JOEL emptied his glass and reached for the bottle sitting on the low table in front of him. He upended it into the glass and then scowled when only a few drops of the amber liquid emerged to cover the base of the crystal tumbler. The whisky was all gone. He’d swallowed almost half a bottle of the stuff. Even so, he thought irritably, he should have called at the pub on his way home and bought another. But at that point, he’d still been kidding himself that this wasn’t going to be another lousy night.
He flung himself back against the cushions of the sofa, staring unseeingly into the empty grate. It wasn’t cold enough to need a fire, but right now he could have done with one. He felt chilled, through and through.
He’d been feeling this way for days, ever since he’d had that phone call from Louise. He’d suspected something was wrong when he’d gone to pick up Sean on Friday afternoon, but he’d assumed she and Stewart had had a row. And then Sean had told him that his mother was expecting a baby, which had seemed to explain her agitation. He knew from the first time she was pregnant that Louise didn’t take kindly to losing her figure.
But the call that had come on Sunday evening had been totally out of the blue. After all, it had only been a couple of hours since he’d dropped Sean off, and his first concern had been that there was something wrong with his son. But it had soon become apparent that the reason for Louise phoning him had nothing to do with Sean. What Louise had to say, she hadn’t had the nerve to reveal to his face.
To say Joel was devastated by her confession would have been an understatement. He’d wanted to get in his car and drive to Bridgeford and confront Louise personally with her lies. Only the knowledge that Sean would be there, that he might be frightened and not understand his father’s anger, had kept Joel from making a scene that night.
However, he had gone to see Louise the following morning. He’d cancelled a lecture and driven straight to his ex-wife’s house. He’d been so angry, but she’d been tearful—even though he knew she could turn them on to order—and pregnant, and although he could blame her, the person who was really to blame was himself.
He’d been so stupid. Accepting Louise Webster’s story instead of believing his wife. No wonder she’d run away to London. She’d had to suffer the after-effects of the miscarriage without anyone to support her. They’d all believed she was lying. Even her father.
And now, he’d only compounded the offence by showing he still believed she’d had an abortion. That evening they’d spent together had been so perfect until he’d opened his big mouth. He’d thought that by telling her he’d forgiven her, she would be grateful. Instead of which, he’d destroyed their relationship all over again.
He had gone to the farm after seeing Louise, hoping against hope that Olivia would agree to talk to him. But she hadn’t been there. Linda had said her sister had gone to London and she didn’t know when—or even if—she’d be back. She had been looking for an apartment in Newcastle, she’d added, but Olivia hadn’t found anything she liked.
Which had been the final straw. Joel hadn’t slept the night Louise phoned him and he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep since then. His smug little world had been shattered and he was afraid it was going to take more than a university degree to put it right this time.
When the phone rang, he practically leapt from the sofa to answer it. It might be Olivia, he thought. She could be back from London and Linda would have told her he’d called at the farm.
But it wasn’t Olivia. It was his mother, calling from the airport in Newcastle. ‘Can you come and pick us up, darling?’ she asked. ‘The plane was delayed or I’d have rung you earlier. But we wanted it to be a surprise.’
Joel stifled a groan. ‘I can’t, Mum.’
‘You can’t?’ Diana Armstrong sounded put out.
‘No. I’m afraid I’ve been drinking,’ Joel admitted, knowing how that would be received. ‘Sorry, Mum. It’s good to hear from you, but you should have warned me you were coming.’
Diana mumbled something about thoughtless sons, and then Patrick Armstrong came on the line. ‘It’s OK, Joel,’ he said. ‘We can easily take a taxi. It was your mother’s idea to ring you. I guessed you might have company tonight.’
Joel frowned. ‘Company?’
‘What your father’s trying so unsubtly to say is that we heard Olivia was back home again,’ put in his mother tersely. ‘She’s not there with you, is she?’
‘No.’ Joel’s tone was cooler now. ‘More’s the pity. She’s not even staying in Bridgeford any longer. Her sister told me she’s gone back to London.’
‘Well—’ Diana was obviously trying not to sound too delighted. ‘Well, it’s probably all for the best, Joel. After what she did.’
‘But that’s the point,’ said Joel grimly. ‘She didn’t do anything. Louise told me a couple of days ago that she’d been lying when she said Liv had had an abortion. She hadn’t. She really had had a miscarriage. And nobody—but especially me—would listen.’
He thought he might feel better when he got off the phone, but he didn’t. He’d thought that telling his mother she’d been wrong about Olivia all along would give him some relief. But he was mistaken. The hollowness inside him seemed greater if anything. A great gaping hole of nothingness where once he’d had a heart.
