As for a wife, that most interesting specimen in the whole series of vertebrate animals Providence only knows whether I shall ever capture one or be able to feed her if caught. All such considerations are hidden far in futurity, but at the end of a distant view, I sometimes see a cottage & some white object like a petticoat, which always drives granite & trap out of my head in the most unphilosophical manner.
Darwin to C. T. Whitley,
[8 May 1838], DCP 411A
This is the question.
Marry
Children—(if it Please God)—Constant companion, (& friend in old age) who will feel interested in one,—object to be beloved & played with,—better than a dog anyhow…. My God, it is intolerable to think of spending ones whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, & nothing after all.—No, no won’t do.—Imagine living all one’s day solitarily in smoky dirty London House.—Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with good fire, & books & music perhaps—Compare this vision with the dingy reality of Grt. Marlbro’ St. [the London house where he was living] Marry—Marry—Marry Q.E.D.
Not Marry
Freedom to go where one liked—choice of Society & little of it—Conversation of clever men at clubs. Not forced to visit relatives & to bend in every trifle—to have the expense & anxiety of children—perhaps quarelling—Loss of time.—cannot read in the Evenings—fatness & idleness—Anxiety & responsibility—less money for books &c—if many children forced to gain one’s bread…. Eheu!! I never should know French,—or see the Continent—or go to America, or go up in a Balloon, or take solitary trip in Wales—poor slave.—you will be worse than a negro—And then horrid poverty (without one’s wife was better than an angel & had money)—Never mind my boy—Cheer up—One cannot live this solitary life, with groggy old age, friendless & cold, & childless staring one in ones face, already beginning to wrinkle.—Never mind, trust to chance—keep a sharp look out—There is many a happy slave—
[July 1838], Correspondence,
vol. 2, 444–45
November 11th. [1838] Sunday. The day of days!
Darwin’s Journal, 8
My own dear Emma [his cousin Emma Wedgwood], I kiss the hands with all humbleness and gratitude, which have so filled up for me the cup of happiness—It is my most earnest wish I may make myself worthy of you.
Emma Darwin 1904, vol. 1, 417
My reason tells me that honest & conscientious [religious] doubts cannot be a sin, but I feel it would be a painful void between us. I thank you from my heart for your openness with me & I should dread the feeling that you were concealing your opinions from the fear of giving me pain.
Emma Wedgwood to Darwin,
[21–22 November 1838], DCP 441
I believe from your account of your own mind that you will only consider me as a specimen of the genus (I don’t know what simia I believe). You will be forming theories about me & if I am cross or out of temper you will only consider “What does that prove”. Which will be a very grand & philosophical way of considering it.
Emma Wedgwood to Darwin,
[23 January 1839], DCP 492
The state of mind that I wish to preserve with respect to you, is to feel that while you are acting conscientiously & sincerely wishing & trying to learn the truth, you cannot be wrong…. It seems to me also that the line of your pursuits may have led you to view chiefly the difficulties on one side, & that you have not had time to consider & study the chain of difficulties on the other, but I believe you do not consider your opinions as formed. May not the habit in scientific pursuits of believing nothing till it is proved, influence your mind too much in other things which cannot be proved in the same way, & which if true are likely to be above our comprehension.
Emma Darwin to Darwin,
[c. February 1839]
When I am dead know that many times, I have kissed & cryed over this. C.D.
Note by Darwin, quoted in
Barlow 1958, 236–37
Mem: her beautiful letter to me, safely preserved, shortly after our marriage.
Autobiography, 97
I daresay not a word of this note is really mine; it is all hereditary, except my love for you, which I shd think could not be so, but who knows?
Darwin to Emma Darwin,
[20–21 May 1848], DCP 1176
Our dear old mother [Emma Darwin], who, as you know well, is as good as twice refined gold. Keep her as an example before your eyes, & then [Richard] Litchfield will in future years worship & not only love you, as I worship our dear old mother.
Darwin to his daughter Henrietta on
her marriage to Richard Litchfield,
4 September [1871], DCP 7922
She has been my greatest blessing, and I can declare that in my whole life I have never heard her utter one word which I had rather have been unsaid. She has never failed in the kindest sympathy towards me, and has borne with the utmost patience my frequent complaints from ill-health and discomfort. I do not believe she has ever missed an opportunity of doing a kind action to anyone near her. I marvel at my good fortune that she, so infinitely my superior in every single moral quality, consented to be my wife. She has been my wise adviser and cheerful comforter throughout life, which without her would have been during a very long period a miserable one from ill-health. She has earned the love and admiration of every soul near her.
Autobiography, 96–97