Enough Already

When weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the
weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I developed a crush on a girl who worked in a local pet shop. When I went into the store, Becky and I would chat and laugh, and I felt a spark when we were together. I sensed that she was also attracted to me, and I fantasized about dating her. We were from different cultures and had different lifestyles, but still I hoped that we might have a relationship.

When Becky told me her birthday was coming up, I bought her a nice card and inscribed a poem. As I approached the pet store to deliver the card, my heart was pounding, and my palms grew sweaty. What if I professed my caring and she rejected me? So I did the thing that any able-bodied chicken would do: I stuffed the card under my shirt. I decided that I would start a conversation with Becky, and if she showed signs of interest or affection, I would give her the card. If she displayed no interest, I would play it safe and leave the store without putting myself on the line.

I found Becky at the cash register and said hello. That day she did not seem especially interested in connecting; she was pleasant, but not attentive. Disappointed, I started to leave. But as I stepped away, I felt a push back in her direction. I decided to take the plunge. I removed the card from under my shirt, went to the counter, told her “Happy birthday,” and gave her the card.

Becky smiled politely, said “Thank you,” put the card aside without opening it, and turned to the next customer without giving me a second look.

Shot down royally! I exited the store feeling utterly deflated. I had put my heart on the line and been rejected. Yet as I made my way to my car, another feeling began to overtake me: exhilaration. I experienced the deep joy of letting my affection shine—and that felt fantastic! I did what I had to do, and I was in integrity with myself. Ultimately it didn’t matter whether or not I received a particular response. The true reward was in the expression.

A year later I was invited to speak at the Inside Edge, an empowerment group in Southern California. After I shared the story of my short-lived love affair, a fellow approached me and told me, “I loved your birthday-card story. I am putting together a book of inspiring stories, and I would really like to include yours. May I?”

“Sure,” I told him. His name was Jack Canfield, and the following year I found my story in the first edition of Chicken Soup for the Soul, which became an international bestseller, with millions of copies in print. I later contributed several more stories to subsequent editions of the wildly popular series.

I did not get a date with Becky, but my experience with her made me a #1 New York Times best-selling author. Shot down briefly, but shot into space permanently—not a bad deal after all!

Everything that happens ultimately serves us. An experience might not appear to be perfect according to the ego’s plan, but it may be supremely perfect according to Spirit’s plan.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

— Scott Adams

If something doesn’t fit into your idea of how things should go, step back and see how it might fit into a bigger idea of how things should go. You might find that, despite appearances, everything is working in your favor.

“I used to think I was a perfectionist,” a friend of mine confessed. “I was constantly finding flaws and errors that other people overlooked. If ninety-nine aspects of a job were well done and one wasn’t, I would point out that one. But now I realize I was really an imperfectionist. If I was a perfectionist, I would have found perfection everywhere I looked.”

The enlightened Japanese practice of wabi sabi embraces a broader idea of perfection than “factory-fresh.” Wabi sabi capitalizes on errors rather than bemoaning them. In Japan when a vase breaks, the owner mends it by filling the crack with gold. The Japanese believe that when something has been damaged, it takes on richer character and becomes more valuable.

Welcome is every organ and attribute of me […] Not an inch nor a particle of an inch is vile, and none shall be less familiar than the rest.

— Walt Whitman

Can you see the gold in your errors, wrinkles, and problems? Can you celebrate all parts of you, including the ones that do not seem attractive or worthwhile from society’s point of view? Have you heard that “gray is the new blonde”? Can you honor your contributions rather than condemning your mistakes?

My friends Tom and Laura have had a rewarding marriage for many years. Like most couples, they have their issues. One day Laura confided in me, “I thought about leaving Tom because he was not all I hoped he would be. Then I realized that I have no right to demand perfection from him because I cannot offer perfection to him.”

Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.

— Cindy Crawford

No one can offer absolute perfection. Yet we can offer the perfect version of ourselves at any given moment. To do so we must embrace our humanness. The little statues of man and wife on top of wedding cakes have no pimples, but they have no life. They are made of plastic and will never live or breathe. When the wedding day is over, they will be cast into the trash. When your real-life wedding is done, your relationship takes on greater life … a journey between two human beings seeking to bring forth the best in each other (with occasional appearances of the worst).

A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.

— Wilma Askinas

Quit judging yourself by an impossible standard. Let yourself be what you are, who you are, where you are, as you are. Relationships exist between people who express both divinity and humanity. Respect the balance of the two and you have a good shot at happiness.

“There are three kinds of people,” says Ram Dass. “Those who say, ‘not enough’; those who say, ‘too much’; and those who say, ‘just right.’” Actually there are only two types, since too much of one thing is not enough of another. So all seeing boils down to the simple choice between grievance and gratitude.

While you believe that you have many choices before you, the only one that really matters is the type of vision you use, the shape of the lens through which you filter life. Every thought you think, word you speak, and action you perform proceeds from either love or fear. Begin to notice whether the choice you are currently making is dictated by love or by fear. Then choose love, or any variation of it, and you will have made the only choice worth making.

It is wise to reach for perfection, but unwise to beat yourself up if you do not attain it. Striving for perfection creates excellence, but addiction to it creates frustration and depression. There is perfection in the journey that is not obvious until the end of the journey. Enjoy the process and let your flaws become your friends. Your beauty is not earned by changing. It is revealed by accepting all of you. When you embrace the human, you liberate the divine.

I have an everyday religion that works for me.
Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.