CHAPTER 7
THE SECRET OF HEALTH AND LONGEVITY
I gave you life so that you could live it!
I recently hit another milestone birthday, bringing me much closer to the age when I can say whatever I want and be instantly forgiven.
I do not have the luxury of retiring from either work or physical activity at my age, thanks to the young family I am in the midst of raising. Needless to say, my interest in staying young at heart and fit in body is at an all-time high. I not only want to be around to see my little ones graduate from college, marry, and have children of their own; I want to have most of my marbles when it happens. I want to join my kids in energetic outings when they are young adults, camping with their little families; I want to drive a boat and pull everyone on water skis around a lake, the way my father used to pull his grandkids; I want to vacation with everyone as a clan, living to the fullest in the best years of life. At the very least, I want to walk my daughter down the aisle without a cane. You’ve probably guessed by now that I would also love to enjoy many more second honeymoons with Misty.
The benefit of having little kids is that because I am always surrounded by youthful energy, their youthful spirits and attitudes are contagious. The downside of this is that if I allowed myself to think like an elderly person, it could be really depressing to be the old rooster in a coop of spring chickens. Thankfully, even before I married Misty and we had babies together, I always felt younger (and often more immature) than my actual age. Chalk it up to late blooming or general hardheadedness; it took me a good while to grow up, find my way to God, and get my act together.
Even so, there are a few signs of aging I can’t ignore. A couple years ago, I performed an age-inappropriate stunt on a skateboard. The result of that little demonstration was a broken tibia, a torn meniscus, and the dreaded shredded ACL. A man of tact, my surgeon never hinted that I might try a different way of showing my kids that their ol’ Dad still had it. In recent months, I’ve been recovering from a second knee surgery. This time, my surgeon was a little more to the point: “Arterburn, you might want to take it easy on activities that might blow out your knees.” He did not add, “Because, aren’t you getting a little old for this stuff?” Still, I knew it was implied. So I have a renewed and keen interest in stories about anyone over age fifty who defies the normal aging decline and lives with passion, energy, movement, and adventure. Especially when two people do so as a couple, together.
Though my life circumstances may not be the norm, I know I am not alone in my desire to stay as virile and healthy as I can until the good Lord calls me home. Baby boomers, as a whole, have refused to go gently into that geriatric good night, and Generation X has embraced the anti-aging trend with just as much vigor. So I think most readers may find the following story as fascinating and inspiring as I did.
THE ISLE OF ETERNAL YOUTH1
For I realize today that it is a mortal sin to violate the great laws of nature. We should not hurry, we should not be impatient, but we should confidently obey the eternal rhythm.
Ikaria, Greece, is a place where people are far more likely to become centenarians—and happy, healthy, physically and sexually active ones at that. One of the more fascinating personal stories of longevity and health is featured in the second edition of the book The Blue Zones by Dan Buettner. While Buettner was interviewing a 102-year-old Ikarian woman about her secret to longevity, she told him, “We just forget to die.” This phrase caught on, and Ikaria was dubbed the Island Where People Forget to Die.2
Buettner tells of a man named Stamitis Moraitia, Greek by birth, who came to America as a war veteran in 1943. He and his wife, Elpniki, were living in Florida in 1976 when he fell ill. Ten doctors confirmed his diagnosis of lung cancer, giving him nine months to live. He was in his mid-sixties. He decided to return to his native home, the sunny, hilly island of Ikaria, about one hundred square miles in size, to live out the remainder of his days. In his ancestral land, he could be buried more cheaply, in a family cemetery overlooking the Aegean Sea. Once back in the country of his youth, he and Elpniki moved in with his elderly parents, who lived in a small, whitewashed home on two hilly acres of vineyards.
Buettner writes, “At first, Moraitia spent his days in bed. On Sunday mornings, he hobbled up the hill to a tiny Greek Orthodox chapel, where his grandfather once served as a priest. When his childhood friends started showing up every afternoon, they’d talk for hours, an activity that invariably involved a bottle or two of locally produced wine.”3 The dying man thought that he might as well spend his last days being happy. However, something odd began to happen. Stamitis Moraitia began to feel stronger. He planted a garden, and as he worked in the sunshine, he breathed lots of fresh ocean air into his diseased lungs.
