SERENA
I taught yoga in the Student Union building, one hour sessions, three times a week. It didn’t pay much, but it added enough to my scholarship funds that I could buy lunch occasionally and not stress about it.
Some days the class was packed, and those were the days I liked the least. I was getting paid to do something I loved, true, but having all of those expectant eyes on me, looking to me to lead the way, intimidated me to no end.
I was barely capable of running my own life. I wasn’t someone to be followed.
Friday afternoons tended to be smaller, and I was glad of that as I ran from my last class to the room where the yoga session was held. Kaylee was ecstatic about my decision to attend what she called ‘my first real college party,’ but I was tied in knots.
A roomful of people staring at me would send me over the edge, so I was relieved to find just one student waiting outside the locked door.
“Hi, Maddy.” I smiled, a real one, as I pulled the key out of my jeans pocket. The student waiting for me was a friend of Kaylee’s who showed up at least once a week. Her long dark hair was pulled back in a braid, which let me see the tattoos peeking out the neckline of her shirt.
Her ink reminded me of his, so seemingly uncharacteristic.
If I had to admit it, on him, it was sexy as hell. Not that it mattered, because he hadn’t even told me his name.
Maddy was already dressed for class, so I used the jury rigged change room—a curtain stretched across a corner— to slip from my jeans into yoga pants and a loose, long-sleeved grey T-shirt. When I emerged Maddy was still the only one there.
“Looks like it’s just us.” This suited me just fine, but when I smiled at the normally friendly other woman she simply nodded, her movement jerky.
“Right. Well. Let’s do this shit,” Maddy said abruptly.
I froze, slightly taken aback at her abruptness as she dropped down to the neon green mat she’d already laid out in the center of the room. When she looked back up at me I pretended I hadn’t been staring and slowly knelt onto my own mat, which was a utilitarian blue and looked dull next to Maddy’s vivid neon flowers.
“All right. The theme of today’s class is core strength. This refers to both the physical and emotional parts of our being.” Sitting back on my heels, I widened my knees and bent until my forehead touched the mat, stretching my arms out above my head. I inhaled, then slowly let the air out, trying to let the stress and nerves out with it.
“When you’re ready, we’ll take it into Child’s Pose.”
The nerves wouldn’t go.
I needed them to.
“Since it’s just the two of us, and I know you can handle it, I’m going to push things today. Okay?” I lifted my head just long enough to look at Maddy and catch her terse nod. We moved in synchronization into Downward-Facing Dog, warming our muscles, and I caught another look that seemed off from her.
I shook it off. I was probably just imagining it. Heaven knew I was in a weird head-space. I’d spent the last week obsessing about some stranger whose name I didn’t even know, and that night I was going to try to be a normal college student, something I wasn’t sure I believed was possible.
I took Maddy through a few more basic yoga postures, ones that I knew she could handle and that were second nature to me. My problems were starting to recede, but I needed more. I need my body to ache, my muscles to quiver, my entire being to be focused on what I was doing and nothing else.
“Let’s try the Crow Pose,” I suggested. I heard Maddy suck in a breath, but deliberately didn’t look at her. The Crow Pose was a difficult arm balance, one I was pretty sure she’d never tried before, but I thought she could handle it.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Dropping to a squat, I leaned forward slowly, pressing my palms flat to the floor. Inhaling deeply, I moved my weight to rest on my hands, slowly lifting my legs off the ground while keeping the squatting position.
My body trembled, but I held, and I felt a surge of triumph as I did. It had taken me a long time to become strong enough to hold postures like this, a long time to overcome the extra weight and lack of wellbeing with which I had deliberately surrounded myself in my teens.
Being able to do this on command now was a triumph, one that I never took for granted.
I held the posture until my body shook, sneaking glances at my student along the way. She was in the posture, but looked like she was about to wobble out of control. Her breathing was staccato, and she clearly wasn’t reaching the emotional state she should have been by this point.
Lowering myself back to my feet, I stood and made my way to her. I pressed a hand to the base of her spine and to the flat of her belly, my intention to guide her positioning, something that was common enough in a yoga class.
Though she said nothing, her body jerked in what seemed to be irritation, landing her back on her knees. I might have been imagining it, but I thought I saw a flicker of hostility in her eyes, followed by uncertainty.
I was taken aback, and leaned away, holding up my hands.
“Sorry.” I wasn’t going to protest—I, of all people, was sensitive to other people’s aversion to being touched. “I was just trying to help you position your spine. It will help you into the posture, and from there you can work on your breathing.”
