I sat in the dingy room in County Hall, waiting for someone from the EDT to come and speak with me. It had that musty, damp smell, and the walls looked like they hadn’t seen a new lick of paint in at least a decade. All the old case files on Carly had been pulled out, so there was a huge pile of reports in front of me, including a chronology that had all the key dates in her life highlighted. Even sitting back in my chair, I could already see the date I didn’t want to remember.
Rhys on the floor, leaning over his brother. Timmy, lifeless, his blood staining the carpet around him. Me dragging Rhys from the body, pressing my fingers to Timmy’s neck to check for a pulse. Rhys staggering, blood flowing from his own wrists. Ripping off my cardigan and staunching the blood while screaming for help, hoping I could save at least one of those boys’ lives.
I was jolted back to the present as a bubbly, red-haired woman with large earrings came through, clutching yet more files. She stank of cigarettes.
“Hello, you must be Suzanne. I’m Ellie. Good to meet you.” She dumped the files on the table and held out her hand to meet mine. “Thanks for coming in.”
She spoke so cheerily that I assumed she didn’t know about my circumstances, but I could have been wrong. Perhaps she was just one of those with a constant happy disposition. They liked them in social work — it made a difference from the miserable, worn-out look most of us acquired.
“You sure you don’t want a coffee?” she asked as she sat down with her own “Little Miss Sunshine” Mr Men mug.
“No, thanks. I’m fine.”
“Okay, so,” Ellie pulled up a chair and sat down, rifling through the documents with her long, turquoise-painted nails. “As you know, Carly’s missing. She seems to be being quite clever about it — as opposed to quite a lot of our little care runaways, bless them — she’s not using her mobile or Facebook or anything.”
“Carly’s a smart girl.”
“So, why do you think she’s done a runner? She’s been in that placement for a couple of years now, and it all seemed quite stable. I know the history with her brothers, of course — terrible — so naturally she’d be a high-risk runaway back then. But, now? She was applying to college and all that. It doesn’t make much sense.”
I gazed down at my fingers. “I’m pretty sure I know why.”
Ellie’s eyebrows raised. “Go on.”
“Before I had to take time off, I went to see Carly. She was missing her brother, Rhys, and wanted contact with him.”
“Did she need approval to do that?” Ellie looked confused.
I shook my head. “No, Rhys is an adult now, and there are no restrictions in place or anything, but she couldn’t get hold of him. The last I heard Rhys had gone a bit, uh, off the rails, shall we say. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s caught up with a bad lot and doesn’t want to see Carly.”
“To keep her away from it all,” Ellie said, nodding along.
“Exactly. But he’s the only family she has left, and she was pretty insistent. I’d promised to look up his last address on the system, but I never got the chance. I suggested she ring up and ask the duty social worker to do it, but I don’t know if that ever happened.”
“I don’t think so,” said Ellie, scrolling through the recent notes on the Norfolk County Council laptop. “Unless it did, and no one recorded it, which is quite possible, considering how understaffed they all are.”
I nodded, wondering if that was a little dig at me being one of the many staff off sick with stress. “So, if she did track down his address, I’m sure that’s where she is. In which case I’d be quite worried, in case he is involved with a bad lot. She’s been through enough.”
“Okay,” Ellie scribbled down notes. “Do you have any other information that won’t be in the records?”
I paused for a moment, then nodded. “Yes. She contacted me on the day she went missing. That’s when I suggested she ask a colleague. But that won’t be recorded, as it’s since I went off sick and was on my personal phone.”
Ellie’s eyes bulged in surprise. “Why on earth does she have your personal number?” Her voice had taken a sudden accusatory tone. For such a cheery person at first sight, she was quick to turn.
“It was by accident. Ages ago, I didn’t have my work phone, and I needed to discuss something with her. I called her on it, thinking she wouldn’t even pay attention to the number, but she must have saved it as an alternative number for me.”
“Hmm, so she knew she could always get hold of you one way or another,” Ellie smiled, revealing yellow-stained teeth. “Smart girl, indeed. Have you tried contacting her from that number?”
“Of course. I tried as soon as I heard the news from Hilary. But it’s going straight to voicemail. Her phone must have died by now.” My foot started tapping repetitively on the floor. Had they called me sooner, I might have been able to get through on my personal phone before hers died. At least I’d know she was safe, even if she didn’t tell me where she was.
Ellie started coughing, a spluttering smoker’s cough. “Apologies,” she said as she held up one hand and covered her mouth with the other. “In general, how is Carly’s mental health? Should we be concerned in that sense? I ask because she’s just turned fifteen — the age Timmy was when he–”
“I know.” I dug my fingernails into my palms as I spoke, the brutal images of Timmy on the floor still fresh in my mind. “I don’t think she’d make an attempt on her life — at least, I hope not. When Timmy did, it was a pact with Rhys to get my attention, to show me how unhappy they were in foster care.” I winced as the image of Timmy’s lifeless eyes hung in my mind. “Sorry, could I get some water, please?”