Before long, Stamitis found himself easing into the typical Ikarian routine: waking when he felt like it, working the vineyards, napping in the afternoon. In the evenings, he often walked to join his friends at the local tavern, where he played dominoes, sometimes until after midnight. Interestingly, his health continued to improve, and he was able to build a couple of rooms onto his parents’ home so his adult children, living in America, could come visit. He also worked the family vineyard until it yielded four hundred gallons of wine per year. He never went through chemotherapy, took drugs, or sought treatment of any sort. All he did was return home to Ikaria and live the simple, active, social life he’d known as a boy. When he did so, his body forgot it had cancer, forgot to be sick, forgot to die. One decade after another, he thrived.
Moraitia lived a long, happy, cancer-free life until he passed away in his own home in 2013, at the age of 98 (though he said he was actually 102, believing the records of his birth to have been inaccurate). He outlived his wife by more than a decade (she passed away at age 85). In an interesting side note, Stamitis Moraitia returned to America some twenty-five years after he left, to see if he could find the doctors who diagnosed him with lung cancer and learn exactly what occurred that healed him. But he could not follow through on his mission, for all his doctors were dead by then.
Though Stamitis’s story of a near-miraculous recovery from malignant cancer may be unusual, the good health, vitality, and longevity of the Ikarians is typical. Ikaria is unique among the Greek Isles, in that it is fairly isolated from the modern world. These healthy islanders live ten hours by boat from the metropolis of Athens, where the national rate of obesity has soared since its introduction to Western habits of consumerism and eating fast food. Ikarians, however, are still two and a half times as likely to reach age ninety as are Americans, and the men are nearly four times as likely to reach ninety as are men in the United States. The ten thousand residents of Ikaria experience about a quarter of our rate of dementia, and in spite of the high rate of unemployment and other challenges, they experience significantly less depression than do Americans.
So what are Ikarians doing that we Westerners are not, to yield such long, happy, vital lives? Researchers are finding that there isn’t one isolated factor that leads to vitality and longevity. As Dan Buettner said, “There is no silver bullet.” What he found in his research on the longest-lived, healthiest people in the world was that a number of healthy habits work in tandem—more like “silver buckshot”—to yield ideal conditions for long, passionate, and contented lives.4
Interestingly, Greece, as a country, also has the lowest divorce rate in Europe, and the most active sex life among elderly couples, consistently a sign of marital satisfaction in long-term marriages. I couldn’t help but be curious about the habits of the Greeks and the Ikarians, since this island boasts some of the healthiest, happiest, sexiest elders on the planet.
In case you are curious as well, here are some of the habits of these hearty, happy islanders.
1. Ikarians stay up very late and sleep until they wake naturally, without an alarm.
2. They always take a nap in the afternoon.
3. They don’t care much about the clock; they are not schedule- or time-oriented.
4. They drink what they call “mountain tea,” made from local herbs and served as an evening cocktail. The tea is considered a tonic for good health. It has strong antioxidant properties, and properties that keep blood pressure naturally and gently lowered.
5. The typical daily routine for Ikarians is to wake naturally and slowly, work in the garden or vineyards or tending goats, then have a late lunch, followed by a nap. At sunset they visit with friends, often over wine. (Good news for those who enjoy an afternoon snooze: people who nap three times a week are found to have 37 percent fewer heart troubles than those who don’t nap.)
6. Like people in other Mediterranean countries, Ikarians eat very little meat and sugar and lots of legumes, vegetables, and olive oil. In addition, their diet is rich in goat’s milk, locally grown organic red wine (two to four cups a day), their mountain tea, strong Greek coffee (two to three cups a day), local fresh honey, and heavy, wholegrain sourdough bread. Meals are often beans, potatoes, greens, and seasonal vegetables from their garden. Meat is rarely eaten, but when it is consumed, it is typically fish, goat, or pork.
Doctors from the University of Athens Medical School found that goat’s milk contained tryptophan, which produces serotonin, a hormone that gives people a general feeling of contentment and happiness. Also, goat’s milk is more easily digestible than cow’s milk. There are more than 150 types of edible island greens that have ten times as many antioxidants as red wine. Wine—in moderation—prompts the body to absorb more disease- and cancer-fighting flavonoids, a type of antioxidant. Sourdough bread, made of whole grains, can reduce a meal’s glycemic load. And all their produce is chemical- and pesticide-free.