Maddy looked up, looked right at me for a moment, and there was that hint of hostility again, but with it was a healthy dose of curiosity. I thought it was strange, given that Maddy was usually so friendly and that we normally had a good rapport, but still wasn’t sure what to make of it.
After an uneasy moment in which we simply stared at one another, she nodded jerkily, as if she had made up her mind about something.
“All right.” Her voice was still tight, but she nodded, assenting to my touch. “Again.”
I let her move into the posture, and only when she seemed somewhat sturdy did I adjust. Gratification washed over me when a grim smile creased her lips and her breath began to calm.
I moved back to my own mat, wiping my forehead with the back of my hand. I lay down and relaxed into Corpse Pose, the way that every class ended. I heard the movement when Maddy did the same, and again when she rose and began to gather her things.
I took longer, not sure what to make of her behavior during class. When I finally rose and began to roll up my own mat, I found her standing at the door, a long black pea coat over her yoga gear, her hands stuffed into her pockets.
“Thanks.” That was all she said before she left the room, and I found myself staring after her, puzzled, as I chugged from my water bottle.
Something was on her mind, and though I couldn’t have been sure, instinct told me it had something to do with me. I frowned as my mind instantly tried to take me back to the time when I had acted out in, what I now knew, was a plea for my mother to sit up and see what the hell was going on in my world.
Trying to hold on to the peace from my workout, I shook it off, then grabbed my own coat, a faded denim one that Kaylee threatened to burn at regular intervals.
Whatever was going on with Maddy, it was her problem and probably had nothing to do with me anyway. I might have been forced to learn survival lessons at far too young an age, but they would serve me well now.
Take care of myself. In the end, that was really all I could do.
“Ohmigod.” I stood at the edge of the Deke house grounds with Kaylee, my feet frozen in place as I stared at the scene before me.
The house was yellow, and was guarded by two stone lions, one of whom was missing an ear. Okay, that was fine. I could handle that. A table was set up along the stone walkway, and two guys in their letters, guys cute enough that I could already see Kaylee sizing them up, were taking cover charge. The fact that only the men were charged—the girls got in for free—was somewhat unnerving, but still... I thought I could deal with it.
The crush of people on the front porch, most of whom were holding red plastic cups, talking, laughing, was more worrisome.
What would I do if a person pressed against me in the crowd? If a stray hand brushed me where I didn’t want it? Would I scream? Would I freeze up?
Closing my eyes, I ground my teeth together while counting down from ten in my head. When I opened them again, I found Kaylee’s caramel eyes, outlined in vivid blue liner, assessing me empathetically.
“Serena, it’s just a party, okay?” Her voice was gentle, but I could see from the press of her lips together that she was trying to give me some tough love. “Just... just try to relax a bit, okay?”
I bit back the retort that was at the end of my tongue. Easy for her, I wanted to say. Easy for her, when she had no idea what lurked in my past.
But she had a point. If I wanted to break free of these chains that bound me, I needed to do it wholeheartedly.
“All right.” Finally I nodded, just the slightest jerk of my head. “Let’s get this over with.” A breeze raised the chill bumps on my arms, and I hugged them to my chest, missing the warmth of my flannel shirt.
That afternoon, I’d flatly refused the little purple dress that Kaylee had pulled from her closet and tried to get me into. She’d shrugged and put it on herself. She’d watched critically as I’d added mascara and a nude lip gloss, then pronounced myself ready.
I’d protested when she’d tried to tug my flannel shirt from my torso. After I’d all but stomped my foot, she’d rolled her eyes and allowed me to keep the jeans and the ribbed black tank top, but had pulled a sheer, cropped cardigan from her closet. Since I deliberately hid my upper arms at all times, I’d waited until her back was turned, then had slid off the flannel and put on the cardigan. She’d squealed with delight and added a matching pair of hoop earrings, claiming the turquoise made my eyes ‘pop.’
Now, as we walked up to the house, I felt naked all over again, with the eyes of frat boys assessing Kaylee and myself—mostly Kaylee.
“Don’t sound too excited.” My roommate’s voice was dry, and she arched an eyebrow at me. I bit my lip in return. I knew I was being a spoilsport. I just didn’t know how to act any differently.
Trying to make a joke of it, I scowled overdramatically. “I’m supposed to be excited? Isn’t this just an elaborate mating ritual in disguise?” I gestured with my head to the couple that occupied the sagging, faded red couch on the porch. She was straddling his lap, his hand was up her skirt, and they ground their pelvises together while slobbering wetly.
They were probably not the first ones to use that couch, and the thought of how many germs were probably on the worn velour had my gag reflex working.
