MEEKS

41

Two days later, I drove over to Hangar 9 to watch the team leave. Bailey was doing accountability and bags were being loaded onto a C-130. I stood far enough away so I wasn’t seen. One hundred and sixty members were leaving. Backpacks were on their backs. Duffel bags were being weighed and loaded onto the plane as I watched. I always felt a strong sense of pride when I witnessed the men and women serving beside me dedicate their lives to our country.

The flight line was a no-hat zone, so it was easy to spot Howard. Since he was the most senior NCO, he was the troop commander. I swallowed and remained frozen in place as I watched him walk toward the plane with so much lazy, sexy confidence that a warm, delicious feeling slid down my spine. Once he reached the top of the stairs, he stopped, slipped the bag from his shoulder, and stood to the side while the others made their way across the flight line. One by one, the team boarded. Howard waited outside the door and greeted each with a handshake and a smile. Goodness, he was such an amazing leader. No wonder his airmen had mad respect for him.

As the last member boarded, Howard turn his head and my heartbeat quickened. Even though I couldn’t see his eyes, I knew he was looking at me. I drew in a deep breath and stared. I couldn’t stop looking at him. Little pulses of sensation sparkled, and my pulse raced.

“Senior Master Sergeant Meeks, I didn’t know you were coming over.”

I whipped my head around at the sound of Bailey’s voice to find her standing behind me. “I decided to come and see them off.”

“The PDF line went well; everyone was present and accounted for,” she said excitedly.

“Wonderful,” I whispered. The personnel deployment function line was the final check for deploying airmen to ensure all paperwork was correct before deploying. “Is there anything you need me to do to help?”

“No, ma’am. I’m going to wait until the aircraft leaves, then I’ll go up to the office and depart everyone in the system before I head to lunch.”

“Okay, I’ll see you this afternoon.”

As soon as she left, I looked back at the plane. Howard was gone. The door to the aircraft was closing. Not seeing him didn’t do anything to stop the ache of missing him. The memories of his body over mine...inside of me. I had hoped to see him yesterday before he left, but he hadn’t return any of my calls. Howard was a man of his word.

We’ll talk when I get back.

That meant I had less than four weeks to get ready.

 

 

I made it back to my car when my cell phone rang. Dame’s number popped up on the screen. I took a deep breath and pushed the number on my steering wheel to answer the call.

“Hey, Dame.”

“Hey, baby.”

I remembered the way his terms of endearment used to keep me wet for him but now the words did nothing for me. In fact, it felt off. Maybe because I never expected to hear Dame refer to me that way again.

“You have plans for this evening?”

Yep. I planned to spend the evening feeling sorry for myself.

I buried my face in my hands and released a slow breath before saying, “I guess I do now.”

“One of the officers in my class mentioned there’s a great place near the Coliseum with live jazz.” There was no mistaking the excitement in his voice.

“Yes, with a saxophone player.”

“So, you heard about it too?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Sounds like you want to go.”

I lifted my head and nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “I do.” The two of us had always liked jazz clubs. “I’ve heard it’s a great place to go.” And I thought I’d get a chance to share it with Howard.

“Good. How about we have dinner first?” When I didn’t respond right away, he added, “I want to spend every second I can with you.”

“Sure. Dinner sounds great.”

I went back to the office and completed my work for the day. Every few minutes I caught myself checking my phone, hoping for a text from Howard that never came. I told myself to let it go and focus on the evening ahead. I had plenty of time to sort through our relationship later.

On the way home, I stopped at the commissary and picked up groceries. I also grabbed a bottle of red wine. Once at home, I pulled off my ABU top and retrieved a bottle of water from the refrigerator, took a seat on the couch, and unlaced my boots. I flicked on the television and watched an episode of Flip or Flop while I unwound. Where was that excitement I used to feel knowing I was going to spend the evening with Dame? Instead, I felt so relaxed and uninterested. I preferred spending my evening binge watching. Sure, I was looking forward to seeing him, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, except to say the only one I had been thinking about this afternoon was Howard. I missed him.

Get it together!

In the next few weeks I had to get passed my insecurities and figure out what I wanted from Howard. But tonight, I would focus on Dame. I had to know for sure if what we had was over before I could move on and start a new beginning.

After the thirty-minute episode, I poured myself a glass of wine then went upstairs to get ready for dinner. I turned on my iPad and listened to iHeart radio. I took a hot shower and by the time I shut off the water, I was humming to myself. I was determined to have a great evening. At one time, I had been hopelessly in love with Dame, so spending time together would help to understand what my feelings were and if Dame was part of the reason why I was so afraid of opening up my heart to someone else. Only this time, it would be different. Dame had gone back home to his family and had given it a try for the sake of his children, but now knew they had been hurting the kids by trying to stay together. If I put thoughts of Howard aside and kept reminding myself, I would remember and understand this was our chance to find out. The problem was my heart was saying one thing while my mind had already headed in a different direction. I drew a sigh and pushed the uncertainty away. I had to figure it out. One way or another.

