Teenage guys often try to justify sex outside of marriage, saying, “But we love each other! That’s why it felt so right for us to sleep together!” But true love for your neighbor (or your girlfriend) can only exist and can only be expressed through obedience to God’s standards. Anything less is counterfeit love.
Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God [in this case, your girlfriend]: by loving God and carrying out his commands.
1 JOHN 5:1–2, NIV
Since by your obedience to the Truth through the [Holy] Spirit you have purified your hearts for the sincere affection of the brethren, [see that you] love one another fervently from a pure heart.
1 PETER 1:22, AMP
This is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them.
JOHN 3:23–24, NIV
If there’s anywhere we need to be authentic, it’s in our relationships with girls. You must leave her better than when you met her. So are you going to do that?
—Every Young Man’s Battle
Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God.
1 PETER 2:17, NASB
We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters.
1 JOHN 3:16, NLT
And God himself has said that one must love not only God, but his brother too.
1 JOHN 4:21, TLB
In the days of the prophet Ezekiel, God’s people—Israel—had strayed again, committing “adultery” against Him by chasing other gods. The Lord sought a metaphor that He could use through Ezekiel that could help us understand the depth of their sin and would express to His people how deeply they had hurt Him. He wanted to find something that was clearly despicable and clearly wrong to which to compare this sin. He chose premarital petting, or groping, as the comparison, clearly revealing His thoughts and attitudes about the topic: petting is just as bad as choosing other gods over Him!
In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.
EZEKIEL 23:3, NIV
When you push past your girlfriend’s sexual boundaries and standards, you break Christian unity with her. You also break unity with God.
If your [girlfriend] is distressed because of what you [ask her to do sexually], you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your [sexual requests] destroy your [girlfriend] for whom Christ died.… For the kingdom of God is not a matter of [parking or groping or pushing past your girlfriend’s boundaries], but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.
Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification [unity in Christ]. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of [parking or groping or pushing past your girlfriend’s boundaries].
ROMANS 14:15,17–20, NIV
(Author’s wording in brackets)
Treat … younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.
1 TIMOTHY 5:1–2, NIV
A story from Fred Stoeker:
“Amy, seventeen years old, exclaimed, ‘I just finished your book Every Young Man’s Battle. Wow! I had no idea how much what I do and what I wear affects the young men around me. I have always had high standards for modest clothes, but now they will be even higher.’
“Although it’s natural to be distracted and even attracted by a young woman in revealing clothes, the Bible tells us that true beauty comes from a pure heart. Amy’s amazing response, her desire to respect those around her, reflects the kind of beauty that endures. What kind of woman will attract your attention: one who flaunts her body to every guy who walks by or one who chooses to focus on inner beauty and to reserve her body solely for her husband?
“Reexamine your definitions of beauty, and let your girlfriend know that you appreciate her helping you toward purity by dressing modestly.”
And I want women to be modest in their appearance.
They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.
1 TIMOTHY 2:9–10, NLT
[Addressed to women] Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on jewelry, or beautiful clothes, or hair arrangement. Be beautiful inside, in your hearts, with the lasting charm of a gentle and quiet spirit which is so precious to God. That kind of deep beauty was seen in the saintly women of old, who trusted God and fitted in with their husbands’ plans.
1 PETER 3:3–5, TLB
A message from Fred Stoeker:
“I know you’re my Christian brother, so I want to count on you to stand shoulder to shoulder with me in this call I have from God to keep my daughter pure until marriage. Yes, I’m in my early forties and you may be in your teens or early twenties, but I’m as much your brother as your buddies are, and I’m counting on you not to lay your hands on my daughter just as much as your best friend is counting on you not to lay your hands on his girlfriend. Honor me in this.”
—adapted from Every Young Man’s Battle
The rich man owned many sheep and cattle. The poor man owned nothing but a little lamb he had worked hard to buy. He raised that little lamb, and it grew up with his children. It ate from the man’s own plate and drank from his cup. He cuddled it in his arms like a baby daughter. One day a guest arrived at the home of the rich man. But instead of killing a lamb from his own flocks for food, he took the poor man’s lamb and killed it and served it to his guest.
2 SAMUEL 12:2–4, NLT
… but a true friend sticks by you like family.
PROVERBS 18:24, MSG
Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?
He … who keeps his oath, even when it hurts.
PSALM 15:1,4, NIV