He was in the kitchen, checking for beers in the fridge, when the doorbell rang. He’d just discovered he had two bottles of a German brew and he put them down on the counter with a distinct lack of patience. What now? he thought. Someone selling double-glazing? Or perhaps Sean had run away again. Surely not, now that he knew why his mother had been feeling so unwell.
He hoped it wasn’t anyone from the university. He was only wearing drawstring black sweatpants and a black T-shirt. He’d intended to go for a run earlier, but intermittent rain and the bleakness of his mood had deterred him.
It was still light out and when he pulled open the door, he had no difficulty in identifying his caller. Olivia stood outside, slim and beautiful in a red slip dress and incredibly high heels, a loose wrap of some gauzy material floating about her bare shoulders.
‘Hi,’ she said, sheltering under the lee of the overhang. ‘Are you going to invite me in?’
Joel stepped back abruptly, almost losing his balance in his haste to get out of her way. And then, still staring at her as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes, he said stupidly, ‘I thought you went back to London.’
‘I did.’ Olivia moved into the hall, shedding her wrap into his startled hands. Then, glancing thoughtfully at him, she said, ‘Are you drunk?’
Joel was taken aback. ‘Me?’ he said. ‘Drunk?’
‘You’re acting as if you are,’ she declared, sauntering past him into the sitting room. Then, turning, she pressed one finger delicately to her nose. ‘It smells like a distillery in here.’
Joel tried to pull himself together. ‘You’re exaggerating,’ he said, following her into the room and snatching up the empty bottle and his glass, stowing them away in the drinks cabinet. ‘I was having a quiet drink, that’s all.’
‘A quiet drink?’ Olivia faced him, her hips lodged carelessly against the back of the sofa. ‘All alone?’
‘No, my harem dashed upstairs as soon as you rang the bell,’ said Joel shortly. And then, just in case she thought he was serious, ‘Of course alone. Who else would I be with?’
Olivia moistened her lips. ‘I don’t know. What was that girl’s name? Cheryl something or other. You could have been with her.’
‘No, I couldn’t.’ Joel took a steadying breath. ‘Why are you here, Liv? Have you come to say goodbye?’
‘Goodbye?’
‘Linda said you might stay in London.’
‘Did she? Well, actually, I was arranging to have the rest of my belongings sent to the farm.’ She paused. ‘Sorry to disappoint you.’
Joel swore. ‘That doesn’t disappoint me, for God’s sake! But what was I supposed to think?’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Olivia shifted and the silky bodice moved sensuously against her body. ‘You could say you were glad to see me.’ She paused. ‘You could even say you like my dress.’
Joel groaned. ‘You look—fantastic,’ he muttered shortly. ‘But what is this, Liv? A crucifying mission? Have you come to see how much more pain I can take?’
‘No.’ Olivia turned then, walking around the sofa, trailing long nails that matched her dress over the soft leather. ‘Why should I want to hurt you, Joel? Haven’t we hurt one another enough?’
Joel sucked in a breath. ‘Then you know—’
‘About the lies? Yes, Louise told me.’ She glanced his way. ‘I assume she’s told you?’
Joel nodded.
Olivia moistened her lips. ‘And how did that make you feel?’
‘Stupid! Devastated! Angry!’ Joel raked back his hair with a hand that shook a little. ‘God, Liv, I knew Maureen Webster worked at that clinic. And I had no reason to suspect that Louise might be lying.’
‘Except that I’d told you it wasn’t true!’ exclaimed Olivia unsteadily. ‘It never occurred to you that I might be telling the truth, did it?’
‘Of course it did.’ Joel swore again. ‘Didn’t she tell you? I phoned the clinic. I wanted proof that you’d actually had an abortion.’
Olivia stared at him. ‘And what happened?’
‘I got some empty-headed receptionist who said she couldn’t give out confidential information about the patients.’ He groaned. ‘All she would tell me was that, yes, you had had an appointment. She said nothing about you cancelling it.’
‘Oh, Joel!’ Olivia trembled. ‘You should have had more faith in me.’
Joel shook his head. ‘Do you think I haven’t tormented myself with that ever since Louise decided to tell me?’ he demanded. ‘I’ve gone over every minute of those days with a fine-tooth comb and, whatever I do, I can’t forgive myself for being such a fool. I should have listened to you. I should have realised you wouldn’t have been so upset if it was what you’d wanted. Instead, I could hear the receptionist telling me that you had made the appointment in one ear and Louise whispering that you’d never wanted my baby in the other.’
‘Oh, God, Joel—’
‘No. Don’t feel sorry for me, Liv. I was twenty years old. I should have known better.’
