wedding before. Seriously, thanks for the concern, but I’ll be fine.”
“Okay . . .” I say uneasily.
“Back to Nate though. Delilah, I’m not saying dump the guy—I mean, it happened years ago—but just be careful, will you?”
“Yeah,” I say quietly, “I will. Thanks for telling me.” Just then I hear the beep of my call waiting and look to see who it is. “Oh, that’s Colin,” I tell Daisy, “I need to take this. I haven’t talked to him in days and need to make sure he’s working tonight.”
“Colin the fox?” Daisy asks excitedly. “The sexy Irishman?”
“Yep.”
“I know I’m engaged, but that boy made me weak in the knees.”
I laugh. “Bye, Daisy.”
After hanging up, I click over. Although the only thing I can think about is Ally Hathaway, I try to put her out of my mind. “Where in the hell have you been?” I ask Colin, only half-joking. He hasn’t returned my calls for two days. After apologizing, he shares big news with me: he got another soap opera audition, but this time for a role on All My Children. “I just got back from LA,” he says. “Everything happened so last minute, I’m sorry. I tried to call and tell you, but the cell reception out there is for shit; I could barely get a signal. Anyway, the audition went great—much better than the last one.” Colin sounds excited.
“I thought you didn’t want to be on a soap opera,” I say, reminding him.
“I didn’t—I don’t—but this role isn’t that bad. The character’s name is Holden Jessup and he’s a long-lost cousin of the Cortlandts. After being held in a Bolivian jail for years, he breaks free and makes his way back to Pine Valley. While trying to resume a normal life, he struggles with terrifying flashbacks to when he was held captive. It’s all very psychological.” Even though Colin is trying to convince me of this, I can tell he doesn’t quite believe it himself.
“Col, this doesn’t sound psychological; it sounds typical. You’re better than a Bolivian jailbird. What about the independent film? The Irish gangsta thug thing?”
“It hasn’t happened yet, and I need to explore my options.”
“Well, I think you’re selling out.”
“I should say the same to you,” he mumbles.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask.
“Nothing . . . forget it,” he says quickly. “The thing is, Del, all actors wanna make movies like Fight Club but we need to pay the bills.”
“I understand,” I say softly. “Speaking of which, you’re still working tonight, right? Because we’re still planning on coming in around eleven or so.”
“Yepper, and I’m excited to see ya. It’s been two whole days.” I laugh.
“I’m excited to see you, too.”
After hanging up the phone, I finish getting ready and walk into the living room. Nate is sitting on the sofa, drinking a martini and talking on the phone. I sneak up behind him.
“Boo,” I whisper quietly in his ear. He jumps, startled, turns around, and smiles.
“Hey, uh . . . I’ll call you back,” he says into the phone. He then hangs up. “You scared me.”
“I know,” I say playfully. “Who was that?”
“Who was who?”
“On the phone.”
“Oh, uh . . . Charlie,” Nate says. “I wanted to make sure he and Cristin were going to be at dinner tonight. She wasn’t feeling well earlier and he wasn’t sure they were going to make it.” Nate leans over and gives me a kiss. “We’re running late,” he says, glancing at his watch. “You ready?”
“Yeah,” I say.
As Nate and I ride down in the elevator of his building, I look over at him staring into space and once again think about what Daisy told me. Even if she’s right, there’s no use in bringing it up. I mean, we were seventeen years old at the time. All saying something would do is either start an argument or make things weird between us. My mom is right. I need to stop making things so difficult for myself. I need to settle down.
After arriving at Spice Market, Nate and I meet two couples—Charlie and Cristin and Teddy and Patty—at the bar downstairs. The restaurant, with its dim lighting, upbeat music, and softly carved teak wood furniture, makes me feel like I’m in some exotic locale in Southeast Asia somewhere. After one drink, not only have I forgotten that I’m in Manhattan, I’ve forgotten all about Ally Hathaway as well.
After heading upstairs to the dining room, the six of us take a seat at a small alcove table, and then proceed to dine on delicious lobster rolls, chili-rubbed beef tenderloin, and shrimp and noodles for the next two hours. Afterward, while the men settle the bill, the three of us women get to talking and I ask Cristin how she’s feeling.
