Enough Already

Sometimes I feel like the Greek mythological figure Sisyphus, who spent eternity pushing a boulder to the top of a hill, only to have it roll back down again. Just as I’m getting up from the computer, an e-mail comes in requiring attention. As soon as I finish weeding at the end of a hedgerow, I notice new weeds sprouting back at the beginning. The car emerges from the car wash all sparkly and runs through a mud puddle. And …

The world gives us many prescriptions for what will make us feel complete. If you can just drop those ten stubborn pounds, pay off the credit cards, or find Mr. Right, you will be there. But “there” turns out to be a moving target. Like the goat pulling the cart in hopes of getting a bite of the carrot dangling just beyond its reach, every now and then you get a nibble, but a moment later the carrot moves inches ahead, egging you on to keep pulling.

The problem with goals for completion that the world prescribes is that the rules keep changing. When I was growing up, my Catholic friends were not permitted to eat meat on Fridays because that was a sin. Then one day a group of men had a meeting and announced that God has no problem with Friday meat eating. At some point you have to scratch your head and wonder, Why am I hustling and sweating for goals and rewards that others set for me?—especially ones you can never fully attain.

If you are tired of pushing your rock up the hill, take heart. Even while you tread your human journey in quest of completion, you are on a spiritual journey on which you are whole no matter what happens around you. To win the completion game, shift your focus from the part of you that feels incomplete to the part of you that already is complete. You’ve seen movies in which the camera shifts focus from an actor to the scene behind the actor. Suddenly the actor is a blur and the scenery is sharp. The camera did not move at all; it just changed what it was paying attention to. Likewise you can swing from a sense of lack to a sense of wholeness with but a tweak of your consciousness. Same scene, different angle, entirely different result. You are never more than a thought away from peace.

To find completion, you do not have to sit in a cave for the rest of your life contemplating your navel. Truth be told, a new iPhone gets your juices flowing more than a loincloth. You can be active in the world, doing and achieving, remembering all the while that you are and have enough. The difference is perspective.

When you recognize that completion is a choice, not an event, you may continue to do many of the same things you did, but inside you feel different. Your relationship or business is no longer a life-or-death drama, you keep going to the gym, and “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” do not rock your world. Your life ceases to be a problem to be solved, and becomes an adventure to be enjoyed.

Some people fear that if they felt complete, their lives would be over and they would be ready for the scrap heap. To the contrary, completion means you enter more fully into life. When you proceed from fullness, you become more present and your actions take on greater power and meaning. Here again we touch paradox, your position of greatest strength: the less you believe you have to do, the more you achieve what you need to do.

The Jerry Maguire idea that “you complete me” is romantic but delusional. No one can complete you because you are already complete. If someone can complete you, he or she can empty you. This banal drama forms a substantial plot for countless dysfunctional love songs, movies, and novels, but it is not a worthy story line for anyone who values true love. If you are ready for your life to move beyond a soap opera, claim enoughness that does not depend on a lover’s actions.

A healthier way to acknowledge someone you love would be to say, “In your presence, I remember I am whole.” With that statement you acknowledge the gift that a beloved brings you, but you retain the power and identity of your intact self.

You do not need anyone to fill you up. You cannot make fuller that which is already full. The best lovers do not leave you feeling empty, but restore your memory that you are eternally full.

The ego, or limited sense of self, tries to keep you from moving ahead by telling you that you are not ready to do what you want to do. It argues that you are too young, old, poor, inexperienced, unskilled, stupid, out of shape, or laden with dark history … or that you need more time, education, money, guidance, support, beauty, or confidence before you can make your move.

When Bryce Courtenay, author of the best-selling novel The Power of One, wrote his tome, he considered it his “practice novel,” hoping that one day he would develop the skill to pen a really good story. A friend suggested to Bryce that he show his manuscript to an agent, which he did, apologizing that the book was just a warm-up. The agent loved the book and pitched it to a publisher. Before long The Power of One became an international bestseller, the most successful book ever to come out of Australia, and the basis for a major motion picture. “I couldn’t imagine why all these people were reading my practice novel!” Bryce confessed.

Don’t wait until conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes conditions perfect.

— Howard Cohen

Like Bryce Courtenay, you may be better prepared than you realize. You may think that there are all kinds of prerequisites and hoops you need to jump through, while the success you seek may be available to you now. You learn to do things well by doing them. If people had to become perfect parents before they could have children, there would be no children! To be a writer, write; to be a singer, sing; to be a dancer, dance. Preparation is important, but do not postpone living your dream because you are eternally getting ready to live your dream.