Half an hour later, Ellie had set me up on a spare laptop. Fortunately, my log was still active despite my sick leave. It didn’t take long before I was back on the old CareFirst system, something which two weeks before I had spent most of my time moaning about. It was the central database that all Norfolk Social Services used for keeping records, placing alerts. It felt both strange and natural to be clicking away at it again.
I typed RHYS DANNOT and waited for his file to come to life. His name was greyed out, showing that he was no longer active to Children’s Services. I scribbled down his last known address, praying it was accurate.
I should have just clicked out, there and then. Gone to find Ellie with the address and headed off to Grove Road. But I had the records in front of me, and I couldn’t resist the temptation to read more. It was like the urge to scratch off a scab, knowing the end result wouldn’t be good.
Rhys continues to present as a severely depressed young man. He is struggling with the loss of his brother and remains at high risk of suicide. Referral to be made to the Children & Adolescent Mental Health team urgently (CAMHT).
It has been six months since Rhys lost his younger brother. He remains deeply troubled, and the foster carers believe he is showing signs of falling into a psychotic episode. He continues to refuse to attend his meetings at CAMHT.
Rhys is showing a lot of risk-taking behaviour. He is known to be using recreational drugs and has been caught shoplifting on several occasions. He has received his final caution from the police.
Rhys was involved in an assault on a passerby in Norwich City Centre yesterday. He shows no remorse for his actions. Police are pressing charges.
Nauseous saliva built in my mouth. Rhys’ life had spiralled out of control. He’d gone from a cheeky but bright teenager to a complete wreck. Despite myself, I read on.
Rhys’ foster placement has broken down, following an attempt to set fire to his bedroom. He is still in the process of being formally charged by police, likely to face custodial sentence. In the meantime, Rhys to be set up in supported living, as deemed too high a risk within a foster placement with other children.
Rhys is now in supported living, but does not appear to be coping well with independence. Social worker has suggested he work with the transitions team once he turns eighteen; however, he has declined this service. Case to be closed to CIN City & South team following his birthday next week.
Transitions team attempted visit, no answer.
Transitions team attempted visit, no answer.
Transitions team attempted final visit, no answer. Case closed to transitions team.
That was it. Case closed. Anyone could see that Rhys was on the fast track to breakdown, but he’d been shrugged off, with too many other kids to worry about. Tears prickled in my eyes. There was no getting away from it; I’d ruined his life, as well as Timmy’s. Now I just had to hope that I hadn’t also ruined Carly’s. God knows what I’d done to Teigan’s. I shook it from my mind — I couldn’t think about that right now.
I logged out and picked up the paper with his address, ready to take it to Ellie. As I went to stand, my phone started vibrating in my pocket against my leg. I dug my hand into my jeans and pulled it out. It was a private number.
“Hello?” My voice was urgent, panicked. “Who is this?”
“Ms Walker, DS Clarke here.”
I froze. “Is there news?”
“I think you probably have already heard the news, actually.”
My heart starting thumping so loudly I could feel it in my ears. I said nothing, terrified of incriminating myself.
“Monty Shepherd?” DS Clarke prompted. “The guy you paid Nancy Thompson to write trash about?”
“I … I didn’t do that.”
“Don’t lie, Ms Walker, we know you did. And I know you probably already know he’s dead.”
I sat back down, gripping the seat of the chair with my fingers. “Did you find anything? In his place?”
“No, his place was clean. As was he. He had nothing to do with Teigan’s disappearance, Ms Walker. And now he’s killed himself, and that’s on you.” He sounded so different, his voice hard and cruel. I swallowed down the bile as he spoke again. “I have another question for you. Your sister, Steph. Why didn’t you tell us about her?”
I closed my eyes and swore to myself. It was only a matter of time before he found out I’d lied. My heart was racing — I needed to say something. “I, uh, barely ever see her — I just didn’t think it was important.”
“So, you denied her existence completely? Sounds like someone who’s trying to hide something to me.”
I gulped. “I’m not — I haven’t got anything to hide.”
“Sure you don’t. You need to listen carefully, Ms Walker, because I’m only going to say this once. You’re hiding something, and it’s only a matter of time before we figure it out.” He softened his voice slightly, playing his next tactic. “Now, I think something has happened in a moment of chaos, and you’ve made a mistake. It happens. But what you need to do now is the right thing. Do you understand?”
The blood was pounding through every part of me now, my heartbeat even in my fingertips. “Yes.”
“So, do you have anything you want to tell me, Ms Walker?”
It crept up inside me, what I’d discovered about that morning, what had happened all those years ago. My eyes darted to Carly’s case file and the address in my hand.
“No,” I said. “Nothing.”
I heard his disappointment through the phone. “The truth always comes out in the end, Ms Walker. Remember that.”