7. In a study of older Ikarian men (between ages sixty-five and one hundred), 80 percent claimed to have sex regularly. A quarter of that group said they were doing so with “good duration” and “achievement.”5 Greeks, as a nation, also have sex with more frequency than do people in most other countries in the world, averaging three times a week. Zorba the Greek said, “If a woman sleeps alone it puts a shame on all men. God has a very big heart, but there is one sin he will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.”
To Greeks, sex is a gift, and one not to be ignored! According to a survey, 80 percent of Greeks believe that having sex is very important, as opposed to, say, citizens of Thailand, where only 38 percent believe that sex is important. In addition, lovemaking lasts longer among Greeks than in most of the world, averaging 22.3 minutes.6
8. Besides eating more naturally and healthfully than Americans, the Greeks slow down to thoroughly relax and enjoy their meals. They rarely dine alone, preferring the company of family and friends. Food is enjoyed with a heavy side of conversation. When they converse, other than local gossip, they love discussing loftier subjects such as philosophy and the meaning of life—as did their Greek ancestors. Socrates, that ancient wise Greek, said, “Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people.”
9. Although unemployment is high—perhaps as high as 40 percent—Greeks work very hard, long hours on the chores of survival. They may start their workday late (typically not until 11:00 a.m.), but many of its citizens also work late into the night. Almost everyone has gardens and raises either goats or pigs. In addition, the Ikarians often work several part-time, odd, or seasonal jobs as the opportunity arises.
10. Though not rich in money, Ikarians are rich in community, laughter, friends, and family. They may not have expendable income for luxuries, but their self-sufficiency means there is always fresh, natural food on the table. Their basic needs are few, and they can meet these needs without a lot of money.
11. The elderly of the island attribute their longevity to clean air and wine. Although there is pollution around the mainland, the island of Ikaria is more isolated, so the air there has remained pure and clean. They drink two to four glasses a day of the locally produced, pesticide-free wine.
12. Besides gardening and caring for mountain goats, a typical day involves walking up twenty hills. The main mode of transportation from house to work and entertainment is walking. And evenings are often filled with dancing. For Ikarians of all ages, exercise is a natural part of life—their transportation, their work, their entertainment.
13. The culture has great respect for the elderly, and people feel a sense of purpose to their lives, all of their lives.
14. Greek Orthodox religion is woven into their daily experience, which gives their lives a sense of purpose, stability, community, belonging, and compassion. For the many religious and cultural holidays, people pool their money and buy food and wine. If there is money left over, they give it to the poor. On Sunday they attend church, and they fast before Orthodox feast days. “Even if you’re antisocial, you’ll never be entirely alone,” writes Buettner. “Your neighbors will cajole you out of your house for the village festival to eat your portion of goat meat.”
15. At the beginning of the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the female lead, Toula, tries to explain to her new boyfriend, Ian, what it is like to belong to a Greek family. “My whole family is big and loud. And everybody is in each other’s lives and business. All the time! Like, you never just have a minute alone, just to think, ’cause we’re always together, just eating, eating, eating! The only other people we know are Greeks, ’cause Greeks marry Greeks to breed more Greeks, to be loud breeding Greek eaters.”
This hilarious movie is amazingly accurate in the way it portrays the Greek mindset. They don’t think in terms of “me” as much as “us” or “we.” There is no Greek word for privacy. This lack of privacy can be frustrating at times, but it also keeps bad behavior in check, as everyone knows what everyone else is doing. There’s low crime here, not because of good policing but because people do not want to bring shame to their family. And as annoying as it may sometimes be, the sense of belonging is one of the basic human needs. And boy, do Greeks feel that they are needed, that there is a welcoming place for them, that they belong to family and the community. This is great fodder for longevity.
At the end of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Toula concludes, “My family is big and loud but they’re my family. We fight and we laugh and yes, we roast lamb on a spit in the front yard. And wherever I go, whatever I do, they will always be there.”
EXERCISING FOR HEALTH, ENERGY, AND PASSIONATE LIVING
No man has the right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.
