ON THE SIXTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE SENT TO ME
SIX PANTO TICKETS
The big Christmas treat for us gnomes is when Father Christmas takes us all to the theatre to see the pantomime. Of course, Father Christmas thinks he’s too famous and popular to need tickets for the panto.
FATHER |
(To box office girl) All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. |
BOX OFFICE |
Then you’d better watch out . . . there’s a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets! |
Even the reindeer wanted to go to the panto – so Father Christmas booked them into the stalls.
Ghosts love to go to the theatre at Christmas – they like to watch a good phantomime!
Mind you, going to the theatre with Father Christmas can be a bit embarrassing. He’s forever popping out to get an ice-cream – and he’s far too fat to squeeze back in.
FATHER |
(To lady with a feathered hat) Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream? |
LADY: |
You certainly did! |
FATHER |
Oh good! That means I’m back in the right row! |
And you see such funny characters at the pantomime . . .
GNELLIE: |
Who’s that little girl who wears a red cape and goes round shouting “Knickers” at the Big Bad Wolf? |
FATHER |
That’s Little Rude Riding Hood. |
GNEIL: |
I wouldn’t let that Cinderella play on my hockey team. |
FATHER |
Why not? |
GNEIL: |
’Cos she keeps running away from the ball! |
The pantomime we went to see this year had all the usual characters. First there was the “Dame” . . . but she looked an awful lot like a man dressed up to me!
The pantomime dame was called old Mother Hubbard. She had her song, of course:
Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her poor doggy a bone.
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So the dog bit her leg.
Now old Mother Hubbard’s daughter was called Gretel and she had this red hood for riding. So she was known as Gretel Red Riding Hood. One day Old Mother Hubbard sent Gretel Red Riding Hood on an errand . . .
And off our heroine went to Granny’s cottage. Then the villain arrived. There’s always a villain in a pantomime. In this one it was evil Baron Stoneybroke and his nasty henchman, Helmut Hardknut.
But then handsome Prince Hansel came on the scene. He was in disguise of course. In fact he looked a lot like a woman, just as Old Mother Hubbard looked a lot like a man. Very confusing, pantomimes. Even more confusing was Gretel Red Riding Hood in the forest. With Helmut Hardknut disguised as a wolf to catch her the only help she had was from the talking trees . . . whoever heard of a talking tree? Gretel Red Riding Hood hadn’t at first!
And the panto ended with Old Mother Hubbard marrying Baron Stoneybroke, with Prince Hansel marrying Gretel Red Riding Hood . . .
and with Helmut Hardknut being arrested . . .
And of course everyone lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER!