Chapter Twenty

 

Houston

 

“I just want to be able to see him, Ana. He’s my son. What’s so wrong with me wanting to get to know him?” I ask in frustration.

I blow out a long breath and grit my teeth as her saccharine voice gets on my nerves.

“He already has a dad. I don’t want to confuse him. He’s too little to understand. I told you then and you agreed that you didn’t want to see him.”

“I never agreed to that, Ana. You said you didn’t want me to see him. There was no agreement from me that I wouldn’t seek access one day. It’s taken me too long, but that day is here.”

“Houston, I don’t know what else to tell you, it isn’t happening.”

I feel my blood begin to boil in my veins.

“I really didn’t want it to have to come to this, but you leave me no choice; I’m going to seek legal advice.”

I already have a solicitor ready to go when I give him the go ahead, I just thought I’d at least ask her first, to try to be amicable about it.

“You don’t want to do that, Houston.”

“You want a bet? I’ll fight you tooth and nail, Ana. You don’t have a leg to stand on. There is no real reason to keep him from me.”

I scrub a hand over my face as I quietly seethe at the gall of this woman.

“Look, Houston, I don’t know what you want me to say. You can involve solicitors, but I’m telling you it won’t help. Denny is my son, not yours, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, Ana. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I rang to at least ask you and give you a chance to do the right thing, just because it is the right thing. But now, now you’ve got a fight on your hands.”

“A fight I’m promising you’ll lose,” she replies tersely.

Cul told me that calling her would be a waste of time and energy. I should have listened. But I’m not the type of guy who goes in all guns blazing. I prefer to talk about things and give people a chance.

Of course, Culhwch says it’s because I have a big heart and I’m soft, sometimes too soft. But me? I just call it wanting to do things the right way.

Each to their own and all that, but personally, I like to do things a certain way.

“We’ll see about that, Ana. I promise you one thing, I won’t give up without a fight.”

“Why is it you want access to him now, Houston? Is it because you will never get the chance to have another kid, so now you want mine?”

If ever one sentence could make me mad… And the assumption that I’ll never have another child?! She’s as fucking deluded as people have told me.

“Excuse me?” I blurt out brusquely, “and what the fuck is that supposed to mean? I want to see Denny because he’s my son. There doesn’t need to be another reason. But your disgusting assumption that because I am a gay man, I won’t have other children… woman, you are one delusional bitch.”

I’ve been trying to keep my temper under check, but she just pushes all the wrong buttons.

I hear a long sigh over the phone line.

“You know what, Houston? I wasn’t going to tell you this, but to hell with it, you need to know…”

“Know what? I butt in, snapping her head off.

“Denny isn’t yours.”

“Oh, now that’s ludicrous. You don’t want him to have a gay dad, so you try the ‘he isn’t your kid’ tactic. That’s not going to work, Ana.”

“I’m deadly serious, Houston. He was conceived about two weeks after you and I slept together, so it’s impossible for him to be yours.”

I scoff at her barefaced lies. Where does this woman get off?

“Prove it. Take a DNA test.”

“There’s no need. I know for a fact he isn’t yours. How much do you remember about that night, Houston?”

“I’ll admit, my memory is fuzzy. One thing I do remember though, you gave me something.”

“Did I? And what would that be?”

“You put something in my water. I don’t know what exactly, but I do know that it was the only reason I had sex with you.”

“You ought to be careful throwing accusations around, Houston. It’s not like you can prove anything this late in the game.”

“That’s all this has ever been to you, isn’t it, Ana? A game. Well, I’ll tell you something—I am through with being your pawn.”

“So, I’m taking it you don’t remember the condom?” she asks before I can hang up.

I freeze in place. A condom? What the hell is she talking about?

“I don’t believe a word you say.”

“You don’t have to take my word for it, of course. But it’s true, nonetheless; we used protection that night. If I’m being brutally honest, I needed the money and I was going to sell the story to the tabloids about us sleeping together.”

“Take your mind games elsewhere, Anastasia. I’m done. You’ll be hearing from my solicitor, and you’ll be doing a DNA test to prove one way or another whether I am Denny’s dad.”

“Take your mind games elsewhere, Anastasia. I’m done. You’ll be hearing from my solicitor, and you’ll be doing a DNA test to prove one way or another whether I am Denny’s dad.”

“Houston,” she sighs, even the way she says my name is annoying, “it’s time you heard the real story. I know you won’t believe me because I’ve never given you a reason to until now. But regardless, this is the no holds barred truth.”

 

“Fine,” I huff, getting impatient with her and her mind games.

 

“I needed the money. At first, I was going with the whole ‘getting pregnant by a rockstar’ thing. I was going to sell my story to the tabloids. But then I realised that you’d make me do a DNA test and I couldn’t let that happen, obviously.”

 

“Wow,” I mutter. Honestly, that shouldn’t even have come as a shock, but…

 

“Anyway, so Denny became ill at a young age, and it was draining, mentally, physically, and monetarily too. We didn’t have time to wait around, so we wanted to pay to go private…and that costs a lot,” she adds on softly at the end.