‘We were both just kids,’ said Olivia huskily, gazing up at him with brimming eyes. ‘I wonder if I hadn’t run away if we might have learned the truth.’
Joel made a helpless gesture. ‘Do you think I haven’t considered that, too?’ He sighed. ‘It would be so easy for me to say that you running away settled the matter. That it proved you’d been lying all along. But I was the real culprit, Liv. I blame myself totally. I moved out of the farm. I let you think that, as far as I was concerned, our marriage was over.’
‘Our marriage was over,’ whispered Olivia, but Joel only shook his head again, coming towards her, his face dark with emotion.
‘Do you honestly think that if you’d stayed in Bridgeford, I’d have been able to keep away from you?’ he asked hoarsely. ‘For God’s sake, Liv, I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you, dammit. Louise knows that. Maybe that was why she decided to be generous for once in her life.’
Olivia’s lips parted, but, although she was tempted to tell him why Louise had had a change of heart, she decided that could wait. Evidently his ex-wife hadn’t told him the whole story and Sean wouldn’t be too eager to confess that he’d run away again.
‘So—what are you saying?’ she breathed, running the tip of her finger along the roughened edge of his jawline.
Joel flinched at her touch, but he didn’t move away. ‘Look at me,’ he said instead, gripping the back of his neck with agitated hands. ‘You’ve been back—what? Barely a month. And already I’m a nervous wreck. I can’t eat; I can’t sleep. And any illusions I had that I was content with my life have all crashed and burned. Does that answer your question?’
Olivia gazed at him. ‘You mean that, don’t you?’
‘Damn right, I mean it,’ he declared savagely, and, abandoning any further attempt to restrain his actions, he slid his hands over her shoulders and pulled her against him. ‘You know I love you,’ he said huskily. ‘You must know I want to be with you.’ His eyes darkened. ‘Does your being here mean that you might forgive me, after all?’
Olivia uttered a breathy little laugh. ‘It might,’ she said tremulously. ‘I’m thinking about it.’
‘Well, don’t take too long,’ said Joel unsteadily, burying his face in the scented hollow of her throat, and Olivia trembled all over.
Her fingers clung to his shoulders, glorying in the taut strength of the arms that encircled her so possessively. Even now, it was hard to let herself believe this was actually happening. She’d been so depressed when she went to London, so unsure of what to think, what to do.
But this was Joel, she thought incredulously, the man she loved and who loved her. Had loved her for fifteen long years, years they’d wasted because of a jealous woman’s lies.
And like a dam breaking, emotion flooded her body. There was no need to keep him in suspense. She loved him too much to let this moment slip away. ‘I’ve thunk,’ she said huskily, pressing herself against his hard body. ‘The answer’s yes.’
Their journey up the stairs was only punctuated by moments when Joel divested himself and Olivia of what they were wearing. Her shoes barely made it past the first stair and her dress slipped silkily off her shoulders a few moments later.
The fact that she wasn’t wearing a bra caused a few minutes’ delay as Joel’s hands found her breasts and stroked them into painful arousal. But when she slid her hands beneath his T-shirt, he was compelled to discard it and go on.
She found the drawstring of his sweats only seconds later. The soft fabric skimmed down his narrow hips and he had to kick himself free of them before he tripped. However, her lacy thong did make it to the landing, where it adorned the newel post, like some erotic symbol of their desire.
Their lovemaking was hot and urgent at first. They were hungry for one another and there was no time for foreplay before Joel spread her legs and plunged into her slick sheath. Her moan of satisfaction was stifled by his mouth, and Joel’s head was swimming as the blood rushed wildly into his groin.
He felt Olivia climax only moments before his own release, the instinctive tightening of her body engulfing him in flames. ‘God, I love you,’ he groaned, when he lay shuddering in her arms, and Olivia stroked the damp hair back from his temple with a trembling hand.
‘I love you, too,’ she whispered. ‘So much. As soon as I saw you again, I knew I’d just been kidding myself that I’d got you out of my life.’
They made love again then, gently this time, sharing every delicious moment, stroking and caressing each other in an emotional demonstration of their love and renewal.
But then, Joel propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at her. ‘Tell me about Garvey,’ he said, not wanting to spoil the moment but he had to know. ‘Did you love him?’
Olivia gave a rueful smile. ‘Yes, I loved him,’ she said. ‘But not like I love you,’ she added huskily. ‘I couldn’t understand why at first. He was young and very good-looking and I don’t deny I was flattered when he asked me to marry him and move to New York, but there was no real—connection, if you know what I mean?’