—SOCRATES
Greece is one of only two European countries to be ranked among the top ten most physically active nations in the world. (The Netherlands, that country of endless bicycles, is the other. However, the Greeks are even more active than the biking Netherlanders.)7 Life expectancy in Greece is 81.4 years.8 This is among the highest in the world.
Along with diet and a sense of belonging and purpose, another reason why many Europeans (and particularly Mediterraneans) are more fit than Americans is that they live where exercise is a natural part of getting around town. They don’t have to carve out time to go to the gym, because life itself—going to and fro—has built-in workouts.
In a study of seventeen industrialized countries, Americans had the highest rate of obesity and were least likely to walk, cycle, or take mass transit. Europeans, on the other hand, walked three times as far and cycled five times as far as Americans, in most part because their cities are more compact and conducive to getting around via active means.
Researchers found that Europeans, on average, walk 237 miles and cycle 116 miles per year; U.S. residents walk 87 miles and bike 24 miles. This means that Europeans naturally burn off five to nine pounds of fat annually, compared with only two pounds for Americans.9
Americans were not always as unfit as they are today. With the advent of fast food and drive-through restaurants in Western culture, our access to calories has increased. And as the calories have increased, we’ve decreased the amount of physical activity in our lives. In 1970, about 40 percent of all children in the U.S. walked to school; now fewer than 12 percent do. Our grandparents, without exercising, burned up about five times as many calories a day in physical activity as we do. Unlike my father and grandfather, I didn’t have to trudge five miles through snow to school and back. I was driven to school. However, I did walk home, and it was more than a mile, and I had to cross a major thoroughfare in the heat and humidity of Bryan, Texas. Okay, maybe it wasn’t as bad as my father and his father had it, but it was a far cry from the ten steps to the school bus my kids take.
I am aware, however, that my kids are going to catch a lot more from observing their dad prioritize fitness than from my lecturing them about how hard I had it when I was their age. So they see an active man who is up and exercising even though there are mornings when this feels like an almost impossible feat. They have come to know that it is in movement that we bring life back into our bodies, sustain its health, and prolong its vitality. (Rather than the coffin-preparatory pose most assume on the couch in front of the TV.) Today’s kids are seldom seen without some kind of screen: iPhone, laptop, Game Boy, iPad, TV, and on it goes. Rather than nag at my kids to turn off the technology, I try to make it fun to be active, and invite them to go on a bike ride or to throw around a ball or to take a hike somewhere special.
Misty and I both lead naturally active lives, and we are betting on this to help keep us young and give us the energy needed to be fully available to our kids, our work, and each other for a lifetime. Everyone in our family has a bicycle, and we all ride together on some fun shorter rides. Misty and I also get away and take longer rides through the cornfields about a minute from our house. Misty does CrossFit, and I do the rowing machine and weight lifting. We love the chance to get outside to play sports and take long walks in the woods, and when we have the opportunity, we love to ride horses. And you’ve already read about our favorite indoor exercise: dancing!
EXERCISE AS THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
Because Greece is the birthplace of the Olympic Games, the Greek government takes physical activity to heart. From a young age, children are geared toward sports. Sadly, in every place that becomes more Westernized with the influx of media, consumerism, and fast food, the fitness of the area goes down and obesity rises.
Dr. Daniel Amen, one of the leading experts in America on the subject of brain health and aging, writes, “Physical exercise is truly the fountain of youth and it is critical for keeping your brain vibrant and young.” Walking five days a week for just thirty minutes a day can slow dementia and even stop it in its tracks. Some studies indicate that walking thirty minutes a day can prevent Alzheimer’s from developing, even if you are genetically predisposed for it.10
Dr. Amen has become a good friend to me and my brain, after he discovered I had a traumatic brain injury that showed up in the spec scans he recently took. Once he discovered the problem, he encouraged me to become a warrior for my own brain health, to minimize damage and to live a full, long, brain-healthy life. What I have come to realize is that what is good for the body and the heart is also vitally good for our noggin. Dr. Amen has suggested that I take some specialized supplements that target, heal, and help brain function. My diet had to change pretty drastically. Sugar, apparently, does not love our brain any more than it loves our stomach and thighs. He also suggested I do some brain exercises online, but he emphasized over and over again: physical exercise will be one of my greatest weapons in keeping young of mind and youthful in body, at any age. As it turns out, dancing—the only exercise I really enjoy—is one of the best ways to keep the brain sharp. This is because it not only is aerobic but also involves coordination, learning and remembering new steps, and synchronizing movements to the beat of music—all activities that encourage new neurons to grow, even as our muscles grow and stretch.