“Fine,” she says, looking at me funny. “Why are you asking?”
“Well, Nate was talking to Charlie right before you guys came tonight,” I explain, “and he said you weren’t feeling well. He said you almost didn’t come.”
“No,” Cristin says, shaking her head slowly. “Everything’s fine.”
“Oh, I must’ve misunderstood.” I look over at Nate. He did say he was talking to Charlie and that something was wrong with Cristin, right? Yes, I’m sure he did. Suddenly he looks up at me and smiles.
“So, Del, did you call your pal and make sure he’s going to be working tonight?”
“Yeah,” I say, snapping out of it. “He was out of town, but he’s back, so we’re all set.”
“You mean he left town without telling you?” Nate jokes. I make a face at him. “Where’d he go?”
“LA, for an audition”
“Audition for what?”
“All My Children.” I see Nate, Charlie, and Teddy exchange funny looks with one another. “Stop it!” I say as they begin laughing.
Teddy elbows Nate. “Hey, is this the guy who doesn’t like you?”
“Yeah, he’s a soap opera star,” Nate says, making fun. They all laugh again.
“He’s not a soap opera star, Nate,” I say, defending Colin. “And he probably won’t ever be. He’s just keeping his options open.”
“I know, I’m just kidding, babe,” Nate says. “Don’t be mad.”
“You better be nice tonight,” I warn.
“I will,” Nate says. He then mumbles . . . “I don’t want him to beat me up.” As all the guys laugh again, I shake my head. I was afraid of this. I was afraid that Nate would somehow feel empowered having his friends around.
“I’m serious,” I say again.
“Me too,” he replies.
erin go brawl
After a short cab ride we arrive at the East Village bar where Colin works. It’s a little after eleven when we walk inside. When I see Colin standing behind the bar giving a martini shaker a good whirl, I smile and then cringe. He happens to be wearing a Kelly green T-shirt and I just know Nate’s going to give him shit for it. When he finishes what he’s doing, he looks in our direction and smiles when he sees me. As he makes his way over to us, three people sitting at the bar in front of us get up and leave, giving us their seats.
“I planned for that to happen,” Colin says, as he arrives to where we’re standing. He then leans over the bar and gives me a kiss. “Welcome.”
As Cristin, Patty and I take our seats, I look over at the two of them and laugh. They’re both staring at Colin with their jaws dropped open. “Damn,” Cristin mumbles as I nudge her back to reality, “I need to come to the East Village more often.”
“No shit,” Patty agrees.
Colin looks at Nate. “Hey, mate,” he says politely, holding out his hand. “How’s it goin’?”
“Swell, mate,” Nate replies mockingly. After shaking Colin’s hand, he looks around the bar. “I’m impressed,” he says, nodding favorably. “I’d expect an Irish bloke like yourself to be pulling pints in a grimy pub somewhere. This place is as clean as a whistle!”
Hearing Nate utter the line from the Irish Spring commercials amuses Charlie and Teddy. As they both look away to keep from laughing, I kick Nate in the shins and glare at him. He turns back to Colin. “Hey, just kidding, man,” he says quickly. He then glances at his T-shirt. “I see you got your colors on tonight, though.”
Unsure of what to make of Nate’s comedy routine, Colin laughs. “Do you do shows around the city?” he asks, in a cheeky sort of way. “Or are ya strictly an open mike kinda guy?”
“You’re funny,” Nate says.
Colin raises an eyebrow. “Not as funny as you.” He then turns to me. Leaning forward on the bar, he reaches over and takes my hands in his. “Paired with the accent, the green T-shirt makes the ladies go crazy.” Looking at me, he winks. “Right, Del?”
Since I can tell that Nate is none too pleased that Colin’s holding my hands, I smile and nod. “Right,” I say proudly. And then I laugh inside.
Serves Nate right.
