SERENA
“This is the one.” Pulling one of the last remaining dresses in her closet from its hanger, Kaylee threw it across the room in my general direction, then dropped to her knees to hunt for matching shoes. “It’s perfect for you.”
I rolled my eyes in her direction before examining the garment that had landed in my lap. Navy blue and silky, it was knee length with a demure neckline. Very plain, and very much my style.
“This isn’t your usual style.” I pondered the dress, slightly miffed that Kaylee thought something so plain was ‘perfect’ for me.
“Turn it around.” She popped out of the closet long enough to grin at me, then went back to rummaging. She squealed when an avalanche of handbags fell from the top shelf.
I did as she requested. My mouth fell open when I saw that the back of the demure dress was nonexistent.
“Holy hell.” There weren’t even any straps to break up the nakedness. There was just... nothing. “No way.”
“Yes way.” Emerging from the closet with a pair of silver pumps and a matching evening bag in her hands, Kaylee blew her bangs out of her face. “He’s going to eat you up in that dress.”
He’s already eaten me up, I thought, and felt the resultant blush. I hid it behind an in depth examination of the dress, not wanting Kaylee to see and question the cause.
We were almost back to normal, the two of us, but weren’t quite there, not yet. If I mentioned my reservations about a relationship to her again, it would throw everything back off balance.
“It’s a... maybe.” I set the dress aside, then looked at the other pile of dresses that I hadn’t outright rejected. Sadly, this navy number was probably the most conservative.
“You don’t have time for anymore maybes.” Kaylee unzipped her makeup case and upended an enormous pile of shiny tubes and bottles onto her bed. “Two hours until you have to go. That’s just barely enough time to beautify you.”
“Gee, thanks.” I knew what she meant, but made a face at her regardless as she sorted through more wands of mascara than one girl could use in a year. In fact, it looked like she’d been collecting it for more than that, like since the start of freshman year, when we’d first met.
We were now sophomores. That was a lot of makeup.
“This one.” Tossing a tube labeled Supreme Extend on top of the silver pumps, Kaylee nodded with satisfaction. “By the way, I got you a present.”
Her attention now occupied with lipstick, she nodded in the direction of a bag that sat on her bedside table. The pink and white stripes and familiar logo of a major lingerie chain made me raise my eyebrows.
I bought my cotton panties there whenever they happened to be on sale. I was pretty sure that whatever was in this bag was going to be so far out of my comfort zone, that it was right in Kaylee’s.
“Good God.” I took the tissue paper parcel from the bag, opened it and recoiled. Pulling out the scrap of electric blue lace, I hooked it off one of my fingers and shook it at Kaylee.
“What the hell is this?” I had a pretty good idea.
“It’s a thong. Duh.” Having pulled out the items she wanted to use, Kaylee left the rest behind in a giant metallic mountain. A large handful fell when she rose to plug in her curling iron, and I winced as they hit the floor and scattered.
“I don’t need a thong. I’m not wearing that.” If anyone else but Kaylee had given this to me, I would have been mortified. As if was, I simply squirmed with discomfort. “Not all of us like flossing our asses, thanks very much.”
“If you don’t wear it you’re going to have panty lines in that dress.” This was tossed over her shoulder at me as she opened up yet another bag, this time full of jewelry.
I frowned at the scrap of fabric that was masquerading as underpants. Panty lines weren’t something that I thought about with the blue jeans that I wore every day.
“I don’t even know if I’m going.” I gingerly laid the scrap of lace on top of the backless dress, then scowled at Kaylee.
“You’re dating the guy. Of course you’re going.” Though she couldn’t have known the importance behind her words, I felt the weight of them.
“I’m not dating him.” I said carefully, reaching for my hairbrush just to have something to do with my hands. “He just needed a date.”
“Serena.” Kaylee turned and, though her tone was light, her face was serious. “You know what he looks like, right?”
“Yeah, I’ve looked at him a time or two.” I furrowed my brow. I had no idea what she was getting at.
“He’s gorgeous. He’s athletic. He’s nice. Right?” Kaylee crossed the room and perched on the edge of her bed. Setting her hands on her knees, she looked me in the eye.