In my case, we also discovered that my brain had suffered some injury because of early exposure to mold, lead, and mercury. This means I have to be especially proactive about my brain health if I want to avoid things like early onset dementia or Alzheimer’s. It’s, frankly, a little overwhelming. However, I have drastically changed my habits, and therefore my life, before, so I know I can do it again. Back when I was in seminary, I began to struggle with a dark cloud of chemical depression. I set a small goal: to be out of bed by noon and walking outside by 2:00 p.m. (And if you think that sounds ridiculously easy, you’ve never suffered from a chemical depression.) I began with these small, doable baby steps, and gradually, the more I moved and the faster the pace, the better I began to feel. Now we know that exercise is one of the world’s best antidepressants, with nothing but positive side-effects.
In fact, there’s not a lot that goes wrong in our lives that a little movement and fresh air can’t help. If exercise were a pill, we would be shouting its benefits from the mountaintops. If you and your beloved want to live long, happy, vibrant, passionate lives, there are few better gifts you can give yourself and each other than the gift of staying active.
On Dr. Amen’s blog, he shares several benefits of exercise that might perk your interest as you think about the passion that being more fit can bring to your life.
Exercise improves the flow of oxygen, blood, and nutrients to the brain. It reduces stress, improves your mood, and lowers blood pressure and blood sugar levels, while decreasing inflammation, fat cells, weight, and frailty. At the same time, it increases metabolism, longevity, bone density, and an overall sense of well-being.
Walking. Work up to “walking like you’re late” 45 minutes a day, 4 times a week. Dr. Amen likes to add “bursting” to his walks. During the walk, take four or five one-minute periods to “burst” (walking or running as fast as you can), then go back to walking. Short-burst training helps raise endorphins, lift your mood, and make you feel more energized.
Strengthen. Did you know that the stronger you are as you age, the less likely you are to get Alzheimer’s disease? It’s true! A study from Canada found that resistance training plays a role in preventing cognitive decline. On top of that, it also helps with losing weight and belly fat. Dr. Amen typically recommends doing two 35- to 45-minute strength (or resistance) training sessions a week—one for the lower body (abs, lower back, and legs), the other for the upper body (arms, upper back, and chest).
Coordination Activities. Dancing, tennis and other racket sports, and table tennis (the world’s best brain sport) are really fun, and they boost activity in the cerebellum—located in the back bottom part of the brain. While the cerebellum is only 10 percent of the brain’s volume, it contains 50 percent of our brain cells. It’s involved with both physical and thought coordination. [The other benefit of these sports is they require a partner, and if your mate is willing to join you for a round of ping-pong, a game of tennis, or doing the cha-cha-cha, all the better.]
Mindfulness Exercise. Activities such as yoga and tai chi have been found to reduce anxiety and depression AND increase focus. Believe it or not, these calming activities actually burn calories while increasing strength and flexibility and helping you feel centered and grounded.11
THE “PHYSICALLY ACTIVE/PASSIONATELY ACTIVE” CONNECTION
Have you ever noticed that after a hard workout or a hike or swim together, you feel more physically attracted to and sexually interested in each other?
That is because there is a strong correlation between being physically active and feeling romantically, passionately inclined.
Because Greeks are among the most physically active people in the world (particularly on islands, where walking hilly terrain is a part of life), perhaps it is no great surprise that Greece ranks atop the list of the world’s most sexually active nations, with its people averaging 164 sessions of lovemaking a year, or more than three times a week.
There’s no doubt that exercise increases the sex drive for men and women. One study revealed that men who exercised for an hour, three to five days a week, developed a significantly more reliable, enjoyable, and active sex life.12
Exercise has sexual side-benefits for the ladies as well. A 2008 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine revealed that intense, short-duration exercise (twenty minutes, with a target heart rate of 70 percent) significantly enhances the physiological sexual arousal of women.13
Of course, the aesthetic gains in a healthier, more toned, and slimmer body often lead to more confidence in the bedroom as you feel more attractive and in the mood for making love.