A publisher asked me to make an audio recording of one of my books. I went into a studio, recorded an abridged form of the book, and submitted it to the publisher. As I handed it to him, I told him, “I don’t really like the sound of my voice on the recording.”

He smiled and replied, “If this recording helps one person, it’s worth offering to the world.” His statement pierced my judgments and resonated inside my heart. I had been caught up in the surface level of the production, but the deeper purpose was to inspire and heal. Since that time whenever I have a doubt or misgiving about offering a book, CD, or program, I remember that if the offering makes someone’s life better, it is all worth it.

When one of my early books, Joy Is My Compass, went out of print due to low sales volume, I began to wonder if it was worth the work to put that book together. Then one evening at a seminar a participant told me, “I read your book Joy Is My Compass, and as a result I was inspired to establish an AIDS hospice. Since that time my staff and I have attended to the needs of many AIDS patients who have been scorned and abandoned by their friends and family. Some of them had no one in the world to care for them. Thanks to you, these people have died in dignity in an atmosphere of love, compassion, and caring.”

Upon hearing that account, I realized that if nothing else good ever came from me writing that book, that one result would certainly be worth any and all effort I put into it. You have no idea how any of your words, acts, or creations may ripple out into the universe and improve the lives of one person or many, or the entire planet. Just launch your creations and trust God to dispatch them where they can help most. Works or acts that you might judge as less than perfect or that do not create professional success may serve in ways far more profound and healing than some products that land on a chart but leave the soul starving.

A Course in Miracles tells us, “A miracle is never lost. It may touch many people you have not even met, and produce undreamed of changes in situations of which you are not even aware.” For this reason, you cannot and must not judge your creations as incomplete because they are not finished or perfect. If you help one person, your work is perfect. (And if that person is you, it is worth it even more!)

I have discovered a fascinating pattern with my coaching clients: Most people believe that they are not enough of what they already are. An unusually kind client named Anna told me, “I could be more thoughtful to others.”

I had to laugh. “I am amazed you are saying that,” I replied. “You are one of the most thoughtful people I have ever met.”

Yet Anna did not see it. “I am afraid I will become arrogant,” she confessed.

I told her, “You have a long, long way to go before you become arrogant.” People who worry about being arrogant are in the least danger of it. Arrogant people never worry about being arrogant, although they should. Only humble people are concerned about getting an ego, while they could probably use more of one.

Since that time I have observed this motif played out in many people. Successful entrepreneurs believe they have not yet arrived; bodybuilders think they should be in better shape; home owners with the nicest lawns envy their neighbors’ landscaping. And on and on …

Consider what you are worried that you are not enough of: Are you not smart enough? Attractive enough? Successful enough in business? A wise enough parent or teacher? A convincing salesperson or public speaker? Then consider that you may already be good at what you think you are not enough of. Maybe really good. You are concerned about a particular dimension because that arena is really important to you. What you value, you already are—or you become. Give yourself credit for the gifts and talents you already embody. You are probably further along than you realize.

Over time I have identified a troublesome voice inside my head, just below the threshold of my awareness. It’s more of a feeling than a voice. If I could put words to it, it said something like, There must be something you have to do that you are forgetting. Some bill to pay, some tax form to submit, someone to call, some appointment to keep, some deadline to meet, some travel to book, something that, if neglected, you will really be sorry.

Those are just the logistical threats that niggling voice came up with. If I could not find some task I overlooked, the voice moved into spiritual and moral chiding: You should be meditating more, praying more, doing nicer things for others, exercising, eating better, and making sure you don’t waste your life.

Does this voice or one like it sound familiar to you? It’s really a nasty bugger. After listening to it for many years, I came to recognize it for what it really is: fear and illusion. A part of my mind found weird value in worrying, obsessing over past or possible errors and projecting to future problems. When I began to recognize the voice for what it was, its power over me began to diminish. Once in a while it still shows up, but I dismiss it as soon as possible after I identify it. Illusions cannot live in the face of truth.

The voice that tells you that you are not doing enough or you are not enough will never be satisfied. It is radio station KSMOG broadcasting at a specific frequency. To end its mindless rant, switch to another station at a different frequency. KWIN is simultaneously broadcasting, offering infinitely more satisfaction and success. It beams on the wavelength of self-acceptance, self-respect, appreciation, and worthiness. The KWIN voice speaks far more truth to you than KSMOG. Establish your preset buttons and press the one that works for you.

There is a difference between finishing and completion, two different frequencies, like the radio stations above. Finishing is logistical, while completion is attitudinal. Finishing is a step that comes at the end of a series of actions. Completion is a state of wholeness you enjoy no matter what your state of action. Wholeness is not a goal you achieve at the end of your life. It is an experience you enjoy in the midst of life.