Charlotte paid the taxi driver and wheeled her suitcase up the sidewalk. She was spending her last night on the Thornton’s couch so Gary could take her to the airport first thing in the morning. As she heaved the luggage up the steps, her brain only halfway registered that the Thornton’s minivan was missing from the driveway. Steven’s black Toyota was in its place.
She let herself into the house and left her bags by the door.
“Anyone home?” she called.
“In the living room.”
She found Steven there, sitting in a chair with Melissa snuggled in the crook of one elbow while he held her bottle with the other hand.
“Hey,” was the only thing she could manage to say. She leaned against the back of the sofa, keeping plenty of space and furniture between them. She hadn’t expected—or particularly wanted—to see him before she left.
“Deb and Gary took the boys to the lake for a little while,” he said.
“And you got babysitting duty.”
“I don’t mind.” He smiled down at the baby in his arms. “I think I’ve even gotten pretty good at it.”
It was certainly an improvement over the way he’d been nearly helpless to handle Gregory when he was three. Charlotte couldn’t help but think that if she still lived in Archersburg, she’d be the one babysitting, feeding, holding Melissa Rose. Just like she had with Sam and Greg.
Steven shifted the baby to his shoulder and began patting her back.
“God, look at you,” she whispered.
He looked up. “What?”
“It’s so natural for you now. You look so comfortable.”
Everyone had been right about her not knowing what she wanted. On so many levels, that was true. But standing there, looking at Steven and Melissa and the sweet little picture they made, she was filled with an urgent need and a very certain desire. There was at least one thing she could say, with conviction, that she wanted.
“I want that,” she said, her voice choked with emotion. Steven stared at her. “I want a family,” she continued. “I want to stay home with the babies and write books while they sleep. And I want a husband who’s an equal partner in my life. Someone who will change diapers and cook when I’m too tired. I want the life my mother was supposed to have but never did. That’s the only thing I want.”
He smiled his brilliant smile. “Wow Charlotte, that is really cheesy,” he said. “But it sounds perfect.”
She could barely manage a smile because she was afraid she’d burst into tears. She didn’t know the who, the where, or the when of that dream, or if she was even capable of achieving it. What good was knowing what she wanted if it still seemed unattainable?
“You were right about Daniel,” she said after a moment.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be right.”
“Didn’t you?”
He looked away. “Not if it meant seeing you get hurt.”
“Don’t worry, I didn’t. We managed to keep it friendly.” For the most part, anyway. Daniel probably didn’t even realize the effect his words would have. She still hadn’t managed to stop the bleeding from that wound. She looked at Steven.
She’d be twenty-three in a few months, and Steven was almost thirty. The age difference didn’t seem as important now as it had when she was seventeen. There was more to what they shared than what Daniel pointed out, wasn’t there? She wondered if she still would’ve gotten together with Steven if she’d had a loving father present in her life. Thinking about it turned her stomach.
“I think I’ll take a walk for a while,” she said, turning around.
“Charlotte, wait.”
“I know what you want, okay?” She faced him again. “You made yourself very clear.”
He stood up and started to come toward her, then stopped. He laid the baby in her playpen before stepping forward again.
“I just want another chance to make it work, that’s all.”
She backed up toward the kitchen, not wanting to let him get too close, afraid of what she might do if he touched her.
“I’m the one who should be asking for a second chance. It was always me who messed things up.”
“I don’t care whose fault it was. Just tell me this isn’t broken beyond repair,” he said, following her into the kitchen.
“Steven, please stop this.” His face swam in front of her as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m in a really bad place right now, okay? We both know I’m not capable of opening myself to a serious adult relationship. I wasn’t then, and I’m probably even less so right now.”
“What happened, Charlotte? What’s got you in such a dark place?”
She shook her head. In the other room, Melissa began to cry. Steven looked to the living room, then back at Charlotte.
“There was a time when you felt safe enough to talk to me about anything. Are we really so far beyond that?”
Melissa’s cries grew louder.
“You should probably she what she needs,” Charlotte said.
“Don’t leave, okay? Please.”
She nodded and he went into the other room.
How could she tell him that she was utterly broken inside? What was he supposed to do about it? She was like a hostess who’d shoved all the mess into a closet before guests arrived and was afraid that her clutter might burst forth from its hiding place at any moment and embarrass her. She felt like her cracks were beginning to show on the carefully constructed image of confidence and control that she always tried to project. It was only a matter of time before the façade shattered to expose the cowering, bruised soul within.
How the hell could she tell him that?
Steven returned with Melissa cradled in his arms, once again presenting her with an enticing—and unfinished—picture.
“Can you at least trust me again, the way you used to?” He came to stand directly in front of her, much closer than she wanted.
“Trust you to do what?”
“Just trust me enough to lean against me and believe me when I say it’ll be okay.”
“I don’t need to—”
“Yes you do. Anyone can see that you’re barely standing on your own right now. And I know what else you’re thinking, but it doesn’t make you weak.”
With every word he seemed to pluck straight from her brain, she should’ve grown more agitated. Normally, she would have. But today it had a soothing narcotic quality. There was a strange sense of relief. At least she’d been spared the humiliation of having to admit her needs out loud, because she did see it as weakness.
Steven shifted to hold the baby with one arm, and extended the other to her. Slowly, as if controlled by some unseen force, Charlotte stepped into the embrace, gripping Steven’s back with one hand and taking the baby’s tiny arm in the other, completing the trinity.