I found a red dress that required a racerback bra. I slipped on a black one with matching panties then slid the dress over my head. Staring into the full-length mirror, I grinned and liked what I saw. The material clung to my hips and looked amazing over my ass. At the back of my closet were a pair of black strappy sandals with three-inch heels. They were perfect to complement the dress. I was ready to drink, laugh, listen to music, and maybe even dance.

Once my makeup was perfect and my favorite scent of Escada was applied to my most intimate parts, I went downstairs and poured another glass of wine and waited.

Dame was right on time.

I opened the door to find him looking amazing in a gray dress shirt, starched black slacks, and gray combat-style boots. I drew a deep breath and immediately the familiar scent of Dolce & Gabbana Light Blue cologne filled my nostrils. The smell brought back so many memories.

“Hi,” I said, and suddenly felt shy.

“Hello, beautiful.” Dame leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. The kiss was familiar and nice, but there were no sparks.

“You ready to go? A brotha is starving.”

I smiled. “Sure. Let me get my purse.” I stepped away and grabbed the small bag from the console table. “I’m ready.” I locked the door. Dame took my hand and laced our fingers together. It was something that we used to do all the time and it felt natural. He led me to the Volvo and assisted me onto the passenger’s seat before he walked around to the other side.

Relax, Day. You know him. And now he’s free.

I watched as he walked around the car toward the driver’s seat.

But he isn’t Howard.

I shook off the thought. The last thing I wanted to do this evening was compare Howard to Dame. One man didn’t have anything to do with the other. The only common denominator was me.

Dame slid onto the driver’s seat and shut the door. Once his seatbelt was in place, he turned and looked over, meeting my eyes. “What do you have a taste for?”

I shrugged. “I’m flexible. What do you want to eat?”

“I’m thinking barbecue.”

“Barbecue it is.”

“You know of any place in particular?”

I smiled. “Yes, actually I do.” I gave him directions and leaned back against the soft leather. While he drove, Dame reached over and laced my fingers with his.

“I missed you,” he confessed and brought my hand to his lips to kiss it. “I didn’t realize how much until I walked into your office the other day.”

I smiled and remained silent because I didn’t know what I felt or what to say at this point. Dame didn’t seem to notice. His phone rang. I looked over to see him glance down at the screen then silence the ringer.

“Do you need to get that?” I asked and felt that familiar feeling of uneasiness squeeze at my chest.

“Nope. The only person I’m focused on this evening is you.” He sent a smirk my way, which I tried to return, but in my mind, I was replaying all the times his phone rang and it was his wife needing him to come home.

“I want to spend this time getting to know you again,” he added, taking his eyes off the road. “I want to hear about everything that has happened in your life since you arrived on the east coast,” he said, reminding me that we used to share everything.

“Nothing to tell. Not really. I moved here and settled in. Spending a lot of time at work or hanging out with Layla and Faze.”

There was a pregnant pause before he said, “You seem a little distant. Have you met someone special?”

I knew that question was going to come eventually. “I think so.”

He hesitated before asking, “Do I need to be worried?”

“It’s too soon to tell,” came out my mouth before I had a chance to stop it. I gave him a weak smile. Now Dame was going to think my hesitation had to do with him, and that wasn’t completely true. The problem was Dame was very competitive. Like Howard, he loved a challenge.

“You and I... does this feel awkward to you?” he asked, taking his eyes briefly away from the road.

I nodded and decided to be honest. “It does. Just a little.”

“That’s understandable. It’s been awhile. But what we had was so powerful I have no doubt that we can get that back,” he said confidently.

I wasn’t so sure. I learned a long time ago that people cross paths but that didn’t mean that they were meant to be in each other’s lives forever. We all served a purpose. Maybe I had been in his life to get him to cherish what he had with his wife, or maybe I had been there to show him what he had been missing. I don’t know. I just don’t know.

He headed toward the restaurant, and as soon as we pulled into the parking lot, my nostrils were filled with the scent of smoked meat. Goodness. Memories of my first time there came flashing back at me. It was so intense I realized coming here had been a huge mistake. This was my place with Howard. Not with Dame.

I faked a smile when he came around and helped me out the car. He took my hand and escorted me towards the door. This was such a mistake, but I was going to just go with it. We were escorted to a table and immediately glanced over the menu. I suggested the potato salad, and Dame was game. We also ordered the baked beans, brisket, and wings.