BENEFITS OF EXERCISING TOGETHER
According to one article, “A growing group of experts agree that couples who exercise together can not only stave off the extra pounds that are often linked to marriage, but they can strengthen their relationship and their sex life, and possibly live happily ever after.”14
One of the things that help bring Misty and me together emotionally is to get away, go outside, and play! One winter, we found a place in Breckenridge, Colorado, that specialized in snowmobiling. That might not sound like much exercise, but you’d be surprised! Because snowmobiling is not something we’d done before, there was a real sense of adventure, a bit of risk about the activity. When couples do something new together, it can spark feel-good endorphins that draw them together in interdependence.
Dr. Jane Greer, a marriage and relationship psychotherapist, explained, “When a couple works out together, the actual exercise itself can physically and emotionally have a positive impact. Both partners come away with feelings of synchronicity, cooperative spirit and shared passion.”15 Synchronicity and cooperative spirit are other words for the attunement we talked about in chapter 2. It’s fascinating to note that shared passion can arise from exercising together, in any way, shape, or form.
Add in the endorphin boost that comes with exercise, and your mood may be at a high level, resulting in more positive communication. Sweating it out as a couple can reduce stress and produce good moods in both of you, enhancing the way you feel when you are together.
Finally, couples who exercise together are much more likely to stick to their workout goals. One study showed that after twelve months, only 6.3 percent of married couples who exercised together dropped out of their workout routine, while a whopping 43 percent of singles did.16
Though Misty and I have been able to go on varied adventures and love it, the thing we do most often, that costs the least and can be easily enjoyed by everyone, is walking. The two knee surgeries took it out of me for a while, but now I’m back on my feet, and we love walking together again. Because I’ve been able to stay pretty fit for several decades, people are surprised to learn that this was not always the case for me. In fact, it was a huge area of struggle. When I was in my twenties, I smoked and ate thousands of calories a day, and this didn’t exactly spur me on to exercise. As I mentioned earlier, depression was my companion in those days, and it was just easier to stay in bed. Forcing myself to walk every day was the first change I made, which ushered in other healthy habits and eventually lifted my depression. I once met a woman whose real name was Happy Walker, and that is what I became back then. Still today, one of the ways Misty and I stay connected emotionally while getting some exercise is by walking together regularly.
It’s important to find something you both enjoy equally and can do together. Walking, hiking, riding bikes, dancing, tennis, and swimming are easy for most couples to do together. Some couples love the competitive spirit of being on a soccer or volleyball team. Others might enjoy a calming yoga or tai chi class. Consider working out, and at least occasionally exercising together, as a gift of health to yourselves and an investment in a more passionate relationship. “The secret of change,” wrote Socrates, “is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Try to think of becoming more active not as fighting against your inner couch potato but as a new adventure in discovering the more vital and energetic you!
If exercise or sports are just not your thing, consider a hobby you both love that involves physical movement. We have friends who love shopping thrift stores and estate sales, then bringing their finds home and refinishing or repurposing old pieces of furniture to bring them new life. The hobby involves lots of walking, lifting, bending, twisting, and old-fashioned elbow grease, but because they are so caught up in the fun of finding and creating treasures, they hardly realize they are (shhhhh) exercising.
Maybe the two of you could decide on a project you’d like to do: painting a room, digging a fishpond, planting a garden, building some bookshelves, cleaning out the garage—anything that syncs being active with the fun of creativity and the feeling of mutual accomplishment. In nice weather, dream about ways you could use the sum of your sweat equity to spruce up the backyard with a fountain, a gazebo, a homemade picnic table, or a pretty retaining wall. Take some time off in the evenings to bike to the park or play Frisbee or walk the dog, if you have one. (If you don’t have a dog, consider the benefits of getting one. They are cheaper than a personal trainer and may yield just as many fitness rewards, not to mention the calming, happy endorphins that pets bring to their owners.) Think like a kid and go outside to play—with your kids or grandkids. Adding to the benefits of hostessing and cooking that we gleaned in chapter 3, preparing for a party, serving food and drinks, and cleaning up afterward can be almost aerobic! It all adds up to exercise. If you combine movement with fun or getting stuff done, it may be easier to motivate yourself to get up off the couch.
