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The reasons we can’t sleep at night
are usually the same reasons
we don’t truly live during the day.
Michael Xavier
Lucy smirked as she headed to bed, unfastening the last of her buttons. Instead of paying attention, Em paced, flexing her fists.
“Comments cut a little close to home?”
Em sighed. “No, although I dislike discussing my private life, it didn’t bother me. Becky was curious about our lifestyle, and Francine wanted to catch up on everything we’ve never discussed. No, my problem is with the situation.” She stopped pacing, turning to Lucy as she held her hands up. “She called me on the road, saying they’d be here in a few days. Instead they show up while I’m at work. I was hoping to get someone to put them up for a few weeks. Maybe Stacy in Bridgehampton or Devon on Fire Island could cover for me. Both would be better than here.”
Lucy scrunched up her face, scowling at the idea. “Stacy? Really?”
“What’s wrong with Stacy? She’s pleasant enough, her place is ideal for a young girl, and she’s crazy about kids.”
Lucy kicked off her heels. “Oh, I’ve got no problems with her apartment. It’s Stacy I have the issue with.” She turned, addressing Em. “I don’t mind you having several girlfriends. I’m patient and figure I can wait the others out. But Stacy is anything but. She’d prefer to eliminate her competition, the sooner the better.”
Em cocked her head, her eyes widening. “Stacy? She’s nice to everyone.”
Lucy gave her a sad smile before unzipping her skirt. “You only see her public persona. She’s always delightful with you. But every time we’ve met, her jealousy is visceral. I’m sure, given her druthers, she’d rip my heart out, chew it up and spit it out at your feet. She’s catty on a whole different level, and I and your other girlfriends are your pet canaries.”
Em studied her as she removed her blouse. “I’ve never seen that side of her. Are you sure it isn’t just the two of you?”
“I’ve only dealt with her a couple times, but whenever we run into each other, she glares at anyone you associate with. Hell, she even punishes Maria—the cute waitress you flirt with—even though you’ve never done anything and she’s happily married.”
Em laid her shirt over her lap, considering Lucy’s revelation. “That’s disappointing. She seemed ideal.”
Lucy set her foot on the bed to unroll her stockings. “Oh, she’d be pleasant ... as long as they give her something—like information on how to get further into your good graces. But as soon as their usefulness waned, all bets are off.”
“How about Devon? I’m sure a young girl like Becky would love Fire Island, even if it’s colder. She’d have miles of open beach, lots of fascinating gay guys to entertain her, and no one to fight off.”
“I don’t think either Francine or Becky has the slightest interest in being anywhere other than here. They came to New York because they trust you. So what’s this tirade about? Do you have issues with Francine? I don’t know her, but she seems pleasant enough and is eager to please.”
Em bundled her blouse into a ball and threw it against a nearby chair, scowling as if targeting someone in particular. She immediately reconsidered, picking it up and carefully folding it.
“Yeah, she sandbags me, and then sics her daughter on me. She’s definitely trying to make points.”
Grinning at Em’s need to maintain control, Lucy casually dropped her stockings on the bed, removing her skirt as if she hadn’t done anything. “You’re exaggerating. She encouraged Becky to open up and not hold back. That’s not an aggressive action. It’s a sign of faith. She trusts you to guide her child through a delicate time with a difficult topic. Which you handled wonderfully, despite your diatribe about the evils of committed relationships. Somehow, I don’t think you’ll convince either to give up on monogamy.”
“Ha, Francine could stand to be a little more discerning. If she’d listened to me over the past decade, she wouldn’t be in this situation. She’s only pleasant because she’s got nowhere else to turn.”
She stopped ranting long enough to collect Lucy’s discarded hosiery. She straightened, folded and placed them neatly on the chair beside the bed.
“You’re not being fair. Although she may not have listened then, she kept your warnings in mind. It just took this long for her to build the nerve to act. I don’t know your brother, or what triggered their actions, but it takes a lot to throw your life aside. They abandoned their possessions. She dragged her teen daughter away from her home. She’s asking the alienated relative of her abusive husband to put them up.” Holding her skirt up, Lucy wiggled her hips, trying to attract Em’s attention. “Again, what’s really bugging you?”
Em sighed, stepping back. She smiled at Lucy’s display, appreciating the delicate Agent Provocateur panties, but shook her head, frowning. “I don’t know. It’s the disruption. They storm into my life with little warning, throw my life upside down and demand attention. Did you witness what they did to my living room? And the wine! I kept moving Francine’s glass to a safe location on a coaster, yet she continued waving it around to emphasize her points. That’s all I need, cheap wine stains on my expensive leather couch.”