We talked and I noticed how hard he was trying to rekindle what we once had. I wished I could feel the same way. I felt like a fraud trying to recreate something that no longer existed, but I refused to accept that. Not yet. Dame and I experienced a love that I never thought I could experience with anyone else. He had been all that and then some. Or at least he used to be. Had I really changed that much?

We arrived at the jazz club just at the start of the first set. There was a line, but I was happy to see a grown and sexy crowd dressed to impress. My dress was perfect. Dame stood beside me with a hand low at my waist. He paid the admission fee and we walked inside. The club was huge with bar height tables and chairs that surrounded a large dance floor. The stage was close to the front of the building, so there really weren’t any bad seats. The club was already crowded. Most of the patrons must have arrived for happy hour and stuck around. Dame found a table in the middle of the room. He took my hand and led me through the crowd, and I couldn’t help but wonder if any of Howard’s friends were here and would see us. It was dark in the space and yet I scanned the area. I was being ridiculous. I didn’t have much time to worry before we were seated. Within minutes, I forgot all about being seen and found myself captivated by the performance. I loved jazz, and the quartet was phenomenal. And when the female saxophone player moved up to the microphone, Dame and I looked at each other and grinned. We used to go to the historical district of Vine Street in Kansas City for Jazz and barbecue all the time. It had been our thing. By the end of the first set, his arm was draped across my back possessively.

I leaned in closer so he could hear me over the sounds of the DJ who was playing Raphael Saadiq during intermission. “Oh, my goodness, that was amazing.”

“Now that’s the smile I’ve been waiting to see,” he said, grinning. I stared up into Dame’s eyes and felt something hot and familiar. And scary.

“Would you like something to drink?” His lips brushed my earlobe, and I realized how intimate this was getting.

“Sure. I’m going to the ladies’ room.” I didn’t really have to go, but I needed a little distance between us for a few minutes. I slipped off the stool and headed toward the only obvious place for the restrooms, which was at the rear of the club. I hadn’t gone three feet before the men started staring and throwing compliments as I passed. I could feel their eyes burning a hole in the back of my dress as I sauntered toward the rear. There was a single bathroom, one for the men and one for the women, which meant I had to stand and wait. I walked up to the door to see a woman in a hot pink dress and black rhinestone stilettoes ahead of me. She swung around, and it took a moment for me to realize who was standing there. I think it was the long, dark wig.

“There you are,” she exclaimed and grinned.

“Rein?” It was a question because at this point, I wasn’t sure. She could have had a twin sister I didn’t know about.

“Yes, Day, it’s me,” she said like it should have been easy to recognize her.

My eyes traveled the length of her. “What—”

“I’m out on a date.” she said by way of an explanation.

“And?” I said because I wasn’t following her.

The door to the bathroom opened and as soon as a short, round woman with a fabulous short cut departed, Rein dragged me inside with her and locked the door.

“Don’t tell me you brought me in here to watch you pee?” I’m just saying.

“No, I brought you in here so I could hear about your date.”

My brow rose. “My date?”

“Layla told me.”

Of course, she did. “You two have gotten pretty chummy.” I walked over to the mirror and took in my appearance as I said, “I wouldn’t really call it a date, but I am out with my ex.”

I caught her reflection. Rein scrunched up her nose. My eyes traveled up to the Tyra Banks-looking wig on her head. I whipped around. “Wait a minute. Aren’t you on a date?”

She blinked her faux lashes. “Yes, I’m out with Matthew.”

I started waving my finger like it was a magic wand. “What’s up with this look?”

She shrugged and looked into the mirror, and I noticed she was wearing blue contacts. “I’m not ready yet for him to know who I am and what I look like.”

“What?” I exploded with laughter. “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely. I do it all the time. Once I feel that the relationship is going somewhere then I’ll tell him my real name.”

“What a minute… he doesn’t even know your real name?” I shook my head. “I thought he was sweet, and you really liked him?”

She took her time before admitting, “I do, but it’s always that way in the beginning. I’m waiting to be sure.”

“‘Goodness. And I thought I was bad.”

“I’m just smart.” She released a deep belly laugh that was surely fueled with a sprinkle of insanity, and I joined her. My girl was bonafide cray-cray and, for that reason, I liked her even more.

There was a hard knock at the door.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” Rein yelled loud enough to be heard over the music.

“So, what’s up with you and this guy? I saw you walk in, but I was waiting for the band to break before I came over. By the way, my name is Montana tonight.”

“Really, Blue? You told him your name is Montana?” I asked wide-eyed.

“It’s my middle name.”

Blue Montana Rein. I don’t know what her mother had been thinking, but I liked it.

“What happened with you and Howard?”

