MEEKS

3

With earbuds in my ear, and SZA singing “The Weekend” I waited until the fitness monitor raised the stopwatch into the air, gave the signal, and then took off into a slow jog behind the dozen or so airmen ahead of me. Within seconds the men in my unit were several feet in front of me. I didn’t even let it freak me out; instead, I listened to the beat of the music, paced myself, and jogged. One foot in front of the other, breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.

I get so worked up. Fitness tests were annual. I’ve never failed and don’t know why I always worried that I would. I was too competitive for that. I completed thirty-five push-ups, maxed out on the sit-ups with fifty-five, and I had a perfect twenty-nine-inch waist. All I needed to do now was run under fifteen minutes and I wouldn’t have to do this bullshit again for another year. Failure just wasn’t an option. It never was and I wasn’t about to start now.

I take him on the weekend.

I really need to update my playlist. Every time I listened to this song flashbacks popped in my head as I remembered my time with Dame. Command Chief Master Sergeant Carlos Dame. Originally, I had been his Monday through Thursday because he was spending the weekends with his family. The sneaking around had been so hard because I wanted him all to myself. He was gorgeous, confident, and he wanted me. The couple had been having problems for months. At least that’s what he’d told me, and I believed him. When he moved out and got his own apartment, I was ecstatic because I knew that eventually he would be all mine. Soon I became his weekend girl. His everything girl. Our affair lit up like a torch between us. We spent all our time together except when he was spending time with his two children. He was a good father. I never stood in the way of that, but then his wife started needing him as well, and before long he was spending his weekends with them, at the gorgeous house they had bought together with his VA benefits.

I rounded the corner and as I passed one of the fitness monitors, he raised up a single finger letting me know I had just completed the first lap.

Five more to go.

He was kind of cute. Great body, evidence of spending hours in the gym. But he was military. Been there. Done that. When I decide I’m ready to date again, I wanted a regular man in my life. Well... at least one that wasn’t married. It had been a month since that idiot’s wife had popped up on my doorstep. I’ve had one date since, but he’d stood me up.

I scowled and replayed sitting at the Green Turtle waiting for Maze to show up. How hard could it have been for him to text me and cancel? It would have saved me from spending forty-five minutes waiting for a date who never came. Since then I haven’t met anyone worthy of my time or attention, so I decided to take my sister’s advice into consideration.

“As soon as you stop looking, he’ll find you.”

Layla was probably right, but patience had never been one of my strong suits. I wanted companionship. Someone to take me to dinner, a man to fulfill my sexual needs.

Kanye West started singing in my ears. I kicked it up a notch and finished the second lap under four minutes. Most of the runners were way ahead but there were a few that lagged behind. In through the nose and out through the mouth, I mentally chanted as I jogged at a comfortable pace.

New unit. New attitude. New adventures. New relationships... One can only hope.

I’d been in Virginia a few months now and was getting used to the new area, but I wasn’t quite sure if it had been the best decision. But all I could think about was getting away from Dame and his perfect life and lovely wife. Being at the unit and not being able to see him had been next to impossible to bare. I was desperate for a change. Moving closer to my sister had been the perfect solution, so when a position became available for a Superintendent, I jumped at the opportunity. By the time the government-contracted moving company came to pick up my household goods, I felt like I was finally escaping. I had spent that last night in my apartment with a sleeping bag and a bottle of wine ready to toast new beginnings. But he’d come. The Air Force community is small. Dame discovered I was leaving and he had come knocking.

I rounded the corner and the monitor held up three fingers. I was halfway done.

Ella Mai was singing, “Boo’d Up.” I listened to the words of the song as I thought about the last time I’d seen him.

The moment I opened the door and saw Dame standing there, in that instance, I realized just how much I still loved him. It was wrong. I knew he was trying to fix things with his wife and kids; he had moved back in with them and yet I didn’t care. All I wanted was for him to hold me. Once he put his arms around me and held me close to his chest, I felt whole again.

“I’ve missed you. I missed you so much,” I moaned between kisses.

“I know, baby. I couldn’t let you leave without letting you know how sorry I am.” He slipped his tongue inside my mouth and I was a goner. Dame always had a way of making me feel like no other could.

“Don’t go,” he said. “Please stay.”

“I can’t. You’re back with your family and I don’t want to be around if I can’t have you.”

“I know. I understand.”

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but it was the truth. And I respected him for being a great father and doing everything he could to make his marriage work. That’s what I wanted. A man who was willing to fight for me and our love. Only in this case, his love for his family was much stronger, so I had no choice but to respect that. Nevertheless, nothing was going to stop me from spending one more evening with him. I led him over to my sleeping bag, undressed him and myself and then we slipped inside. Dame made love to me for hours and I took everything he had to give because I knew that was it. There would be no more. We rested, and then were at it again. Sucking and fucking. Moaning and screaming. I utilized every second that we had because tomorrow, once I cleared the base and turned in my paperwork, I was on the road, heading to my new destination. He stayed all night with me. At least that was something. He didn’t care if he angered her. His cell phone rang but he didn’t answer it. The evening was all about me and I savored every second. By morning we said our goodbyes. No regrets. I didn’t cling or beg. I knew it was over. And within hours, I was on my way to Virginia.

I pulled my thoughts away. As I crossed the line, the fitness monitor held up five fingers. One last lap to go.

It had been seven months since he’d broken my heart and four months since I’d relocated. Dame was history. Out of my life and he should be out of my head, too. My heart was open. I was ready. I just needed to meet the right man. He would come. Despite every negative word my mother had ever said about men, I was certain of that. I was just as certain I was about completing this test in under fourteen minutes.

I glanced down at the stopwatch on my arm and my mouth tightened. Thirteen minutes and sixteen seconds. I rounded the last curve. Drawing in a deep breath, I took the last stretch in a full-fledged sprint with energy I didn’t know I still had. As I crossed the finish line, I grinned knowing in my heart, everything was going to be alright.