 

“You saw me and the money you could make… I was nothing more than an ATM, right?! You wanted my money and my kidney... that’s all you ever wanted. You knew I wasn’t his father, but you concocted your story to get me to be tested to see if I was compatible to donate. It was only by some twist of fate, rather than actual genetics that I was a match. You lied to me all this time because he was ill, and you knew I wouldn’t help if I knew I wasn’t his dad...”

 

I sigh, feeling defeated and deflated.

 

“I’m so sorry, Houston,” she says in a hushed tone as she sniffles down the phone, “I never should have done what I did, it was inexcusable. But I implore you to see that it was only my intention to get my son well again. To pay for his dialysis and battery of tests, his hospital stays and everything. That’s not an excuse, it really isn’t, it’s just… I couldn’t see any other way.”

 

“So, you used me for money, and you made us come to a private arrangement because you knew that you’d be forced to do a DNA test by any collection agency. You saw me as weak, malleable, and knew that it would come as such a shock that I likely wouldn’t ask for a DNA test straight away?”

 

“You make it sound so sordid, but I guess I can’t blame you. You’re right, everything you said is spot on. I wasn’t a good person then, Houston. I wasn’t myself. I was fighting for my baby boy’s life. It changed me into a person I didn’t like.”

 

I sit quietly ruminating on her words. Can I see why she did it? Sure. Can I blame her? Yes…and no. I honestly can’t say I’ve ever been in a remotely similar situation, so I have no way to know what I would or wouldn’t have done. But, at the same time, I know I wouldn’t have basically blackmailed somebody for my own ends, which is what she did.

 

“Houston are you still there?” she asks softly.

 

I clear my throat before answering, hoping to be more diplomatic with my next words.

 

“What you did, Ana, that was blackmail, maybe even extortion. That’s not something I can just write off, you know?! You played with my emotions, making me believe I had fathered a child. But what you did can’t be undone, there’s no going back from here. The only part of this that you can make right is to pay me back every penny you so willingly took from me over those two years.”

 

“A-and I’ll do just that,” she promises, her voice breaking, “I know my words aren’t worth much to you right now, but I didn’t think about how it would hurt you—I only had time to think about my son––and I’m truly sorry that you’re the unintended casualty in all this, Houston. But one thing I’m not sorry about is that because of my lies my son is now getting healthier every day.”

What can I say to that? She’s a compulsive liar, but it’s all been for the good of her son. It’s fucking awful that all this happened, but a seven-year-old boy is now healthier because I was able to donate my kidney.

It’s odd that I was even a match. Now I stop to think about it properly, it really was a fluke. Ana took her shot, and it paid off. What she did was all kinds of wrong, but what’s done is done now. There’s no magic spell to undo it all. What matters now is how life goes on from here.

“I’m not a monster, Ana. I won’t make you pay it all back in one lump sum. I won’t go through my solicitor… if you can be relied on. But if at any point you miss a payment or drop off the grid and become unreachable, then I will go through legal channels.”

“I swear, Houston, I swear on all that is holy, you’ll get your money back. Now that Denny is doing better, I’m able to work again and I can make regular payments.”

“Good. Then I’ll text you my bank details.”

I know people would think I’ve let her off easily, and perhaps I have, but this is me. I’m not a bad person, I wouldn’t ever think to cripple her financially to recoup what I lost. She’s gone through enough. Maybe I’m going soft in my old age, or maybe Culhwch has rubbed off on me. I’m taking it easy on her because I know that she was in an impossible situation. She either waited for her son to get treatment, and maybe in that time, the situation could have become fatal, or she got the money somehow for private treatment. I don’t like how she chose to go about it or that I was an easy mark for her, but maybe she’s not the she-devil I once thought. If I had kids, I’d do absolutely anything to make them well again…everything except resort to blackmail, of course.

“Thank you, Houston.”

I’d like to say she’s welcome, but that would be a lie. I can’t say ‘it’s okay’ either because it’s not.

“It is what it is, Ana,” I reply instead.

Hanging up the phone, I text her my bank details and hope she comes good on her promise…only time will tell.

That conversation has left me emotionally drained. I’m empty, I have nothing left in the tank.

I curl up into a ball and close my eyes.

My eyes sting with unshed tears, my throt clogged with a myriad of emotions.

Ana’s right. I do know in my heart that Denny isn’t mine. At first, it seemed like a tactical manoeuvre, but by the time we hung up, the truth had solidified and now all I can do is cry.

I feel like I’m mourning. Grieving a child that I once thought I had. Grieving for a life that I could have given my child.

***

After finding out the truth and crying my eyes out, I felt the need to punch something, so I hit the gym.

I haven’t been in ages, but almost like on autopilot, I stand in front of that punchbag and let muscle memory take over.

I’m in the shower when I hear Culhwch’s voice call out to me. I don’t have the words, yet I know I need to tell him. He’s the only one that knows about Denny, and in a way, that’s a blessing. I’m glad I didn’t tell my family and have them get all excited about a grandson and nephew that never really existed.

