CHAPTER 32 Back Talk

When I entered my bedroom, the window was open to the breeze and the floor had been scrubbed of my waste, the awful odor replaced by the scent of the lavender flowers in the vase beside my bed. July must have heard my footsteps, because she knocked on the door the second I closed it behind me.

“Miss Pheby, ready for a bath?”

“No.”

I could see through her eyes my disheveled appearance. “It is hot and ready.”

“Tell Abbie I said for her to get in.”

She tilted her head. “Your bath, ma’am?”

I nodded.

“What if Marse returns?”

“Keep watch. Hurry on before the water becomes tepid.”

July closed the door behind her. The stew had given me a sounder head. From the window, I stared out at the courtyard. I could not see the garret room from my view, but I thought about Essex. His back needed a fresh layer of salve. Clarence would be watching the jail, but at this point what else did I have to lose? I decided to wait until the cover of night before making my move to see him.

To pass the time, I pulled up the floorboard and removed my diary. The pages swelled with my note keeping. So many names collected, so many lives affected. Many stories I remembered without reading. There was Susan, who had come with a broken toe. Her master had smashed it with a hammer when she had refused his affection. I boiled comfrey leaves, mixed them with vegetable oil to make a poultice for her, then wrapped it in a clean cloth. I found a big pair of shoes for her to walk in to give her foot room to heal.

Little Hally arrived too young to receive a man, but her beauty astounded. She fetched the price of a full woman. I remembered hugging sweet Hally to my breast before letting her go, and did not sleep for many nights fretting over her fate. Chubby-cheeked Ginny giggled after every word she said. She was childlike in a curvy body. My little Joan took to Ginny right away, and Ginny turned out to be one of the few people who could hold Joan without her making a fuss. Nancy had a twin brother named Cudjoe who was locked up with the men in the jail. Nancy could not bear being separated from him and was the only girl who ever tried to run. She did not make it as far as the middle of the courtyard before she was clubbed over the head and dragged back to me. I iced her bruises down and let her sip from the brown jar. She recovered in the kitchen house for four days before being sold to the highest bidder. Cudjoe went to someone else.

When I flipped to the front of the diary I could hear Mama’s voice whispering in my ear. Her recipes read like a love letter to me. I uttered her prescriptions for lockjaw, dropsy, and cow sickness until I felt her presence in the room. My eyes closed to the wisdom she conveyed. I could not decipher the words exactly, but I sensed them taking root, meant for later. I inhaled the faint scent of hemp from her hair and peace descended over me.

When my eyes fluttered back open, the half acre was asleep. I shook the cobwebs from my bones and then stood at my bedroom door listening. There was no movement. I slipped out the house, hiding in the silhouettes of darkness until I made it to the jail. When I unlocked the garret room my hand flew to my nose. The smell of waste assaulted my stomach, and I swallowed down the need to throw up.

I hacked. “Hello?”

I did not want to close the door behind me, but I knew it was best to secure our secret meeting.

“Essex?” I lit the candle.

“Pheby.” Essex moved along the back wall.

Once my eyes adjusted, I noticed a pail of dingy water in the right corner. It was meant for him to drink and bathe in, but there was no pot. He used the left corner for his waste, and the funk reminded me of when I’d been in the jail with sticky defecation up to my ankles. My throat clenched and I willed myself not to be sick.

Essex’s clothing hung from his frame and his hair was matted on one side. I wished I had the key to free him from the shackles at his hands and feet. He stopped halfway to me.

“I’s sorry you have to endure this. I am a proud man.”

“It is not your fault. I will bring things to get you cleaned.” I sat on the bench.

“You look like you had a hard day.”

“The Jailer intercepted the letter that I tried to post for you. He has taken my children away, including Monroe. I do not know where they are.” My voice cracked.

“Monster.” Essex waddled to where I sat, bringing his stench, but I kept my face pleasant.

“Thank you for letting me see my son.”

“He is so much like you.”

“My life changed in that moment. Pheby, you must get off another letter. It is our only opportunity at freedom.”

My temple pulsed. “Did you hear me? The man took my children. There is no telling what he is capable of doing.”

“While he is not around, you have a good chance.”

“He has eyes everywhere. You do not know him.”

“You sleep in the big house with him. I am sure you can get around it.”

I whipped my head and slapped him across the face.

“What was that for?”

“You come back here with your big city ideas. Because of you, my children have been compromised.”

“I did not mean to upset you. I am sorry.”

But his words fell on deaf ears. My forehead blazed hot and my hands made fists at my side. “Being with you is what got me in this mess. I should have minded my business where you were concerned.”

“Do not say that. Everything I have endured was to bring me to you.”

“You are dangerous, Essex Henry.”

I removed the bread and water flask from my pocket and thrust them onto the bench.

“If anything happens to my children I will never forgive you.”

“Pheby, wait.” He shuffled toward me, but I moved faster. When I locked the door, I heard a quick movement below me.

I paused, and then out of the shadows jumped a black cat.