Dennis was a cruel man. A heartless man.
His lawyer did a good job keeping them out of the trial, but there were two exes willing to testify against him. To let the judge know how violent he was.
I was young, Justine. Barely eighteen when your father and I met. In his defense, I told him I was twenty-one. They used that at the trial, trying to prove I was dishonest. A pathological liar. The defense attorney grilled me for a full hour about the details of my age. Too bad he didn’t spend a fraction of that time probing into Dennis’s past abuses.
I don’t mean to speak ill of your father. I’ve debated whether or not to tell you everything. I don’t want you to worry that you’ve got a monster’s DNA making up half of who you are. Because you’re different, Justine. I know you are.
I’m not a well-off woman, not anymore, but I have my resources. I hired a female investigator to tell me what she could about you. To keep me posted. Once she even sent me pictures from my grandson’s birthday when you took him to the swimming pool with all of his little friends.
I love that child, Justine. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been spying on you, and I hope you know I only did it because I love you so much. Your son is adorable. So sweet. So innocent.
So pure and happy.
I was like that once. At least I think I was. It’s hard to remember now. But that’s what I’m doing. Remembering so you can finally understand what happened.
Dennis was eighteen years older than I was. My parents didn’t like him, but I was raised to be an independent thinker. Strong and ambitious. In a way, I like to think that you inherited these same traits from me, just with a little bit of wisdom to temper that stubborn streak. A woman who’s fiercely independent as well as sharp and intelligent, now that’s a woman the world has to fear.
Sometimes I wonder who I might have become. What might have happened. I think a person could drive themselves crazy going down that rabbit trail for too long. But not me. I think about the what ifs, wonder how drastically different my life would have turned out, but you know what?
If I hadn’t met Dennis, I would have never had you.
You’re my gift to the world, Justine. You’re my reason for living. You’re the only hope I have that somehow, some way, God knew I needed my life to matter. Otherwise, I should have died the same night your father did.