You’re the murderer. The words played through her mind as Toni meandered a long hallway. The farther she walked, the longer the hall grew. Stretching out in front of her, the end swallowed up in darkness.
She grasped the image but lost hold.
Her body hit the dirt while the sound of a gunshot echoed in her ears. She coughed. Someone stepped on her back, high between her shoulder blades. She opened her mouth to cry out, but the air expelled from her lungs, and she couldn’t draw another breath with that weight on her back.
“Do you know what we do with women like you?”
Everything in her braced.
Before she could find out, the scene changed again.
Toni trudged the path up a hill, dragging a heavy weight behind her. Too heavy. The ropes bit into her shoulders and even her palms, though she wore heavy work gloves. Each footfall made her want to stop. Why go to all this trouble? And yet, she had to. She had no other choice when so many lives would be put in danger if she was discovered.
No one could find her here.
She gasped awake.
“Easy.” Jeff crossed the room a scant few feet from a table to where she lay on a couch. This wasn’t his cabin.
She blinked and looked around.
“You okay?”
“I guess.” She let out a long breath. The lingering flashes from her dream felt like swimming in a cloud. She couldn’t decipher any of it. “How long was I out?”
“Ten minutes.” He sat on the edge of the couch, at the far end. “Long enough I got worried.” He shot her a small smile that was adorable. “This is Tate’s apartment above his office in town. I lived here for a couple of weeks once, so I know where he keeps the good snacks. And we’ll be stealing all of it when we leave because of that stunt he pulled that made you pass out.”
Toni reached over and put her hand on his knee. “Did you catch me before I hit the ground?” She thought he might have. Was she correctly remembering those couple of seconds before she passed out?
He nodded. “But I shouldn’t have had to. I can’t believe he pushed you like that. Calling you a murderer when we have no idea what happened.”
Sure, anyone might be inclined to assume that they weren’t a murderer in the event their memories were lost. That seemed like a regular assumption. As for Toni? She wasn’t quite sure she wanted to assume the worst.
“If I am, I don’t think I want to know.” That was as much as she wanted to admit. “We should probably leave it at that.”
She wanted to lay back on this couch. Rest a while and maybe go back to sleep. Watch TV. Wasn’t that what normal people did to relax?
Only, she wasn’t entirely sure she was normal.
“Tell me.”
She studied the pattern of the blanket that had been laid over her legs. “Did you carry me here?”
“I made Tate do it. After all, it was his fault.”
When she looked up, his expression matched his tone. “He was probably just trying to get a response out of me. Pull out something my mind doesn’t want to remember.”
“Doing that isn’t a good thing. It’s dangerous.”
“I’d rather take a risk than play it safe and maybe never know.”
“Don’t tell him that. I want him to think we’re united in thinking his trick was a terrible idea. Because I’m going to be mad at him for about twenty years for pulling that stunt.”
Familiarity washed over her.
She must have made a sound, because he said, “What is it?”
“A feeling. But from a distance, and kind of like déjà vu.” She shook her head. “Have you said that to me before?”
He frowned. She couldn’t decipher it.
“What are we doing here?” She would much rather be at the cabin, but maybe he hadn’t wanted to drag her up there all over again.
Maybe he was going to leave, and she’d stay here.
Was that the plan?
Desperation rose in her, but she tamped it down. Acting like a clingy freak wasn’t going to earn her any points toward convincing him that she was normal, or he should stick with her.
He seemed aware of her distress and sat completely still. As though she would erupt at any moment, and he needed to control the fallout. “Tate got the employee roster. He’s bringing up a laptop from downstairs so we can look at it now that you are awake.”
He wasn’t going to leave her.
Unless they’d already found out who she was, and he planned to leave her after getting more information from her first. Was that what he was doing?
“Are you okay?”
She shook her head. She needed peace but, more than ever, that was proving to be impossible in her life. Why couldn’t she catch a break? She should ask God. If she managed to figure out how that relationship worked. Did she need to read the Bible?
In a way, Toni could say she felt His presence within her. That meant she was a Christian, right? It seemed to make sense that He would be with her if she was one of His people.
The sense of being surrounded in a way that comforted her made her want to just bask in it. Instead of being free to do that, it was like her mind and body wouldn’t let her. All she could think about was the mess that was her life, what she was going to do about it, and whether or not it was all her fault.
Fatigue washed over her, and she was sucked into a jaw-popping yawn.
Jeff said, “I think the adrenaline is working its way out of your system. Give yourself a minute. I’ll get you some water.”
He had to help her hold the glass while she took a sip. “Thanks.”
He set it on the coffee table and sat again, closer this time. “You’re safe.” He shook his head. “As safe as it’s in my power to make you.”
“I know.” Just being here with him made her feel better. Enough that she shifted closer to him and leaned against his side. She set her chin on his shoulder, her hand on his knee.