“Yes.” I stretched the word out. “He’s hot. We’ve established this. I’m assuming there’s a point in here somewhere.”
“He’s hot, and you want him.” She spoke quietly, as if to make sure that I listened. “So stop running, and do something about it.”
SERENA
I fidgeted as I stood outside the hall where the fundraiser was taking place. Well-dressed people passed me in pairs and in groups, and they all seemed to know one another.
I was the only one alone, and in my borrowed dress and shoes I felt incredibly self-conscious.
I had given in to Kaylee’s nagging about the thong, too, and that just added to my discomfort.
I resisted the urge to pull my phone from my bag and check the time. It had been my own stubbornness that had me insisting on meeting Alex here rather than letting him pick me up.
I had acquiesced to the date, but I wasn’t going to make it easy on myself.
“Serena.” By this point I would have recognized that husky voice that I heard from behind me anywhere. I whirled, a breeze catching the edges of my skirt. There he was, looking like something straight out of a movie.
My pulse stalled, then began to beat double time. My pink painted mouth fell open.
He was dressed up, like I was, and... wow. Just wow.
He was wearing the hell out of that black suit.
“Wow.” He said the word I was thinking as he climbed the last of the stairs and took my hand. Lifting it above my head, he whistled as he twirled me around in a circle. The sound cut off abruptly when he got a glimpse of my naked back.
Mouth dry, I licked my lips and looked back over my shoulder shyly. When his eyes met mine they told me that he wanted nothing more than to get me the hell out of this dress and back into his bed.
“Are you trying to drive me crazy?” He pressed a finger to the base of my neck, then trailed it down my back, tracing my spine. I moved restlessly beneath the touch, my skin heating in a path that followed his hand.
Just that simple touch made my nipples tighten, had heat surging between my legs.
It was going to be a long night.
“It’s Kaylee’s dress. My roommate.” My voice didn’t even sound like my own, it was so tight with longing. “Believe it or not, it was the most conservative thing she owns.”
Alex’s finger paused at the very base of my spine, the silky skin where my back ended. His touch lingered there for a long moment before he wrapped an arm around me, squeezing once.
“Thank heavens for Kaylee.” His voice was full of worship, and I couldn’t help but laugh, the anxiety of the last few hours easing.
As always, he made all of the bad things go away.
“Would you like a drink?” Alex gave our tickets to the woman who sat at a table just inside the main entryway. Though she looked to be in at least her early thirties, her eyes looked him up and down slowly, then flicked to me with just the barest hint of derision.
I ignored it. His arm was around me, after all.
“Um. Sure.” He nipped a flute of sparkling wine off of a tray that was held by a waiter circling the room, and presented it to me with a flourish.
“None for you?” My mouth was still dry from his touch, and I sipped at the wine to ease the discomfort.
He shook his head, his gaze fixed on my lips as I sipped.
“If I drink, my liver gets preoccupied with getting the booze out of my system, instead of regulating my blood sugar.” He shrugged, as if it was no big deal to him, and I was surprised all over again that he took his diabetes in stride so well. “I can get really low blood sugar that way, can pass out from it. Since people who drink pass out too, it’s really easy to confuse the two and not get the right treatment. That’s always scared me, so I just don’t.”
“There’s something that scares you?” I tried to make my tone teasing, but I was in awe of the way he just... I didn’t even know the word to use. He just handled all of the shit that life threw at him, bulldozing his way through it as if there was no other option.
It blew me away.
“On the other hand...” Alex splayed a hand flat on my back and pulled me in close to him, twining his fingers with mine around the glass flute. “I wouldn’t mind just a taste.”
My breath stopped when he urged the glass up to my lips for another sip. Before I could swallow, he pressed his mouth to mine, his tongue sliding between my lips, tasting the wine.
I was breathless and aroused when he pulled back, a smirk on his lips.
“Best wine I’ve ever had.”
I had no response for that, so I simply shook my head and looked down at my feet in their silvery shoes.
I frowned when a pair of bright red spike heels came running into my view, accompanied by long, shapely legs and a squealing voice.
“Alex!” The voice squealed. I looked up in time to see an insanely gorgeous girl dressed in a fire engine red excuse for a dress fling herself into my date’s arms. To my amazement, he grinned and hugged her back, not seeming to notice when her breasts—her very large breasts—brushed his forearm.