Despite the uncomfortable beginning, the evening proceeds rather smoothly. The bar is hopping, the atmosphere is cozy, and the drinks are stiff. As the six of us chat and have a nice time, Colin works and pops by every once in a while to say hello. After about an hour, Nate, Charlie, and Teddy begin chatting up two girls sitting next to us at the bar who have been drooling over Colin all evening. They keep asking them why they’re wasting their time on a bartender when the place is filled with other single men. Much to Cristin’s, Patty’s, and my amusement, the girls don’t answer the guys and couldn’t care less what they have to say. They keep staring in Colin’s direction, watching him shake, pour, serve, shake, pour, serve. When Colin sees us laughing and realizes what’s going on, he shrugs and looks at Nate. “I told you, man. It’s the T-shirt. You might want to get yourself one.”
By the time I finish my second martini, the girls finally realize that Colin isn’t interested in them and turn around to talk to Nate, Charlie, and Teddy. After about a half hour of this, Cristin and Patty dismiss themselves to go to the bathroom, leaving me alone at the bar. Looking around, I see that things have slowed down and glance over to where Colin’s standing. When I do, I catch him looking at me. Instead of looking away from me, he winks and smiles. He then makes eyes at Nate and the two girls, hinting that he’s flirting with them. After quickly assessing the situation, I wave it off. Colin walks over.
“Your boyfriend seems keen on those two,” he whispers, once again reaching out to hold my hands.
“No, he’s just being friendly.”
“No, seriously, Del,” he insists, “he’s into the one on the left. I can tell. He keeps touching her knee.”
I turn around and look again. When I do, Nate looks up. Seeing that Colin is once again holding my hands, he gives him a funny look.
“How’s the drink?” Colin asks when he does.
“Magically delicious,” Nate replies. He then shakes his head and goes back to the girls.
“He’s almost laughable,” Colin says to me, as we both turn back to each other. “I mean, can’t the guy come up with something a little more clever?”
“I’m sorry,” I say, apologizing for Nate’s behavior. “I think he thinks he’s being funny.”
“Funny?” Colin laughs. “Is that what that is?” Colin shakes his head, shakes him off. “Hey, listen,” he then says, changing the subject, “I gotta talk to you about something.” The tone of his voice is serious. “I got—”
Colin suddenly stops talking when another bartender accidentally bumps into him. Realizing this isn’t the place for a serious talk, he looks over to where a curtain is hanging near the other end of the bar. “Hey, come meet me back there, will you?” I look to see where he’s motioning to and nod.
After telling Nate that I’m going to the bathroom, I make my way to the other end of the bar. When I arrive and begin looking around for Colin, I’m startled when an arm darts out from behind the curtain and pulls me behind it. “Sorry,” Colin laughs, seeing me jump. Looking around, I that we’re in some sort of small supply room. The curtain is the door.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“Well, I got news,” he says, smiling. “I got the part. All My Children. They called this evening right after I hung up with you.”
“Really?” I’m shocked that he seems so happy about it; I didn’t think he wanted it that badly. “So you’re gonna take it, then?”
“Yeah,” Colin nods, “but it starts really quickly. I’d have to leave Monday and—”
“Wait,” I say interrupting him. Leave? “What do you mean leave?”
“It’s in LA.”
LA? I’m speechless. I knew the audition was there, but it never crossed my mind that the show was actually taped there. I don’t want Colin to move.
“What’s wrong?” He senses my unhappiness.
“Well—”
Suddenly a bar back walks through the curtain and squeezes behind us. After quickly grabbing the few things he needs, he walks back out. As he does, Colin steps in closer to me to give him more room. Looking down, I realize that Colin’s body is all but touching mine and can just make out the outline of his perfect six-pack abs through his T-shirt. Without thinking, a small smile creeps across my face. As soon as it does, I close my eyes and become embarrassed because I’m sure he saw me. Thinking I’ve been busted for checking him out yet again, I slowly look up. When I do I’m relieved, surprised, and amused to see that Colin isn’t paying attention to where my eyes are looking because his own are staring at my tight clingy shirt, staring at the outline of my breasts. As I begin to giggle, Colin realizes that he’s been caught looking for a change. As a tiny smile appears across his face, he looks up.
“So . . . what’d you think?” I ask as our eyes meet.
“Do you really wanna know?” he whispers, stepping in even closer to me. He puts his hands on my waist and, for a split second, both of us stop smiling. Suddenly becoming incredibly nervous, I look away.
“Actually, no.”
Colin’s hands slowly fall from my waist. The two of us stand in awkward silence for a moment until Colin clears his throat.