THINK LIKE A GREEK
When you read about the Ikarians in the opening story to this chapter, what aspects of their lives appealed to you most? The Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” If you want to grow young and stay passionate all your married lives, then it may be time to take inventory of your habits and see where some could use a little tweaking, taking a cue or two from those healthy Greek island elders. Are you getting enough rest? Does your life allow for a short nap a few times a week? Do you have any days set aside when you can wake naturally, without an alarm? Are you connected to friends and family? (Could you be more proactive, perhaps, in reaching out and making those connections?) Do you have a sense of belonging in a local faith community? Are there any foods or beverages in the Ikarian diet that you might like to incorporate into yours? Do you have routines and rituals that give structure and comfort to your day? Do you have time to contemplate the bigger issues of life and talk about them together as a couple? Do you move and work or exercise physically with a portion of your day? Can you let go of stress when your day is done? Do you prioritize sex and lovemaking?
Most couples can really benefit from a vacation away together, and we encourage every couple to, if at all possible, get creative and plan and budget for some sort of honeymoon getaway every year or two. Don’t overplan these romantic vacation times. Make sure you allow days when you can forget to look at the clock, forget what day it is, not have to be anywhere at any specific hour. Our “work” on vacation is typically more physical than cerebral and more like play: fishing, kayaking, hiking, walking, swimming, skiing, or snorkeling. Vacation sex is a much-anticipated benefit of getaways! When couples are relaxed, have detached from their to-do lists, are more rested, and have the luxury of slowing down and enjoying each other, they can savor each other and revel in gourmet sex versus quickies. Vacation slows us down and heightens our senses so that everything, including lovemaking, seems elevated and more memorable.
The Greek philosopher Plato said, “The greatest wealth is to be content with little.” And Socrates warned to “beware the barrenness of a busy life.” Passion, it seems, needs space to grow. We as couples may need to do less, detach more, simplify our lives where we can so that we have the margin needed to deeply nourish ourselves and our marriages, in all the meanings of that word. So many exhausted and overwhelmed married couples feel a deep call in their heart to return to the basics that feed the well-being of body and soul.
So at least a couple times a year, think like a Greek islander. Stop the pressure, the hurry, the schedule. Leave your watches and iPhones behind. Replace the noise in your head with the sound of the ocean or a breeze through the trees. Use your body to swim, walk, make love, and play, and give your overtaxed brain a rest. Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired, dance when you feel like dancing. And get reacquainted with a feeling called passion for life and for each other.
I remembered those early summer mornings seated by a table by the beach sipping a Greek coffee and breathing in the smell of the tamarisk trees and listening to the soft slap of waves against the side of a caique; the lazy oregano-scented lunches, after which Danielle and I would go back to our house to take a nap within the wonderful coolness of our thick-walled farmhouse and, with the children asleep, perhaps make love; and those evenings with the outside world narrowed down to the few yards illuminated by the taverna’s lights.
—TOM STONE, THE SUMMER OF MY GREEK TAVERNA
Thirteen Ways to Keep Your Love Healthy into Old Age
1. Decide on a project you want to accomplish together, perhaps something to redo, make, or build around the house, that will require some physical exertion and cooperation. In fact, make a list of projects, if you can, that you’d like to work on throughout the year. Projects that will motivate you both to get moving!
2. Set aside as many days per week as possible to allow yourselves to wake naturally. If you have small children, take turns letting each other sleep in at least one day a week. It’s not just a luxury; it’s a healthy indulgence.
3. Enjoy guilt-free naps. People who have trained themselves to take even short power naps swear by the energy it gives them. If you can’t go to sleep in the afternoon, at least set aside ten to twenty minutes to relax completely. Lie down if possible and let go of the cares of the world. You’ll be amazed at how this sacred rest in the middle of the day will energize you and renew your passion for the rest of the day.