“Hey, Georgeanne.” They grinned at each other for a long moment while I dealt with my first feelings of jealousy.
Who the hell was this raven haired vixen and, more importantly, why were she and Alex all over one another?
For the first time, I understood the urge to pour a drink over another person’s head.
Alex turned, caught my expression, and hastily began extricating himself from the brunette’s limbs.
“Georgie, this is Serena King. My date.” The brunette turned and, seeing me with my red cheeks and scowl, grimaced.
“Sorry, bro.” Smoothing down the dress that she’d rumpled in their embrace, she extended her hand for me to shake. “Awesome to meet you, Serena. Wow. Alex never brings anyone—”
“Georgeanne was my foster sister when I was sixteen.” Alex glared at the other woman with—now that I knew I could see it—an expression that siblings usually reserved for one another. It was clear that he didn’t want her spilling any details about him to me. “And she still likes to play the role of big sister, even now that she’s reached the ripe old age of twenty-four.”
Georgeanne rolled her eyes at Alex, then rose up on her tiptoes to scan the crowd. She waved enthusiastically at someone, gesturing them over, before turning back to Alex.
“Who are you waving at?” Alex scowled as if he didn’t like what he’d seen.
“No one. Just Tripp.” Georgeanne became very interested in the sparkly polish on her nails as Alex observed her blush, then glowered.
“Tripp? Like, Tripp Tripp?” Alex asked.
I was painfully aware that I’d stumbled into some kind of family dynamic. I had no idea how to play my part in it, since my own family was so very screwed up, so I stood there silent, letting the scene before me unfold.
“What’s going on with you and Tripp?” Alex barely got the words out of his mouth before Georgeanne had laced her arm through his again. This time I was more puzzled than jealous.
“Let’s dance, Allie!” Ignoring the scowl Alex cast her way over the nickname, Georgeanne winked at me as she pulled him onto the dance floor, clearly trying to divert him from the topic at hand. He looked like he was about to refuse, but I smiled and gestured for him to go.
Georgeanne was yet another facet of Alex to puzzle over. No wonder he had me tied up in knots.
“Rude of him to leave you here alone.” The voice came from directly behind me. I jolted far more than the surprise called for, wine sloshing over the edge of my glass to spill, sticky and sweet, onto my hand.
I whirled, my heart in my throat, half expecting to see him. Instead I found a nice looking man in his early thirties, with short brown hair, twinkly blue eyes and laugh lines around his mouth.
“I’m sorry.” He held his hands up, palms out, to show me he meant no harm. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s okay.” I resisted the urge to wipe the wine from my hand with the skirt of Kaylee’s dress, shaking the droplets off instead.
It really wasn’t okay, though. It didn’t matter how nice he looked, I didn’t much care for strange men.
“I’m Tripp.” He said carefully, extending a hand for me to shake. “I’m Alex’s... friend.”
I stared at him before gingerly accepting his hand, not caring that he probably thought I was a weirdo.
He had Sponge Bob Squarepants on his tie.
How dangerous could he be?
“Ah, my point in coming over here was to tell you that I taught Alex better than to leave his date alone. Also to ask you to dance while he lectures my date.” The way Tripp’s eyes lingered on Georgeanne was impossible to miss, and I found myself more confused than ever.
Georgeanne had been Alex’s foster sister. Tripp said he was Alex’s friend, and yet the way he spoke of him sounded more like a father figure, though he couldn’t have had more than a decade on Alex. Georgeanne and Tripp were clearly together, though Alex was unhappy enough about that to forget his manners and leave me alone, something I was certain he would never do under normal circumstances.
My head spun from all of the connections that I didn’t understand.
It took a moment before I realized that Tripp was watching me with eyebrows slightly raised. Belatedly, I realized that I hadn’t answered his question.
“Oh. Um. Yes. I’ll—I’ll dance.” I’ll try is what I added in my head.
“It’s nice to finally meet a... friend... of Alex’s.” Tripp said quietly. I tried not to stiffen when he placed his hand on my elbow to guide me to the dance floor.