“So uh, about the job,” he says. “I can tell you aren’t too happy for me.”
“No, I am,” I say, looking back up. “I’m happy that you got it, but I just . . . I don’t know . . . I don’t want you to move. You’ve kind of become one of my best friends.”
Colin smiles. Obviously touched by what I’ve said, he pulls me closer to him and wraps his arms around me. “I don’t want to move either, but Del, I’d be an idiot to pass this up.”
“Yeah, I know,” I say softly. “Just think about what you’re doing though, and remember—don’t take the part if you think you’re settling.”
“I will.”
“I better get back,” I say, pulling away. Without looking at him, I turn and walk away. While doing so, I feel an electricity come from behind me. It’s like a pull, coming from Colin. I can’t deny that I feel something for him, from him. We’ve gotten to know each other so well, and—
Oh, forget it. It’s all so silly really.
I’ve had two martinis, that’s all. I can’t think straight.
After making my way back to my seat, Colin makes his way back to the bar. Looking a bit more serious than he has all night, he gives me a half-smile and then looks away. Unsure of what that means, I turn back to Cristin and Patty and try not to think about it.
Around two o’clock or so, after we’ve all been generously served, the bar gets ready to close. As the place clears out and as the guys settle up the bill, Cristin, Patty, and I go to the bathroom. On our way out, we’re surprised to discover that Nate, Charlie, and Teddy aren’t around. Nor is Colin, for that matter. Assuming that they’re waiting outside, we head toward the front door. As I pull the door open, I hear yelling and look up. When I see Colin and Nate being held back from each other by Teddy and Charlie, my heart drops. Nate’s lip looks red and puffy, like it’s been punched, and Colin looks angry but unharmed. Suddenly Colin yells at Nate. “You’re a fucking liar!” Nate doesn’t respond. I quickly approach.
“What’s going on?” I ask nervously.
“What’s going on,” Nate says, “is that your idiot friend here is insane.” As a small drop of blood forms on his lip, I reach up and touch it.
“Oh my God,” I say, quickly turning to Colin, “did you punch him?”
“You’re damn right I did!” he answers angrily. His temper has gone wild. After explaining something about Nate walking one of the two girls who were sitting next to us all night outside, he says something about how he saw Nate kiss one of them so he came outside and punched him. I think. The truth is that I can barely understand what he’s saying. He’s so angry and talking so quickly and I’m in shock that he punched Nate.
He punched Nate.
Oh my God! Mortified, I cover my face with my hands.
“Del, he’s crazy,” Nate says, after hearing Colin’s explanation. “I walked outside to get some fresh air and he followed and started shit with me.”
“Yeah, I did follow you outside,” Colin says, “but not to start shit with you. You brought this on yourself.”
“Listen dude,” Nate says, pulling away from Charlie. “The bottom line is it that you don’t like me and you never have because you wanna screw my girlfriend.”
Screw my girlfriend? What? I uncover my face and look at Nate, and then at Colin.
“No,” Colin says calmly as he pulls away from Teddy, “I don’t like you because I care about your girlfriend and I don’t like seeing jackasses like you fuck with her.” As Colin stares at Nate, and Nate stares at Colin I become worried.
“You guys—stop,” I say, walking in between the two of them. “This is stupid.” I turn to Colin. “I’m sure this was just a misunderstanding.”
“’Twas no misunderstanding,” he says quickly. “Del, your boy here’s an asshole.”
Hearing this, Nate lets out a laugh. “Yeah, I’m the asshole,” he then says sarcastically, “not the maniacal import here.”
“Oh fuck off, man,” Colin says, narrowing his eyes.
“Stop it, both of you!” I demand. I then turn to Nate. “Do you mind giving Colin and me a second?”
Nate looks at me for a moment, and then slowly shakes his head. “Yeah, fine.” As he walks away, his friends follow. As soon as Colin and I are alone, I turn to him. I’m so angry that I can barely speak.
“You punched my boyfriend?” I yell. “What are you, twelve?”
“No, but—”
“No, but nothing, Colin! You know, you hate it when Nate makes all those stupid jokes to you, yet you just went and backed up everything he says. You punched him. In a bar.”
“Outside a bar,” he mumbles.