‘I’m trying to,’ said Joel gruffly, and Olivia giggled.
‘You’ve no need to be jealous,’ she assured him gently. ‘Our relationship was anything but passionate.’ She paused. ‘I must be incredibly naïve. When he insisted on waiting until we were married before consummating our relationship, I thought he was doing it for me, because he knew I’d had one disastrous relationship—ours—and he thought I wasn’t ready for another.’
Joel’s brows drew together. ‘What are you telling me? That he was—gay?’
‘See, you got it in one,’ said Olivia ruefully. ‘Yes, he was gay. But it took me months before I found out. And because he convinced me that we were good for one another, that it wasn’t necessary for a relationship to be a sexual one to work, I went along with it. For what seems like such a long time now.’
Joel turned her face towards him. ‘God, Liv, if he hurt you—’
‘He didn’t.’ Olivia sighed. ‘I hurt him, I think. But it took me some time to realise that, although I was living this celibate life, Bruce wasn’t. I was just his cover, the wife he could escort to functions and display on any occasion when a wife was needed.’
‘Hell!’
Joel stared down at her with impassioned eyes and she reached up to press her lips to his. ‘Don’t look like that, darling. It wasn’t all bad. Bruce was a generous man. He was kind. Selfish, perhaps, but kind. I had my own bank account, a string of credit cards. He liked me to spend his money. He encouraged me to fill my wardrobe with expensive clothes, expensive accessories. There was nothing I couldn’t have—financially, at least.’
‘And then?’
‘And then I discovered that he was leading a double life. The nights he was supposed to be working late—he was a merchant banker and they often work late into the evening—he was visiting his lover. Well, a series of lovers, actually,’ she appended, her cheeks turning pink. ‘He was a member of this club and—’
Joel laid his finger across her lips. ‘You don’t have to go on,’ he said. ‘I get the picture.’ He paused. ‘So you told him you wanted a divorce?’
‘Mmm.’ Olivia’s lids drooped. ‘He wasn’t pleased.’
‘I can believe it.’ Joel snorted. ‘You were in danger of exposing his deception.’
‘Right. And all our friends—his friends, and work colleagues, all thought we had an ideal marriage.’
Joel nuzzled her cheek. ‘So, what happened?’
‘I moved out of our apartment. I got myself a small walk-up in Brooklyn and started divorce proceedings.’
‘I gather they took some time?’
‘You better believe it.’ Olivia nodded. ‘Bruce fought me every step of the way.’ She bit her lip. ‘He—he even went so far as to tell anyone who’d listen that I’d moved out because he wanted children and I didn’t. I’d been stupid enough to tell him about—about the miscarriage, and he chose to use that against me, too.’
‘But God, you could have made him suffer. Not to mention taking him for every penny he had.’
‘I didn’t want his money. I didn’t want anything from him. OK, maybe I was stupid, but I just wanted to be free.’
‘Oh, Liv!’ Joel gazed at her with agony in his eyes. ‘I wish I could take back every one of those years and make it up to you.’
Olivia looked up then, a smile tilting the corners of her mouth. ‘Hey, this is going a long way to achieving it,’ she assured him huskily. ‘We all make mistakes, Joel. Me more than most.’
‘And now?’
She wet her lips with a nervous tongue. ‘I suppose that’s up to you.’
‘OK.’ Joel didn’t hesitate. Getting up onto his knees beside her, he said, ‘Marry me. Marry me, Liv. Again. As soon as I can get a licence.’
‘You really want to marry me again?’
‘How can you doubt it?’ Joel groaned, taking one of her hands and raising her palm to his lips. ‘I’m crazy about you, Liv. Say you’ll give me a second chance.’
Olivia didn’t hesitate either. She wound her arms around his neck and pulled him down to her. ‘Oh, I’ll give you another chance,’ she whispered. ‘And I will marry you. Whenever it can be arranged.’ She hesitated. ‘I want to have your baby, Joel. We can’t replace the one we lost, but we can ensure that Sean has more than one brother or sister, hmm?’
* * *
They were both sound asleep when the doorbell rang.
Olivia, her bottom curled spoon-like into the curve of Joel’s thighs, was the first to hear it. The sound echoed unpleasantly through her subconscious, and, although she didn’t want to move, she was obliged to open her eyes and shift a little restlessly against him.
Joel, getting exactly the wrong impression, pressed closer, and she felt the unmistakable stirring of his erection. ‘Hey, you’re insatiable,’ he muttered huskily, parting her thighs, but Olivia pulled away from him, turning onto her back as the doorbell rang again.