“Hey, fancy some company?” he asks, as I turn in time to see him getting undressed.

He steps into the shower with me before claiming my lips in a sweet kiss. He smells like fire. I never knew I kind of liked that smell until I started dating a firefighter.

Strong arms embrace me, and I lose myself to his touch, his kiss. Talking can wait. First, I want to give myself over to this man, the only man who can help me heal.

The wound may be raw right now, but I know that in time, with a lot of help from my fiancé, I can and will get through it.

“How was your day?” Culhwch asks as we get dry.

“Umm…”

“Has something happened?”

His gaze is soft, yet full of concern.

“You could say that,” I reply as I pull on a pair of low-slung jogging bottoms and a plain white T-shirt.

“I can’t help you if you don’t let me in, baby. Please, just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“It’s a conversation that requires a lot of caffeine.”

“Okay,” he replies as he tugs on his T-shirt, “then let’s go and put on a pot of coffee.”

He takes my hand and we walk downstairs to the kitchen. I sit on a stool at the island as Cul brews some coffee.

“So…?”

“Denny isn’t mine,” I blurt out before I can chicken out.

“What?”

The look he gives me is of utter confusion. It mirrors how I feel internally.

“How do you know?” he asks as he puts a steaming mug of coffee in front of me and takes a seat opposite.

He takes my hand in his and caresses the back of it with his thumb.

“I called Ana like I said I would. I told her I wanted access and that I’d go through the proper legal channels if she wouldn’t just agree amicably. She ended up confessing to everything.”

I thought I was all cried out until I feel the soft pad of Cul’s thumb wipe a tear away.

“It turns out it was a one-night stand after we slept together. She only pretended he was mine so that I’d pay her maintenance.”

He silently urges me on, so I tell him everything that was said between me and Ana. When I’m done, he looks crestfallen.

“She’ll do a DNA test to prove it once and for all?” he asks quietly.

I nod my head, unable to form more words. I feel all talked out.

“And then I hope you’ll make her repay every penny she took from you.”

“One thing at a time, but yes, I’ll be making sure she repays me.”

“Come here, baby.”

I stand from the stool at the same time as he makes his way to me. He wraps his arms around me, and it’s only when I’m safely cocooned in his embrace that I let myself cry again.

“This calls for something stronger than coffee,” Cul says as he holds me tight.

“Do we have any whiskey?” I ask, only half joking.

“Sadly no, but we do have wine.”

I pull away and ghost a kiss over his lips before pulling the bottle of white wine from the fridge.

Culhwch grabs two stemless wine glasses from the cupboard and we head into the lounge. Once seated, he pours us both a glass and puts his arm across the back of the couch, a silent invitation for me to snuggle into his side. He wraps his arm around me as I nuzzle into the crook of his neck.

“I can’t pretend to know what went through her mind—other than money––when she decided to lie to you in the first place. Was it a conscious decision or a spur of the moment thing that once said, she couldn’t take back? I really don’t know. But what I think now is that it’s been weighing on Ana’s mind for a while—maybe in part because she knows deep down that she shouldn’t have lied and maybe because her son is sick. I think perhaps when you told her you’d take her to court, she felt compelled to confess because you were going to find out one way or the other.

“Perhaps that was a selfish desire not to want to be dragged through court or maybe the weight of the lies she’d told were crushing her. Whatever her reasons are, I’m glad she came clean. Okay, so she could and should have told you sooner, she should never have done this in the first place, but whatever her reasons—selfish or altruistic—it’s good she finally told you so that you can move on now. I know it’ll take time to get over, but at least you can make a start.”

“I feel like I’m mourning the loss of someone, but what is it they say? You can’t lose what you never had. And I never had Denny to lose him. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt all the same, you know?”

“I know, baby. I can’t pretend to know how it feels to be in your shoes, but what I can do is be here for you—anytime, night or day—as you navigate your way through it.”

He places a kiss on top of my head before reaching for our wine glasses.

“And I couldn’t be more grateful to you, Cul. Honestly, only you can help get me through this. The only saving grace in this is that I didn’t tell my parents or Alex about Denny. I can’t even begin to imagine how it would blow their world apart, my parents especially.”

I know I never wanted children unless it was with Culhwch. I know I didn’t intend to become a father the way I did—or thought I did—but being told I’m a father for so long, and now all of a sudden, I’m not… that leaves a mark.

“Thank goodness for small mercies.”

“Most definitely. Look, I hate to ask you to keep secrets,” I say as I turn to face him, “but I’d really rather put this behind me and move on without my family having to find out.”

“Whatever you need, baby. I’m the soul of discretion. At this point, telling them, or anyone, would be futile. All it would do is hurt more people, and that’s the very last thing I want to do.”

“Thank you.”

He leans over and claims my lips in a soft, tender kiss. He tastes like crisp white wine, and any other time I’d be stripping him naked and climbing him like a tree. But as appealing as that would be, I am too emotionally exhausted.

There will be other opportunities to have my wicked way with him, so tonight, I just want to go to bed and snuggle in his arms until I fall asleep.