“You mean your favorite seduction setting.” Figuring the moment was lost, Lucy unfastened her matching bra, breathing a sigh as her breasts were freed from their constraint. As pretty as it was, it wasn’t designed to support Lucy’s size. “It’s funny how you never complain when one of your conquests drinks there, yet as soon as someone you can’t seduce tries it, you throw a hissy fit. And don’t forget, it’s your wine.”
“It isn’t only the wine, it’s everything. The popcorn on the floor, the clothes thrown everywhere, the way they shoved my stuff into the corner to make room for their crap.”
Lucy indicated her clothing, which Em was arranging on a side chair, arching her eyebrow. “You’ve got to admit, your little bachelorette apartment doesn’t have much room for anyone else. Is your need for control so important you’d turn away family in their hour of need?”
Em sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed as she folded Lucy’s bra before removing hers. “No, I suppose I won’t dump them on someone else. But it’s disconcerting not being able to anticipate and plan things. You know what my life is like. I’m gone most of the time, get unexpected calls at all hours and have to take off at a moment’s notice. I like order. It helps me cope with the disorder in my life. It’s how I deal with the death, destruction and chaos I face daily. It’s the only thing which separates me from the worst of humanity. Every day I witness intelligent people undone by thoughtless actions, one moment of anger destroying their lives. My ... need for control is a way to separate from the uncertainty of my job. It’s my attempt to prove I’m not in the same boat as those I investigate, that my future won’t be destroyed by a stray event. That, by being organized, I can hold the world of uncontrolled anger at bay.”
Lucy laughed as she climbed on Em’s lap. “Yes, your obsession with order is the sole obstruction keeping the hordes from the citadel’s gates.” She gave her girlfriend a kiss before pulling back to stare her in her eyes. “People don’t get into trouble because of a lack of order and structure. They run afoul of the law because they fuck up. Organization has nothing to do with it. Life choices do. Don’t sell your relatives short. Even though they never acted on your advice, your sister-in-law always respected your opinion.”
Em kissed her girlfriend, keeping her tongue in play rather than saying something stupid. But when Lucy pulled back, she couldn’t constrain herself. “Speaking of bad choices and hanging by threads, did you notice how much Francine drank? I checked the fridge, she went through three full bottles.”
Lucy giggled, kissing Em again. “Three bottles between four women, two of whom spent the entire day together? Besides, she’s nervous. She’s scared you won’t accept her. That’s why she kept motioning with the wine. She was frantic. She burns off her excess energy with her hands.” Lucy gave her another, longer kiss. “Give her time to unwind. If she doesn’t drive you crazy, she’ll begin to relax.”
“I hope so.” Em grinned, caressing Lucy’s breast. “Despite the inappropriate questions, Becky’s a real firecracker. You can tell she spent time considering what to ask. I doubt she’d ask those questions if she actually knew many lesbians. I’m guessing she devoted days googling information so she wouldn’t sound like a naïve kid.”
“I suspect intelligence runs in the family.”
Em frowned. “Hardly. My brother Jeremy isn’t terribly bright and takes out his frustrations over the terrible state of his life on everyone around him. My father, despite having a good heart, was terrified of upsetting my mother. She was the one who chased me away with her religious zeal, insisting God would never forgive me for what I did to them. He didn’t have the gumption to stand up to her. She was a mean alcoholic, and would fly into these terrible tirades at the slightest provocation. He died within a year of my leaving. I’m convinced he died of heartbreak.”
Lucy pulled back, studying her girlfriend. “That makes sense. It explains your obsessive organization, always putting everything in its place and keeping track of everything.”
“Hey, it helps my career and keeping track of all of you,” she replied, poking Lucy in the chest.
“Speaking of which, you mentioned you’re appearing on the news tomorrow, but haven’t said a word about the case. Are you sure that isn’t what’s got you so on edge? You tend to get wrapped up in your cases, bringing them home on your shoulders.”
Em frowned, disengaging and leaning back before relenting.
“It’s a huge case, the biggest of my career, but I really can’t talk about it. It’s a ... politically sensitive situation.”
Lucy smiled, leaning back and grinning. “There it is. This is about something else. You’re taking your frustrations with this latest case out on everyone around you. Honestly, as much as you bitch about not burdening me with your job, you’ll live much longer if you do—not to mention allowing access inside your armor. Your keeping all the frustrations of your job doesn’t help anyone, and is only likely to get you shot when you aren’t concentrating on your job when you need to.”