‘Hear that?’ she said, unable to prevent the smile that touched her lips at Joel’s obvious disappointment. ‘You’ve got a visitor.’
‘Shit!’
Joel scowled, but when the bell rang for a third time, he had no choice but to slide out of bed and reach for the dressing gown hanging on the back of the bedroom door.
As he wrapped its folds about him, Olivia pushed herself up against the pillows. ‘Who do you think it is?’ she asked, unknowingly exposing dusky pink nipples to his urgent gaze, and Joel groaned.
‘My mother and father?’ he suggested flatly, seeing the look of dismay that crossed her face at his words. ‘They phoned from the airport earlier. They wanted me to go and pick them up, but, as you know, I’d been drinking. I had to refuse.’
‘I’m glad you did,’ she murmured, barely audibly, but Joel had heard her.
‘So’m I,’ he said, pausing to bestow a lingering kiss at the corner of her mouth. ‘Hold that thought, baby. I won’t be long.’
The bell rang again, more insistently this time, as he went down the stairs, and, although he’d been attempting to pick up all the items of clothing strewn around, the summons was too urgent to ignore. Abandoning his efforts, he dropped the clothes he had rescued onto the chest at the foot of the stairs and strode barefoot to the door.
‘Are you aware that it’s raining, Joel?’ demanded his mother, brushing past him into the hall. ‘So much for us being concerned about you. You certainly took your time answering the door.’
‘Are you aware that I was in bed, asleep?’ retorted Joel, giving his father an apologetic look as he followed his wife inside.
‘In bed?’ Diana Armstrong took off her jacket and shook a spray of water over the floor. ‘It’s barely ten o’clock, Joel. How much have you been drinking, for heaven’s sake?’
‘It’s none of your—’
He didn’t finish. His mother had been about to deposit her coat on the chest when she saw the jumble of clothes Joel had dropped there. Without hesitation, she picked them up, saying with obvious distaste, ‘You’ve got a woman here, haven’t you? Your father was right.’
Joel took the garments out of his mother’s hands and returned them to the chest. ‘Not a woman,’ he said tersely. ‘The woman. Liv arrived just after you’d called. Does that explain the situation?’
Diana’s mouth dropped open in disbelief, but Patrick Armstrong was much less perturbed. ‘I wondered how long it would be before you two got together again,’ he said warmly. ‘I hope it works out this time, son. I really do.’
‘Thanks, Dad.’
Joel shook the hand his father offered, but Diana wasn’t finding it so easy to come to terms with what she’d heard. ‘You mean—you were in bed with Olivia Foley?’ she said incredulously. ‘Oh, Joel, is that wise? What if—what if she hurts you again?’
‘I won’t.’
The voice came from above their heads and Joel turned to find Olivia coming down the stairs towards them. She was wearing an old rugby shirt of his that barely covered her thighs, a momentary peek of scarlet lace proving she’d rescued her thong from its perch.
His heart leapt into his chest as he went to meet her. She was so adorable, so beautiful, and she was his. He could hardly believe that fate was being kind to him at last. He wanted to take her in his arms and howl his satisfaction to the moon.
‘Olivia!’ Diana recovered quickly, moving towards the pair of them with a practised smile on her face. ‘You must forgive me for being anxious. It’s a mother’s privilege, you know?’
‘Well, it’s a wife’s privilege to defend herself, Diana,’ responded Olivia smoothly, realising that the intimidation Joel’s mother had once represented was all gone. ‘Hello, Patrick,’ she added, accepting his warm hug. ‘Did you have a good flight?’
‘Well, it was delayed—’ Joel’s father was beginning, when Diana broke in.
‘What did you say?’ she demanded. ‘A wife’s privilege?’ She turned blankly to her son. ‘You two haven’t got married again while we were away, have you?’
‘Not yet, Mum,’ said Joel comfortably, putting a possessive arm about Olivia’s shoulders and pulling her close. ‘But it’s only a matter of time. I’ve asked Liv to marry me and she’s said yes.’
‘Well, congratulations!’ Once again, it was Patrick Armstrong who made the first move. ‘It’s long overdue, if you ask me. There should never have been a divorce.’
‘I agree.’ Joel bent and bestowed a warm kiss on the top of Olivia’s head, and no one watching them could be left in any doubt that he meant it. He looked at his mother. ‘Aren’t you going to give us your blessing, Mum?’
Diana’s lips tightened for a moment, but then, as if the realisation that she couldn’t fight against her whole family occurred to her, she came to give them both a kiss. ‘What can I say?’ she exclaimed, and there was reluctant defeat in her eyes. ‘I hope you’ll both find the happiness you deserve.’