“Oh what’s the difference? Regardless of where it happened, what a great way to prove to him that you’re not a drunk fighting Irishman!”
“Hey, I don’t have anything to prove to that guy!” Colin huffs. After sighing heavily, he turns and walks away from me. I can tell that he’s angry at me for being angry at him.
“Colin, wait,” I say, following him. I feel bad for yelling. “I didn’t mean that, but you just can’t go punching people!”
“Gee, thanks for the advice, Delilah,” he yells without turning around. He won’t even look at me. After turning the corner, he stops walking and turns around. “Wait, why are you yelling at me? I’m not the bad guy here.” Colin waits for my reply, but I don’t say anything. The truth is, as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t know if I believe him. Realizing I’m not going to answer him, he lets out a tiny sigh. “Oh, I get it,” he says. “You don’t believe me, do you?”
“No . . . I just . . . well . . . maybe you saw something you wanted to see.”
“What’s that s’posed to mean?”
“It means that I know there’s a connection between us, Colin. I feel it and I’m assuming you do too.” Colin doesn’t deny this, so I continue. “I mean, Nate’s right—you haven’t liked him since you met him. I don’t think you’re giving—”
Suddenly out of nowhere Colin walks up and kisses me. There’s no other way for me to explain it except to say just that. One minute I’m talking and the next minute he’s kissing me. He simply just walks over, takes my face in both of his hands, and starts kissing me.
Once I realize what’s happening, my knees give out. As I fall backward, Colin slides his hands from my face to my back and holds me up. As he pulls me in closer, as his kisses become deeper, I melt into his arms. His lips are so soft and so moist, and his body is so strong and so lean. This is all so perfect, and then I suddenly . . . I suddenly . . .
I suddenly realize how wrong this is.
“I can’t do this,” I say, pulling myself away from Colin.
“I know . . . break up with him,” he says, pulling me back.
“No, not Nate,” I explain, “you.” I back up again. “I can’t be with you. Colin, this is what I’m talking about. Me and you. What just happened. This is why I don’t believe you. I’m sorry, but I think you saw what you wanted to see.”
“Del, if anyone is imagining things here, it’s you, not me. You’re imagining this Nate guy to be the one because he was your first love, because he’s got what you dreamed you’d have one day, and because if he is, then you won’t up some stupid limit you’ve set in your head.”
“That’s not why I’m with him, not anymore,” I explain. “I mean, he came back for me, that has to mean something.”
“Jaysus, Del! Are ya that easy?”
Am I that easy? “Pardon me?”
Colin shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. I meant just because someone came back or you is no reason to be with them; just because someone loves you is no reason to love them back.”
I look away; I’m so confused. “Colin, even if there was no Nate, if something were to ever happen between us it would end miserably and you know it. You’re not good at relationships. You admitted it to me.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I did. I’m bad at relationships—I’m not gonna lie. And maybe you and I would be a mistake, but maybe we wouldn’t. All I know is that if we don’t try, we’ll never know.” Colin stops talking and waits for a response, but I don’t say anything.
Suddenly I realize I’m scared. I’m scared of him. I scared to take a chance. Even if Nate wasn’t in the picture, I don’t think I can do this again. It’s not so much going to the number twenty-one that scares me; it’s the thought of Colin breaking my heart. The thing about Colin is that, looks aside, he’s a wonderful person and I’d fall head over heels in love with him if I haven’t already, there’s no doubt about it. And there’s also no doubt that he’d eventually leave me. There’s no way anything between us would go somewhere. I’m done with flings. I want the next thing—I want the real thing. There’s a possibility that I can have that with Nate. I’m not going to throw that away and take a chance on something that might not work out.
“Listen, my timing might be bad,” Colin continues, “but my intentions are good.”
“Good intentions aren’t good enough, Colin,” I say quietly. “I need more than that.”
“I can’t give you more than that.” Colin hesitates. “Listen, if you don’t want to take a chance on me then fine, I’ll learn to live with it. But I can’t stand by and watch you be with this guy.”
“Then don’t,” I say. “Go to LA. Leave. Now you have more of a reason.”
Hearing this, Colin slowly takes a step back away from me.
“Sorry,” I say quietly. I then turn and walk away.