ELEANORA STRUGGLED FOR BREATH. Not just because making love with Marco was always wonderful, but because of his words. He was right. Her other lovers really had been awful. The bar he set tonight would probably never be met by another man.
Lying beside him on the bed, she felt his love more clearly than if he’d said the words. But “I love you” were the three words he’d left out of an otherwise perfect wooing.
Her heart stumbled with longing to hear him say them. The need was so strong, she was tempted to have a conversation about their feelings, to tell him she loved him and tell him she could feel that he loved her too—
But, of course, he loved her. They’d been friends forever; they’d shared their childhoods, adolescence and now adulthood. If she told him she knew he loved her, he wouldn’t deny it. He’d explain it. Then he’d explain again why that love wouldn’t lead to anything more than friendship because he didn’t want to hurt her—
The lines were getting blurred. In their effort to enjoy their pregnancy, she was getting bigger feelings for Marco than she’d ever had before. Even as he appeared to be handling everything logically, neutrally.
The next morning, she woke feeling more like her normal, commonsense self. Their situation wasn’t about love; it was about the experience. It would last the length of her pregnancy. No more. His father had suffered horribly from the loss of his wife and regretted time spent working rather than being with her. Marco had seen that. And now he had the job his father had when his mom died. He would never make the same mistake his dad had.
Wishing he would—or he even could—wasn’t merely wrong because she knew he wouldn’t change his mind. It was also wrong because they’d made a deal. Wishing he would love her, say he loved her, wasn’t fair.
After showering and putting on sweatpants and an oversize sweatshirt, she ambled into the kitchen, where Marco sat at the center island, eating a bagel.
He smiled at her and her stomach flipped. She finally realized that the problem wasn’t fighting the need to get him to admit he loved her, but that she’d fallen even more in love with him than she had been at the grand opening celebration.
She loved him. Hopelessly. Desperately. Even though in their decision to enjoy the pregnancy, they’d made the deal that this part of their relationship would end when the baby came. She had to get her thinking back on track or she was going to come out of this hurt. Very hurt.
It was the one thing he didn’t want and that she’d promised wouldn’t happen.
“Can I make you a bagel?”
Shaking her head, she walked to the counter with the toaster. “I’ll do it myself.”
He turned on his stool. “Okay. While you’re doing that, there’s something we need to discuss.”
She pressed her bagel into the toaster. “What’s that?”
“We’ve done a great job of easing me into the pregnancy, making it so I feel a part of things. But that caused another problem.”
Her heart and breathing stopped. Every wishful bone in her body came to attention. She knew what she’d felt from him the night before. Real love. The kind that didn’t go away at the first sign of trouble or wear away as years took their toll.
He loved her.
Say it!
Let him say it!
“I still feel like you’re doing all the heavy lifting.”
She let her disappointment flow through her and pretended she felt it whoosh out through her toes and disappear into nothing. Given that they had an agreement, she had no right to be disappointed.
“You mean like carrying the baby?”
“I mean more like I should be pampering you.”
“You could get me a chaise lounge where I can lie about all day while I’m being fanned and fed grapes by employees.”
He laughed. So naturally. So innocently. So much like she would be able to laugh and enjoy their friendship if she hadn’t fallen even more in love than she had been when they made their deal.
“More like I could bring you breakfast in bed.”
“Our schedules don’t allow that.”
“Maybe I could order you those chocolates from Belgium.”
“You were supposed to have already done that.”
He frowned.
“Maybe it’s better that you forgot.” She faked a smile. “It’s not good for me to gain too much weight.”
He perked up. “How do you know? Did you research that...?” His eyes widened. “Did you pick a doctor? Actually go to a doctor?”
“I’ve been with you more than without you. If I’d seen a doctor, you would know.”
The toaster alerted her that her bagel was done. She set it on a plate on the counter and went to the refrigerator for cream cheese.
“What is happening with the doctor?”