It’s just a dance, I reminded myself, even as my pulse sped up in a way entirely different from the way it did when Alex touched me. He has to touch you to dance with you.
“Oh?” My tone was light as Tripp faced me on the dance floor, but inside I was freaking out. When he placed one hand on my waist, took my fingers with his other, I had to try hard not to flinch away.
It was right at that moment that I appreciated how truly unique the connection between Alex and I was. He might have been the first man I’d let touch me since I’d made the decision to stop giving in to every boy who asked, but that didn’t mean that it would have been this way with anyone.
Tripp seemed nice enough, but I wanted his hands off of me. I tried to be subtle as I scanned the room for Alex, wanting nothing more than to be safe in his arms.
“He never brings anyone to these functions. Never brings anyone anytime I see him, actually.” Tripp’s voice was curious. I could tell that he was scanning my face, trying to get a read on what exactly Alex and I were to each other.
I couldn’t have told him, because I didn’t know myself. But I couldn’t deny that I was insanely happy to hear that I was the first girl he’d ever brought around.
“Excuse me.” Alex. I turned my head, orienting myself to the voice as soon as I heard it. There—there he was. He’d danced Georgeanne over so that they were side-by-side with Tripp and I. “Wanna trade?”
Though Tripp winked at me, it was clear that he was only too happy to have Georgeanne back in his arms. As for me... I couldn’t stop my lower lip from trembling a bit as Alex studied me, then held open his arms. I moved into them gladly, going so far as to rest my head on his chest.
“I’m sorry.” His hands stroked over my back, but this time the gesture one of comfort, not seduction. “I was distracted by the news that Georgeanne and Tripp are dating. I should never have left you alone.”
“It’s okay now.” I inhaled deeply, savouring his smell through his dress shirt. My own words to Kaylee from earlier that day played back through my head as I did.
We’re not dating. It’s just a one-time thing.
Whatever I called it, I craved this connection more than I wanted my next breath.
“You know, Tripp’s a good guy.” Alex spoke quietly. I looked up, saw the lines of worry around Alex’s eyes. He was worried about me, I realized—worried, I was sure about the reason that I would be upset by the most benign of touches by another man. “He’s looked after me for six years. Kept me out of trouble. Even hooked me up with a sweet deal on my apartment, so I didn’t have to live in the dorms.”
Alex was trying to put me at ease. I had to tell him something, and I couldn’t lie.
“I don’t know why I’m so comfortable with you,” I started, fisting my hands in the fabric of his suit jacket. “Because I... I don’t like it when men touch me. At all.”
I’d never liked it, not even when I’d invited it from every boy who looked at me twice.
“I know.” He spoke simple. I knew that he did. He saw my flaws, my neuroses and my quirks.
He liked me anyway.
“Georgeanne is very beautiful.” I wasn’t jealous, not after what I’d seen of their relationship, but I wanted to see his reaction to my comment.
He arched his eyebrows as he looked down at me, and I knew that I hadn’t fooled him even a bit.
“Georgeanne was my foster sister when I was sixteen. She was almost eighteen, and counting down the days until she got out.” Shutters closed over his eyes, and I clenched my fist, where I still held on to his suit jacket.
I wanted to smooth away the furrow in his brow that this line of questioning had brought on.
I wondered if that was how he felt about me.
“The place we lived—it wasn’t good.” His lips pressed tightly together, and I sucked in a breath. I was sure that this story, or part of it anyways, would explain his scars.
He didn’t mention them, and I couldn’t ask.
“She was already there when I arrived. We hit it off right away, and she made the hell a little more bearable.”
I wasn’t used to seeing him vulnerable. I had no idea what to say, and so I kept silent.
“She left on her eighteenth birthday, and I couldn’t blame her. I was planning to do the same. We kept in touch.” His eyes cut to me, and the coldness I saw in the pale blue depths stunned me to the core. “She’s like my sister, because we survived the same thing.”
“You... you were in foster care until you were eighteen?” That would mean he’d only been out for four years.
“No.” His voice was curt, though his hands on my skin were still warm. “Tripp got me out later that year.”
Frowning, I waited, certain he was going to tell me more. What did Tripp have to do with it?