“You should sit on my other side.”
“I’m sorry. Does it bother you?” Maybe he didn’t want her beside his missing arm.
He shook his head. “That isn’t it. You probably don’t want to snuggle my stub.”
She lifted her head. “You think I care?”
“You can say you don’t, but that doesn’t mean it won’t bother you.”
“Because I should think less of you, since you only have one arm?”
He said nothing.
“You can probably still open more jars than me. And I don’t know how to play the piano—at least I don’t think I do—but we could both learn, and then we’ll see who is better at that too. What else?” She tapped her chin with one finger. “Skipping? Riding a bike—were you one of those teen boys who’d ride around town with no hands?”
“Okay, okay. You can stop now,” he said, laughing. “There are plenty of things you need two hands for, though.”
“And yet you seem to manage fine with only one. But I’m here for you. Say the word, and I’ll scratch whatever itch you have on your back you can’t reach. Though, only if you’ll return the favor.”
Amusement flared to life in his eyes, like a single candle in the dark. “So, it’s no big deal?”
“I’m guessing, how it happened, was a huge deal. I’d never say it’s not. But life is life, and we have to roll with it.” She winced. “I guess I should take my own advice.”
“Missing arm. Missing memories.”
“Between us, we almost make a whole person.”
His body shifted with what she thought might be a laugh.
Wherever and whoever she’d been before she lost herself, Toni thought maybe this was better. Too bad it wouldn’t last. As soon as she got her memories back, she would be the old Toni again. Of course, she knew it was easy to think those thoughts without any memories of things she would miss. But, once she was on her way to her true identity, the peace Jeff seemed to bring wouldn’t be available to her anymore. The thought of not having him in her life made her sad.
The door opened. Tate blinked, staring overlong at Jeff and the handsome smile on his face.
What amusement had been there dissipated and Jeff glared at Tate. “I’m still mad at you.”
Toni wasn’t sure she could say the same, so she kept her mouth shut about what he’d done. If he wasn’t going to apologize, then she didn’t need to offer forgiveness. “You think my name could be on the employee list?”
“It was your idea.” Tate set it on the coffee table and powered it up. “And it’s a good one.”
“I’m wondering how I’ll know if it’s my name. It might not sound familiar, or I could pass over it because I don’t recognize it.”
Jeff reached across his body and squeezed her knee. She’d be able to snuggle up to his side if she wanted to. With Tate here as well, though, it didn’t seem like the time. And there was no chance to unpack that, even if she wanted to.
“I guess we’ll find out, one way or another. But this is our best lead yet.” Tate pulled up a spreadsheet.
“Whoever I am, no one is looking for me.” Given her dream, maybe that was a good thing. Or it wasn’t true and the fact was that she wanted to not be found. Toni sighed.
Tate winced. “I don’t think you’re a murderer. I just said that to make an impact, to shock your brain into making a connection you hadn’t made yet.”
It wasn’t an apology, and Jeff evidently didn’t take it as one, given the way he just sat stoically beside her.
“As for your name?” Tate scrolled. “There are four staff members listed on the contact information page under cleaning crew. Brian and Erwin, neither of which I’m guessing are you? Though, maybe I’m simply not enlightened enough. Next is Winter MacMannon—”
“Maybe I wish that was my name. Sounds cool.”
Tate shot her a grin. All had been forgiven for him pushing her too far and making her pass out. As far as she was concerned, life was too short to hold a grudge.
“What’s the last one?”
“Chautona Havig.” Tate frowned. “Which sounds completely made up.”
Toni said, “Or it’s the truth, which makes it even more brilliant.” She turned to Jeff. “Is that my name?”
“Chautona Havig.” He shrugged. “That could be where Toni comes from.”
She nodded. “It seems…like me.”
His gaze roamed her face. “Exotic. Classy. I like it.” He looked at Tate. “Is there a photo anywhere?”
They all knew how she was about her picture being taken. She couldn’t see even posing for an employer, given how she’d reacted. Still, Tate looked. After a few minutes, he shook his head. “No photo, no bank information. Your name isn’t even in their payroll system. This one spreadsheet with contact information—not that there’s even an address or phone number listed for you—is the only place where you’re in their computer program.”
“So I was paid cash, under the table? No ID. No electronic record except one name, and no one knows who it relates to?”
Jeff shrugged. “It’s something, at least.”
“More than we had before.”
She frowned.
“It’s something I can use to get more information.” Tate held up a hand. “I can be careful. Use sources I know can be discreet.”
She said nothing, just contemplated the fear and how it rose in her with any mention of putting out feelers. Asking around. Showing her photo. Why? The edge of an idea started to develop. She didn’t question where it came from. She needed that answer.
Toni said, “Everything in me screams no. You shouldn’t do it. I can’t let you.”
“Why?”
“Because they’ll find me before I’m ready.”