“I’ve chosen one in Rome.” That was sort of a lie. Actually, it was more of a prediction. She was sure she’d find a great doctor among the ones the emergency room doctor had listed for her. “In a few days I’ll be in Rome. I’ll see if I can get an appointment then.”
“I should go too.”
Oh, Lord no. She needed a few days away from him to get back her equilibrium about their relationship.
“First visits are fairly routine. Plus, if I don’t like the doctor, I’ll be moving on to another one. And another and another, until I find the doctor I like. That could get boring for you.”
“I still think you need to find someone in Manhattan.”
She thought about spending enough time with him that she needed a doctor in New York, and she knew she couldn’t do it. While he enjoyed every step of their journey, she’d pine for him.
Yet, they’d promised to share the pregnancy, take turns visiting each other. She couldn’t break that promise. She simply needed to find a way to get a hold of her runaway emotions.
“Eventually, I probably should at least have a standby doctor in Manhattan. But that’s a job for another day. Today, I’m working from here and making arrangements to be in Rome on Monday, leaving Sunday.”
His head tilted as he thought about that. “Okay.”
She breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t argue. After he left for the office, she did exactly as she said she would do. She made the obstetrician appointment with a doctor in Rome, video-conferenced with her staff and packed a bag for Italy.
Sunday night, she boarded the Pearson family jet and returned to Rome. Video calls were great, but luckily Marco understood that she needed to be at her hotel, with her staff. That meant she didn’t have to risk him realizing that spending too much time with him was a bad idea because she was falling so deeply in love it was killing her. Or that her getting accustomed to having a jet at her disposal, two cats who adored her and a chauffeur were also bad ideas.
She was Eleanora DeLuca, ordinary woman. She could not forget that.
The days flew by. Her staff loved having her around. The visit to the obstetrician went well and before she knew it she found herself getting back onto the Pearson family jet.
With a heavy sigh, she settled into the seat. The smart play would be to sleep on the flight over and be ready for morning in Manhattan. But thoughts of Marco kept her awake. She’d missed him, pined for him. But they’d made a deal and she would keep up her end. No matter how difficult.
Worse, she got an unexpected picture of her son or daughter getting on this plane every weekend or every other weekend. Her child would be making this short, rushed trip every couple of weeks. While Eleanora would be standing on the tarmac, waving goodbye to her baby boy or girl.
She shook her head to dislodge the picture. As Marco had pointed out, they were lucky to have a private jet at their disposal. They’d also decided a shared nanny would make everything run smoothly.
Plus, she’d get time alone that she could use to get her work done, find a bigger condo, all the things she couldn’t do with her child around.
A limo picked her up at the airport and took her to the penthouse. Jovial, happy-to-see-her Arnie wanted to help her with her suitcase, but she declined his offer, pointing out that it was a very small case.
He tipped his hat and let her go up to the penthouse alone. When the doors opened, Marco stood before her, a onesie with footballs printed all over it in one hand and a white onesie with a tulle ballerina skirt in the other.
She smiled and said, “Cute.”
“I’m covering all the bases.” He caught her hand, pulled her to him and kissed her soundly. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” She swallowed hard, knowing he had no idea of just how much she’d missed him. “But the trip showed me that I’ve been away from my hotel too much. I’ve gotta spend more time in Rome.”
“If I remember correctly, we agreed to two trips this month.” He helped her off with her coat. “And the rest of the time you’re here until after the holidays.”
“After the holidays?”
“You’re spending Christmas with your parents and I’m spending the holiday with my dad and sister. After that we’ll be splitting time between Rome and Manhattan.”
She thought for a second.
He laughed. “The deal, remember? So that we can both enjoy the pregnancy, we’ll split our time between Rome and Manhattan. You know. Some weekends I’ll come visit you. Some you’ll visit me. I also suspect you’ll be having the baby in Rome because you can only fly until thirty-six weeks of pregnancy—unless you want to spend your last four weeks of pregnancy here?”