He didn’t say anything else, didn’t share anymore of his story. I wanted to be hurt, since it felt almost as if he didn’t trust me.
I was the last person in the world who could complain about someone keeping secrets.
“Come on. Lighten up.” The tense moment was over, and when he slid his hands over my back again, I felt the surge of heat that always came over me when he touched me. “We’re here to have fun.”
The music changed then from the slow, classy instrumental to a fun dance number. I tried to beg off, but Alex wouldn’t hear of it, coaxing until I agreed to dance, saying that it would be fun.
To my surprise, it was. We danced to that song, and to the next one, and the one after that. Tripp and Georgeanne joined us, and as long as Alex was with me, I wasn’t afraid.
We danced until I was out of breath and sweat slicked my skin. Along the way I drank another two glasses of the sweet sparkling wine, not enough to get drunk, but enough to make me relax.
When I finally collapsed against Alex at the start of the next slow song, I realized that it was the first time in years that I’d been able to have fun like I was... well, like I was a twenty-one year old girl with her life ahead of her.
“I love seeing you like this.” Alex’s voice was husky. I felt his fingers toying with the silk that met the naked skin of my back. He slipped one finger inside and stroked over the hot, tight skin that he found there.
Though only moments before I’d had nothing on my mind but fun, I was instantly, insanely aroused.
“Like what?” My lids were at half-mast when I looked up at him. God, but he was beautiful.
“When you let go.”
The hand not teasing beneath the silk slid over my hip, grazed the curve of my ass. Heat and wet rushed to the space between my legs.
I wanted him.
Why couldn’t I have him?
“Do you want to get out of here?” He looked at me like I was the only woman in the world.
Unable to find the words, I nodded. My heart hammered viciously against my ribcage as I realized what my nod meant.
Alex’s fingers twined with mine as he guided me off the dance floor. Neither Tripp nor Georgeanne seemed to notice as we left, they were so wrapped up in each other. Alex was so intent on me that he no longer seemed to care what was going on between them.
The hall outside the room where the party was being held was empty, and the sound of my high heels echoed loudly as I walked.
Then I found myself in Alex’s arms, my back to the wall, the chill of the stone pulling at the naked skin of my back.
His lips were on mine, and he was kissing me as if he never wanted to stop.
I kissed him back, twining my arms around him, not caring that anyone who walked into the hall would see us. I was too far gone for that.
If we’d been alone... if we’d been alone I would have let him take me all the way. But we weren’t, so I settled for what we could do.
“Serena.” Alex’s voice was a rasp as his hand found my breast. The strapless bra that I wore didn’t offer much in the way of support and I felt his touch as much as I would have if he was caressing my naked flesh.
I arched into him, rocking my pelvis against his, desperate for more.
Desperate for it all.
He worked his knee between my legs, then swallowed my gasp when he braced his leg so that I rode his thigh. I had the friction of his leg riding between my thighs, I could feel need tightening inside of me, and then a sensation unlike anything I’d ever felt rolled through me, making me gasp with pleasure.
I came moaning his name, the sound swallowed by the cavernous, empty hall. He seemed to savour my reaction to his touch, whispering my name over and over as he buried his face in my hair.
I sagged into him as the last ripples of pleasure melted through my flesh.
“Serena,” He said again, pressing a kiss to the hollow of my throat.
My surroundings began to filter back in and as they did, I found myself stiffening, despite... because... I’d so badly wanted what had just happened.
What kind of girl was I to lose control like that in a public place, with a boy I’d known for only a few weeks?
I was a dirty girl, just like Felicity had told me over and over again, when I’d found solace in the arms of any boy who would have me.
Mother was always right.
ALEX
What the hell had just happened?
One minute Serena had been melting in my arms—and I’d been sure to be extra careful with her, because I knew that she had demons she hadn’t told me about yet.
She’d been lost in me—we’d been lost in each other. And then with no warning she’d all but reeled like she’d been punched.
“Serena...” I reached for her, but she slipped out of my arms and down the hall. My mind was still fogged from the intensity of what had just happened, and she was out the front door before I could even move.
Bekki was a lot less trouble than this one. There was the little devil on my shoulder, the one who, in my teens, had always urged me to self-destruct.
“Yep.” I muttered to myself.