“We are taking a break. Between Giselle and Sherry, I don’t know how much more I can take.”

“Ooh, speaking of Giselle…” She purposely let her voice fade. “Oh hell… Sorry, boo, but I might as well use the bathroom while I’m in here.” She moved over to the toilet, and I mumbled under my breath and turned around.

“You must really feel comfortable around me,” I said.

“Chile, yes. You’re like the sister I’ve never had. Even Layla and I talk on the phone at least once a day.”

Gossiping about me of course.

I reached inside my purse for my lipstick. “What were you about to tell me about Giselle?”

There was another hard pound.

“We’re coming. Hold your horses,” Rein voice boomed.

I laughed. This was a side of Rein I hadn’t seen before.

“Anyway, I heard that Lieutenant Miles filed a complaint against Giselle.”

I swiveled around just as she flushed the toilet. “For what?”

“Stalking,” she said, eyes dancing with mischief. She then moved over to the sink.

“Are you serious?” I nearly jumped out of my skin when I realized she’d said Giselle had been stalking someone else. I needed to sit down. “Hell, I might as well go, too.” I took a seat waiting for the juicy details.

“Apparently she had been stalking him the way she’s been doing Howard. Showing up at his house…his job…blowing up his phone.”

I was shaking so bad I could have peed on myself. “This sounds like a Lifetime movie.”

“Tell me about it.” Rein reached over for a paper towel, then turned around and leaned against the counter as she spoke. “I was told the two of them used to date, but it didn’t last long because she’s crazy. You already know Giselle doesn’t know how to take no as an answer. Miles had moved on and was dating a nurse, and she started stalking and pretending something was still going on between them. I heard the nurse got sick of it and left Miles.”

“Damn.” The same way I had reacted with Howard. I couldn’t help but wonder if that had been Giselle’s intentions all along.

I handled my business, flushed, and moved over to the sink. I noticed Rein watching me.

“I don’t know why you’re trying to act like you don’t care when I already know you do.” She gave me that same annoyed look I got from Layla sometimes.

“I never said I didn’t care.” In fact, what I felt for him was more than that. That’s what frightened me.

“Just don’t end your relationship with Howard because of that psycho.”

This time there was a closed fist knock; the way the police do when they’re about to bust down the door.

“Let’s go.”

Nodding, I reached for a paper towel and followed her out the room where we were met by the angry expression of a beautiful, light-skinned woman in a shimmering black dress who we both ignored.

I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been. Howard had been telling me the truth and yet I refused to believe him. Regret spread through me like a virus, slowing my steps. The mistake might cost me any chance of gaining his trust again. The realization hit me in a rush to my gut. While Rein headed to the left side of the club where her date was seated, I grabbed onto the edge of the bar and took several deep breaths while I pulled myself together.

“Beautiful, you okay?”

I felt a hand on my elbow and looked up and down at a short, older man with a receding hairline. There was concern in his eyes, along with that predatory gleam.

“No, I’m fine. I tripped on my shoe.” I gave him a smile that said thank you, but I’m not interested before heading toward the table. As I made my way, I saw Dame with his head down texting away on his phone, and the feeling of uneasiness returned. Goodness, would I ever be able to get past that feeling? As soon as he saw me, he completed the text and put his phone away.

“I was getting ready to come looking for you,” he said, smiling. I spotted a glass with gin and orange juice waiting for me. I took the seat beside him and immediately reached for the drink.

“One of the guys from my warrior leadership course is here. I told him we didn’t mind sharing our table with him and his date.”

“No, of course not,” I managed between sips.

The rest of the show I couldn’t concentrate. Instead, I thought about what Rein had just told me. Howard tried to tell me, but I refused to listen. Was I really that insecure? As I listened to the music I began to wonder if maybe I had made a big deal over nothing with him and his ex-wife. Ugh… Why couldn’t I have just believed Howard?

After the show, I faked a headache and asked Dame to take me home. On the ride I was quiet. I had so many thoughts going through my head and so many questions that I couldn’t answer. Dame’s phone vibrated, and I was instantly on edge and quick to assume the worse. Why was it so hard for me to trust? When he pulled up to my townhouse, he started to shut off the car, but I reached over at stopped him.

“The porch light is on, so you don’t have to get out,” I said.

“Okay, I hope your head feels better.” There was no mistaking the disappointment in his expression.

Leaning over, I pressed my lips against his, then leaned back, staring into his eyes while I caressed his cheek. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

“The first of many,” he whispered against my mouth. He kissed me again, this time deepening the kiss. I allowed it, and yet there were still no sparks, just that old familiarity. I was the first to draw back.

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Dame told me.

I nodded, stepped out of the car, and made it into the house. Sleep wasn’t going to come easy.