It wasn’t exactly what they’d said or how they’d said it but that was spirit and intent of the agreement. A small light shined at the end of the tunnel. After the holidays, they’d have visits. She wouldn’t be spending seven days a week with him. Only weekends.
She could absolutely handle that.
After hanging her coat, he led her to the sofa. He gently forced her to sit and took off her shoes.
“What are you doing?”
“I learned this while you were away. Remember how I said I feel like I should have more things to do?”
She cautiously said, “Yes.”
“Well, I went online and did a deep dive, and this is one of the things I found.” He began massaging her right foot. “Pregnant women like foot rubs.”
The things he was doing to her foot sent a happy tingle through her. “All people like foot rubs.”
“This is good, then? Something I can do for you?”
The earnestness in his voice went straight to her heart. It mixed with her relief that after the holiday she’d have more freedom and she relaxed. Now, instead of four and a half months of falling hopelessly in love, she only had a few more weeks. Once she was back in Rome, regardless of if she visited him or he visited her, she would have a home base and the end of their relationship would happen more naturally.
Meaning, she could allow herself to enjoy the foot rub. Enjoy him. For the rest of the month.
Marco ordered takeout and they ate dinner watching a movie. The distance he’d felt from her when she first arrived home seemed to have vanished, but his brain kept jumping back to the expression on her face when the elevator doors opened and she saw him.
He’d expected her to laugh at the onesies. Instead, she’d seemed unimpressed. That was when he noticed how tired she looked. He hated that she’d had to make two flights this month. Four, actually. Two to Rome. Two back to Manhattan. He’d tried to fix things with the foot rub, but instead of his mind focusing on her, it jumped to the realization that their child would be traveling like that most of his or her young life.
“You worry about the baby, don’t you?”
She peered over at him. “Of course I do.”
“And flying to Rome and then returning here didn’t help.”
“No.”
“I guess we found a hole in our visitation plan.”
“Maybe.” She glanced at him again. “Probably.”
“Okay. What are you thinking?”
“Honestly, Marco, I’m thinking it would be better for you to fly to Rome to see the baby until he’s two.”
He hadn’t expected that, but after looking at the teeny-tiny clothes in the baby store, it was difficult to imagine forcing a baby to fly across an ocean once or twice a month.
“How often were we considering I’d see the baby?”
She shrugged. “What were you thinking?”
He thought of her mother’s comment that he owned the company and how it would be easier for him to uproot than for her. But he couldn’t uproot an entire corporate office full of people.
Still...
“What if I got a house in Rome?”
She blinked. “What?”
“What if I just bought a place? You could live there with the baby. I could visit.”
“No.” Her answer was immediate and firm. “Marco, we might be co-parenting, but there has to be room in our lives for each of us to actually have a life.”
When the meaning of what she was saying sunk in, he almost couldn’t get his next question out of his mouth. His chest had tightened. His mouth went dry. But what she was insinuating was the truth of their lives. Something he’d insisted on. If he couldn’t talk about it in the abstract, how in the hell would he ever live it in reality?
“You mean you want to date?”
She rolled her eyes. “Having a life is about more than dating, but yes. I’d probably want to date.”
He ignored the searing pain in his chest. “My living in Rome, being able to take our child when you wanted to go out would actually help you.”
She rose from the sofa with a sigh. “I’m sure all of this seems like fairy-tale fun to you. But you happily popping in to babysit is like a script for a sitcom. Except we don’t have writers who will ensure everything ends up okay. Babies are a lot of work.” Pacing the floor, she sighed again. “I know your heart’s in the right place, and we’re only in a planning phase. But trust me, you are not going to want to be my babysitter. You’re probably not going to want to live in Rome. There’ll be a flurry of love and excitement after the baby’s born, but a few months in, we’ll settle into a routine, and you’ll get bored with us.”