4. Try incorporating some of the elements of the Greek diet into your life. If you enjoy feta and goat cheese, you may want to use these more often in your menu plans and reap the benefits of their probiotic activity in your digestive system. If you are feeling adventurous, you can buy Greek coffee online (but you’ll also need to look up how to make it, as it is more like mud than brewed coffee). Also, bags of Greek mountain tea herbs are available through Amazon. Or research and try a variety of healthy teas and coffees. If you enjoy wine, take a wine-tasting or wine-making class together.
5. Watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding together one night, and enjoy the laughter! Talk about which aspects of Greek families might drive you crazy and which ones you love and wish you might have more of in your life, marriage, and family.
6. Look up Mediterranean vegetarian recipes and try a few to see if you can incorporate more vegetables and beans into your diet. If you like eggplant, try the Greek recipe for moussaka! Stuff pita bread with a variety of veggies, goat cheeses, olives, and a small amount of meat, with a little olive oil and vinegar– based dressing.
7. Taking regular walks together is one of the simplest ways to get exercise and catch up on the news of the day. Walk to a juice bar or coffee shop to reward yourselves with a refreshing drink and healthy snack. If the weather is cold, you may want to create a simple home gym, or go to a local gym together three times a week for workout dates, or walk around a big mall, rewarding yourselves with a healthy smoothie at a kiosk when you’re done. Another idea is to pick a race for fun or for a cause. Training together for something, whether it’s a 5K run or a marathon, can be especially bonding. Even if you aren’t running side by side the whole time, encouraging each other and sharing workouts can be a great way to stay close. Explore a new city, push your bodies for a healthy accomplishment, and make a vacation out of it!
8. Consider getting bicycles—perhaps racing bikes, mountain bikes, or old-fashioned cruising bikes (becoming more popular as boomers age)—that you can ride together to and from activities or places you enjoy. Challenge yourselves to see how often you could forego the car and bike to where you want to go. As an aside, Dutch researchers have found that the method of transport that most boosts the emotion of joy is cycling. So if you can bike from one spot to the next, you’ll not only get healthier but also feel happier. Especially if you bike with your sweetie!
9. If you enjoy the water, try going on vacations to warm-weather getaways where you can swim, snorkel, scuba dive, kayak, sail, surf, sailboard, or fish together. Or simply walk along the beach, hand in hand. Water has a way of both relaxing and invigorating couples, with all the physical activities and beauty to be enjoyed around it. In a Harvard University study of 160 male and female swimmers in their forties and sixties, regular physical activity was associated with more frequency and enjoyment of sex. Swimmers in their sixties reported sex lives comparable to those in their forties.17
10. Take dance classes together, or simply go dancing and do your own thing. Both the movement and the music add feelings of passion to your lives. When a song you love starts to play, drop what you are doing and waltz your wife around the kitchen, or do a little salsa step in the living room. Have fun! Attend ethnic festivals in which dance is part of the culture, and join in the celebration.
11. Talk about your sense of purpose and meaning, both as individuals and as a couple. Do you belong to a community of faith that supports why you are here on this planet? Is there something God is calling you to do together? Take time to pray together and ask God to reveal what your mission and focus should be. (Often this is where your talents and passion meet the world’s needs.) Life without meaning, or without knowing your purpose on earth, becomes dull and boring, no matter how rich you may be in worldly goods. There is nothing that ups the passion in life like feeling the smile of God on your work, your art, your human connections.
12. Consider having meals with others instead of eating drive-through meals alone in the car. Go to a place with a great salad bar for lunch with your mate or your friend. Don’t dine alone every day; go out with others for breakfast or a noon meal at least a couple times a week. Invite others over for a game of cards along with some easy appetizers and wine, or spontaneously ask neighbors to drop over for coffee and dessert. Become a welcoming couple, expanding your table to include family and friends when you can. Yes, it is a little work to prepare, serve, and clean up when you have folks over, but think of all the natural exercise you are getting, along with mood and health benefits that enrich your lives and your passion for people.
13. Try a new sport or physical activity together, something you’ve never done before. A small risk and sense of adventure heightens the feeling of being alive. You could hike to a new place, try going on a zip line, learn to play tennis, or take an exercise class (yoga, spin, dance, or water aerobics, for example). Set up a volleyball net, a badminton net, or a croquet course in the backyard during warm months, to encourage the whole family to bend, stretch, and move.