Kaylee grinned. “Totally. That’s why we’re here.” Then, like a steamboat that I was chained to, she pulled me through the door and into the crowd so quickly that I didn’t even have time to panic.
She didn’t stop until we were at a table in the basement manned by more guys in Greek letters. They were ladling something neon red that smelled vaguely like cherries into those red plastic cups that everyone had.
“We’ll get you a drink. One of these and you’ll relax.” Kaylee shouted over the music, raising her hands in the air and doing a little shimmy. One of the frat boys hooted, and she winked at him saucily.
Truth was, it wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d expected. Kaylee had pulled me through the crowd so quickly that I hadn’t had time to panic, and even down here in the basement/party room, no one was in my space.
At least, not too much.
“Here.” Kaylee handed me one of the plastic cups. I sniffed at it, wrinkling my nose.
“What is it?” I took a tentative sip. It was sweet, flavoured with artificial fruit, and felt thick as maple syrup going down my throat.
“It’s just punch, Serena. It’s not going to bite you.” Tilting her head back, Kaylee drained half of her cup, then waved at someone over my head.
“I’m going to go say hi to Joel.” Joel was her on-again, off-again boyfriend, and they were still friends. “Okay? You’ll be okay?”
I felt myself begin to tense up, but fought to control it. I’d done the hard part—I was here. I had a drink in my hand.
I wasn’t going to latch on to Kaylee and ruin her good time.
I smiled, a curve of the lips that was at least half genuine. “Go!” I didn’t recognize the song that was playing, but I did know that it was loud. “I’ll be right here.” Then she was off, shimmying across the dance floor in her little purple dress, drawing attention with her long fall of red hair, her equally long legs, and her mile wide smile.
I stayed where I was, taking cautious sips from my cup, and wondered. Wondered what it would be like to be that carefree, that able to let go and have fun.
From the corner of my eye I saw Kaylee waving at me frantically. I frowned, not sure what she was trying to communicate with her flailing arms, eye winks, and wide grin.
Then I felt the heat behind me, and I suddenly knew.
“Hey.” The voice was low, and I felt the warmth of it against my ear. I thought that I would tense, but I knew it was him before I turned, having played that voice over and over in my head for the last week.
“American Lit Girl.” He smiled at me, that delicious wide smile on that chiselled face, and I felt something fluttery begin to move in the depths of my belly.
“I have a name, you know.” I lifted my cup for another small sip, though I didn’t actually want it. “Not that you asked for it.”
I flushed as soon as I’d spoken, wondering how on earth I’d gotten so bold. But he laughed, then pried the cup out of my fingers.
“I didn’t ask, Serena, because I already know it.” He leaned in to say this, close to my ear so that he could be heard without shouting.
A tremor ran through me. It occurred to me that I should possibly think that that was creepy, but it didn’t feel that way to me at all.
“How do you know my name?” Why had he even noticed me? No one noticed me, not anymore.
He arched his eyebrows at me. “I paid attention. Should I be hurt that you haven’t asked for mine?” I must have looked stricken, because he caught my hand in his and squeezed.
“I’m Alex.” He didn’t let go of my fingers, and I was acutely aware of the heat pulsing from his into mine.
“Um. Hi.” I wanted to smack myself. I was so socially inept. Kaylee had gotten all the charm in our dorm room.
“You don’t want to drink that. Trust me.” He took the cup from my hand and set it on a nearby table. He had to lean in close for me to hear him, and when he did I smelled shaving foam, soap, and the faintest hint of cologne.
"Maybe I wanted it." The flash of irritation I felt was burned away in a blast of heat when his eyes strayed to my breasts, outlined in the fitted tank top. He did it so quickly that I almost missed it... and rather than being offended I felt myself responding, licking my suddenly dry lips.
The feeling I'd had when we'd studied at Daily Grind... I was right. He was attracted to me.
There was no question that I felt the same way.
"That's almost pure booze. You drink that entire cup and you won't even remember your own name." His stare was so intense that my mouth went dry. I ran my tongue over my lips to moisten it, and his eyes followed the gesture.
"It doesn't taste like booze. It tastes like sugar." The artificial sweetness still coated my tongue.
"It's vodka with an insane amount of juice crystals. It's mixed with the specific purpose of getting girls drunk." He raised an eyebrow at me. "You didn't think it was that strong, did you? This frat has it down to a science."
"Oh." I should have been more concerned about the fact that I'd been sips away from losing control, but when he looked at me like that, I couldn't think. “Um... are you part of this frat?”
“No.” He snorted with derision, then shook his head. “All they do is party.”