Bekki had been a lot less trouble. She’d just been a lot less in general.
I wanted to chase right after Serena, to make things okay for her before another second passed. Since she clearly needed some space, I forced myself to follow her down the hall slowly. I grabbed a bottle of water from a passing waiter, thinking she might want it.
I could almost hear the clock ticking in my mind. One minute. Two.
Then I couldn’t wait any longer. She was upset... but I wanted her to know that she didn’t have to be upset alone.
Not anymore.
SERENA
“Serena!”
The brick of the building scraped the naked skin of my back as I sagged against it, abrading the skin.
I didn’t care. Clenching fists that were damp with sweat in the skirt of my dress, I gulped great mouthfuls of air, and still couldn’t seem to catch my breath.
“Serena.” Alex appeared around the corner, his dark hair standing on end. I eyed him warily, clutching a hand to my throat, my skin flushing the red of mortification.
It wasn’t his fault I’d freaked out, so there was no point in being mad at him. But I didn’t want him there because it hurt to look at him, knowing that no way was he going to stick around after the stunt I’d just pulled.
Silently he made his way to where I stood, a quivering, shaking mess. He handed me a bottle of water, and though I hesitated, I took it, my fingertips smudging the condensation that frosted the plastic.
The water was wet and cool on my dry throat, but did nothing to wash away the sense of shame.
I waited for him to question why I’d ran, or to ask what was wrong with me. Instead he leaned back against the wall beside me, hands in his pockets casually, seemingly content to just be with me until I got a grip on myself.
He was too good to be true. Clearly he didn’t understand the depth of what was wrong with me.
“What kind of girl am I, to lose control like that?” My words were strained as finally I turned and looked up at him. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt like I might explode.
His expression darkened, and I thought, this is it. He’s done.
Instead he reached out to cup my cheek, his thumb grazing my cheekbone. His expression was serious, and his words were fierce.
“Liking what we did is not wrong.” I just stared. I didn’t feel capable of responding.
He didn’t know. He couldn’t understand how warped my view of sex was.
“But I shouldn’t have pushed you. I should have known you weren’t ready. It’s my fault.” His fingers tightened momentarily on my skin, as if a surge of feeling that he couldn’t control had passed through him.
“No.” My voice sounded like shards of glass had ripped through it. “No. I.. I wanted it.”
I wanted to bury my face in my hands—how could I explain?
“I just... I’ve never...” A shudder worked through me. “I’ve never felt... like that. I wasn’t expecting it.”
“I see.” The tone in his voice was unidentifiable. I could feel his eyes on me, assessing me, even as I stared down at the sparkles on my borrowed shoes.
I’d never had an orgasm before, not even by myself. I’d never wanted to like sex, not with the boys I’d used to fill me up, certainly not with him.
He had told me that he would make me like it, over and over again. I’d been determined to prove him wrong, even years later.
But Alex changed everything. I opened my mouth, wishing I could explain all of this to him. But I didn’t want to scare away with my demons.
I wanted him to stay.
“Have you ever boxed?” He asked abruptly. Startled by the seemingly random question, I looked into his face. I thought I detected banked rage in those night dark eyes, but I didn’t think it was directed at me.
“Boxed? Like... hitting a punching bag?” My blunt description startled a laugh out of him, and he scrubbed his hands over his face before settling them on me again.
“Yeah, I guess that’s the long and short of it. Put on padded gloves and beat the hell out of a punching bag.” He smiled, showing a boy’s appreciation for the sport. “Tripp got me into it when I... when we met. I have a bag set up in my spare room. I’ll show you how sometime.”
I couldn’t believe that, even after everything, he still wasn’t running. I was too tired to question why. I took another sip from the water bottle, then handed it back to him.
“I’d like that.” Moments before I leaned back against the cold brick again, I felt him drape something heavy—his suit jacket—around my shoulders.
“Serena?”
“Hmm.” I closed my eyes and unashamedly inhaled his scent, which clung to the smooth fabric.
“You didn’t lose control.”
Warily, I opened my eyes, and tilted my head so that I could see his face.
The emotion that I saw there made my heart skip. The words that followed were my undoing.
“You didn’t lose control. You just gave it to me for a little while.”