He tried to picture it. Tried to see her in a house, with a crying baby and him—well, he didn’t know what he’d be doing. Would he be bug-eyed and confused, thinking it smarter to run than to help?
Was he really the guy her dad saw?
She bent down and kissed him. “I’m exhausted. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He watched her go, his entire body vibrating with something he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t just the vision he got of the confusion and noise of having a baby. It was that her dad wasn’t the only one who anticipated he would bolt when the baby came. Obviously, she did too.
He expected to find her in his room when he went to bed two hours later. But she wasn’t there. He assumed she was in the room he’d given her when she’d first arrived and settled onto his pillow telling himself that was fine. He was a bit annoyed with her for assuming the worst of him. But, forcing himself to think more positively, he also realized she was tired. She wanted the rest she would get alone in her own bed.
But his uncomfortable feelings about how she saw him wouldn’t go away. He wanted to be part of their baby’s life. He wanted to do a good job. But she didn’t think he could, and he couldn’t create a scenario where he did.
Only because he hadn’t been around a baby. He didn’t know what to expect would happen, how the house would sound, what kind of schedule they’d have—
Still, he swore, somehow, he would ace this.
He wasn’t one to shy away from a challenge. Let her dad think he would bolt. Let her assume the worst. He’d surprise everyone when he proved them wrong.
After a few minutes, his bed hadn’t warmed up. It felt cold and empty. Lonely.
The real reasons she’d probably slept in another room filled him. If she wasn’t angry with him, she was at least pulling away because their first real discussion about their child had gone poorly. She hadn’t merely told him that he would probably leave her with the bulk of the work; she’d also told him she wanted time for herself—which he took to mean time to date. Now she was sleeping somewhere else.
He didn’t get jealous. He could have, but he wouldn’t let himself. The thoughts he was having weren’t even confusing. They were straightforward truth. This, right here, right now—her sleeping in a different bed, their child’s future a constant debate, his place in his child’s life always up in the air—that was what his life was about to become.
His friendship with Eleanora began slipping away in his brain. He could see them at odds. He could see himself feeling left out of his own child’s life.
He took a breath. Told himself not to think like that and reminded himself that he had an entire month to create the kind of connection between himself and Eleanora that was so tight she wouldn’t lock him out or freeze him out—and he wouldn’t leave her with all the hard work of raising a child.
But no matter how determined he was, he had no idea how they’d do either of those with her living in Rome and him living in Manhattan.
Tired of thinking about it, he sat up in bed. He had no clue where Chiara was, but he was tired of worrying about that too. He pulled his phone from the bedside table and called her.
To his complete surprise, she answered on the second ring.
“Hey, sis. Haven’t heard from you. How’re things in paradise?”
She went on to tease him about how happy she was and he relaxed, his frame of mind improving just from the sound of her voice. “Well, you’ll be home in a few short weeks to tell us all about it.”
Chiara didn’t answer for a second, and Marco’s trepidation about her coming to Vermont for Christmas Eve returned. But she eventually assured him she’d be there to give him all the juicy details. She surprised him by asking him to use his network of friends to investigate a computer whiz named Evan Kim. He agreed, thinking it would be better to put his mind on anything other than his current troubles. When they hung up the phone, he immediately began calling sources but it didn’t take long to get the information she sought.
He called her back. She seemed happy with his report but she hung up quickly, as if she worried he’d ask why she’d wanted to know who Evan Kim was.
Marco stared at the phone. Talking to her was supposed to calm his fears about her not coming to the family Christmas celebration, but her questions about Evan Kim were odd and her inability to focus didn’t help either.
Something was definitely going on with his sister. Knowing he’d never get to sleep, he picked up the remote and turned on his TV.
For as much as he wanted to confront Chiara about her secrecy, he couldn’t. He didn’t have any right to scold anyone about keeping secrets since he still hadn’t told his family he was about to be a father.
But none of that mattered until he straightened things out with Eleanora, proved to her that he wouldn’t desert her and their child.