“You’re at a party.” I arched an eyebrow, taking a careful sip of my drink. In return he cast me one of those devastating smiles.
“Only because I thought you might be here.”
Oh my God. My stomach did a slow roll, sending adrenaline coursing through my body.
"Dance?" Startled by the request, I looked quickly over at Kaylee. She was giving me a very unsubtle thumbs up, and with only that to bolster my courage, I nodded before I could over-think it.
Lacing his fingers through mine, he led me through the crush of people dancing to a song that seemed to be an ode to the plastic cups that everyone was drinking from.
He smiled at me when we found a space and he turned to face me. He kept his hold on my hand, but his other came to rest gently on the indentation of my waist. I had to swallow my gasp at the light press on my skin.
I'd been touched plenty, but never like this.
When he pressed those fingers into the dip of my waist a bit more firmly, I realized that I'd been standing still. I looked up at him wide eyed, feeling like a fish out of water.
The intensity in those navy eyes of his was my undoing. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let him lead me in a gentle sway as the upbeat song faded into something slower, with lyrics about loving someone until they learned to love themselves.
My pulse began to trip, pounding at the base of my throat, at my wrists.
Though his hands stayed on me, he didn't move any closer, didn't try to grind his pelvis into my own like so many of the others were doing. The fact that he didn't was more seductive than if he had. I soon forgot about trying to imitate the way the others danced, and moved the way he led me to. I was painfully aware of the thin ribbon of space between us, of the fact that one deep breath would bring the tips of my breasts against the solid muscles of his chest.
Not sure what to do with my free hand, I moved it into that sliver of room between us, splaying my fingers over his chest. He tensed beneath my fingers, and I looked up to find his eyes heavily lidded, his lips slightly parted.
What was going on with me? Something about this boy made me feel things I’d never thought I’d want.
The look told me that he wanted to kiss me. It told me that he wanted to do more. I felt the space between my legs dampen. For the first time in years, I wanted the same thing, wanted it for the right reasons.
I worried my lower lip with my teeth, and his eyes followed the movement. Swallowing hard, I tilted my chin up and angled my head, leaving myself open for a kiss that I found I desperately wanted.
It didn't come. Warily, I looked through my lashes. His expression matched how I felt, tight with inexplicable need. But though he released my fingers to splay his hand over my spine, and my free hand landed on his hard, wide shoulder, he didn't make a move to press his lips to mine.
The hand on my back began to move, slowly, lazily, tracing the angel wings of my shoulder blades, the curve of my spine. Everywhere his fingers trailed, I blazed with heat. Something hot and needy was coiling deep in my belly, something I'd never felt before and that I didn't know what to do with.
As the last notes of the song played, his pelvis grazed mine, and I shuddered when I felt his unmistakeable erection, the evidence that his body was feeling exactly the same way that I was.
ALEX
“Fuck.” I couldn’t quite hold back the curse as Serena’s gorgeous hips brushed against me. It hurt, physically hurt, to refrain from crushing her against me to increase the delicious friction.
Looking down into those sapphire blue eyes, looking at her pink tongue swiping over full lips, I knew that I could kiss her. I could tangle my fingers in those fuck-me waves of hair, could pull her off into a dark corner.
I could take her home with me. She’d let me. I hadn’t imagined that insane connection that pulled tight between us—no, we both knew it was there.
But if I did that, if I took her home, then that’s all this would ever be—sex. And while I was hornier than I could ever remember being in my life, this girl was special.
I wanted her to be mine. So I willed my cock to settle down, though there wasn’t a hope in hell of that happening, not when the song ended and Serena gave a delicious little shiver against me.
A fast song blared out over the final notes of the one we’d been dancing to, and we both stilled, gazes caught, the heated tension between us thick and seductive. And just this—this anticipation?
It was so much hotter than any of the actual sex I’d ever had.
"Do you have your cell on you?" Finally finding my tongue, I held out a hand for it, keeping one pressed lightly against her hips. The little wiggle she gave as she scrambled in the tight pocket of her jeans for the device had me swallowing a groan.
Her expression was lightly shuttered, unfathomable as I opened her contacts list and tapped in my information. I’d rather have gotten her number, so I could be reassured that this—whatever this was—would continue.
Something told me that it was important that the next move be up to her.
"Thanks for the dance, Serena." Bending, I allowed myself the sweet torment of my lips grazing the heated silk of her cheek. I tucked a strand of her hair behind one ear, and the movement had the sweet scent of her shampoo wafting out to tease my nostrils.
I wondered if she smelled that good all over.