“It’s not that kind of a case, but it’s likely to either make or break my career. Am I stressed about it? You betcha. But it’s on a strictly need-to-know basis.”
Lucy leaned forward, kissing her girlfriend again. “Which is why you’re obsessing. Sometimes, letting go allows you to hold on tighter. If you release the worry at home, like you’re supposed to, you can concentrate while you’re at work and hopefully resolve the case. You don’t need to name names, but you can definitely admit that you’re worried about your career.”
“You’d think so, but not in this case. I can’t really say anything about it, otherwise, when information begins to leak out, you and everyone else will begin to make connections.” She shook her head. “No. For this one, at least, I’ve got to keep it under wraps.”
“Fine,” Lucy said, kissing her as she caressed her side, “but you can at least stop pretending that everyone is ruining your perfect life. Just admit that you’re preoccupied with work and stop blaming everyone else for your moods.” She wrapped Em in her arms and held her tight. “They, like me, will accept that, and even give you space when you need it. But, they’re likely to help take your mind off of it instead, which is exactly what you need. That way, as the case progresses and you can discuss it, we can deal with where your career stands.”
“That’s why I don’t open up,” Em mumbled. “You’re like Becky, once you get something to chew on, you won’t leave it alone, continually pushing until you force me to admit things I’d rather not. But ... you’re right. I needed to get this out of my system. Now let me make up for missing our night out. I had a terrific evening planned. You were going to get so lucky!” Rolling the taller blond over, Em smothered her in kisses, raining them across her face, neck, ears and down her upper chest.
“Hey, how about the lips? I like reciprocating, too.”
“You don’t have to ask twice,” she responded, leaning in and kissing her while stroking her entire body.
“Umm, you always have the nicest touch.”
“That’s what my collars tell me when I slam them to the pavement. My partner wouldn’t agree either.”
“Doug? As small as he is, I can see you going for him, especially now I realize you like dudes.”
“Gay guys,” Em reminded her. “He’s strictly straight, which takes him out of the running.”
Lucy backed up, cocking her head. “Did you ever fool around with any other gay men?”
Em put her finger over her lips. “Hey, no stealing my thunder. We’ll cover that another night. But I’ll give you a hint. There weren’t any more gay guys.” Lucy’s eyes grew wide and she started to respond, so Em kissed her again, smothering her objections. “Behave yourself. You’re supposed to be paying attention to me. If I’m giving up my little tirade, the least you can do is to postpone this inquiry into my past until Becky’s present.” They continued kissing for another few moments before Em pulled back, whispering in her ear. “But if you prompt them to ask, I’ll remember.”
Lucy squealed again, giggling so hard she began coughing. “Stop. Stop, please. My emotions are having trouble switching between getting turned on, laughing and responding seriously. My psyche doesn’t know which way to turn.”
“Then focus on this,” Em suggested before heading south, taking a short detour at Lucy’s breasts before continuing her downward trend. The reprieve gave Lucy a chance to get her emotions straight. It didn’t take long before she was gasping, holding Em in place and thrashing her head back and forth.
“Damn, I keep forgetting how good you are at this.”
“That’s the benefit of practice. I train on alternate fields, but I always bring my A-game home with me.”
“Don’t remind me, especially not when I’m enjoying you being pleasant. Ooh. That’s wonderful. Keep going, I’m getting close.”
Em redoubled her efforts, not wasting time with humor. Lucy appreciated the effort, but locked Em’s head in place to keep her from getting distracted. It wasn’t long until she was shooting off like a firecracker. Aware of the others in the living room, she drew blood biting her lip in an attempt to keep silent.
“Damn! You wore me out. Give me a couple minutes and I’ll return the favor.”
“Actually, making me relax and laugh did more to ease my tensions than anything else, but I’m not about to refuse some extra loving.” Em climbed up, kissing Lucy before rolling over to lay beside her, as they both caught their breath. “Things were intense today, and I’ll be under a lot more stress for some time. Thanks. Between Becky’s questions, the teasing and your getting me to open up, I think I’ll be able to sleep. In case I didn’t mention it, I’m waking early as I’ve got an event tomorrow.”
“Good. I’ll find a way to relax you.” With that, Lucy helped melt Em’s worries. But after they were done, Em found herself awake late that night. She lay on her back, staring into the darkness listening to Lucy’s gentle breathing. At least someone is sleeping, she thought as she considered what the future held. Despite how well the evening worked out, there was too much riding on the next several days, the next morning especially. She’d never appeared on live television before, and hoped she didn’t swallow her foot in the process.