When she smiled up at me, a real smile, I decided to push it just a bit further. Dipping down, I let my mouth graze the seashell of her ear.
"Next time we dance, we're going to be alone."
Her soft gasp, the widening of those eyes, punched straight through to my cock. Grinding my teeth to get myself back under control, I winked at her, then forced myself to turn and leave.
If I was limping a little because of my third leg, well, I could only hope it would be worth it in the end. But for tonight?
It was going to be a long, long night. A long night spent alone.
SERENA
I studied the entry in my cell for almost an hour before I went to bed, giddiness warring with reservation. I was relieved when Kaylee texted to tell me that she wouldn't be home until morning, because I knew that she would want details that I wasn't ready to give.
My sleep was fitful, haunted with images of red cups, seductive heat, and the suffocating scent of lavender. I woke with a headache, no doubt from the half cup of vodka syrup masquerading as punch that I'd drank before Alex had warned me off of it.
I looked at my phone again as soon as I woke, to make sure that it was real. The entry was still there, the number displayed under the name Alex Blackthorn.
He’d given me his number. That meant he wanted me to call.
I was only twenty-one, but I felt far older than that. I definitely felt too old to play games.
Before I could chicken out, I called.
"Hello?" Just the sound of his voice made my skin feel tight. A jolt of adrenaline shot through me. I hadn’t thought he would actually answer.
I cleared my throat, but my voice still sounded rusty.
"Um. This is... this is Serena. King. Serena King. From the... from American Lit." I almost said from the party, but somehow the night before didn’t seem quite real, despite the fact that his information was in my phone. I certainly hadn’t acted like myself and I wondered if he would still be interested now, in the light of day.
“I’m glad you called.” The words could have been smarmy, and would have been coming from anyone else. But here, with whatever this was between us, I heard the simple honesty behind them.
“Yes. I...” My voice trailed off. I hadn’t thought this through before calling. I didn’t know what to say. Hey, that dance last night was pretty sexy? But then he might get the wrong idea.
I remembered the feel of his hands on my back, and thought that maybe it was the right idea after all.
“I want to see you tonight.” His voice was husky.
My eyebrows rose in surprise. Apparently he didn’t want to play games either.
“That would be nice,” I said, and there it was again, that inexplicable connection between us, pulling tight even through the phone.
He cleared his throat. “Well, I should probably have said this first. I want to see you tonight, but I have plans.”
This irritated me. If he didn’t want to see me, he could just say so. He didn’t have to make up any elaborate excuses.
I opened my mouth to tell him so, but he cut me off.
“Are you allergic to any animals?” His question caught me completely off guard.
“Uh... no.” Weird question. “Not that I know of.”
“Would you like to come with me, then?” He sounded hopeful, and I was sure that I’d missed a step.
“Come with you where, exactly?” My tone sounded far more abrupt than I meant it to and I cringed. The last few years of my life had been spent trying to deter attention from the opposite sex, not attract it, and the habit was hard to break.
He laughed, somewhat sheepishly. “Oh, sorry. Got ahead of myself. I work at an animal shelter not too far from campus. Tonight I’m scheduled for playtime.”
“Playtime?” I shivered. Why did that sound so deliciously naughty?
“Animal playtime.” There was a thread of heat in his voice, and I blushed, certain he knew where my mind had strayed. “There’s a fenced-in dog run in the back of the shelter. Basically we take that night’s group out and play fetch for way longer than either of us want to.”
On my end of the call, I shut my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temple. He was the first guy I’d been attracted to in years... and he liked puppies.
I was a goner.
“If you don’t want to go get slobbered on, that’s totally cool.” He sounded sincere, and I could detect none of the macho coolness that so many guys used when they were feeling rejected or defensive. “It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”
“I love dogs.” The words escaped my mouth before I could even think them through. “This sounds great. I mean, if you really want me to go with you.”
“Oh, I want you.” The words were husky, and my fingers tightened on the cell. This time there was no mistaking the double entendre in his voice.
“G-good.” To my surprise, the space between my legs throbbed, and my nipples tightened. This guy had me tied up in knots, and we hadn’t even kissed yet.
“I’ll have to meet you there. I’m sorry, but I have a lab that runs late.” He gave me the directions, and I couldn’t help the zings of excitement.
This was a date. Sort of.
I hadn’t ever been on a date, not a real one.
“I’ll see you at eight, then. Wear old clothes.” As we arranged the details, I could almost convince myself that we weren’t anything but friends, that I’d misread everything.
That is, until he said goodbye.
“I’ll see you tonight, Serena.” His voice was husky. “I’m looking forward to it. A lot.”
Oh, and so was I.